Unauthorized Ending for Harry Potter and the Natural 20
by Calculonius
Summary: The continuing adventures up to the completion of the story of Milo, a D&D 3.5 wizard who finds himself in Harry Potter's world, facing Voldemort and other challenges.
1. Chapter 1

Unauthorized Ending for Harry Potter and the Natural 20

Harry Potter and the Natural 20 is a wonderful story about a D&D 3.5 wizard in Harry Potter's world.

But it has been abandoned. It has had only 3 or 4 updates in as many years and none for the last 9 months. I need an ending for the story, and though I'm not Sir Poley (the original author) and probably not up to his standards, it seems to me that if I want to know how the story ends I have to write it. So I did.

Here it is in case you're interested.

Read the original first (it's on fanfiction dot net). This picks up after chapter 74 and does not explain all that went before.

-0-0-0-

Chapter 1 of this ending. AKA Chapter 75 of the overall story

"Can we make a quick detour on the way back?" Milo had to shout to be heard by Hannah, who was controlling the broomstick they were both flying on.

"Where and why?" Hannah shouted back.

"Well," Milo responded. "When we planned to go 'arrest' Alecto Carrow, I made sure to have a bunch of combat spells prepared just in case. As it turned out, I didn't use any of them. So here I am, 'loaded for bear' so to speak, and there is the Forbidden Forest just full of monsters waiting to be blasted and give me their xp, which I need to go up a level."

"Your perspective on things is, as always, unique," Hannah responded. "You do realize that the Forbidden Forest is, well, forbidden?"

"They just don't want to have to protect studets who want to explore it. Don't worry, I can protect us."

Hannah angled the broom towards the forest. Soon they were over it and looking for their target. Milo wanted to hunt Acromantulas, and they were said to have taken over a part of the forest and festooned it with webs. It wasn't long before they saw an area that looked shiny - a part of the forest where moonlight was reflected off the many spiderwebs there.

They saw a small clearing near the shiny area and landed there.

They had no sooner touched down than they were attacked by what was probably a perimeter guard. A large acromantula - about the size of a man - came into the clearing, reared up and made sure its fangs flashed in the moonlight, then charged them.

_Scorching Ray_, Milo shouted, and two intensely hot beams of energy flashed out at the spider. They both hit, and the spider burned to a crisp while making a loud screeching warning to its fellows.

"See, that's not so hard" Milo observed. "Did you feel that delicious xp flowing in?"

"No," Hannah replied. "I didn't feel anything around the time it died, other than some concern about those fangs and the thought that there are more Acromantulas where that one came from."

"Weird," Milo frowned "Gaining xp is obvious - you can't miss it or misinterpret it. So I guess it is true that your kind of wizard just doesn't use xp or levels."

"Witch." Hannah corrected.

"Good point. In my world the term 'wizard' wasn't gender-specific. I keep forgetting that here, it is."

He was interrupted by the arrival of 2 more acromantulas. These were the size of large dogs and each came from different sides of the clearing. They appeared, hissed and posed threateningly, then charged.

"You know, one benefit of the _Scorching Ray_ spell is that, at this level, I get 2 rays and can send them at different targets." Milo observed, while burning both Acromantulas to cinders.

"Any xp that time? He asked.

"No," Hannah replied.

"Just thought I'd check and be sure. I definitely got some."

Milo paused and frowned. "If you're not getting anything out of this, then it is unfair to ask you to be here. There is a risk after all. I can come back on foot," he offered.

"No," Hannah said, "I don't mind. Let's stay until you're ready to go."

_Evard's Black Tentacles!_ Milo shouted as a huge swarm of small Acromantulas - averaging about the size of a man's head - swarmed into the clearing without even pausing first to look menacing.

The tentacles caught and held a large number of litte Acromantulas. The rest of the swarm mostly hung back or probed for a way around the Tentacle field.

_StupefyStupefyStupefyStupefy_ Hannah chanted as she stunned one spider after another, taking down any who got past the Tentacles.

They were both disgusted as they watched stunned Acromantulas being eaten by their brethren. But it gave Milo an idea.

His next, and last, _Scorching Ray_ took down two of the larger Acromantulas mostly hidden in the trees. A surge of activity near each one suggested that their fellows were taking the opportunity to feast on them, and maybe even fighting each-other for the opportunity.

"Normally," Milo observed, "I don't prepare more than one of the same spell. But with Thamior's spellbook, there are so few acceptable choices, that I kind of have to. I've even sunk to the level of preparing direct damage spells. They're appealing to some, but that is better left to fighters who are far more effective at it. They can dish it out all day long, while wizards get only a few spells before they run dry. At least in this case it's working out ok."

Despite the chaos in their rear ranks, there were still plenty of Acromantulas gathering to defend their nesting area.

"It looks like they're getting ready to rush en-masse around the edges of the Tentacle area," Milo observed. "Got any area-effect stuff? "

Hannah briefly paused from rapidly and repeatedly casting Stupefy, took a breath, and replied "No". Then got back to stunning monsters

Milo nodded, then said, "I wish I could _Create Trap_s, because if I could _Create Trap_s then we could hit a few with _Creat_ed _Trap_s. Yah, _Create Trap_s is a nice spell sometimes."

He winked at Hannah, figuring she would remember that Acromantulas were intelligent and could understand Common, that is, English, then he loudly declared "I haven't got any more area-effect spells either. We better get out of here before they charge."

They got on Hannah's broom, and Acromantulas of all sizes surged forward around both sides of the Evard's Black Tentacles spell... right into the 4 Create Trap spells Milo had cast.

Milo had chosen the Fusillade of Darts trap as the trap he'd created. It was something like a grid of big blowguns all run from one bellows. When the trap was triggered, a weight dropped on the bellows and fired all the blowguns. Everything in a small 5' by 10' area took multiple hits from blowgun darts, averaging enough damage (7) to drop an average first level Warrior.

The spell created the traps in hidden form - camouflaged in stumps and bushes in this case - but they'd still only have hit a few monsters with each one if the Acromantulas had not all surged out at once.

As it was, they hit a surprisingly large number of them - all on the left side of the Tentacle area.

For the monsters rushing around the right side of the Tentacle area, Milo had one last surprise.

_Mestil's Acid Breath_ he cast, and breathed out a 45 foot long cone of highly caustic vapors, which destroyed every Acromantula it touched.

The surviving acromantulas turned and scuttled back into the woods.

Milo received a large number of experience points - what he called xp - and with that he reached level 9.

"Woohoo!", he exulted. "I leveled. This time I'm going to take some time and think through my level up choices."

"Did you level?" He asked. "Maybe getting xp could slip your notice, since you're not familiar with it. But you absolutely can't miss gaining a level."

Hannah shook her head "no" as they took off and gained altitude. She was still out of breath after all that rapid spellcasting.

"You know." Milo mused a moment later while they flew towards Hogwarts, "The spells in Thamior's spellbook are sadly sub-optimal, and often pretty quirky. I prepare them because I have to prepare *something*. Mostly I've been swapping them out for Spontaneous Divinations, But sometimes they have their moments."

Hannah was too busy catching her breath to respond.

-0-0-0-

Milo awoke with a start.

"What have I been thinking?", he exclaimed as he hurried out of the room, closely followed by his rat familiar Mordenkainen.

For Mordy's benefit, he explained."A wizard without his spellbook isn't much of a wizard. Here I have been struggling along, getting by without mine, and all the while I failed to think through how to get it back."

He opened a door and exclaimed, "I'll just Scry it!"

They entered the Gryffindor boy's bathroom, where Milo's big expensive Scrying mirror had been placed, bathrooms being good places for mirrors, and Milo wasted no time.

_Scrying_

Casting it took a while, and Mordy settled down to wait, wondering idly how Milo planned to get past the fact that Scrying targeted a creature and not an object like a spellbook.

A couple students on their way to bed, it still being before midnight on a Friday, came in, used the bathroom, and left, paying Milo and his rat no attention - they'd gotten used to seeing this last year while Milo tried repeatedly to scry the Heir of Slytherin.

Eventually, the mirror clouded and showed a small crab on a beach.

Milo, who'd been hoping for more, explosively sighed, "Huh! Well what do you suppose that means? The creature who most recently touched my spellbook is a crab on a sandy beach."

Mordy observed, "Crabs don't get around much, so your spellbook is probably not far from that spot. Do you see any landmarks?'

"No," Milo spell only shows about 10 feet on all sides and that's all just sand. Hold on a second while I try something..."

_Detect Magic_, Milo cast.

It wasn't certain to work, but luck was with him and a faint aura of magic showed from just under the sand near the crab.

"Bingo. None of this worlds magic shows up with that spell - only my own kind of magic does. So that's conclusive. If only I had some idea where that spot was..." He trailed off, thinking.

With no landmarks visible, the only way I can think of to get there is to Teleport, which would - 76% likely anyway - take me right there even though I don't know where 'there' is. And for that I need to finish making choices for 9th level which I'll do in the morning after an important errand."

As he said this, the short duration of the scrying spell ended and they marched back to their room. Milo kept up concentration on his Detect Magic spell out of habit - in his world you never knew where magic would show up, so any time you cast the spell, you kept it going a while in case of finding the unexpected.

That habit, surprisingly, served him well again. He had left Thamior's spellbook open on a table, and now a curious thing happened. The open page showed different magic than the rest of the book.

Milo sat speechless while pondering what that could mean.

He ended up with only one possibility.

Milo turned to the spellbook page that had Dispel Magic and began to prepare it in one of the slots he kept open for use with the Uncanny Forethought feat. It took 15 minutes.

Dispel Magic was a spell no caster in Milo's world could do without, so it had been no surprise to find a copy of it in Thamior's spellbook. Milo never bothered to prepare that spell in this world since it would only dispel Milo's type of magic. But in this case, it was exactly what he needed.

At worst, it would only suppress the magic of Thamior's spellbook for a few rounds. Then the spellbook would return to normal. But at best Milo would be proved right and the results of that could be quite nice.

Soon enough, Milo turned back to the page in question - the one with a curious result under Detect Magic. It was a diagram of the human body like a doctor might use. Milo had no doubt that Thamior used it for torture. The spellbook contaned several depictions of torture.

Being careful to target just the one page, Milo cast Dispel Magic. The diagram disppeared, replaced by the spell hidden underneath by the Secret Page spell.

"Unseen Servant!?" Milo spluttered. He'd been right that the illustration was hiding a spell, but he imagined that it would have been a particularly effective spell - one worth the extra effort to hide, to keep it out of your opponent's hands even if he captured your spellbook.

Milo couldn't imagine why anyone would hide Unseen Servant. Sure, it was a useful spell, but hardly anything blockbuster.

"Wow, what a poser." Mordy guessed. "He was so focused on his image as a creepy bad guy he couldn't stand the thought that someone would find out he used normal non-creepy spells too, so he hid them. How many of those other illustrations do you suppose hide non-creepy spells?""

This being an excellent question, Milo cast Detect Magic and paged through the whole book, even the blank pages at the end.

That done, he answered Mordy's question. "All of them. So unless we can guess the password Thamior used, I'll be casting Dispel Magic a lot over the next few days. This is great - it feels just like Christmas, wondering what wonderful presents I may get."

With that happy thought, Milo went back to bed. He could still get in 8 hours rest before breakfast, and needed that for spell preparation.

When he woke, a red-eyed Mordy greeted him with the words "Bloody murder" and a big smile. While such a thing could be very disconcerting in some circumstances, Milo knew Mordy.

"You stayed up all night guessing passwords and eventually got it?" he guessed.

"Bingo," Mordy replied. "Thamior could be counted on to stay with his 'creepy' motif, and that narrowed the possibilities enough to make it worth trying."

"Thanks. Thanks a ton my little friend." Milo hurried over to the spellbook, eager to see what new spells he'd got.

"Sure boss, no problem. I can catch up on sleep during the day - I won't say 'cat nap' - anyway. Plus I wanted to feel useful. Last night in the forest I didn't have any way I could help, and it looked like help would have been, uh, helpful."

"Good point." Milo looked up from Thamior's spellbook, "I'll get something done about that today."

"Great boss, but for now you have to hurry if you still want to fit in breakfast. They stay open late on Saturdays but they're still about to close."

Briefly, Milo weighed the possibility of skipping breakfast and just making do with his everlasting rations instead. That way he could look over the hidden spells in the spellbook right now.

But today they were supposed to have both bacon and cream-cheese danish - two favorites.

So off they rushed. The spellbook could wait a bit.

Right after breakfast, Milo sent off an owl to Cog, his Dedicated Wright, with Cog's new project. He would send another owl in 3 days to pick up the completed item, and get Cog started on the next.

He also sent an owl to a potions supply store with some money and a note containing his order.

His package of potion ingredients arrived while he was back in his room preparing spells for the day. He stowed it for use later.

The big surprise among Thamior's hidden spells was Celestial Brilliance - a spell that piped in light directly from one of the Heavens. That light damaged undead and Thamior had even incuded a note saying "Just in case the undead get out of hand." That was always a risk with such things - there were circumstances in which undead minions could turn on you. It was probably that spell which got Thamior using Secret Page: a spell like Celestial Brilliance totally went against his motif and woud be embarrassing to him.

Other than that, there were mostly direct damage spells, like Cloud of Knives, Flaming Sphere, and Explosive Cascade, a couple borderline-creepy spells like Summon Swarm, and Shadow Guardians, plus several more spells from the necromantic and enchantment schools.

Mio had to put more thought into what spells to prepare that day than he had in a while. It was a good problem to have. He had hoped for better - direct damage mostly hadn't been his thing, for instance, though last night it had worked out very well. But even though most of the new spells were not what he'd have chosen, most of the non-banned ones were usable one way or another. And it was good to have more choices than he'd had.

But if all went according to plan, soon he'd have even more choices. It was time to go get his own spellbook, or try at least.

With Mordy and his equipment in place, Milo took a deep breath and cast.

_Teleport_

They were standing on a deserted stretch of sandy beach, next to a spot that had obviously been dug up and reburied recently. The patch of disturbed soil was about 6 feet by 3 feet - the size of a grave.

_Unseen Servant_, Milo cast, and set the servant to work digging up the grave.

"It's really weird to think that this is probably my grave." Milo observed while pointlessly standing guard. There was nobody around.

"Ooh, I want to check somehing. Mordy, can you walk across my grave? I want to see if that old cliche about feeling a chill is right."

Mordy obediently tried it a few times, after which Milo himself tried it too.

"Nothing. Oh well. How many chances do you get to check something like that?"

Instead of replying, Mordy yawned and settled down for a nap.

After what seemed like forever, the Unseen Servant uncovered a decayed corpse. Milo wouldn't have been sure that it was his - it was down to little more than a skeleton, but it was wearing all his stuff except the school robe and sword which Tom Riddle had taken. Except for the robe, Riddle had left all items of clothing on the corpse when he buried it. That incuded the magic gloves, belt, headband - basically everything. Milo had no idea why Riddle had taken the robe. But he was glad to get the other stuff back.

The first thing he had the Unseen Servant do - he was oddly reticent to touch his own corpse - was to remove the Belt of Hidden Pouches and open the pouch containing his spellbook. It was there, and intact, and even had his new spells in it. He'd wondered what happened to the spells he got when leveling up. Now he knew.

He had the Unseen Servant remove all his items from the corpse and bring them up. Then he had it take them down the beach to scrub them in seawater, using sand as an abrasive to remove any clinging bits of corpse.

A number of crabs showed up and helped with that - whatever the Unseen Servant was not scrubbing at the moment got set down nearby and crabs showed up to scavenge. They'd nibble at anything edible, which took care of even dried-on crusty bits.

When the servant was done, Milo remembered he currently had a bar of soap in the Belt of Hidden Pouches he was wearing. So he fished that out and sent the Servant back to wash everything again using soap.

With that complete, Milo still had trouble seeing the stuff as really being 'clean'. So he cast the spell _Prestidigitation _to clean them again. Even though the spell did a great job of cleaning, he still had trouble believing they were actually clean now, given what they'd been through.

So he planned to boil them with powerful cleansers later, just to be sure.

Whiie the servant had been scrubbing, he'd taken the time to cast Circle Dance to find the direction, and with Mordenkainen's participation and some math, the distance, to Hogwarts. Well, technically he found the direction and distane to Hermione Granger, but he knew she'd be studying in her room right now, so it was effectively the same thing. Other students could be anywhere on a Saturday, as could faculty or staff, but Hermione could be counted on to study when she could.

Milo needed the information since he had no idea where he was. But after the Circle Dance he learned he was only a couple hours away from Hogwarts by Phantom Steed.

On general principles, he always saved his higher level spell slots when a lower level spell would do. So he would use Phantom Steed to take them back

He set the Unseen Servant to reburying the corpse, and thought while it worked.

He supposed that most folks would be more bothered by seeing their own corpse. But in his world, folks got brought back from the dead whenever there was both need and the funds to do so. So adventurers got brought back all the time. This led to a certain outlook on things. Milo saw his old corpse in much the same way as most folks saw their fingernail clippings. That view could be sumarized as "yes, that was me but isn't any longer. What matters is the flesh that holds my soul right now."

But despite his worldview, he was still only mostly-nonchalant about his old corpse. Cleanliness wasn't the only reason he hadn't touched it.

When the grave was again refilled, he saluted it and cast _Phantom Steed_.

He mounted the ghostly quasi-horse without a word and rode away.

-0-0-0-

A few dozen miles passed in silence. Mordenkainen was sleeping in a belt-pouch, and Milo didn't feel like talking, even to himself.

Milo steered clear of any cottages or farmhouses. But soon they came in sight of a small castle on a hill, with a stone bridge across a river to a small town.

None of these were at all unique in this part of this world. But together they formed a unique combination such that Milo felt that he knew the place. No - on second though he realized he knew *of* the place. He'd heard about it.

It took him only a moment to recall where he'd heard about it. Sirius Black had described it as the first place he'd passed after escaping from Azkaban prison.

Milo paused and thought a moment.

Then he woke Mordy and declared "Mordy, I've decided something. It's a tough decision but I need to face the situation as it is, not as it was. Back in our home universe, certain things were optimal that are not such good choices here. Back then it worked well to be a specialist wizard, since it gave me an extra spell slot at every level and wizards always need more spell slots. The cost of that is that 2 schools of magic were banned to me - not a big deal there, but here we have no other spellcasters of our type to turn to at need. We need to be able to do everything ourselves now. Having 2 schools of the 8 unavailabe to me is just too much, especially since Thamior's spellbook concentrates on those same 2 schools."

Mordy nodded his weary head, and Milo continued "So this morning, we're going on a retraining quest. I'd already been seriously considering one, which is why I haven't yet completed leveling up to 9th level. A retraining quest has to be done at level up time."

"Ok, what quest?" Mordy asked.

"A Perilous Journey counts and that's what decided me." Milo said, "We're close to Azkaban Prison, which is guarded by very perilous Dementors."

"I thought you never wanted to go near Dementors again?" Mordy interrupted.

"True, but the Phantom Steed is so fast we should have no trouble staying outside the effective range of their memory-eating ability."

"So what are we retraining?"

"I thought that was clear. We'll be retraining to be a generalist wizard with no banned schools of magic, instead of a specialist Conjurer." Milo replied, as he steered the Steed towards Azkaban and started off.

"Are you sure boss? It seems like a big change." Mordy yawned.

"Yes, the extra spell slots are nice, but flexibility is really what wizards are all about anyway. There are thousands of spells available to wizards. Given the time and the need we can prepare a spell for any occasion, regardless of how rare or unusual that occasion may be. Compare that to, say Sorcerors, who know only a few spells and can't cast anything else. They lose all that flexibility in exchange for a couple extra spells per day."

He paused for breath then continued, "Warmages are worse. Like Sorcerors, they can still only cast what they know, but they have to choose from a very limited list, while Sorcerors can at least choose their known spells from the whole list of Wizard spells."

Mordy ignored the rant - he'd heard it before.

Milo continued, "Warlocks are the worst. They take the whole trade - less flexibility for more spells per day - to the extreme. They really only get one spell, with some minor ways to vary it, but they can cast it all day long. No thanks," he spat. "At that rate you may as well be a fighter - they're good at dishing out damage all day long too, plus they can take it and survive too."

At this point the sea came into view.

"This actually makes a good example." Milo observed. "I didn't get my robe back. With its bonus to caster level, the Phantom Steed could have ridden right across the surface of the water. But lacking that, I find I have unexpected need of a special case spell -"

_Water Breathing_, he cast, using Uncanny Forethought to cast it right from Thamior's spelllbook.

"Normally," he continued, as they plunged into the waves and sped along the ocean bottom, "you would not prepare or need Water Breathing. So it's not something you'd ever expect Sorcerors etc. to have available. But a wizard has flexibility. And flexibility makes impossible situations easy."

He stopped talking as they passed a shark, in case he needed to defend them against it. But they were moving so fast - 1.36 miles per minute - that the shark could only have bothered them if it had been directly ahead of them.

Normal things slowed down when moving underwater, but the spell stated how fast a Phantom Steed went and so that was how fast it went. Period.

Milo did not pick up his rant again.

Mordy wasn't sure whether that was because he had finally convinced himself that the extra fexibility was worth the lost spell slots, or because there were interesting sea creatures to look at.

The North Sea was certainly not a tropical reef, but there were still points of interest.

They passed a kelp forest, 2 schools of herring, some cod and mackerel, and a porpoise, before the ground sloped up, indicating they'd reached an island.

According to Sirius's stories, there was only one island out here, due north of that village and castle.

So Milo braced himself for anything unexpected as they rapidly ascended the underwater slope.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 aka chapter 76 overall

They burst out of the water suddenly, and there was Azkaban castle just a few feet away.

It was a dreary and dismal place. The sun was up and there were no clouds, yet somehow the castle semed dark and shadowy.

It also seemed like an ancient abandoned ruin. Yet it was not ruined. It was intact and functional, yet still seemed ruined somehow.

It was also certainly not abandoned.

Milo had wasted no time in riding up to the castle, touching it (completing the quest) and turning away to leave. But before they could get back underwater, two Dementors appeared nearby.

They were not yet close enough to drain memories, so Milo took a chance.

_Scorching Ray_, he cast.

The rays hit the dementors but did nothing at all to them.

It was just as he had heard. The only spell known to affect them was the Patronus.

Scorching Rays would have been too easy anyway, he supposed.

He had just enough time to try one more spell before they'd need to flee.

He took out a coin to use as a target, and, again using Uncanny Forethought cast

_Celestial Brilliance_

The spell specifically damaged undead, vampires and such things with the strength of the light it created. Anything that was normally harmed by light was especially vulnerable to Celestial Brilliance.

So Milo started wondering, as he heard the dementors sizzle and saw them turn and flee, leaving behind a smell of burnt mold and trails of smoke, if the reason the Patronus worked was related to the light it gave off.

He shrugged, no longer in a hurry, and considered the glowing coin he held. It would continue to give off Celestial Brilliance for 9 days. That could be useful. Maybe he should cast it a couple more times and go hunting vampires, he mused. At least he should cast it regularly, say once a week, so he would always have one available, he thought, as he put the coin in a belt pouch, effectively shutting off its light.

Driving off the dementors counted as defeating them, and Milo relished the xp he got from it.

Perhaps sometime he would seek out dementors like he had sought out Acromantulas last night. An Adventurer had to adventure, after all.

The trip back to Hogwarts was uneventful.

Milo used the time to finish levelling up.

He chose another level of Rainbow Servant, which gave him a point each of attack bonus and will save, plus access to the Clerical Air Domain - nothing much of interest there unfortunately - and, excitingly, the ability to grow wings - multi-colored feathered wings like a coatl no less - for 4 minutes a day. And he could split that up: for example 2 minutes here, half a minute there and minute and a half another time.

All he really had left to do was choose spells and a feat.

Thinking out loud as he went, he was surprised when Mordy interrupted.

"Local wizards - your main adversaries - have a simple charm for fire immunity, remember?"

"But the fire-based Reserve feat is far-and-away the best one." Milo groused.

"Not when your main opponents are immune to it." Mordy countered.

"Fine", Milo sighed, and got down to some serious re-thinking.

He'd decided that there had been too many times he'd run out of spells and been reduced to using a staff or knife. That was very sub-optimal. The obvious answer was to choose a Reserve Feat - even more obvious since he would often be adventuring alone.

Reserve feats let you blast magic damage at targets all day long. They worked as long as you kept a spell of the right type prepared: a fire spell for the Fire Blast Reserve feat, cold spell for the Winter Blast Reserve feat and so on. The higher level spell you kept avaiable, the more damage your blasts did. Various other considerations made it a toss-up between which was better - the lightning-based or the cold-based Reserve feats.

The problem was that, Milo had neither kind of spell in his spellbook. Sure he could choose a new one as one of his 5th level spells for levelling up. But that would tie up a high-level slot - the spell slots he had fewest of.

Thamior's spell book had several fire-based spells, but only one each based on lightning or cold.

Ok, two cold spells if you counted Chill Touch but that was really too weak to consider.

There was the second level spell Kelgore's Grave Mist - an area effect spell, which Milo had previously been unable to cast since it was also part of the necromancy school.

And there was a version of Electric Vengeance which had the same effects built in as if the Silent Spell Metamagic Feat had been applied to raised it from being a second level spell to third level.

It let you hit someone with lightning immediately after they'd hit you in melee combat.

Folks in this world basically didn't bother with melee combat. So Electric Vengeance would never get used. Normally that'd make it easy to decide against it. A spell never used is a spell poorly chosen. But for powering the Reserve feat, never using the spell is exactly what you want - if you use the spell your Reserve feat becomes unusable until you prepre another spell to power it - usually the next day.

So by that standard, Electric Vengeance was a better choice than Kelgore's Grave Mist, since the latter was far more useful and so would actually get used sometimes.

That decided him and he chose the Storm Bolt Reserve feat. With that, he could send out 20 foot long 5 foot wide lightning bolts all day long.

If he was smart about it, he'd never be disarmed again.

"Hey Mordy, I just became a Warlock," Milo teased.

Mordenkainen, who knew better, just snorted.

"Well, other than range and max damage, it's almost the same." Milo explained.

Not hearing any response, Milo then went ahead and chose his spells: Greater Blink and Arcane Staff.

Greater Blink would give him a very potent defense, letting him blink back and forth between the Ethereal Plane and this Plane at will, such that incoming spells would hit nothing since he'd be ghostlike when they arrived.

Arcane Staff would let him store spells for later use. On slow days he could load it up with up to 9 spell levels, and then have those spells available when needed.

Shortly after he finished leveling up, they arrived back at Hogwarts.

"We're just in time", Milo announced.

"For what?" Mordy enquired.

"We have just enough time for a quick lunch, then 8 hours making a magic item, before it's dark enough to go Acromantula hunting in the Forbidden Forest." Milo declared excitedly. "Wow it's good to be adventuring again. I don't know why I bother with classes and homework etc."

"Because they'd throw you out if you didn't, and by not being thrown out you get to stay where there are significant defenses against the folks who are out to kill you. Plus you make friends." Mordy countered.

"Ah yes," Milo said thoughtfully, "The party. It's good to have a party - even if they don't go out adventuring with you, they're still good for defensive purposes while at home base. And even though the first party - Ron, Harry and Hemione - still think I was behind the basilisk attacks last year and won't have anything to do with me, Hogwarts was good for finding another party, Though Neville isn't very durable and I don't want to risk Hannah."

"Don't forget Sirius and now Fiona." Mordy said.

"True. They slipped my mind since they're off taking turns guarding Alecto Carrow until Carrow's next secret meeting in the forest with Death Eaters tommorow night."

"Do you realy think she will 'wear a wire' like Fiona wanted?" Mordy asked.

"I think that it doesn't matter." Milo replied. "I already got the names of all the Death Eaters from her mind using Detect Thoughts while Sirius and Fiona were questining her. What more could we want? Fiona wants evidence and testimony to convict them and send them all to prison. I think it doesn't matter. Even if she can get that, it will come down to combat in the end. The Death Eaters won't stay in prison even if they can be sent there. They will keep coming at us while they live." Milo concluded.

They walked into the crowded Great Hall and looked around. Seeing that Hannah and Neville had saved him a seat, Milo went over and took it.

After quick greetings, he set about eating a delicious lunch.

Soon he was, in-between bites, telling them all about his day so far. He was used to his jargon confusing others, but Hannah was beginning to understand him better.

Milo was reflecting that that was nice, when there was a commotion nearby.

He looked and saw that Draco Malfoy, flanked, as usual by Crabbe and Goyle, was strutting around with a smirk on his face. By the looks of things, he felt that he'd just landed a telling insult on Hermione Granger, and was both exulting in it as well as leaving the scene before she could come up with a retort.

He was coming towards Milo, apparently using the trip as both an excuse to leave Granger's vicinity, as well as being intent on taunting another opponent.

Milo wasn't interested.

He said "Draco, I'm sick of your arrogant posturing and am not going to put up with your attempts to _Cause Fear_."

The spell, cast from Thamior's spellbook via Uncanny Forethought, instantly wiped the smug smirk off Draco's face and replaced it with a mask of sheer terror.

Draco screamed and fled, followed, after a short delay, by Crabbe and Goyle who had had no other instructions.

Draco made it to a corner of the room and cowered, gibbering in fear and guarded by Crabbe and Goyle.

All eyes in the room turned to Milo, who announced, "Somebody get that boy a change of underwear."

The room erupted in laughter, other than a couple of frowning professors.

Milo ate a last couple bites of lunch and left, basking in the glow of the xp he'd gotten from defeating Draco.

Cause Fear wasn't worth much most of the time, but it had its uses.

He hadn't yet made it back to his room when Mordy said, "Boss, I smell whitewash. It's right around the next corner."

There was really only one reason why there would be whitewash in a deserted stretch of hallway like this.

"Peeves!" Milo yelled.

There was a sudden noise, as if a startled person had bumped a bucket into a wall.

That was confirmation enough for Milo.

He immediately cast _Command Undead_ from Thamior's spellbook.

"Peeves, I want you to do lots of pranks and practical jokes...but only to Draco Malfoy and his 2 friends Crabbe and Goyle." Milo commanded.

"Yessss!" Peeves exclaimed as he and his bucket of whitewash hurried away.

"You know," Milo obsered as they walked away, "That was immensely satisfying. Who knew Necromancy spells could be such fun?"

Back at his room, Milo went straight into crafting a new magic item for Mordenkainen, who went right to sleep.

Exactly 8 hours later, Milo sat back, stretched, and declared, "Done."

He handed a Mordy-sized necklace to the rat, and said, "Try it on."

"What does it do?" Mordy asked, as he did so.

"It lets you be more helpful during combats, as you asked." Milo replied. "Specifically it lets you cast the Grease spell. You can do it every round, all day long. It only lasts one round, but that's enough to trip someone, make them drop their wand, or knock them off a broom. You get the idea."

"Gee, thanks boss. I didn't get you anything. Oh wait, yes I did, in a way." Mordy pointed at a small pile of stuff, all dripping wet. "Your unseen servant from this morning still had a few hours duration left, so I had it scrub all the stuff we took from your corpse. Neville brought us various cleaning supplies - ammonia, various brands of cleaners and whatnot, and we used them all. They're clean now. I can't smell any death or rot on them anymore."

Milo started to thank him but Mordy interrupted "But wait, there's more. While comparing the contents of your two Belts of Hidden Pouches to make sure nothing was lost from the old one, I discovered that the one you got from your sister had a little extra something in it. She had four Pearls of Power in there. Look."

And with that Mordy handed four small beads to Milo.

Upon touching them, Milo knew that there was one level 2 pearl and three more at level 1. That meant that, 3 times a day, he could recall a level 1 spell he'd already cast, and cast it again. And he could do that once a day with a level 2 spell.

That was almost as good as getting additional spell slots! It was a very good day indeed.

Milo and Mordy discussed new strategies and abilities as they walked to and into the Forbidden Forest to adventure hunting Acromantulas again.

Out in front of them 'marched' one of those new strategies.

Acromantulas had shown a strong tendency to elicit fear. They'd be as menacing as they could before charging. Milo wasn't sure if they could feed on fear or something like that. There were monsters with such abilities.

But not all of them did that.

And in case one showed some prudence and attacked with no warning, Milo wanted to survive it.

So what looked like a robed figure was marching 30 feet in front of Milo. Really it was just a hooded robe with a couple small bags of straw tied in the right places inside to fill it out. It had shoes filled with rocks so they had a little weight to them, suspended on strings from its middle. The whole thing was carried by an Unseen Servant, which was instructed to move one shoe, then the other, to be as convincing as possible.

Unseen Servants could not attack, but they could carry things. And if those things looked like a target or threat, that still didn't count as an attack.

Milo hoped that any surprise attack would be launched against the harmless yet threatening robe instead of against him. He'd made the robe as threatening as possibe for that reason. It appeared to have a wand in its hand - really just a stick extending partway out its sleeve, but an opponent would not know that until too late.

In case Acromantulas could sense heat, like a snake could, he'd even heated the shoe-rocks in a fire.

Milo was very pleased with how his 'scarecrow' had turned out. But until they met the enemy, he wouldn't know for sure how well it worked.

Cautiously, they advanced into the forest, heading towards the Acromantula infestation.

They were expecting it, but the first Acromantula appeared so suddenly that they were still surprised.

The scarecrow got charged and knocked down before Milo and Mordy reacted.

_Storm Bolt_

_Squeak_

The horse-sized Acromantula tripped on the Grease Mordy had summoned, and was crispy-fried by Milo's lightning bolt.

"Well I'd call that a successful test." Milo chuckled, relishing the xp.

He had the Unseen Servant go remove the poison gland - Acromantula venom sold for 100 Galleons per pint - and store it safely in a closed jar before picking up the scarecrow and proceeding on.

Extra money was always welcome but he didn't want to risk getting poisoned himself.

A few minutes later a dog-sized Acromantula appeared and charged. It got similar treatment.

But this time Milo exclaimed, "Rats, the dog-sized ones no longer give me xp unless they come in groups.

After that came another lone dog-sized one, then a pair of them.

All got killed by lightning bolts.

"At least I still got xp from that pair. And we're getting plenty of venom. We may even fill up all our jars tonight." Milo grinned.

A chorus of chittering announced the arrival of a small horde of the smallest Acromantulas - the head-sized ones.

_Evard's Black Tentacles_

Milo cast, as they began to surge forward.

Mordy supported him with Grease spells to try to keep the Acromantulas bottled up until a large number of them accumulated.

Meanwhile, Milo was gauging the right moment to use the potion supplies he'd ordered.

He'd opened the Belt of Hidden Pouches and taken out a metal cylinder. Hannah called it a thermos and had recommended it when she heard his plan to get small cauldrons and drill small holes into the lids. Thermoses had snap-closed lids and this kind came with holes for 'straws'.

She had also recommended and supplied a very special thing called a Ziplock Bag'.

The Thermoses and Ziplock Bags made it all much simpler.

The Thermos contained some Glycerol and a Ziplock Bag full of Flobberworm Mucous. The ziplock bag had a few loops of wire around it, with the wire leads braided together and extending out the straw hole in the lid.

All Milo had to do was hold the Thermos still in one hand while yanking the wire hard with the other hand and the Ziplock Bag would spew its Flobberworm Mucous all through the thermos, thereby mixing it with the Glycerol and making Nitroglycerin - the one useful potion he'd ever learned from Snape.

Technically Snape had taught him a potion that just turns blue and only explodes if you're a muggle, and he'd done it to try to prove that Milo was a muggle.

Escaping from that trap had been sweet. Escaping with a new weapon was even sweeter.

Milo judged the moment to be as good as it was going to get - it looked like the Acromantulas were about to surge. He yanked the wire and threw the thermos as far as he could. Then he and Mordy both 'hugged the dirt' as Hannah had strongly emphasized.

When he got over being Dazed and Stunned, he was glad they had followed her recommendation. It probably saved their lives.

That had been the biggest explosion he'd ever seen or heard of: It was so big that he almost hadn't noticed the massive surge of xp he got.

Parts of Acromantulas were everywhere, as were shattered bits of trees and bushes. The area looked as chewed up as if the legendary Tarasque had danced there while in a frenzy of destruction.

Well, not everywhere: there was now a wide and shallow crater where the mucus bomb had hit. The crater was clear of everything.

Almost everything.

Evards Black Tentacles waved from the near edge of the crater. That spell was immune to mere physical damage and wouldn't go away until its duration ran out.

"Boss, lets not do that again." Mordy moaned.

"Why? We have 4 more and there are lots more Acromantulas." Milo asked.

"Because I'm bleeding from my ears and not sure I could survuive another one." Mordy replied.

"Yah," Milo sighed, "it was, shall we say, unexpectedly potent. I'm seeing double and having trouble standing up straght. How about we just sit here and rest for a little while?"

They did and soon both were feeling better, which was good because a steady stream of Acromantulas were showing up to feast on their dead.

Few approached across the new clearing to threaten Milo and Mordy. For now, they had plenty of carrion on the far side to keep them busy.

They also had two areas with Kelgore's Grave Mist which Milo had cast to keep them bottled up. The freezing mist was obvious and had not killed many Acromantulas before the rest got the idea to stay away from it.

The few who did approach met Storm Bolts and died.

If they'd survived to get a little closer, they'd have run into four Fusillade of Darts traps Milo had emplaced with the Create traps spell.

"Boss, why are you having the Unseen Servant dig a trench?" Mordy asked suspiciously.

"Well he might as well be doing something." Milo replied evasively.

"And..." Mordy prompted.

"And there are a LOT of Acromantulas gathering just beyond the far edge of the new clearing the bomb created. We may have to use another bomb. If so you get into the Belt of Hidden Pouches. The extra-dimensional storage space will be completely unaffected, since it's in another dimension. I'll get in the trench."

Mordy started to argue but a chorus of chittering warned them of an impending charge. In a flash, Mordy was inside the Belt of Hidden Pouches.

Milo already had a thermos bomb out and ready. He yanked the wire, cast

_Launch Item_,

and rolled into the trench.

This time he put his hands over his ears.

He couldn't tell if it helped or not. The blast was that loud.

The Launch Item spell had thrown the thermos hundreds of feet further away than Milo's arm ever could have.

That helped.

So did the trench.

Thus Milo was able to sit up in the trench and blast the few spiders who had been far enough away from the blast to survive and wander around afterwards. Individual spiders only gave him xp now if they were pretty big. But in groups, even little spiders still gave him xp. And the group that last bomb had defeated had given him quite a lot of xp.

But they didn't want to stay around for more. Not tonight.

They left as soon as they could. Each would need a good night's sleep to regain Hit Points they'd lost to the explosions.

The explosions had left them a bit unsteady on their feet. But they staggered along while gradually getting less wobbly.

They were walking almost normally by the time they saw the centaur. He was just standing in their path, his bow held ready for use yet pointed at the ground so as to not be threatening. As far as they could tell, he'd arrived silently. But with their ears ringing as they were, a whole troop of cavalry could have charged up to them without them hearing it.

"Know ye not the forest is forbidden?" he asked in a deep voice.

"Yes but we took it as a general guideline rather than a firm rule. Sort of a warning that it was dangerous." Milo offered, while readying a spell just in case.

"What do ye here then?" the centaur asked.

"We're hunting Acromantulas for fun and profit." Milo snarked.

"Aye, 'tis well. They are a plague to my people. Go in peace. And return as often as you like, Boom Boy." The centaur smiled and left.

"What's up with calling you Boom Boy?" Mordy asked.

"Maybe he's in a tribe that gives folks names, or changes names, depending on their actions?" Milo guessed. "If so, I'd bet he is Sneaky Hunter or something like that."

"So it is." the deep voice announced from the woods nearby.

Milo laughed.

"Hey Boom Boy, let's get back already. I don't want to fight any more Acromantulas tonight." Mordy urged.

Milo was low on spells, so that was a sobering thought.

They hurried back to Hogwarts castle.

After entering, they relaxed their guard - no Acromantulas were going to spring out at them here.

So they were doubly surprised to hear, "Don't move or even twitch. I know your tricks."

Professor Snape - no, it was Headmaster Snape now - moved around, with his wand held ready, to where Milo could see him.

Milo held still and signalled Mordy to do the same. He figured Snape wasn't about to blast him if he didn't have to, so he may as well see what's up.

"I've caught you now, you little brat," Snape snarled. "I saw you coming out of the Forbidden Forest. I can expel you now. Better yet, I can question you under Veritaserum. Go to my office. NOW. I'll be watching and ready for any tricks. March!"

Milo marched in silence, trying to look defeated on the chance that Snape would relax his guard.

Snape wasted no time confiscating Milo's wand, proving that he didn't really know Milo's tricks. That, too, probably got Snape to relax his vigilance a bit, though with his marching behind Milo, Milo couldn't be sure.

Snape kept up a constant stream of verbal abuse all the way to his office. Milo had known that Snape got a lot of practice verbally abusing others, but now he really let loose. The depth and breadth of Snape's crudity shocked Milo even though he thought he knew what to expect.

Still, he only listened with half an ear. Snape's threats didn't scare him: he and Snape were playing by different rules.

Snape threatened things like expulsion from school, and 'outing' Milo as a strange new magical creature. And while those may have sounded like dire threats to Snape, they sounded like minor annoyances to Milo, whose standard day-to-day activites as an adventurer included multiple fights to the death.

It did give him an opportunity to reflect again on why he was even bothering to put any effort into staying at Hogwarts. Their style of magic was incompatible with his. He'd tried and tried and even when he got the words and wand movements perfect, he got exactly nothing from his efforts to do wanded magic like natives of this universe did.

So why stay in a school devoted to teaching the details of wanded magic?

All he got out of it was an understanding of what local casters, including his opponents Moldy-Shorts and the Death Eaters, could do and how they did it.

It was worth a certain amount to know the spells available to potential opponents and allies, how long they took to cast, and so on.

But only a certain amount.

Ok, he also got some default protections from the wards aroung Hogwarts and the potential defenders - like professors - therein.

But advenurers weren't used to having safe bases. Rather they typically stayed on the move - attacking the 'safe bases' of one bad guy after another. They followed, very much, the old maxim that "the best defense is a good offense."

And, more important than the other benefits, he got social contacts at Hogwarts. He started off in this universe not knowing anybody and had met all his friends at Hogwarts.

And, he was discovering, there was much more to friends than just having party members to help with combat.

So there was value to staying at Hogwarts, but only so much: certainly not enough to warrant spending a lot of time trying to get good grades.

A particularly loud shout snapped Milo out of his reverie. "Pay attention to me when I'm yelling at you!"

They'd reached Snape's dungeon and stopped, and Snape was red-faced and furious.

Milo decided that a little tension-defusing tact would cost him nothing, and said, "Many apologies your mightiness. I was dazed and stunned by the magnitude of punishments you have in store for me."

Snape paused, caught off-balance by the unexpected response. "Boy, if you're mocking me, I will personally see you vivisected by the board of inquiry into new magical creatures!"

That being the fifth time Snape had mentioned such a thing, Milo decided that it was foremost on Snape's mind, and that therefore, negotiations and such were pointless. Clearly, Snape would like him to beg for mercy, but that was all that was 'on the table'.

Well, having given that a chance, it was time to go back to more familiar territory.

"Headmaster, before we march me off to imprisonment or vivisection, can I get a drink of water? I have this _Tormenting Thirst._"

The results were immediate. As soon as Milo had said the words, casting Thamior's spell with his last use of Uncanny Forethought for the day, Snape grabbed the nearest container of liquid and drank it all in one gulp.

Then he did the same with the next nearest container of liquid.

And the next.

And the next.

And the next.

And so on.

Thamior had used the spell when the party was next to a keg of wine he had pre-positioned. That got one party member - Zook - roaring drunk and would have killed him with alcohol poisoning if not for the intervention of the rest of the party.

Milo had used the spell in Snapes dungeon, next to what was probably the largest single supply of various magic potions there was.

Magic potions did not usually mix well. It was best to take them one at a time and give them time to be absorbed before taking another, or they tended to mix in unpredictably magic ways.

And that was just with two at once.

The chance for chaos and the magnitude of it multiplied with every extra potion taken.

And Snape was chugging them as fast as he could - magically compelled to do so by Milo's spell.

That would have been bad enough.

But sitting nearest Snape were several bottles of the student's homework - potions that Snape had been in the process of grading.

And some of those deserved very poor grades indeed.

Like Neville's.

So the chaos of taking multiple potions at once was multiplied by the chaos of incorrectly-brewed student potions.

Yet it took a moment for chaotic effects to manifest. The first four potions Snape drank did not seem to have any unexpected results. But on drinking the 5th one, Snape suddenly sprouted feathers all over.

Milo could not think of any potion that was supposed to do that.

The 6th potion made Snape's features sag as if they were half-melted wax.

Then Snape came to some potion ingredients and rapidly drank Flobberworm Mucous, pus from plague victims, virgin's tears, and some bat urine.

These could not have been good for him, yet they did not seem to do any specific or immediate harm.

Then Snape came to a whole rack of Polyjuice potions. He drank them all.

His body responded by transforming chaotically - growing multiple arms, legs, and torsos in wild and unpredictable ways.

The Erumpant Fluid Snape drank next briefly transformed him to look a lot like an erumpant, then it probably exploded inside him, as he suddenly inflated like a balloon, then sagged again.

That the explosion did not kill him was probably due to all the blood-replenishment potion he'd drunk.

And so it went, with Snape frantically drinking any and every liquid he could grab, as fast as he could, and having the weirdest reactions to them.

By the time the Tormenting Thirst wore off, Snape had drunk scores of potions.

He currently resembled a large blob with dozens of mouths all talking at once - trying to speak truths he was compelled to speak by having also drunk a lot of Veritaserum.

The speech was gibberish, both because of having many mouths speak at once, and also because the Snape-blob seemed to have no muscle control at all.

It twitched and spasmed quite a bit though.

It also changed colors rapidly, extruded and then lost tentacles, and smelled strongly of roses.

While watching the show, Milo had had the presence of mind to use Mage Hand to recover his wand from where it had fallen out of Snape's grip.

He didn't want to get close to Snape, and Mage Hand could do it from a distance.

He also didn't want to leave any evidence of who had done this to Headmaster Snape. He imagined that other folks would not be as amused by the results as he was.

He had no way of knowing whether Snape would remember, or be in any condition to tell anyone, of tonight's events, or even survive. But he was careful to leave no evidence anyway, just in case.

On a bit of reflection, he used the Mage Hand again to recover a bottle of Veritaserum Snape had not been able to reach. It was useful stuff in general, and he had some ideas he wanted to try with it.

Milo had Mordy look into the hall and verify there was nobody currently there, then he slipped out and hurried to his room.

He had decisions to make.

Between the xp from adventures earlier in the day, and now from defeating the Headmaster, Milo had just reached Level 10.

Logically, he should take Rainbow Servant level 5, since he'd set out to get to level 10 in that class.

But it was a hard decision to make.

Rainbow Servant level 5 gave him no save bonuses, no attack bonus, no special abilities. It felt like it gave him nothing. Though in fact he still got hit points, skill points, and progression in his spellcasting.

Still it was tempting to take a level in some other class for the variety of neat abilities they offered.

But if he ever wanted to get to level 10 in Rainbow servant, he had to take level 5 sometime. And Level 10 was very much worth it.

So he 'bit the bullet' and took Rainbow Servant level 5

For his two new spells, he chose Telekinesis, a good general use spell that also had combat uses, and Lutzaen's Frequent Jaunt, a spell that let him do the minor teleports called Dimension Door once a round as a move action. That was great for tactical mobility and hit-and-run attacks.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 aka chapter 77

When Milo got back to his room, he found a note from Hannah. It said;

I looked up nitroglycerin and need to warn you. Most people consider it way too dangerous to use at all. But if you do insist on using it, then you need to throw those thermos bombs immediately - while the components are still mixing. After they mix and make nitroglycerin, the mere act of throwing it will probably set it off and kill you! Don't let that happen.

Milo paused in thought for a while, a little pale at how close to disaster he'd been.

He went about the tasks of getting ready for bed in silence. But in addition to the usual routine, he also cast Arcane Staff, which now could hold ten levels of spells thanks to his brand new extra caster level, and loaded it up with Telekinesis and Teleport.

Until he used those from the staff, they'd always be available at need, which could come in handy.

Because the spell didn't specify a particular size of staff, he decided to use a staff sized for a tiny creature - one 13 inches long which could be mistaken for a wand and which he could use, at need, to pretend to be a wand-using wizard like the rest of the locals.

You never knew when such subterfuge could come in handy.

And speaking of subterfuge he also cast Secret Page and Sepia Snake Sigil on a newspaper and put it in a pouch. With that setup, he could appear to be reading a newspaper and yet simply speak a command word to reveal the Snake Sigil in event of need. Such surprise attacks could also come in handy.

He had almost no spells left for the day after that, even considering having used Conjuration spells from his bonus Conjurer slots before retraining. But he still had Electric Vengeance to power the Storm Bolt Reserve feat, plus some powerful and versatile spells in his Spell Staff, so he didn't feel unarmed.

He slept soundly and hurried through the morning routine and down to an early breakfast.

The room was full of gossip about Headmaster Snape.

According to the gossip, he'd been driven insane by a mis-brewed student potion he'd unwisely sampled. In his madness, he'd drunk about half the potions in his well-stocked potions cabinet, which had had drastic effects on his mind and body. Filch had heard screaming, gone to investigate, and found him late last night. The staff of Saint Mungoes hospital had worked on him all night, with the result that his physical mutations were mostly under control and were expected to fully stabilize in a couple more days. But his mind had not responded at all, yet. He believed that he was a potato. Saint Mungoes said they could probably cure that too, but it was worrisome that they had to use the word "probably".

In the meantime, Deputy Headmistress McGonagall was acting Headmistress, and had already quietly undone many of the policies that benefitted Slytherin but penalized all other houses.

Milo was pretending to act concerned about the Snape news when a familiar and angry voice behind him demanded, "Call off Peeves, you stupid freak, or you'll end up begging me for mercy, which you won't get." Somehow he managed to say that in a sneering tone.

Milo didn't even turn to look at Draco, though Mordenkainen, unnoticed as a 'mere rat' did, and surrepticiously readied an action in case things got ugly.

Dismissively, Milo said "I haven't got time for your tantrums, run along and cry to your mommy. Or is it your daddy you prefer to cry to?"

In the coldest of rages, Draco hissed "Look at me when I'm threatening you!"

"Why?" Milo queried in a disinterested tone, taking out a newspaper and looking at it, as if totally bored by Draco, "Áre you more interesting than usual?

Predctably, the utterly enraged Draco grabbed the newspaper, intending to start his vengeance by tearing it up.

As he took it, Milo muttered the command word "look at that" and the Secret Page disappeared, revealing the Sepia Snake Sigil spell, which immediately froze Draco in an amber force field.

Milo finished his breakfast and left, apparently unaware of the statue of an enraged Draco Malfoy behind him.

He had a busy day planned, though he made a mental note to make several such Secret Page traps, using newspapers, photos, homework and anything else that could work.

After he left the Great Hall, Fred and George Weasley moved the Draco statue over to the room's entrance and put a stack of newspapers in its outstretched arms, as if Draco was offering free newpapers to everyone entering the room. Considering Draco's usual demeanor and especially with the rage on his face, it was delightfully absurd.

Milo planned to enjoy a nice 8 hours of magic item creation.

He had been going to make something for himself, to allow him to cast Grease an unlimited number of times like Mordy's.

But on reflection, they had offense pretty well covered now, so more defense was in order.

And the trick with an Unseen Servant carrying a scarecrow had worked well last night.

He'd thought of an additional use as well.

The wizards of this universe flung spells like Touch Attacks - they only had to make contact with their target. But like Touch Attacks, they seemed to go no further than the first thing they touched. So a simple handkerchief, held and moved by an Unseen Servant, could intercept and neutralize them.

It was a fascinating idea, which he would test first by having Neville or Hannah cast some harmless spells at him and trying to intercept them.

Milo got down to a nice 8 hours of crafting - making a hat for Mordy that would let him have and control an Unseen Servant continuously.

But something was tickling at the back of his mind the whole time.

When he finally sat back from his completed crafting project, Milo facepalmed.

"Of Course! Why didn't I think of this before: All the spells the local wizards use are Touch Attacks, and as such will be completely blocked by the Ray Deflection spell, even though they are a different kind of magic!"

He sat right back down and got to work on spell research.

He couldn't spend more than a few hours on it right now, since he had to be there tonight for the "wearing a wire" event, where they'd send Alecto Carrow to go spy for them during her next meeting with Riddle and the Death Eaters. But he wanted to get started on the research right away. The sooner he started, the sooner he'd be done and have Ray Deflection to add to his arsenal.

"Are you ready?" Hannah, with broom in hand, asked from the door.

Hannah's question shocked Milo out of his research.

Hours had passed.

"Uh, yah. Just a second."

In moments, Milo and Hannah were headed down the hallway, out of Hogwarts, and then flying to the rendesvous.

They chatted on the way, about nothing in particular.

Milo, having missed both lunch and dinner, munched on his Everlasting Rations as they flew.

Sirius and Fiona, who'd been taking turns guarding Alecto, were already there.

They had brought Alecto, blindfolded, from Milo's Bolt Hole Number 7, where they'd been keeping her, to a large empty field, so she would not know where the Bolt Hole was.

Fiona had already attached the 'wire' - an electronic recording and transmitting device - and explained what she wanted. She stood ready, with a receiver in one hand, and the other holding a staff on which she leaned, due to her bad leg.

As Milo and Hannah landed, Sirius took out Carrow's wand and prepared to give it back to her, so she could Apparate to the secret meeting.

"Wait one sec." Milo asked.

_Chain of Eyes_, he cast, and touched Carrow.

"Now I'll be able to see what goes on too", he said.

"Nice," Fiona replied, "but not admissable in court."

She turned to Carrow and said "Remember Alecto, just act as if everything is normal, and we'll let you off easy."

Carrow nodded.

They all moved behind her so they'd have warning if she changed her mind and tried to use her wand offensively, and then Sirius handed Alecto her wand.

She wasted no time, and said nothing, but immediately Apparated away.

The group around Sirius immediately Apparated too, partly so they could listen in from the warmth, comfort, and privacy of Bolt Hole Number 7, and partly so that Carrow could not come right back to the field, leading a pack of Death Eaters, and attack them.

They didn't trust her any more than necessary.

The receiver Fiona held had been on the whole time.

They heard "Beware my lord! I have been forced to wear a recording device."

An icy cold voice demanded "Who did this?"

"The muggle woman whose apartment we burned, the boy Milo, a girl his age whose name I do not know, and Sirius Black. They said they would leave the moment after I did," Alecto's fearful voice declared.

Milo saw, through Alecto's eyes a ring of masked Death Eaters standing in a dark clearing in the woods, all facing Tom Riddle who stood, unmasked, at one edge.

As Milo watched, Riddle strode forward, slapped Carrow hard, and took the recording device from her outstretched hand.

"For the three, I do not know, currently, the location of anything they care about." Riddle said.

"But for you, Black," he said, speaking directly into the device, "for you I do know such a target. You shall begin at once to pay the penalty of trying to spy on me. But do not mistake, I shall take vengeance on all of you, as well as on Alecto and even her brother, for believing that stupid note about her being away helping some friend with a relationship problem. He should have suspected and warned us, and he will pay the price for his failure. Yet he and his sister shall live, as you four shall not."

Riddle gestured for the Death Eaters to approach him.

"Sirius Black. As the beginning of your suffering, you shall lose your closest friend. Your friend Remus Lupin is visiting his girlfriend Nymphodora Tonks tonight. I and my Death Eaters will go there now, and kill them both. We will torture them to death if they don't die in battle. I defy you to come try to stop us, if you dare."

With that Riddle dropped the electronic device, blasted it to smithereens, and then he and his minions all Apparated away.

Milo wasted no time. "The bad guys will be ready to take us down as we appear. I can protect myself and Sirius, so we're going. I need Sirius to take me there anyway, since I don't know the location and don't have time to find out. Hannah and Fiona can fly for help on Hannah's broomstick.

Sirius and Hannah nodded, but Fiona exploded with "No way! I'm a Police Officer and so it's my problem. I will not hide behind civilians, or especially children, while I should be taking care of the dangerous situation I started!"

She backed up her words by clinging to Sirius, so he could not Apparate without her.

While she had been talking, Milo had cast Unseen Servant, and had it deploy it's scarecrow robe, as had Mordy. Then Milo cast Greater Blink on himself, and Invisibility on Sirius.

He explained "Sirius, your invisibility will last only until you do something that could be considered an attack. After that you will be unprotected, so choose your timing and position well."

Seeing that Fiona was still clinging to the now-invisible Sirius, Milo said "We don't have time to debate who comes, nor to force Fiona to stay. I can cast Invisibility once more - only once - using a Pearl of Power." He looked inquiringly at Fiona, who clung harder. Nodding, he said "Fiona, you heard me explain how it works."

She nodded, he cast Invisibility on her, and took his position.

"I'll stay on the left, with the two scarecrows to my left. Both of you crouch low and move quickly to the right, so spells aimed at me don't hit you. Sirius, take us there."

"Be careful." Hannah called, as they disappeared.

As they arrived outside the wards around Tonks' home, a flurry of killing curses met them.

Milo had known they would. He'd watched through Carrow's eyes as the Death Eaters positioned themselves and made ready.

Walking into an ambush is usually a very bad idea.

But Greater Blink made it safe enough to try.

Nobody could see Sirius or Fiona, so nobody targeted them.

The two scarecrows took a couple killing curses each, and, being obviously immune were then blown apart by Reducto spells.

Milo took the brunt of the spell flurry.

Or rather, he would have, if he'd been on the same plane of existence as the spells when they arrived. Instead he was safe on the Ethereal Plane, due to Greater Blink. So all the spells targeted at him simply passed harmlessly through the place where he appeared to be. It was like swinging a sword at a ghost or an illusion.

But unlike an illusion, Milo could strike back.

And he did.

Choosing his times carefully to avoid incoming spells, he Blinked back to the Prime Material plane, cast _Mestil's Acid Breath_, and then Blinked safely back to the Ethereal Plane.

He had to do it that way, since whatever plane he was on when he cast a spell is the plane that spell would affect.

The Death Eaters were spread around the house, to cover all approaches to it. Three of them were at the door, working on defeating the protective wards there.

Milo aimed the Acid Breath at the group of three. He'd have liked to move to the side a bit, to change the angle on the spell a bit and catch an additional target, but he didn't have time if he was to blink out again before enemy spells arrived.

So only three Death Eaters were hit, and melted down to almost nothing, leaving only their bones, by the concentrated acid spell.

One more Death Eater - the target of Mordy's Grease spell - tripped and hit the ground hard.

Just as Milo and Mordy blinked away Tom Riddle and Bellatrix LeStrange hurried around the corner of the house and launched killing curses at him.

The curses passed harmlessly through the spot where Milo had been, and still appeared to be, but Bellatrix, who had been to his universe and so knew the kinds of abilities and limitations Milo had, figured it out.

"Wait my lord," she advised Riddle. "Time your next spell for when he phases back in, which will be when he is ready to cast a spell at us. It will be exactly 6 seconds after the last spell he cast."

Milo could hear them just fine from the Ethereal Plane, and was concerned. He did indeed need to 'phase in' to cast spells at them. And they could possibly catch him with a spell while he was vulnerable. Bellatrix was a canny fighter and had defeated several wizards in his own universe.

But he had an idea.

Glitterdust!

He pretended to cast. He'd chosen that spell since he knew that both Riddle and Bellatrix had seen him use it in combat before.

But this time he just said the name of the spell, rather than actually trying to cast it.

The ruse worked, both of them shot killing curses at him timed to arrive as he was in the middle of casting Glitterdust.

But Milo had not 'phased in'. He didn't have to merely to speak, or even to actually cast spells - only to cast spells at enemy targets.

Immediately after those curses passed harmlessly by, Milo phased in and cast

_Fireball_

A marble-sized bead of fire flew from Milo towards his targets.

Normally it would impact and detonate into a 20 foot radius sphere of intense flame.

But Bellatrix countered it in mid-flight.

Riddle stood back up. Mordy had tripped him with a Grease spell.

They both sent a couple spells at the house to keep the occupants busy, then readied themselves to blast Milo when he next 'phased in'.

MIlo had another idea, so for his next spell he had the two Unseen Servants carry the shredded rags which had been the scarecrows to a point directly in-between him and his opponents.

Riddle and Bellatrix could see what was happening, and fired off Reducto spells which impacted on the rags and shredded them further.

That had bought Milo only a little time. And without direct line of sight he couldn't cast most attack spells either.

But he had something that fit the occasion - quick to cast and no line of sight needed.

_Create Trap_, he cast, as quietly as he could. Traps didn't work as well when your opponents knew what to expect.

He thought he'd been quiet enough, but time would tell.

While he'd been at that, Mordenkainen had cast Grease at the wand of the third opponent on this side of the house - the generic, anonymous Death Eater. The bad guy had flailed to regain a grip on the suddenly frictionless wand, with the result that it had been thrown a good distance away. The Death Eater had gone to retrieve his wand, which would have been more of a relief if he'd been more effective. But it was a minor relief.

Meanwhile, Riddle and Bellatrix made sure that trick couldn't be used again, and blasted the rags until there was nothing left but lint.

Then they readied themselves to blast Milo.

In order to try his first ruse again in a way that might work despite them having seen it before, Milo said, but did not actually attempt to cast, the names of several spells he knew.

After a couple spell names, Bellatrix must have been fooled, since she cast a killing curse at him, though she had an odd, conniving, look on her face.

Whatever the look was about, this still looked like the best chance Milo was going to get for a while, so he phased in to cast a spell himself.

Mordy phased in just before Milo and disarmed Riddle with a grease spell.

"_Evard's Black Tentac..._ \- woah, that was close. Thanks for the warning Mordy." Milo gasped.

They were safe on the Ethereal Plane again - 'phased out' you could say. But a killing curse had just missed Milo. It had come from behind and passed through the space he'd have been in if he hadn't cut short his spell and phased out. Mordy had been facing slightly to the side and had seen it coming, and sent an "Urgent Danger!" feeling of warning through their empathic link.

The Death Eater that had come up behind them had inspired the look on Bellatrix's face.

They both shuddered at how close that had been.

Meanwhile...

Fiona had moved around the side of the house until she'd found a lone attacker.

She approached as silently as she could, then suddenly put the "Death Eater" in a one-armed submission hold she'd learned in Aikido class.

"You're nicked," she said, while taking out some zip-ties with her free hand. "If you cooperate, we may go easy on you. If not, we'll throw the book at you. Take a minute and decide, but remember it makes no difference to me what you decide."

It wasn't easy using zip-ties to handcuff the bad guy while using only one hand. It was possible because she'd thought in advance to set them up as wide loops. So all she had to do was get them around his hands and pull them tight.

This she did with some satisfaction.

She then hobbled his legs with a chain made of zip ties so he couldn't run. This was important since she was in no shape, with her bad leg, to chase him. And she didn't want to lose her latest prisoner.

Having secured him, she hauled him to his feet again, said "Come on, we're going for a walk." And started them both towards the side of the house where there should be no Death Eaters.

Alecto Carrow had told her there were only 9 supposed to be at the meeting, and she had seen that many, in small groups, while she was coming around the house one way. So they'd go the other way to leave.

She wanted to get her prisoner away from the combat zone quickly.

They rounded a corner of the dark house and heard the startled exclamation

"What the... Crucio!"

Fiona fell down, experiencing worse agony than she had imagined possible. She forgot all but the pain.

Alecto Carrow came and stood over her, while maintaining the torture spell. "Filthy muggle! Did you really think that anything you muggle animals could do could actually frighten me? I see the Dark Lord do worse every day. He gets whatever he wants, and subverts the police, and the whole 'justice system' for his own purposes whenever it suits him. He is going to punish me because of you, so I'll see to it that you pay ten times what I do. I'll ask him if I can keep you. Then I'll put you in a cage so I can torture you as often as I please..."

Alecto's vicious monolog was suddenly cut off by her startled yelp.

A large black dog had come up fast, positioned itself behind her at her feet, wiggled under the skirts of her robe, and transformed back into Sirius Black.

Suddenly Carrow was sharing her formerly loose but now quite tight robe with Sirius.

The robe constricted them and constrained the movement of both.

But Sirius was stronger. He managed to march them both a few steps, rounding another corner of the house and coming into the view of a pair of Death Eaters.

He shot one with a stunning spell before Alecto thought to contest the use of his arms.

Then, since the sleeves contained both pairs of arms, the fine wand control necessary for spellcasting became impossible.

The other Death Eater reacted to the stunner and almost blasted Alecto before he recognized what was happening.

Then he tried to get around behind her so he could blast Sirius.

But Sirius could turn the pair in the robes more easily than the Death Eater could walk around them, so he stayed safe for now.

Meanwhile...

Milo had thought of another helpful thing to do.

While safe on the Ethereal Plane, he had cast Cloud of Knives. It counted as a personal 'buff' spell, and so the effect traveled with him when he Blinked from plane to plane. Better still, the spell was worded in such a way that Mordy could use the Share Spells feature and consequently had his own cloud of knives hovering around him.

Each of them could fire one knife per round at any target, and it didn't take an 'action' to do so. So they could keep casting spells, while firing knives as well.

That had significantly altered the effective stalemate they'd had over timing, where both sides kept each-others full attention occupied, but Riddle and Bellatrix kept coming closer and closer to hitting Milo when he Blinked in to cast spells.

Riddle had cast serpensortia, summoning a serpent which he commanded to wait by Milo's feet and bite him when he phased in.

The need to take out the snake while still doing other things had given Milo the idea to cast Cloud of Knives.

Riddle, on seeing the knives come into existence while three killing curses passed harmlessly through Milo, declared, "That's enough! Milo, I command you to kill yourself."

That command had been an irresistable compulsion once before, and would have finished Milo but for the intervention of Sirius Black.

But that occasion was after Voldemort had arranged for an exception for himself in Milo's Amulet of Protection from Evil.

Milo's current Amulet had no such security flaw.

So he was immune to the compulsion.

But he knew that one of the biggest mistakes you can make is to hand over valuable information to the enemy, especially while in combat with him.

So Milo faked it.

He pretended to be fearfully fighting against the compulsion, while backing away from Riddle.

Milo had no ranks in the Bluff skill, but sometimes people believe what they want to believe regardless.

So Riddle advanced and repeated himself.

That was as predictable as water running downhill - if you retreat from a predator, it will see you as prey.

So Milo led Riddle right into the trigger zone for the trap he'd magically created a while back.

-thwip- -thwip- -thwip- -thwip- -thwip-

Five blowgun darts from the Fusillade of Darts trap hit Riddle all over.

It wasn't enough to kill him, but he would need to spend some time in a hospital or equivalent.

Taking advantage of the excellent distraction, Milo and Mordy Blinked in.

Each of them launched a knife from the Cloud of Knives hovering around him.

Bellatrix was the target, but she shot them down with Reducto spells while they were still inbound.

Fragments of steel from the blasted knives scattered all around.

But while she was busy, Mordy cast Grease on Riddle, causing him to fall and drive some of the blowgun darts deeper into his flesh.

And, rightly supposing that being wounded would anger Riddle, and knowing that angry people act hastily and make poor choices, Milo took the opportunity to try another idea he'd had.

_Translocation Trick_

He cast it as quietly as he could, so as not to give the enemy any clues, and targeted a Death Eater who'd just come into view around the side of the house as Milo had been backing away.

That Death Eater and Milo changed places and appearances.

Illusions made the Death Eater look like Milo, and Milo look like the Death Eater.

The illusions were very convincing, but Milo had still wanted to time it for when there was a distraction, since Bellatrix and Riddle had been watching him very closely.

The Death Eater who had unexpectedly changed places with Milo stood bemused for a moment, trying to figure out what had happened.

It was long enough for Riddle to hit him with a killing curse.

The fake Milo fell over dead, and lay still while an angry Riddle ranted at him about the foolishness of opposing the great Lord Voldemort.

Milo, out of sight of Bellatrix and appearing to be a Death Eater anyway, took the time to cast Summon Swarm.

The spell took an entire 6 second round to cast, but it seemed like a good one for the situation.

While he was casting it, he observed the struggle between Sirius and Carrow.

Those two were stumbling around, fighting for control of their shared robes.

And the robes were losing.

Small tears had appeared in the fabric.

They spread as the struggles continued.

Then all at once, the rips went from top to bottom and the robes failed.

Sirius stumbled backwards and tripped over a flower bush.

Carrow stumbled forwards, but recovered quickly.

As Carrow was raising her wand to kill Sirius, Milo's Swarm of summoned rats engulfed her.

She eroded like a chunk of meat thrown into a pool of pirranha.

She was eaten alive by the rats in mere seconds.

Milo, who controlled the rat swarm, got it moving towards Riddle.

He and Mordy also fired knives into the bellies of a nearby pair of Death Eaters.

Their targets were hit, and doubled over in pain.

And Mordy tripped Riddle with another Grease spell, further aggravating Riddle's wounds.

Bellatrix and others cast a variety of spells at the swarm of rats approaching their master. But while they had no problem killing individual rats, the swarm was composed of several hundred rats and kept coming unphased by the trivial losses it had taken.

Death Eaters were not used to defeat and retreat, but their losses and the unstoppable swarm had them wavering.

They'd lost 5 killed, and 3 wounded, not to mention one stunned by Sirius, another stunned by spells fired from the darkened windows of the house, and the one hog-tied by Fiona.

Of the 13 they'd started with, those were significant losses. All but Bellatrix and one other were disabled, wounded or dead.

So when Amelia Bones and Hannah suddenly Apparated in, the bad guys shouted "Aurors!", grabbed their wounded and disabled, and Apparated away in defeat.

Hannah rushed over and hugged Milo, "I'm glad to see you alive. I got help as fast as I could."

Milo dismissed the potentially dangerous swarm and replied "I was glad I didn't have a protective spell for you too, so you had to stay behind. I wanted you safe and 'not here' was the safest option."

Tonks and Remus Lupin, who had come out of the house, were having their own friendly reunion with Sirius.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 aka chapter 78

"Sirius Black, you're under arrest!" Bones shouted over the noise of the celebration, her wand aimed steadily at Sirius.

_Squeak_ Mordy responded, casting Grease via his magic necklace.

Bones' suddenly frictionless wand fell to the ground, as Milo said "I don't think I'm going to let you arrest him until you at least hear us out."

"Speak your pitch then." Bones ground out angrily.

Milo retrieved 2 vials from his Belt of Hidden Pouches. One was empty and one was full of Veritaserum.

Holding them up for Bones to see, he said "This is Veritaserum" and transferred a few drops to the empty vial, putting the full one away.

"I'm going to ask my friend Sirius Black to voluntarily take some and answer a few questions, proving his innocence. You can take the rest of the vial and test it to make sure it really is Veritaserum."

He was interrupted by a gasp from Tonks as a bloody Fiona came around the corner.

She had fallen and hit her head when Carrow had enspelled her, and the wound bled freely.

"That's Fiona," Sirius hastened to volunteer.

"She's a squib." he added, knowing how much she hated getting her memory erased.

Fiona didn't know what a "squib" was, but she knew she could trust Sirius, so she held her tongue.

She hobbled in silence over to Sirius's side.

Milo made it to Sirius about the same time and offered the Veritaserum.

Sirius took a dose and volunteered. "I am Sirius Black. I was wrongly imprisoned in Azkaban for crimes I did not commit. I have since then been blamed for other crimes I did not commit. What more did you want to hear from me?"

Bones, thinking to cut through any possible obfuscation, asked "Have you committed any crimes? And, if so, what?"

Sirius grinned, "Escaping from prison and avoiding recapture are the whole list, and you could argue that they don't count because I never should have been in prison in the first place."

"So you didn't kill Peter Pettigrew?"

"No I didn't, but I have fond thoughts about the idea. Peter is a rat animagus and is alive and well, currently masquerading as the pet rat of Ron Weasley. If he hadn't hidden himself like that, I wouldn't have gone to prison. I'd like him arrested, please."

"Well," Bones said, "This makes a big difference...Assuming this stuff really is Veritaserum."

"Thanks pretty lady." Sirius responded.

Bones wasn't sure how to respond to that, so she ignored it.

Milo hurried over to Bones with the vial.

Before handing it to her, he also took a dose and volunteered "I've been blamed for the basilisk incident at Hogwarts last year, but my only involvement there was to try to find out what was happening and to oppose it. Although technically part of me - my body - was a bit more involved, since Voldemort took it over and controlled it occasionally without my knowledge. He bragged about that later just before he killed me."

"He killed you?" Bones smiled.

"I got better." Milo responded.

Bones snorted "Clearly, whatever that is, it isn't Veritaserum. I'll prove it." She took the vial and gave herself a dose. "My name is... Amelia Bones. Huh, I can't say the silly name I intended to say. I guess it IS really Veritaserum. That means I have a lot of clean up to do."

She turned to Sirius "I'd appreciate it if you'd come give a full testimony and written statement, but I can't arrest you and make you do it."

"I'd like to get to know you better too," Sirius grinned. But first I need to drop off Fiona at the hospital. Want to come with?"

Bones nodded.

But then Aurors started popping in to take care of the crime scene.

They all had questions for Bones.

"I'll join you at Saint Mungoes in 2 minutes" she promised Sirius.

He nodded, and Apparated out with Fiona.

At the Saint Mungoes reception desk, Sirius said "I'm under Veritaserum which I took to testify to Amelia Bones. You can ask her about that in 2 minutes when she arrives. I told her Fiona here is a squib. Fiona needs treatment."

He turned to Fiona "I know you're not familiar with the procedures here at Saint Mungoes, but just cooperate with them and the helpful people here will work on getting you healed. Trust me to handle anything beyond that."

"Ok, but check in with me soon. I have a bunch of questions for you." she responded, as an orderly led her away.

Hospital staff kept him busy with questions while they waited for Amelia Bones to come and confirm what he'd said. They knew he was a wanted man, and while they didn't come out and say he wasn't free to leave, that was clear anyway.

True to her word, Bones popped in after about 2 minutes.

They wasted no time in asking "Is what this man says true?"

"Yes, everything he's just told you is true. He is under Veritaserum which I watched him take and then personally verified."

-0-0-0-

It was late as Milo and Hannah flew back to Hogwarts.

It had taken forever for the Aurors to ask all their questions, sort out the crime scene, and let them go.

During that time he had conversed with Remus and Tonks, and been surprised to discover that Remus was out of work and had no place to stay.

Since he was Sirius' best friend and expressed disappointment at missing a chance to converse with him, Milo had offered to let him stay in Bolt Hole #3, where Sirius had been staying.

Milo still had no idea where Tonks' house was, since Remus had accepted and Apparated them all away.

That worked well, since flying home from Bolt Hole #3 was almost certainly faster than flying home from wherever Tonks' house was.

It was too late at night for them to stop by the Forbidden Forest and hunt Acromantulas. That disappointed Milo, but not too much, since he was low on spells, and that fight at Tonks' house had given him a ton of XP.

He decided that he could be satisfied with that, for today.

So he clung a little more tightly to Hannah and enjoyed the ride home.

-0-0-0-

First thing in the morning, Milo sent an owl off to Cog, his Dedicated Wright. It carried Cog's next project to him and would carry Cog's recently completed project back.

Milo looked forward to receiving that.

Milo was enjoying a delicious breakfast of waffles smothered in syrup when Draco's cold angry voice behind him announced

"Speak and you're dead. Turn around slowly so I can see your face as I make you beg for mercy."

_Squeak_

Draco's wand, covered in the Grease Mordy had summoned, hit the floor.

Milo turned just enough to cast

_Baleful Polymorph_

then went back to eating his breakfast, while completely ignoring the snail Draco had become.

Soon, the Draco snail had a nice maze to deal with, as Fred and George amused themselves by pouring lines of salt in a complicated and growing pattern.

Milo was halfway to his first class when the school's post owl returned with Cog's finished project.

It was Milo's light crossbow, now enhanced with 3 spells: Guided Shot, True Strike, and Ghostly Reload, all set up with a lovely little rules exploit Milo had found.

"Use Activated" magic items turned on their own magic without taking any of their user's time to do so. The classic example is a flaming sword - it lights up when you pick it up. If it stayed flaming all the time, you couldn't sheathe it without burning the sheath and yourself.

So the crossbow was now a Use Activated magic item.

When you picked it up, that activated the Ghostly Reload, so it would load itself and not need Milo to spend a Move Action to do so.

And when you pulled the trigger, it would cast both True Strike and Guided Shot, guaranteeing you'd hit 95% of the time even if your target was in cover.

Spells were great for taking down enemies. But there were times they wouldn't work. For those times, you needed something like this - a nice normal crossbow... aided by magic of course.

It was also good to have something to fall back on if you ran out of spells - something that was less likely, but still possible, with the Reserve Feat Milo had taken.

Attached to the crossbow was a note from the Weasleys, in whose yard Cog had been staying.

It said, "Please move the mountain of cuckoo clocks your golem has been making. The pile is so big it's in the way."

Milo had an, "oh yah, I forgot about that," moment of embarrassment.

Cog had been working for most of a year on the last things he'd been assigned to make.

He'd have made 30 Amulets of Protection from Evil, and then stopped, since Milo had only pre-paid the xp costs for 30 before he'd been killed in the Chamber of Secrets.

But Cog only spent 8 hours a day making magic items, and 16 hours per day making masterwork non-magical items. Non-magic items did not take xp to make, and Milo had had a standing order in place with a local supplier for materials.

So Cog had had no reason to stop making non-magic items.

Hannah had wanted a cuckoo clock, and had shown Milo a page from a catalog showing the clock she wanted, among other things.

They'd found diagrams for the workings of such a clock, and left those and the catalog page with Cog, instructing him to "make this".

And apparently he'd made a huge pile of clocks.

Milo thought for a second, then sent off a note to Remus Lupin, via the owl, asking if he wanted a job selling clocks.

He didn't know if it would work out, but it was worth a try.

Shortly thereafter, Milo settled down in his first class and took out some books. They didn't have anything to do with the class. They were just random books from the school's library. But three or more books from a magical library counted for doing spell research. He need not consult them - just think about the spell he was 'researching' while 'in a magical library'. That way the time he spent in class counted as time researching his next spell.

It wasn't like he needed to pay much attention in class anyway, since the local spells were not usable by him whether he got the wand movements and words right or not.

It was Monday and his classes were over by early afternoon. He happily spent all of them in 'spell research'.

Then he and Mordenkainen 'geared up' for battle, and went for a walk.

He could have summoned a Phantom Steed and ridden instead of walking, but he wanted all his spells available in the event of a fight.

And he wanted his Teleport spell available in the event the fight went badly and he had to disengage.

He'd resolved to take the fight to the enemy, rather that let them continue to operate against him while he's distracted by other things.

And it was clear that the plot had set up the Death Eaters, headed by Lucius Malfoy and now Bellatrix LeStrange as well, as the main opponents. With Voldemort as the big bad end guy.

Milo knew exactly one place where he could find them - Malfoy Manor, the site of two previous fights with them.

So he was headed there.

He realized they would not likely all be congregated there again whenever he happened to show up.

But that would be fine.

He would take on whomever did happen to be there, and thus chip away at their strength.

He mused that it would probably be Bellatrix, since she was wanted by law enforcement and thus had to hide out. The others presumably had places to be and things to do during the day.

That was why Milo was going in the middle of the day - Bellatrix was the biggest threat, and as such, best assaulted when others were least likely to be there to support her.

As he walked, he had his and Mordy's Unseen Servants carrying his 'magical library', and he thought about Ray Deflection, so it counted as spell research time.

But after passing the village of Hogsmeade and just before Malfoy Manor came into view, it was time to get serious.

He had the Unseen Servants put away the books.

Then he cast Invisibility on himself and started running. He ran the last little way so that he would have as much of Invisibility's duration left as possible once he got there.

He ran right up to the front door and tried the knob.

Sure enough, it was as he'd supposed for people with powerful magic at their disposal, plus killer minions, bribed government officials and protective wards. Those people tended not to bother with locking their doors. They trusted in those other things instead.

Malfoy probably thought nobody dared burgle someone as powerful as Lucius was. And even if they were so inclined, the protective wards would keep them out.

That was part of why Milo had walked - these people Apparated, or flew on broomsticks, or used the Floo network, or used Port Keys to get around. They didn't even consider walking.

That was a blindspot to them, and so less likely to be warded.

But that was just in case.

Milo had also noticed that, just as the local magic didn't work for him, the local wards didn't always work on him. They apparently were looking for targets such as he was not - probably the presence of the local magic, he supposed.

In any case, he was able to simply turn the knob and walk right in.

It was a large manor, and he explored very cautiously, since it would be a big advantage to surprise Bellatrix, if he could.

He knew his way around, to some degree, from his previous visits here, which helped speed the search.

He was looking for Bellatrix, not loot, so he ignored all the valuables, for now.

When they neared the dining room - the same large room he'd entered when he'd first been brought to this universe - Mordy stopped him.

"Boss, Bellatrix is in that room. I can smell her," the rat whispered in Milo's ear.

Milo retreated down the hall. He quietly closed himself in a small bedroom, then packed bedding around the door to muffle any sound.

He took several weapons out of his Belt of Hidden Pouches, then cast several spells as quietly as he could.

His Invisibility spell wore off while he was casting other spells.

When ready, he hurried back down the hall and kicked in the dining room door.

Or rather, the Dire Ape he'd summoned kicked in the door for him.

After it, hurried a Skeletal Troll, and a Celestial Bison, with a Rat Swarm just behind them.

Bellatrix, canny old warrior that she was, reacted instantly.

In Milo's terminology, she won initiative.

With amazing rapidity, 2 killing curses and a Reducto took down the Dire Ape, Celestial Bison and Skeletal Troll respectively.

Then, by the time Milo could respond, he too was hit by a killing curse, along with three of the five duplicates provided by Mirror Image, and the 2 scarecrows dressed like him and standing in the doorway with him.

Or, Milo would have been hit if Greater Blink hadn't saved him.

As soon as he could act, Milo and Mordy phased in and launched every attack they could as fast as they could.

They knew Bellatrix had experience, from when she was in their universe, with fighting against their style of magic. She'd never lost because she could act faster, and 'out of turn', and knew and took advantage of that fact.

So Milo had prepared to 'swamp her defenses'. She could take on a few targets in rapid succession, so Milo provided many targets - each enough of a threat to demand to be dealt with.

He hadn't expected the Dire Ape, Celestial Bison etc to get through. But if they had, they were very capable of dishing out significant damage to Bellatrix.

So it was with the other threats, all of which came as simultaneously as Milo could manage.

Knives flew at Bellatrix from the clouds around Milo and Mordy.

They got blasted out of the air by Reducto spells.

Both scarecrows took out swords and advanced on Bellatrix.

They met the same response, Bellatrix having observed that killing curses didn't stop them.

They could not have actually attacked - the Unseen Servants were just 'carrying this to that person, point first'. But Bellatrix could not know that.

A five foot diameter sphere of flame rolled toward Bellatrix and touched her.

But she had first cast Freezing Flame.

The swarm of rats surged forward and occupied Bellatrix's space.

But she'd had time to summon a flying broom and mount it.

She hovered above the floor, out of reach of the seething mass of rats.

Mordy launched an explosive knut at her.

She detonated it prematurely, harmlessly wasting it's explosion in flight midway between both sides.

_Telekinesis_!

There were 10 long swords which the Skeletal Troll had dropped at the door as the assault began.

Milo telekinetically lifted them, and flung them hard at Bellatrix.

She managed to shoot almost half of them down.

But that wasn't enough.

She fell dead, impaled by half a dozen long swords.

Milo let out an explosive sigh of relief.

Then for the next 30 seconds he sent one Storm Bolt after another into her corpse, accompanied by daggers from the clouds of knives, just to be sure.

There was no way he was going to fall for the classic 'play dead' trick.

No wounded person was going to stab *him* after tricking him into dropping his guard.

No way.

Big boss bad guys always had tricks like that.

He fired off another couple Storm Bolts.

After all those Storm Bolts, the corpse was basically a cinder.

Milo prodded it with his quarterstaff until it broke it into a powder.

"Ok," he sighed, "Now I believe she's really dead. So. It's time to collect the loot. And she sure looks like she has a lot."

Normal, non-magical clothes had been destroyed by all the miniature lightning bolts.

But a surprising amount of material had not.

Most noticeable was the belt Bellatrix had been wearing.

It was huge, ornate, covered in gems, gold, and other precious metals.

It was a Belt of Magnificence - a major magic item from Milo's own universe.

Milo knew she had been accumulating Philosopher's Stones there as part of the efforts of Voldemort's followers to bring him back.

Apparently that was not all she had collected.

Two documents lay on the table where Bellatrix had been sitting, next to a sack that Milo now recognized as a Bag of Holding.

That magical bag was open, and the vast amount of material it held was apparently in the act of being sorted into one of two piles on the table.

Milo picked up the first document. It contained descriptions of various magic items from Milo's world. It was apparently written for Bellatrix by a minion, since among the summaries of uses, capabilities, and drawbacks, there was quite a lot of wording that Milo would describe as "boot-licking".

The second document was a simple list.

Bellatrix had been going down the list and noting, next to each item, one of two things: "this works" or "this is junk."

It was a long list and she hadn't yet tested most of the things on it.

"This works" was noted next to the magic items he found she had actually been wearing: the Belt of Magnificence +6, Robe of Eyes, Robe of Scintillating Colors, which she'd worn as a cloak, and a Ring of Regeneration.

In Milo's universe, magic items were always masterwork, and made of the finest materials.

But that didn't mean the styles matched.

For instance, the Robe of Scintillating Colors looked like it belonged to a carnival barker - as 'loud' as it could be with bold and dramatic colors on every inch of it.

But the Robe of Eyes had gone for a dignified look - simple black silk highlighted tastefully with silver and pearls.

And they both clashed with the "over the top" dedication to "bling" that was the Belt of Magnificence. It looked like a very rich king with no taste whatsoever had been trying to prove how wealthy he was, by wearing as much of it as he could.

And so on.

It could have been worse. In the bag were several items Bellatrix had not yet tested, but would have probably been wearing if she had, and which found new ways to clash.

For instance, there was a Helm of Brilliance - an over the top silvered crown with 100 spikes each topped with a gem and all of it magically lit up.

And there was a Staff of Power made in an Aztec style - it looked like one large snake with other snakes coiling around it, all of which had multicolored feathered wings. The whole of it was then decorated with sprays of extra feathers. It was all done in bright colors with plenty of rubies and emeralds as decorations.

Next to that was a pair of Anklets of Translocation, which seemed to have been made for a young girl. They were made all of rare furs, and were sickeningly cute, with multiple types of fur used to make patterns showing small furry animals frolicking.

Then there was a Strand of Prayer Beads, apparently made by the worshippers of a deity of death or destruction. The beads were miniature skulls carved from green and white jade, and in the eye sockets were little magical green fires.

Milo was completely unconscious of clashing styles. He saw only the bonuses the items gave, and those were significant.

He started donning the goodies, beginning with the Belt of Magnificence, and snorted as he saw what was in the "junk" pile.

It contained a fortune of excellent magic items, varying from just very valuable to absurdly valuable, which would not have worked for Bellatrix given her different style of magic.

There were Rings of Wizardry, Spellbooks, a full set of every kind of Pearl of Power from level one through nine, a full set of Metamagic Rods, a Staff of Life, and much more.

Milo could have spent hours going through the loot, but he was rudely interrupted by an attack.

With no warning, four killing curses hit the scarecrow Milo had by the east doorway.

When he'd seen that there was loot, he'd realized he would be distracted. So he had sent one Unseen Servant, each with a fresh scarecrow from his Belt of Hidden Pouches, to each doorway and told them to shuffle around like a bored guard.

He didn't want to leave himself open to surprises.

He was too experienced an adventurer for that.

He was glad he'd been careful. His Mirror Images and Greater Blink had long since run out their durations.

He could have been killed by just one hit.

The scarecrow had not been killed as his opponents probably expected, so it was no surprise when they tried other spells. The scarecrow was quickly torn apart.

Milo picked up a Metamagic Rod of Chain Spell from the pile of loot, then murmered,

_Invisibility_.

He'd cast enough spells already that he had to use a Pearl of Power to cast Invisibility. But he had one so why not? Heck, now he had several.

In any case, the bad guys could not target what they could not see, so it was worth doing.

The Unseen Servants had time to carry the remaining scarecrow to a better position, and to pick up a sword and carry it point first towards the door the Death Eaters would come in.

The Death Eaters's secret to success was sudden overwhelming firepower. They typically attacked in numbers and did not hesitate to use maximum violence.

True to form, all four rushed in together blasting every possible threat as they went.

Milo and Mordy were invisible, and not near any likely target. So they were spared.

But the scarecrow and the sword that appeared to be animated and heading towards the bad guys both got thoroughly blasted.

Milo was glad he hadn't gone with the idea of trying a Translocation Trick with just the right timing.

While his four opponents were still together, Milo acted.

Figuring that they could not likely locate him just from sound, he indulged a whim and shouted "Eat hot flaming Death!", before casting

_Chain Kelgore's Fire Bolt_

Chain Spell made copies of a single-target spell. Up to one copy per level. Each hit a different target. So all the Death Eaters were hit.

But only three of them burned to death.

The fourth had had the presence of mind to think about what was being said, and quickly apply the fire-immunity charm to himself.

He turned and saw the now-visible Milo and quickly raised his wand to kill him.

_Squeak!_

Mordenkainen the rat had seen the danger and readied an action to Grease the Death Eater's wand. It fell out of the bad-guy's hand, and the bad guy scrambled to pick it up.

But it remained Greased and frictionless for 6 seconds, which was long enough for Milo to act again.

_Storm Bolt_

The electrified bad guy fell over dead, and Milo breathed a sigh of relief.

While having the Unseen Servants put all the loot he wasn't already wearing back into the Bag of Holding, Milo said, "Thanks Mordy. If you hadn't disarmed him, I could be dead right now - just because I couldn't resist the opportunity to taunt them. Not that taunting them gives me any bonuses or anything. It was stupid. All it did was give them some warning they shouldn't have had."

"Hey boss, don't worry - we're a team. I've got your back."

"True, but still - thanks." Milo responded.

"In my defense, I've been wanting to do that particular taunt ever since I learned that these idiots call themselves 'Death Eaters'. I can't count how often I've heard someone yell something like 'eat this' as they delivered a powerful attack of some type. I mean, do they just not have that phrase in this universe, or did they actually mean to call themselves 'targets'?"

He snorted "So unless we run across a powerful secret terrorist death cult that calls themselves 'dirt nappers' or 'corpse candidates' or 'pop-up targets' or 'disposable mooks;, I think I will be able to resist that particular mistake again."

The Unseen Servants had been going through the pockets of the fallen enemies, gathering loot while Milo talked.

But at the sound of multiple not-quite-stealthy footfalls in the hallway, Milo had them return, grabbing Bellatrix's bones on the way.

Then he _Teleported _home.

He'd used up many of his spells, and all of his defensive spells. So any new fight carried unnecessary risk.

Furthermore, he'd reached 11th level, and needed some time to make the choices that went with that.

The 6th level of Rainbow Servant was a nice one. It gave him an extra point in each of the 3 types of saves, as well as an extra point of attack bonus, though no special abilities or feats.

He also gained the ability to cast 6th level spells.

This was a big deal. There were some powerful spells at that level, making it difficult to choose just two.

If there were a list of 6th level spells that nobody in their right mind would be without, it would contain at least ten entries.

But that was both good and bad.

Bad, because he could only choose two.

Good, because the spellbooks among the loot from Bellatrix almost certainly contained most or all of the list.

It wasn't easy to prepare a spell from a spellbook that was not yours.

But he'd done it often enough with Thamior's spellbook that it was second nature now.

So before choosing, Milo needed to check over the new spellbooks.

He spread the books out on the table of the unused room at Hogwarts he was currently using as a bedroom, and looked them over.

A few minutes' examination showed that, apart from other books like magical research texts, he had five new spellbooks.

One came from a school of magic and contained every low-level spell he'd ever heard of, and several he hadn't.

One came from a library, and had all the commonly known spells at every level.

And the last three had apparently been commissioned by Bellatrix, one each from 3 different wizards, to fill in any gaps the first two had.

Those 5 books by themselves were enough treasure to make him giddy.

They also made it easy to choose his two new spells - since all the important ones were there, he chose spells he expected to cast often. That would save a little on spell preparation time.

So for his two new spells, he chose Freezing Glance and Prismatic Eye. Each were in the category of "cast it once, use it all battle" like Cloud of Knives. And each effectively gave him another action each turn, as their respective gaze attacks were Free Actions, meaning you could do them for free.

Milo was just settling down to some serious reading when an owl arrived with a message.

It said,

Milo - great idea. Thanks. I accept. Let's meet in Hogsmeade this afternoon to discuss it. Send the bird back with a reply. I will come get you if agreeable.

Remus Lupin.

P.S. Sirius wants in too


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 aka chapter 79

It took Milo a minute to remember he'd asked Remus if he wanted a job selling Cuckoo clocks. Much had happened since then.

He sighed and closed the books. He had more important things on his agenda for today anyway.

He wanted an uninterrupted block of 8 hours to craft a magic item before he had to go to bed, but there was enough time for that plus the meeting Remus wanted, if he hurried.

So he wrote back,

Sure, let's meet asap. I have a busy evening planned.

Milo

He sent the bird off, then made sure to take care of a chore before he forgot or it became too late.

Bellatrix had collected several Philosopher's Stones, as well as other ways to revive the dead. Some, like the Staff of Life, would only revive folks who had been dead for a week or so. That one wouldn't work for Bellatrix anyway - it required someone who could cast Clerical spells within Milo's type of magic. But some, like the Philosopher's Stones themselves would work just fine if prepared properly. And Bellatrix had brought back instructions as well as all the other necessary things.

Milo could not be sure he had *all* of the loot Bellatrix had brought back. If she had distributed some to others, such as to Riddle himself, then she could potentially be brought back from the dead.

Milo didn't want to fight her again.

But he knew things the other side didn't know, including the fact that no variation of raising the dead worked if that dead person's body had been animated as undead.

Which was why he'd brought back Bellatrix's bones.

He cast

_Animate Dead_

And Bellatrix's skeleton stood up and awaited his orders.

Skeletons were kind of icky, but nowhere near as icky as the rotting yet mobile corpses that were zombies.

Still, he didn't want students and professors giving him grief about it. And he hadn't animated her to do anything in particular - just to prevent her from being revived.

So he ordered her to get in the Bag of Holding and await further orders.

Now, if anyone tried to bring her back from the dead using magic from Milo's universe, the attempt would simply fail. Maybe then they'd decide that Milo's type of magic was "junk" and stop trying.

Regardless, nobody could revive her while Milo had her animated. And she'd stay animated indefinitely.

While Milo was still thinking about that, Sirius arrived to take him to the meeting in Hogsmeade with Remus.

He gave Milo a funny look, but said nothing.

In no time, they were walking in to the small town's tavern - the Three Broomsticks.

As Milo entered a hush fell on the formerly noisy room.

It took him a moment to notice it.

Then he looked around and asked, "What?"

Sirius guffawed, "Have you any idea how you look? It's like you stumbled, drunk, into a costume shop, and put on major costume pieces for a barbarian warrior, young girl, witchdoctor, knight, clown, courtesan, death cultist, and kings from 3 drastically different cultures. You clash like nobody has ever clashed before!"

"Have you any idea how many significant bonuses I get from all these 'costume pieces'?" Milo responded. "The super shiny bejeweled helmet alone could take down everyone in the room with a single action of just one of its major functions."

"Maybe, but it's not polite to say so. It could make people nervous if they didn't know you as well as I do." Sirius responded as he hustled him over to Remus' table.

"If you don't want people to avoid you, rob you, or generally treat you funny, you'll want to cover up those gaudy trappings you've got on.""

Milo nodded and made a mental note to look into a Hat of Disguise, or better yet, a non-hat variant. Disguise Self would do it for just under 2 hours per casting, twice that if he used one of the Metamagic Rods of Extend Spell, but he would still want something more lasting than that. He wasn't going to give up his new magic items for anything, but would rather avoid the social costs they apparently brought with them.

"So," Remus asked, getting down to business, and not coincidentally changing the awkward subject, "What about this job?"

Milo had thought about this on the way over. "I rent a shop, and set you up with initial funds and merchandise. You and Sirius do all the work - advertising, selling, bookkeeping, etc. We split the profits evenly. How's that sound?"

"No complicated contracts to keep it all honest? Most people here would freak out at such a straightforward deal," Remus remarked.

"Where I come from, deals are simple, honesty and fidelity are checked via magic every so often, and duels to the death result from dishonesty."

Remus frowned, "No job is worth the risk of death."

"No." Milo responded, "Duelling doesn't come up for mere misunderstandings and disagreements - only for intentional abuse, cheating, cover-ups and things like that."

Sirius interjected, "Milo is a good sort and isn't going to try to kill us over a pricing disagreement or lost item. He's just pointing out the bald reality underlying all systems, even our own - if folks work to destroy you, it is natural to respond in-kind. We use the courts to try to destroy the other guy, but it's the same idea. Actually," he scratched his chin, "the courts frequently end up destroying both sides - with lawyer costs and delays. So his approach may be better. That's something to think about..."

Milo changed the subject by talking about the clock they'd be selling. It was about head-sized, made of hardwood, carved with birds, run by internal clockwork, and powered by weights carved like pinecones and hanging below it. The weights would have to be pulled up higher every few days.

Every hour a small carved bird would pop out and cuckoo a number of times to match the hour - up to 12 times at noon. It would also cuckoo once at each half-hour.

It had a third hand which did not move from where you pointed it. It was for the alarm clock function. When the time on the clock matched the third hand, the clock would cuckoo in a differnt sort of way.

The whole clock was very ornate, with every inch of it carved or decorated in some way.

Remus and Sirius wanted to see it, and apparated them all to the unused back part of the Weasley's yard where Cog worked.

Cog, a simple golem, didn't even look up from the catalog page Hannah had given Milo.

He was sitting at the edge of an enormous pile of clocks which somebody had covered with a tarp to protect them from the elements.

Sirius peeled back the tarp and whisted, "There's a lot more here than just one type of clock."

A little investigation revealed that Cog was making everything on that catalog page.

Milo shrugged. "I told him to "Make this.' and pointed at the one clock. Apparently he took that more broadly than I meant it."

There were six variations of cuckoo clock on the page and in the pile, as well as two wind-up music boxes.

One music box was round and had a ballerina spinning around on top as it played music.

The other was shaped like a bird and played songs similar to bird songs.

The cuckoo clocks included four variations on bird themes, one that had a chittering squirrel popping out of a hollow tree trunk, and one that was flower themed, with flowers opening and revealing buzzing bees.

There was also a small pile of thirty Amulets of Protection from Evil.

While looking it all over and talking about it, it became clear that both Sirius and Remus thought it would work.

They discussed all the details of the store they would have, and what they would need to get started, as well as what other kinds of things they could sell.

At last they gathered up some samples, nodded to the house where nobody currently seemed to be at home, and Apparated back to Hogsmeade.

Milo, had taken the advice of the others and cast Disguise Self to hide all the gold, jewels, etc., he was wearing. They made a good point that showing such things was likely to affect the price of any place they could rent.

In short order they had rented a house and worked out a and Sirius set about setting the house up as a store - Cog's Cuckoo Clearinghouse - and stocking it.

Milo had to remind them to drop him off back at school.

The venture had cost Milo most of his remaining proceeds from selling Acromantula venom, but it was worth it to see his friend Sirius go from refugee to entrepreneur. And they may actually make some money from selling clocks too. Remus and Sirius had certainly talked about ideas in a very animated way.

Milo mused about that while spending a happy afternoon and evening making a magic item - an armband that could continuously cover him with a Disguise Self spell.

It was late by the time it was done. And while Milo itched to hunt more Acromantulas, he realized there was no hurry - they'd still be there tomorrow when he hadn't already used most of his spells for the day.

With that thought, he took off the Ring of Regeneration he'd been wearing and went looking through the loot for Rings of Wizardry.

He'd been in a hurry at the time, or there was no reason he'd have ever bothered with a Ring of Regeneration.

Oh, sure, they sounded great. But their major effects only came into play if you were wearing them at the time of limb loss or organ damage, which were both ridiculously rare anyway. The healing effect from the ring was slow, and the ring was expensive - it cost about a hundred times as much as a Healing Belt, which did a better job anyway.

Milo had found a Healing Belt among the loot too, but would continue wearing the Belt of Magnificence instead - the 6 point bonus to all his basic stats was just too good to miss.

He found the Rings of Wizardry he sought and put on a Type 3 and a Type 4, giving him four extra spell slots for level 3, and three extra of level 4 spells.

He let out a small "humph" sound as he saw a package of small ingots - samples of rare materials including mithril, adamantine, **thinaum**, aurorum, blue ice, darkwood, and wildwood.

He made a mental note to find uses for them later, then closed the loot bag and got back to what he'd been doing.

He spent a few minutes looking at spell books, filling his new spell slots.

Then he made some Secret Page traps - two pictures hiding Explosive Runes, and two hiding Sepia Snake Sigil.

He hung the pictures on the wall with the Stick cantrip.

Then he cast Contingency and set it up to cast Displacement on him if the words Avada Kedavara were spoken in his vicinity. It wasn't a perfect defense - only giving him a 50% chance that anything targeted at him would miss - but it was better than nothing. At caster level 12 he would be able to make a Contingent Dimension Door, and teleport hundreds of feet away from danger.

Then he used his last 6th level spell for the day to cast Shalantha's Delicate Disk, and store in it a Greater Blink spell. The one foot diameter, inch thick disk was made of pink eggshell, and would release the spell when broken.

He planned to hang it around his neck, down under his robes, and fall on it if he needed Greater Blink unexpectedly.

Falling was a free action, and in combat every action mattered.

It wasn't something he could use often, since it cost 200 gold pieces to cast Shalantha's Delicate Disk. But it was very good to have some "just in case" things in place for emergencies.

It was late and he needed to go to bed, so what better time to cast

_Nightmare_

The spell worked on a named sleeping target at any distance, and gave him a restless night full of nightmares. The nightmares were severe enough to cause a little internal bleeding. They also prevented Milo's type of spellcaster from regaining spells the next morning, but Milo didn't suppose that would make any difference to local casters.

The spell let the caster choose what the nightmares were about.

Thamior had used it on him to brag and taunt.

Milo thought that was a waste of time. He set these nightmares to play on the theme of betrayal - all night long Tom Riddle would dream about Lucius Malfoy betraying him and the need to destroy him before he could do much damage.

The spell did not have any ability to compel actions, but Milo figured that, given Riddle's personality, there was a chance he'd act on the nightmares.

The attempt cost Milo nothing and would at least cost Riddle some sleep, which might slow him down.

It was with that happy thought in mind that Milo went to sleep.

-0-0-0-

On the way to breakfast the next morning, Milo was just passing the trophy room when Mordy casually mentioned "McGonagall is coming. I recognize her smell anywhere."

That gave Milo an idea.

He quickly cast

_Invisibility_,

on himself, then

_Minor Image_.

With the Minor Image spell, he made an illusion of Draco Malfoy.

As McGonagall rounded the corner and came into view of the trophy room, Milo had the illusionary Draco sitting on the House Cup with his pants down with a look on his face like he was straining at something. The visual was accompanied by the sound of a long juicy fart.

"Stop that this instant!" a horrified McGonagall screeched. She charged into the room and Milo had the illusory Draco flee out the far door so that McGonagall briefly lost sight of him, during which time he dismissed the illusion.

McGonagall charged out the far door of the trophy room and down a hall, calling out demands and threats the whole while.

Milo went a good way down his own hallway before dismissing his Invisibility, then proceeded on to breakfast, whistling a happy tune. He made one quick side trip, to send an owl off to Cog with his next project and bring back the completed one.

In a way, Draco still disturbed Milo's breakfast.

Hannah was happily telling him all the latest news about Snape getting out of the hospital, when an excited Neville rushed up to tell them about Draco.

He described, in loving detail, all that he'd heard about how McGonagall had burst into the Slytherin common room, grabbed Draco and sentanced him to punishment duty: starting immediately he was to scrub, until immaculate, every trophy or trophy-like item in the entire castle.

It was expected to take weeks.

When the other Slytherins protested that he'd been there with them the whole time, she'd dismissed it with a comment about this not being the first time Slytherins had given each-other false alibis. Then she docked House Slytherin 50 points.

The whole room was abuzz with the news. They chatted about it through most of breakfast, then got back to the news of Snape.

The hospital had finally cured him, both of the physical mutations - the last three tentacles had been tricky to get rid of - and the mental problem: Snape no longer thought he was a potato.

But when a government official had dropped by to congratulate Snape on his recovery, Snape had insulted him terribly.

And when the shocked official, unsure how to respond, ignored it and commented that he was sure Snape would be eager to get back to being Headmaster, Snape had given him an earful. He'd gone on at length about how he despised all kids and only even worked at Hogwarts so he could spy on Dumbledore for Voldemort. He volunteered that he hated the school and would not have accepted the Headmaster position except Voldemort had asked him to, since it was a position with great influence.

This sparked an investigation and Snape was currently in Auror custody answering questions.

He was no longer Headmaster. And the hospital determined that Snape had drunk so much Veritaserum that he could never lie again, nor even resist volunteering truths he would rather conceal.

It was all so interesting that Milo almost forgot to give Hannah her Cuckoo clock.

He remembered just as it was time to go to class.

He retrieved it from his Belt of Hidden Pouches and handed it to Hannah. "Sorry this is late. You asked for it last year, but it wasn't completed before I got killed."

This got him a big, lasting hug and lots of crying, which was confusing. Girls were a mystery to him.

He was almost late for class.

Once again, he only paid minimal attention in class while really doing spell research. But he was no longer researching Ray Deflection. He'd found that in the library spellbook he got from Bellatrix.

It was one of the spells he'd prepared this morning.

So now he was researching a new spell.

The Psionics of Milo's world had a Power - their equivalent of spells - called Psychic Reformation. It allowed choices made at level-up time to be re-made. So if you'd chosen a feat or skill etc that you later wanted to switch for something else, you could.

There was not currently a Wizard spell that did the same thing, so Milo was researching one.

Classes for the day positively flew by.

Towards the end of his last class, Milo turned to Hannah and asked "Do you know where I can get a wig and maybe a mask, or fake head, or something to go with it?"

A puzzled Hannah replied, "Why would you need that? You already have the magic thingy for disguising yourself that you showed me when I asked why you looked different than you felt when I hugged you."

"So I can look like I'm sleeping in my bed when I'm really elsewhere. All day long there has been one Slytherin or another watching me. There aren't many possible explanations for that. I figure they want to find out which unused Hogwarts room I'm currently sleeping in so they, or others, can do something to me while I sleep. The best defense is to not be where they think I am."

Hannah took that in, then nodded and said, "I have a friend who, for fun, fiddles around at being a hairdresser. She has several wigs and some lifesized heads made of foam to rest the wigs on while she plays with the hairstyles. I'm sure she'll loan me a couple. We can even make the foam look real by applying makeup. How does that sound?"

"Just as awesomely helpful as I could hope for from the most wonderful girl in the world." Milo replied.

For some reason, Hannah blushed.

They made arrangements, and then Milo hurried off to get blasted by Neville.

As he entered his room, he saw that there was a Slytherin watching him.

He put that out of his mind for now and greeted Neville, who'd been waiting for him.

"Ready?"

_Ray Deflection_

"Ok, now I'm ready. Go ahead like we talked about."

Neville started casting.

Stupefy

Expellaramus

Petrificus Totallis

Riddikulus

And whatever else they could think of that wouldn't cause real damage.

After each one, they verified that it had not gone wrong in any way, yet had also not affected Milo at all.

Milo got more and more gleeful as the testing went on. Eventually, he even had Neville try a Reducto. That also got harmlessly deflected.

"Wow! That's an awesome defensive spell you have there!" an excited Neville exclaimed.

"Yup, I can't be hurt by most of this universe's spells... for all of 11 minutes. Unless they summon a snake, or blast the ceiling above me to drop rubble on me, or something else not directed right at me. And I can do it once per day, or twice if I put it in two spell slots." He sighed. "Yes it's nice, but I often wish that spell durations were longer. And this is one of the better ones - it lasts ten times as long as most."

He paused. "By the way, don't tell anyone those weaknesses. I'm sure I don't need to point that out."

Neville agreed and they commiserated about life's viccitudes for 5 minutes before Neville had to go off and do homework.

Milo mostly didn't bother with homework anymore. He did just enough to not get kicked out of school.

He had other plans for his afternoon.

He was going to get some xp and reduce overall danger levels by chipping away at the enemy's force.

He was headed back to Malfoy Manor, which the enemy had always reliably showed up to defend..

He'd considered sending Neville off immediately after the testing they'd done, so he'd still have the maximum possible duration left on his Ray Deflection.

But he was learning more about being sociable.

And a little math about the distances said there was no need.

If he walked, he wouldn't get there in time either way.

He could Teleport, but could also get there in plenty of time on a Phantom Steed, which was two levels lower and so preserved his overall power better.

He would arrive with only a couple minutes of Ray Deflection left, but most fights were over in under 30 seconds anyway, where he came from.

As Milo galloped his Phantom Steed past Hogsmeade and up the road towards Malfoy Manor, he reviewed his plans and resources.

Most of his new magic items from the Bellatrix loot remained in their Bag of Holding. He just hadn't had time to look them over.

Of the items he was wearing, they largely did one of two things - provide constant bonuses of some type, like the Belt of Magnificence, or provide some potent ability, which could be used up. The Staff of Power, for example, had several useful spells it could cast, but only had 50 charges when brand new. He hadn't yet determined how many this one had left. When its 50 charges were used up, the staff was nearly useless. So he wanted to keep it as an emergency backup, not use it for day to day things.

Between his gaining levels, and things like Rings of Wizardry, he now had more spells on tap than ever. That should do the job without having to resort to using up charges from the Staff of Power or Helm of Brilliance.

Just before they got within sight of Malfoy Manor, Mordy cast a Silent Image from his new magic item: a set of bracers for his rear-legs which Cog had made him and the owl delivered between classes. Mordy made an illusion of several additional Milos accompanying the real one. The plan was for him to maintain it through the whole fight, assuming there was a fight. The spell lasted as long as the caster concentrated, which precluded other activities except walking and talking, but he could alter the image while it lasted.

The whole group of Milos, real and illusionary, rode right up to the door of Malfoy Manor, dismissed their Steeds, and walked right in.

The moment they entered, a new alarm ward started insistently ringing a bell.

Milo had no doubt that he would be in a fight momentarily, so he started casting spells as he moved.

He made it as far as

_Mirror Image_

and

_Cloud of Knives_

when four voices from down the hall behind him, all said Avada Kedavara more or less at the same time.

Milo couldn't tell whether they'd been hiding in a room until he'd passed by, or had just Apparated in.

Either way, their spells triggered Milo's Contingency and his form started shifting and wavering as the Displacement spell took effect, bending light and making him appear to be about 2 feet away from where he actually was.

With 6 copies of Milo provided by Miror Image, 5 more from Mordy's Silent Image illusion, and the real Milo not where he seemed to be, it was amazing that one of the killing curses actually hit Milo - or would have if not for Ray Deflection.

"That's great boss - a successful test." Mordy squeaked in the language only he and Milo could understand.

Milo ignored him and cast

_Mestil's Acid Breath_

bathing the entire hallway, including Death Eaters, in a blast of extremely corrosive acid vapor.

The bad guys died and the hallway was severely damaged.

Milo went down the undamaged part and entered a spacious trophy room.

It had twin rows of pillars supporting the ceiling and alcoves along both walls, which contained such things as statues and suits of armor, with benches or chests before them so folks could sit and appreciate them.

Milo had time to cast

_Prismatic Eye_

before Death Eaters burst in from three directions.

Six came in through the double doors to Milo's left. Five came in through the large door to his right. And three came in through a window across from the door Milo had used.

Most were rapidly casting spells as they came. Some were clearly readying themselves to cast spells as he did, so that if he was using Greater Blink again they'd hit him while he was 'phased in'.

Enemy spells - mostly killing curses but also a small variety of others - flew in large numbers.

To Milo, they seemed almost as frequent as raindrops in a storm.

Every one of Milo's images were hit multiple times. The Mirror Images vanished when hit, but Mordenkainen had his own illusions react with amazingly adroit acrobatic dodging, such that the enemy could not be sure they'd been hit.

Neither Milo, nor any living creature could dodge like that. But the illusions could move at the speed of light according to Mordenkainen's imagination. And Mordy had exactly as much imagination as Milo did, as well as all his skills.

Mordy even had some of his Milo copies split into two new images as they dodged, resulting in a total of 9 false Milos.

So the enemy had plenty of targets to keep them occupied.

More importantly, it was all so visually confusing that they could not be sure they'd hit the real Milo.

They had, but Ray Deflection kept him safe anyway.

But if they'd known that, they'd have tried other things.

As it was the Death Eaters kept firing, doing their best to hit the evasive images.

They tried right up until Milo started casting, then most of them dove for cover.

Three of them tried to hit Milo as he cast.

Two of them got hit by knives from the Clouds of Knives hovering around Milo and Mordy. They were wounded and impaired, but not killed. They kept fighting as best they could.

The third got hit by an orange ray from Milo's Prismatic Eye, which dissolved him completely, in an acid even more corrosive than the Acid Breath he'd used earlier.

For the rest, Milo used a Metamagic Rod and cast

Energy Substitution _Explosive Cascade_

Normally Explosive Cascade did fire damage, but these Death Eaters seemed prepared to deal with the kinds of things Milo had previously done. So Milo supposed they'd be immune to fire and made this Explosive Cascade do Sonic damage instead.

The tremendous blasts of sound took out all six of the Death Eaters to Milo's left, despite their cover. None of the chests or statues they hid behind took up a full 5 foot square, so by Milo's rules he could still hit them with area spells like Explosive Cascade.

The spell also made it less likely that the enemy would figure out that the false images of Milo were the silent ones.

Now, with their ears ringing, they'd be less able to discern subtle things like which Milo was making the sounds they heard.

Another flurry of spells bombarded Milo for 6 seconds until he could act again.

Then the enemy again took cover, even though that hadn't helped before.

Mordy had masterfully maintained his illusion of extra Milos dodging and leaping out of the way.

Milo and Mordy sent knives at two of their opponents.

One hit and the other sunk into a chest the target was hiding behind.

A green ray from the Prismatic Eye struck a Death Eater and killed him via intense poison that worked even faster than that of a Black Mamba, which was sometimes called a "two step poison", meaning that someone just poisoned had time to take only two steps before the poison killed him.

Milo cast

_Defenestrating Sphere_

and a raging tornado, shaped like a ball a couple feet in diameter and under Milo's control, appeared, moved into contact with a Death Eater, and threw him violently into the ceiling, killing him.

The remaining Death Eaters launched spells at Milo as fast as they could for about 5 seconds. Then one - unmistakably Lucius Malfoy despite his mask due to the meticulously groomed long blond hair - Apparated away.

The rest tried to do the same, but they mis-judged the 6 second delay until Milo could act again.

As they were in the process of escaping, Milo struck.

A yellow ray from the Prismatic Eye electrocuted a Death Eater and burned him to a cinder.

One more got torn up and flung violently into the ceiling by the Defenestrating Sphere.

The last two, wounded already by knives, each got hit by another knife, and then finished off as Milo cast

Magic Missile

Suddenly all was quiet in Malfoy Manor.

That is, except for the freight-train roar of the harnessed tornado that was the Defenestrating Sphere.

Milo did not dismiss the spell, even though the really massive surge of xp told him the fight was over, but rather kept it going, as well as the Prismatic Eye and the Clouds of Knives, while he looked around the manor for more opponents.

It was never wise to lower your defenses when the enemy could return as easily as they'd left.

Gradually those defenses lowered themselves, as their various durations ran out. But by that time Milo was sure that nobody else was lurking in the house.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 aka chapter 80

Milo spent a few minutes acquiring some nice loot - mostly money from the pockets of the dead.

Malfoy manor was full of valuables, but Milo left those alone.

Adventurers had no qualms whatever about taking things from dead foes.

Nor about attacking those who clearly considered themselves your foes.

But taking things from the house of a living foe seemed like common burglary, and that was beneath an adventurer.

Unless their class was Rogue of course. Then burglary was part of their job.

But Milo was a Wizard, not a Rogue.

As he left, he wondered whether Malfoy had chickened out and deliberately left a second early, or whether it was hard - for others of course, not himself - to judge exactly 6 seconds in a combat situation.

Milo inherently knew when exactly 6 seconds had passed. He would know it, with no less certainty, if he was sick, poisoned, stunned, exhausted or had taken multiple blows to the head.

He couldn't not know it - trying to act again in less than 6 seconds just simply failed.

He contemplated this as he rode his Phantom Steed into Hogsmeade, up to Cog's Cuckoo Clearinghouse, and dismounted. As he entered, he passed a customer leaving the store with a cuckoo clock.

A cheerful Sirius looked up from the sales counter. "Milo, it's good to see you! I see you got rid of all those gaudy costume bits you were wearing yesterday."

There was no one else in the shop, so Milo briefly turned off the Disguise Self spell, while asking, "Was that your first customer?"

"No, the fifth." Sirius responded. "I didn't think it was possible for you to clash even more than before, but the plain leather of that bandolier - or is it a belt - across your shoulders manages to do so. Nothing else you have on is plain, so it stands out. Congratulations, my hat is off to you."

Sirius mimed taking off a hat he wasn't wearing and did an exaggerated bow.

Milo ignored the jest. "It's not a bandolier. It's my Belt of Hidden Pouches. I can only wear one belt at once, and the Belt of Magnificence gives absolutely huge bonuses, so I'm carrying the Belt of Hidden Pouches. I drape it over my shoulder, and stick it there with the Stick Cantrip. But it still counts as carried, not worn, so it doesn't take a slot."

Sirius had learned to let it go whenever Milo talked like that, and changed the subject. "Remus and I wanted to ask you something."

He rung a little bell and Remus came out from a back room.

Sirius held up a Cuckoo clock which had been subtly altered. "I assured Remus that this would not count as vandalising your merchandise and get us into a duel, but he wanted to check with you before we went any further, and offer to pay for any damages if needed. Most of the changes are spells anyway."

"What did you do?" a curious Milo asked.

"Behold the Breakfast Clock!" an exultant Sirius declared. "You set the alarm just like the others, but this one will not just wake you up, it will fry you two eggs for breakfast!"

Milo was silent for a moment.

"He doesn't like it. I told you it should have been waffles, not eggs!" Remus exclaimed in a worried tone.

"That's not it," Milo hastened to reassure. "I was thinking about how to split the profits from it."

He paused a moment, then said,

"Creativity like this is good. It will expand our market to some who otherwise would not want a cuckoo clock. How about we encourage creativity by letting you keep the difference? Whatever the Breakfast Clock sells for above what a basic cuckoo clock would sell for, you keep."

"By the way," he continued, "couldn't you make a bin or something for it, so it cooks whatever is in the bin - eggs, waffles, bacon or whatever?"

Things dissolved into a lively discussion full of cheerful possibilities.

Milo thought about it all the way back to his room at Hogwarts.

Then he settled down to another afternoon making a magic item - a belt for Mordenkainen that would let him cast Create Trap at will.

He finished too late for a late dinner in the Great Hall.

But Hannah had saved him a plate full.

From her, Milo learned that all the gossip that evening had been about the new Headmaster.

They said that the Ministry of Magic had appointed someone named Flint as the new Headmaster, but could not be sure when he would start, because they couldn't find him.

Apparently he had walked out "to run a quick errand" this morning and had never returned to his job at the ministry.

Hannah said that none of the students were in a hurry to have Flint start. McGonagall was liked and respected, whereas Flint had a really nasty reputation.

Their chatting time went long, so Milo dispensed with any idea of hunting Acromantulas in the forest until tomorrow.

Besides, there was a good chance the Slytherins, or whomever they'd been spying for, would try something. Milo wanted to keep some spells available for that, just in case.

Since it was already late enough at night, Milo sent nightmares, via the spell of that name, to Lucius Malfoy. He made the dreams all about Malfoy being attacked by Milo, in order to try to goad Malfoy into attacking Milo first.

Then Milo carefully arranged pillows on the bed, and covered them with a blanket, with the foam head and wig at one end, so it looked like he was sleeping there.

He kept at it until Mordy finally said it looked convincing enough.

Milo cast

_Shadow Guardians_

filling the room with 11 partially real illusions of crosbowmen, who would last 11 hours. He made the illusions look like him, for extra confusion. He instructed them to shoot anyone not already in the room, who entered without knocking.

The damage from their crossbows would be completely real, unless their targets had reason to disbelieve it. Then it would still be 50% real.

And at worst it should serve to give Milo plenty of warning.

Then he went to bed under his bed. He wanted to be close to the fake him in the bed, so that, in case any attacker was using magic to locate him, they might still be fooled.

The bed and frame were thick enough to absorb some damage, if it came to that.

Mordy used his new magic belt to cover every inch of the room in traps. Then they went to sleep.

Milo awoke to the sound of multiple traps going off and crossbows firing.

He spoke the command word to suppress the Secret Pages on the pictures hanging on the walls, revealing the Explosive Runes spells there.

Sudden movement attracts the human eye, and the pictures suddenly changing from pastoral landscapes to large-print text did the same.

Explosions resulted.

Then Milo, safe under the bed, spoke the other command word. This suppressed the secret Pages on the second type of picture and revealed the Sepia Snake Sigils there.

From under the bed, Milo could see two pairs of legs still standing. These now became encased in amber force fields.

The room was silent again.

Milo stayed where he was, while Mordy sent out an illusion of himself then one of Milo, to draw fire if any attacker was left. Then, since things remained quiet he, very cautiously, looked around.

He told Milo of what he found. There were five dead Death Eaters - three of them significantly smaller than the other two, and two vampires trapped in amber forcefields.

Milo evaluated the situation, gave Mordy instructions, and went back to sleep, never having moved an inch.

Wizards had to get 8 hours of uninterrupted rest in order to be able to 'reload' spells.

This was a fact he didn't want to advertise, since the enemy could get hold of the information and make sure he ran out of spells. A wizard without spells was basically unarmed - something Milo could not afford.

Waking up and speaking didn't count as interruptiions, but most other actions would. And sitting around answering questions from the police certainly would.

So Milo went back to sleep.

The police could wait until morning.

Levelling up to 12th level could wait until morning too. Milo wasn't sure whether that would count as an interruption, and didn't want to find out the hard way.

As he drifted off to sleep, Milo reflected that adventuring alone, if you survived it, sure you gave you xp a lot faster, since you didn't have to split it up among the whole party.

When he awoke, Morenkainen anxiously said, "Boss, they're going to be extra mad at us - the three smaller dead Death Eaters are Draco, Crabbe and Goyle. With all the run-ins we've had with them recently, they're sure to make some bad assumptions about what happened."

"Don't worry Mordy, I won't let them send us to jail without investigation like they did to Sirius. I just need to think for a minute." Milo responded "By the way, how did the vampires turn out?"

"I think we overcooked them. They turned to ash hours ago and stopped reacting soon after that." Mordy responded.

"*After* that? They still reacted, for a while at least, after they turned to ash?"

Mordy nodded.

"Ok, we go with plan B then, just to be sure. Exposing them to Celestial Brilliance all night was good, and it hurt them, but I don't buy their act. I think they're playing dead. so we'll take them on a field trip - probably about lunch time. Direct sunlight permanently destroys vampires, as does immersion in running water, so we'll do both, though for the running water to work, we'll have to dismiss the forcefields, so we'll give them plenty of sunlight before that to be safe."

Mordy nodded again.

Milo sat on the bed, which was a bit the worse for wear from last night's attack, and thought.

Then he cast

_Sending_

and sent to Amelia Bones;

"Milo, at Hogwarts, was attacked last night by death eaters and vampires. I trust you to investigate fairly, unlike what happened to Sirius."

The spell allowed her to respond with up to 25 words, but she apparently didn't know that, since what came back was, "Damn, as if I wasn't busy enough already. There are some who want his head, too, so I'll have to be careful. If word gets..."

This was not news to Milo, so he settled down to wait, looking through his loot from Bellatrix while he did so. The castle's ghosts could tell the police where to find him.

Soon enough, Amelia Bones, accompanied by two other Aurors, knocked and came in.

Their thorough questioning took most of the morning.

There was a point where things looked bad, but Milo volunteered to take Veritaserum, and his careful testimony under its influence cleared him. That is, it did so as soon as Amelia got the lab report back certifying that it really was Veritaserum.

He even managed to avoid mentioning his need for uninterrupted rest, by implying that the explosions had knocked him out, and then avoiding that subject while under Veritaserum.

The investigation made him miss breakfast and all his classes for the day, but he did get formally cleared of any wrongdoing. And that was made official before any ministry or school officials, except the acting headmistress, even heard of the event.

The final part of the investigation was when Aurors escorted Milo on his 'field trip' and observed as the sunlight changed the black ash in the forcefields to a smaller amount of white ash, which the stream then dissolved entirely.

As the Aurors left, Milo gazed across the peaceful grassy meadow and finished his levelup choices. He stayed with Rainbow Servant, though it wasn't spectacular at this level, and chose Chain Lightning and Programmed Image for his spells.

He chose, naturally, to put his point of ability increase into Intelligence, giving him an extra 4th level spell slot. For his feat, he chose Fool's Luck, which could turn a failed roll into a success.

Then Hannah joined him for a quiet picnic lunch.

Mordy had kept her informed by carrying notes back and forth, so she wouldn't worry.

When Hannah had to go back, Milo stayed and finished his spell preparation for the day.

Then he cast

_Phantom Steed_

and went for a ride.

It was time for another perilous journey retraining quest. So off he went to Azkaban prison.

This time the trip was easier, since now the Phantom Steed could run along the top of the water, in addition to being even faster.

When he got there, he touched the wall, completing the journey, and did his retraining - dropping the Spell Focus feat for the Tempting Fate feat, which could let him cheat death once per day.

He ignored the Dementors, who came out, approached until they entered the radius of his Celestial Brilliance, then fled, leaving trails of smoke and a bad smell.

Milo turned and left.

But he only went as far as the shore of Scotland before turning and heading back.

On reaching Azkaban and touching the wall again, his familiar, Mordenkainen the rat, flickered.

"Merry Christmas Mordy!" Milo beamed.

"Who are you?" the rat answered.

"Huh? No, wait, that's not how it's supposed to work. Crap. Ok, we'll just retrain again, right back to what it was a mooment ago, that'll fix it. Hang on Mordy!" a distraught Milo directed.

"Gotcha, boss." Mordenkainen grinned.

"Oh, so that's how it is now, huh? A few extra points of intelligence and suddenly it's practical joke time? Well just wait. That's a war you can't win. You're smarter than before, but I'm still far smarter than that." Milo shot back.

"Ok, ok. Peace, alright? No more practical jokes. But what happened?" Mordy asked.

"You wanted me to take more levels in Wizard so you'd progress as my familiar, and I found a way to do it. One option for wizards is simply not to have a familiar and get a feat instead. And one feat that anybody can get is Obtain Familiar. And that feat lets the familiar progress regardless of what classes are taken, unlike a Wizards familiar which progresses only with new levels in the Wizard class. So you now have more intelligence, natural armor, spell resistance, and the ability to speak with other rats." Milo expounded.

"So you flushed me in favor of a new me?" Mordy grumped.

"I prefer to think of it more like tossing a ball in the air and catching it again. You were in no danger." Milo shot back.

"Yes, so your reaction proves." Mordy snarked.

They were both distracted by dementors approaching from 2 directions.

Not that that was a threat - the Celestial Brilliance extended from Milo's coin in all directions.

But it was new. The Dementors were trying new attacks, and Milo wanted to take them down before they got very far with that. It was never safe to ignore such efforts - who knew what discoveries the enemy might make.

So Milo took out 2 more coins, each shining with Celestial Brilliance.

He was still at the base of the castle wall, with only a few feet of sand between him and the ocean. One Dementor was coming along the wall from Milo's left, and the other from the right.

To conserve his own spells, Milo had Mordy use his bracers of Launch Item to launch one shining coin to the left of the lefthand Dementor, and the other to the right of the righthand one.

Each Dementor hurried away from the source of the light that burned it, which meant they hurried right towards Milo, trailing smoke as they came. They did so until they encountered the radius of the light coming from the shining coin still in Milo's possession.

Then they stopped like they'd hit a wall, unwilling to advance towards a new source of the light that burned them.

Yet they were each still being burned by the light they'd already been fleeing.

Desperate to escape the light, they each tried moving a short distance in one direction after another, only to find no relief.

They'd been giving off smoke the whole while, and the stench of burning mold, and by this time Milo thought they were becoming a little transparent.

One Dementor then fled back the way it had come, while the other turned ninety degrees and fled out over the ocean, floating above it as if it were solid ground.

Neither got out of the light before it had burned away entirely, becoming more and more transparent, then finally vanishing with a small pop and a puff of particularly greasy and foul-smelling smoke.

Milo didn't know if they were permanently destroyed, or would reform in a few days, like Ghosts did. But he did know they'd been defeated, because he got xp for the encounter.

He retrieved his shining coins and set off back towards Hogwarts, wondering why he used coins instead of stones. It wasn't like he was hurting for money - not by a long shot. But it still rankled to waste it, or risk wasting it. If the unexpected had happened, he might have had to abandon the coins. That wouldn't cost him much, but it would cost a little, which wasn't optimal when there was no reason it should cost him anything. Rocks would work fine and were free. And there was no advantage to using coins instead of rocks.

Milo mused on that, and similar things, for a while, then got back to more serious thoughts.

He'd heard from Hannah that the new Headmaster was no longer the new Headmaster, since he'd been found dead yesterday at Malfoy manor. He'd been in full Death Eater regalia, with the right robes, mask, and even a dark mark on his arm, and in the company of several other dead Death Eaters.

It would have been tremendously embarrassing to the government, if they were the type of people that were even capable of feeling shame for making bad decisions. Instead they vowed to have a thorough investigation done.

Hannah said she thought that meant they'd scramble around, looking for ways to prove that they - the government - was not at fault for choosing a Death Eater to supervise a school full of vulnerable kids.

To Milo, it meant that Malfoy manor was ready for another raid: the police had already been there, done their investigation and cleanup, and gone.

So Milo was headed there.

And he was more prepared than ever before.

He approached the manor openly, and spent the last 3 rounds before arrival casting defensive spells:

_Ray Deflection_

_Displacement_

_Mirror Image_

Then he arrived and walked right in the front door, which still didn't have a lock.

As before, the new wards started ringing alarm bells.

But, unlike before, the manor was empty.

There was no furniture.

There were no pictures on the wall.

There was nothing on shelves or in alcoves.

There were not even any draperies or shades for the windows, nor rugs on the floors.

All these things, and more, had been here only yesterday.

All the loot, and even all the regular goods - not that Malfoy had had much of anything that didn't count as loot: he was heavily into having only the nicest, richest, most posh versions of everything - had been moved elsewhere.

While Milo was looking around the empty building, Mordy tensed and whispered,

"Boss, a new smell just arrived. Several of it in fact."

"Which way?" Milo asked.

"It's down the hall behind us." Mordy responded.

Milo's Mirror Image and Displacement had expired while he searched, so he re-cast them, and headed down the hall towards danger.

He didn't find it.

He went all the way down the hallway, peeked in several rooms, around corners, and into alcoves and closets. Yet he encountered nobody.

He rushed suddenly in unexpected directions. It didn't make any difference.

His Robe of Eyes didn't help him see it, which meant it stayed out of sight around corners.

A Clairvoyance spell for seeing around corners didn't detect anything, probably meaning Milo had guessed the wrong corner.

An Arcane Eye spell had the same results, but the mansion was large and complex, with lots of rooms, corners and alcoves, providing many hiding places.

Scarecrows didn't trick it into coming out and attacking.

Whatever it was that Mordy smelled, it was fast, silent, and very good at hiding. It clearly didn't want an encounter on Milo's terms.

It was arranging its own terms.

"Boss, I wish I could pinpoint them by scent, but I can't. What I can tell you though is that there are several of them, all around us. And whichever way we go, the ones in front of us withdraw while the ones behind us advance,"

"Classic wolf-pack tactics," Milo responded. "When they attack something powerful, say a bear for instance, they encircle it, and the ones behind it try to dart in and hamstring it. But whatever way it faces, those wolves withdraw to stay out of its reach. So the bear spins around and around, constantly turning to face one threat or another, which withdraw so it never comes to grips with its foe, until eventually it gets worn down, crippled and killed."

He took off his boot. "Well, not us. We're smarter than the average bear."

He put a thermos bomb - one of the full-sized ones they'd agreed not to use again because they were just too powerful - into his boot, covered it with his sock, laid it on the floor by an open window, and yanked the wires that would arm the bomb.

Then he cast

_Dimension Door_

and landed 800 feet away from the manor.

"Whatever it was, it was hunting us, so the scent of my boot and sock should attract it. If I had put out obvious bait, it would probably have figured out it was a trap. But a boot isn't obvious bait. It is an object of curiosity. He'll wonder why it's there, what happened to put it there, and so on. Putting it next to an open window adds to the curiosity. He'll wonder if the boot fell off while I was going out the window, for example. He may not pick the boot up. If not then at least we've taken his sneakiness out of the equation - nobody could sneak up on us across the open grassy field we're in. But if he does pick it up, the nitroglycerin should ..."

Milos words were drowned by the inconceivably loud sound of an explosion.

The explosion was so big, the entire manor effectively disintegrated, leaving only a few stubs of splintered beams.

Fragments of all sizes flew in all directions.

When some large fragments started landing near Milo, he dropped and hugged the ground.

Eight hundred feet hadn't been enough.

But the worst damage Milo sustained was when a beam speared the ground next to him, then toppled over onto him.

The large amount of xp Milo got indcated that there had indeed been several foes in there.

And he saw a curious thing. An animal's claw hit the ground near him, then morphed into a human finger as he watched.

He picked it up and took it with him.

Remembering the police investigation this morning and not wanting to experience another one, especially when he was guilty, he cast

_Invisibility_

before going anywhere.

In Hogsmeade, people were looking up at the few clouds in the sky, as if wondering whether the thunder they'd heard could have come from them.

Nobody noticed Milo enter Cog's Cuckoo Clearinghouse.

Milo sat quietly on the floor in a corner and stowed his other boot and sock in his Belt of Hidden Pouches. Then he did spell research for an hour. It didn't matter that he couldn't see the invisible books - only that they were present while he thought about his new spell.

After an hour, he judged that the timing of his arrival would no longer be suspicious.

So when Sirius went in the back room for a moment, Milo opened the front door, dismissed the invisibility, and acted like he'd just entered.

It wasn't that he distrusted either Remus or Sirius - just that what they didn't know, they couldn't tell.

Attacking a bad guy in his lair was seen as entirely fair play and justifiable, where Milo came from. And whatever collateral damage resulted was just how things went.

But Milo was concerned the police here might not see it that way. So he was being careful not to attract that kind of attention.

Remus and Sirius both entered the showroom from the back room.

"Milo! How's it going? How did you get our note so soon?""

"Note? What note, I just thought I'd stop by after classes and see how business was going." Milo responded.

"Our note," said Remus, "said business is booming, the landlord has noticed that, and decided to help himself to some of the profits. Our rent is being tripled."

"Landlords," Milo spat, "reliably lousy in both universes."

He paused. "But booming? There's nobody here right now."

"Remus just got back from a round of home deliveries, and we get a rush of customers in the evenings." Sirius responded. "We have a new product now too. Fred and George Weasley heard about the store and asked if we'd sell something they came up with: Canary Cream, though they offered to alter it into Cuckoo Cream, since that's only a minor appearance change. So of course we sell both varieties now. I gave them the same deal you gave us - does that work for you?"

"Sure, no problem." Milo responded. "I see you've been exercising your creativity too."

He picked up a music box where the ballerina had been replaced by a leprechaun leaping, tumbling, and otherwise cavorting.

"Sure," Sirius responded. "It's trivial to do simple transformations like changing the type of bird, the pose of the ballerina, the color of anything, and so on. Bigger changes like the one you're holding take a bit more work."

He laughed, "We had a lady in here yesterday who insisted on collecting 'the whole set' of ballerina music boxes. Remus was in back transforming them as fast as he could while I stalled her. It turns out that the 'whole set' is 33. That's all we could think of while she was willing to wait. Thirty three different combinations of pose, costume, and even variations on the ballerina herself, most of them inadvertently suggested by the customer herself while conversing. That was a good day."

He smiled and added "Now we're working on altering music boxes so they sing whatever is on a little scroll you insert."

"Sorry, but what's that whooshing sound?" Remus asked. "It's faint, and coming from all around Milo. And it's driving me nuts trying to figure out what it is."

Milo thought for a second, then asked "You can hear that? I thought they were silent."

"Werewolves have very sharp senses." Remus responded.

He didn't normally volunteer the information that he was a werewolf, but Milo already knew.

"Huh. Well, what you hear is this." Milo said, and turned off his Disguise Self effect.

"I see you found a way to be even more outlandish - what are all those crystals orbiting your head?" Sirius asked.

"Well, the purple ones store some spells for later. The orange ones each give me a bonus caster level for spell duration, damage and such calculations. The dark blue one gives me the Alertness feat. The pale green one gives me a bonus on attacks, saves, and skill checks. The iridescent one sustains me without air. The..."

"Ok, ok." Sirius interrupted. "And what's with the big pink bulls-eye on your chest?"

"Well, Shalantha's Delicate Disk starts out pink. It was Hannah's idea, given what I had in mind for it, to add the concentric while circles. From what she said, that's a Symbol of Targeting. If somebody does target it, and breaks it, which is trivially easy to do, they will be the subject of one of the biggest de-buff spells of all time: Gaseous Form! Folks have been trying to figure out a way to inflict it on the enemy for ages, and I finally found one!"

Milo reached around and patted himself on the back, in the understanding that that was appropriate for this situation in this culture.

Sirius suppressed a laugh. "But, if it's a de-buff, shouldn't it be easy to target an enemy with it? That's what they do, right?"

As he knew the term, from prior conversations with Milo, it meant something you did to opponents to make them weaker.

"Well," Milo explained, "Gaseous Form is a special case. It started out as an escape spell. It's designer wanted a spell to get him out of tough situations. So it turns the caster to vapor, lets him fly, resist damage, and flow through tiny cracks. With all of that achieved and the spell almost done, he was exulting in his imminent triumph, when the legendary Nerf Bat flew in a window and screeched, cursing the spell. The designer finished and published the spell anyway, since sometimes the effects of the Nerf Bat are not as bad as others. But this time was one of the worst. The spell still does all that I mentioned, but badly. You can fly, but only about as fast as a baby can crawl. So escaping danger isn't going to happen. And you still resist damage, but only in a way that just about everybody can easily bypass completely. You still turn into vapor, but while you're vapor, you can't attack, cast spells, defend yourself, or do anything else useful. All you can do is drift along slowly and wish that you had been smart enough to do something useful, instead of casting Gaseous Form."

"That does sound sub-optimal," Sirius observed, playing along with Milo by using one of his favorite phrases.

"Yup. The toughest part of it is that it affects only a willing target. But breaking the disk counts, as would getting them to drink a potion of it, but that's a lot harder."

"Not to interrupt this fascinating exposition, but I sense something ... a presence I've not felt since..." Remus trailed off and shuddered, then tried again. "I can tell by smell that Milo is carrying something - something that smells strongly of a very evil and powerful werewolf named Fenrir Greyback. I need to warn you Milo - any contact with Fenrir is a brush with death, though you may not realize it at the time. Be very careful."

"Is this what you smell?" Milo asked, bringing out the finger he'd found, which had been an animals claw when he first saw it.

Remus gasped, gave it a good long sniff to confirm, and exclaimed, "That is Fenrir's finger. Quickly - where did you get it? If he's alive he'll doubtless be on his way to murder us all."

"Something happened to the north of town. There was debris and body parts scattered around all over. Other than picking this up, I didn't stop to investigate." Milo answered.

The statement, though completely true, was yet deceitful because of what it left out and the incorrect conclusion it suggested. Milo was practicing such statements in case of further encounters with police and veritasserum.

A rattled Remus declared he had to know, and rushed off to investigate.

Sirius, sounding cynical, observed to Milo, "I notice that you seem neither curious, nor worried. Nor are you preparing for combat. So, while I suppose you know something more than you said, I also know you'd have told us if we needed to know. So, on to a change of subject then. How about that landlord and his rent?"

"Yes," Milo responded, wondering again if there were a way to get a bonus to the Bluff skill without wasting skll points in buying very sub-optimal cross-class skills, "I meant to ask you about that. Do you know of any land for sale?"

"Let's go check." Sirius responded.

He hung a "Closed for Lunch" sign on the door and they both went to ask around to find out who would have that kind of information.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 aka chapter 81

An hour later, they stood on a vacant lot at the edge of town and Milo said, "Perfect, I'll take it."

Money changed hands, papers were signed, the seller left, and Sirius said "Now what? Want me to get the names of some builders?"

"First let's see what I can manage." Milo responded, then cast

_Summon Monster IV_

An Earth Mephit appeared and Milo had it cast Soften Earth and Stone, turning a large area of dirt into mud.

"Was that a mistake?" Sirius asked. "I don't want to work from a mud hut."

"Wait for it." Milo responded. "I can turn the mud into rock, but we'll want to wait a bit first and let it settle nice and flat. Foundations should be flat."

Having gotten what he wanted from the Earth Mephit, Milo could have dismissd it. But on general principles he told it to fly a spiral search pattern, then return and report, since you never knew what may be lurking nearby.

"Nice flying monkey by the way, was it made of dirt?" Sirius asked.

Milo was trying to explain the Elemental Planes and their denizens when the Mephit returned.

It turned out that, in this case, what was lurking nearby was Remus Lupin.

Milo and Sirius hurried over to where a drunken Remus, bottle in hand, was slumped against a nearby building.

When Remus noticed them and figured out who they were, he said:

"He's dead. Fenrir Greyback is dead. They said it couldn't be done, but he really is dead - him and all his gang. They're all there. Well, pieces of them are anyway. Lots and lots of pieces. Pieces you can't live without. Pieces of mansion too. They've murdered more people than I can count, but they're dead now, so it was time to celebrate."

Sirius and Milo got Remus back to his apartment in the back of Cog's Cuckoo Clearinghouse.

An hour later Milo returned to his new vacant lot.

The mud had settled nice and flat, so he cast

_Transmute Mud to Rock_

And all the mud became a single solid slab of seamless stone, extending 4 feet underground.

On this new foundation, Milo started building.

He cast

_Wall of Stone_

and created two 20 foot tall, 30 foot long walls, about as thick as a brick. They came complete with window and door openings, and buttersses every 8 feet. Each was a seamless single solid piece, and were fused with the foundation and with each-other.

These formed the north and east walls of the building Milo was working on.

Another casting of the same spell made the south and west walls.

Then Milo got down on the ground, lay on his side and cast

_Wall of Iron_

to form an inch-thick flat iron roof extending 5 feet beyond each side of the 30' square building.

Wall of Iron always made a vertical wall, so to get it horizontal and usable as a roof, Milo had had to change perspective. From his perspective while laying down, the wall was indeed vertical.

The iron roof wouldn't remain a roof. Very soon it would become an attic floor. But it would still provide a lot of stability and support.

Then Milo used his 2-spell Pearl of Power to cast

_Wall of Stone_

twice more, completing the place.

That put a standard peaked roof above the flat iron roof, with enough stone left over for interior walls, a strong slab forming the ceiling of the first story and the floor of the 2nd, stairs, and some more buttresses.

There was extra iron - mainly the 5 feet extending beyond the stone walls on all sides, and Milo planned to use it.

He cast

_Fabricate_

and iron flowed from one spot in the flat iron roof, forming a new hinged hatch into what was now the iron-floored attic.

More iron flowed from the extra, thinning some of it from an inch thick to half an inch, and formed into shutters, doors, hinges, some beams and other supports.

Then Milo used the remaining capacity in that Fabricate spell to make some big gears, cogs, sprockets and other parts for a cuckoo clock. He didn't know how to make a cuckoo clock, but he knew what the inner workings of one looked like.

He wanted to make the building look like a huge cuckoo clock, complete with the inner workings. Customers shopping for a clock would appear to be standing inside one, and would be able to look up and see the various gears etc.

But that would have to wait for tomorrow.

Milo had already used enough high-level spells for today.

He went back to the store and announced,

"The new place is ready move-in anytime."

"No, no, no," Sirius reproved, "You've got it all wrong. See, to be funny, a joke has to at least be a bit believable. Though you are coming along nicely - you did get the 'surprise' part right. We need to do more lessons."

"Ok. But this was not actually a joke," Milo said. "The building is finished enough to move in to. It isn't complete - it still needs glass in the windows, for example. And there are no finishing touches like carpets, drapes or paint. But it has 4 walls, a roof, doors and shutters. And I can do a lot of the rest tomorrow if you know a good source of glass and fabric - it can be in any condition. Broken is probably cheaper and just as usable for my Fabricate spell."

"Show me."

Sirius led the way out.

They got there and climbed all through the new building. After trying all the doors and shutters, Sirius asked "Please tell me your funny hat didn't do all that."

"No," Milo responded, "its for combat. But the orange crystals orbiting my head helped."

"So what are the gears for?"

When Milo told him, Sirius responded "Why stop there? Cog shouldn't stay in the Weasley's yard anyway. Bring him here and have him use those gears and materials to make the place be an actual cuckoo clock."

Milo agreed and they discussed schedules and details.

-0-0-0-

When Milo got back to Hogwarts, he was immediately grabbed by Filch.

"Out without a pass, were you? That's a couple turns on the rack for you. Have you done your homework? If not we have a nice stint in an iron maiden for you as well."

Filch chuckled in glee. "It's time you students learned some discipline the old fasioned way!"

"Shall I whack him, boss?" Mordy squeaked.

"Not yet." Milo said.

Filch, who misunderstood, exploded. "Oh yes indeed it is time, and well past time. You just got an extra couple turns on the rack for defiance. Yes, this was the best decision the Ministry ever made, choosing me as Headmaster. They said they knew I could stop the chaos! Imagine, student Death Eaters being killed by other students in the halls. Anarchy! That's what its come to. Well, the torture room is back in use and it'll put a stop to that quick, fast, and in a hurry!"

Filch had Milo gripped tight by the collar and was hurrying him down the halls while he ranted.

They turned a corner and entered the torture room.

One look was all Milo needed.

He faced Filch and said, "Are you loyal to hard-core torture, or do you ever go easy on kids and, for example," Milo turned to stare intently at Mordy, "use the belt?"

Mordy had been with Milo since the beginning, and knew a disguised command when he heard one.

_Squeak_

He used his magic belt to cast Create Traps, positioning it carefully so Filch would hit it, and be hit, with his next step.

Filch had time to say, "No mercy!" before he hit the conjured tripwire and a conjured arrow flew into his chest and sank deep.

It was a version of Create Traps that Milo didn't often use, but it was appropriate for the occasion.

The arrow killed Filch in one hit.

Either it had been a Critical Hit, or Filch had been as weak as a Commoner.

Milo didn't get time to contemplate it. He was interrupted by mixed cheers and pleas for help coming from several iron maidens in the room. These were human-shaped metal shells covered in spikes or knives on the inside and designed to stab a person from all directions at once.

They had eye-holes and so Filch's death had many witnesses, all of whom clearly saw that an arrow from the hallway had killed Filch and Milo had not resisted at all.

As he freed various students, Milo noticed that Filch favored the more sinister type of iron maiden. The simple type was sized so that the occupant got stabbed - though just a little bit, usually about an inch deep or less - from all directions at once, as soon as the iron maiden was closed upon them. Then as folks stood there for hours or days, as immobile as they could, fatigue and pain would gradually make them slump more and more into the knives.

The more sinister type had a little more clearance between the knives and the occupant. So the occupant could avoid being stabbed as long as they stood completely immobile. Eventual fatigue made the results the same either way, but the sinister type offered some hope for a while. The granting, then crushing, of hope is what made it more sinister.

But in this case, it meant that the occupants had no serious wounds yet.

"Won't you get in trouble for letting us go free from punishment?" One student asked.

"The last question I asked Filch was if he ever went easy on students, and his reply - the last word he ever said - was 'mercy'. So, the way I choose to understand that is that I am allowed by Filch to let you all go." Milo replied, practicing being deceitful while technically telling the truth.

After sending all the students off to the hospital, and answering questions from both Aurors and McGonagall, Milo was absolved of any wrongdoing.

Then he was taken to a courier who had been waiting for him.

Couriers cost more than owls, and making them wait cost even more, but in this case it was worth it. The potions supply house that had sent the courier did not want to trust an owl with this package.

And Milo couldn't blame them.

He wasted no time, but got to work using it immediately.

Soon he was on his way into the Forbidden Forest. He normally waited until nightfall to adventure there, but this afternoon, he felt it would be irresponsible to wait.

Besides, with the latest Headmaster dead and many students recovering from torture, the professors were generally too busy for other things, as well as currently feeling a little sick about anything related to rules enforcement.

Milo stopped a little way into the forest and called out, "Hey Sneaky Hunter, are you there?"

From behind some dense shrubbery to Milo's right boomed the centaur's deep voice "Yea verily, I am here Boom Boy. Seekest thou the Acromantulas again?"

"Yup." Milo confirmed. "And this time I need you to clear the area. You and your people and anything you care about should get well back. This," he held up the carefuly wrapped soundproof package, "is a live Mandrake plant. It's scream kills everything that hears it. I will be using it on the Acromantulas."

"Asparagus! Indeed, thou art mad!" the deep voice exclaimed. "Give us what time you can to get clear. I go and warn my people."

Milo had never heard the word 'asparagus' used as a curse before, but he supposed every culture had its quirks.

"OK, Mordy, lets find some acorns for later. I really want to test that idea."

They spent a few minutes looking for, and then collecting, small acorns.

Finally Milo said, "Ok, that should be enough time for the centaurs and others to clear the area. Let's begin."

Mordy nodded and Milo cast

_Deafness_

first on Mordy, then, hesitantly, on himself. The spell was permanent unless dismissed, but dismissing it would be no problem. He hesitated, not because of that, but because, while deaf, he had a chance to mispronounce things and thus fail when attempting to cast a spell.

But he went ahead because, with the "vegetable nuke" as Hannah called it, he shouldn't need any spells.

He carefully undid the packaging and took out the innocent looking potted plant.

Now all he would have to do is yank it out of the dirt, and its deadly scream should kill everything nearby.

Thus prepared, they started walking towards the area the Acromantulas controlled.

As had happened when they'd come before, when they got near the webbed area a perimeter guard leapt out and posed menacingly before charging the nearest scarecrow.

The material Milo had read on Mandrakes said they were not able to scream indefinitely. Screaming took energy and that would be used up at some point, but when exactly varied a lot.

He didn't want to start early and perhaps run out early.

So he cast

_Storm Blolt_

to electrocute the giant spider.

But it failed due to his mispronouncing it.

_Squeak_

The Acromantula slipped on the Grease Mordy had cast, giving Milo time to try again.

_Storm Bolt_

This time, it worked and the miniature lightning bolt flew out and killed the spider.

Milo hurried forward, to get as close as he could to their nests before uprooting his 'veggie-nuke'.

The next two Acromantulas came from the sides. Milo might not have seen them in time but for his Robe of Eyes, which let him see in all directions at once, with 2 kinds of nightvision and other features besides.

He gave the hand signal they'd worked out in advance to let Mordy know he should handle threats to the left. then he took out the one on the right with a

_Storm Bolt_

With that one nicely fried, he turned to the left and tried to fry it too, but failed.

But Mordenkainen was having better luck, and kept the Acromantula greased up and ineffective until Milo could cast again and fry it.

They marched on.

Judging by past experiences, it would not be long until large numbers of Acromantulas started arriving.

Not wanting to pull the mandrake early, Milo thought it might be a good time to try out his cloak. Technically it was a Robe of Scintillating Colors, but Bellatrix had been wearing it as a cloak, and that counted, as far as Milo was concerned.

In tests, Hannah had said it looked like what Las Vegas only dreamed it could look like.

Sirius had said it looked like a rainbow vomiting.

And Fiona had said it looked like an intense drug trip - or what she'd heard they looked like anyway.

It started out comparatively tame, shining with every conceivable color, streaks and patterns of which chased each-other around the whole garment. The hues got brighter and more intense, and cascaded around in a dazzling display.

And that was just the warm-up

Then it got really intense.

At its height, Milo was effectively invisible. The light was so bright and dazzling that it was all that could be seen when looking even slightly in Milo's direction.

It dazed all who looked at it.

And that allowed Milo to run fairly deep into Acromantula territory before it ran out.

As the scintillating colors began to dim, Milo pulled up the mandrake root.

From the look on its little plant face, it was screaming.

Milo could hear nothing.

But he could see just fine.

And he saw Acromantulas falling dead all around him as he walked.

The Potions supply house had offered him a set of the ear muffs generally used for handling mandrakes safely. He'd gone with the deafness spell, mainly since it could not be accidentally knocked off, but also from a concern that, like the local broomsticks, it might not work for him, and that could not be safely tested.

He walked only a short distance before getting the idea that perhaps some Acromantulas, distant enough that they could not be killed by the scream, would either see others falling dead or hear something and flee.

He didn't want any getting away.

So he took out a Metamagic Rod of Silent Spell to make sure his deafness wouldn't make him mis-cast, and cast

_Lutzaen's Frequent Jaunt_

He used it's Teleport-like effect to hop straight north 500 feet.

All the Acromantulas here were already dead, telling him that the scream carried at least this far.

Next he hopped a thousand feet straight east.

The Acromantulas there died when Milo arrived.

So he continued adjusting the distances and hopping every round in a grid pattern to try to take out the entire Acromantula nesting area.

By the 3rd hop, he'd gained enough xp that he had to level-up to 13th level quickly. In six seconds, he chose Rainbow Servant level 8, the spells Plane Shift and Summon Monster VII, and his skills etc.

He didn't want to delay a hop. But he also didn't want to risk losing xp. That was rare, but it could happen in cases where enough xp was gained to go up two levels at once. It was only possible to go up one level at a time. So if those choices were not completed by the time the next level was reached, some xp was wasted. Loss of xp was one of the biggest tragedies there was, and one Milo wanted to avoid if possible.

Taking out hundreds of foes at once was exactly the sort of xp-rich situation where it could happen.

But Milo got his choices made in time. And xp kept coming in massive rushes with every hop, as hordes of Acromantulas of all sizes fell dead.

The area they infested was huge and the spell duration short.

So he cast a second

_Silent Lutzaren's Frequent Jaunt_

and kept at it.

Three hops before the second Lutzaren's Frequent Jaunt ended, Milo ran out of monsters. He'd apparently cleaned out the entire Acromantula infestation.

He used the last three hops making sure.

Then, with the thought that "waste not, want not", he tried re-potting the mandrake. It hadn't cost much, and he could certainly afford it, but it rankled to throw away value of any kind, especially when it was a devastating weapon.

Unfortunately, he hadn't put any skill points in Knowledge Nature, or any other skill that'd be relevant to plant care.

It didn't work.

Sure, sticking a root in dirt sounded like something any child could handle. But the mandrake fought him.

Logically, it should want to get back in the dirt and thereby resume a healthy plant life. But it was a perverse and stubborn litle plant.

Milo only succeeded at getting it properly back in the dirt after it was dead.

He watered it anyway, just in case, then began the enormous task of harvesting venom sacs from all the dead Acromantulas.

Their venom sold for good money, and these bodies were physically undamaged so none would have been lost.

He used the last daily use on that Metamagic Rod of Silent Spell to cast

_Mass Unseen Servant_

making one new Unseen Servant per level. He set them all, old and new, to harvesting Acromantula venom.

It took hours.

He checked the mandrake plant a couple times, but it was dead and stayed dead.

Deciding that he'd lost it, he made sure there would be no surprise comeback, and hit it with a couple

_Storm Bolts_.

Then he dismissed the Deafness spells.

"I guess we'll need something else to hunt when we come to the Forbidden Forest in the future. Remind me to look into that. I almost made it to 14th level though." Milo smiled.

"Nature abhors a vacuum - something else will move in now." Mordy pontificated.

"Suppose we should let the centaurs know it's safe again?" Milo asked.

"Nah, they know. Remember he called you crazy when you told him you had a mandrake. That proves they know the plant. And that means they know its limits and that it can't keep screaming more than a few minutes. I bet they're already back at home." Mordy opined.

"Good point. And that saves me a spell - I was going to make a big illusionary sign explaining it, but now I don't have to."

"How would they see it among all these trees? They'd have to be inside the danger zone first." Mordy asked.

"Not if I extended my coatl wings, flew up above the treetops, and put the illusion there." Milo said.

"You're just looking for an excuse to use them," Mordy responded. "You're always saving limited-use things like that until there's actual need, so you really haven't used them except for a couple test flights to learn how."

Milo admitted it was true and they chatted about Acromantula venom for a while.

They were interrupted by a loud roar.

A manticore was descending into the clearing they were standing in.

It clearly intended to attack, given how it was swooping down at them.

_Charm Monster_

Milo cast

And suddenly the manticore was very friendly.

Milo said "I have no orders for you right now, but please come and help me when I call. For now, go ahead and snack on these spiders if you'd like to."

It did so.

Defeating the manticore had given Milo enough xp to reach 14th level. He chose Rainbow Servant 9, and the spells Teleport Object and Stone Trap. Stone Trap was a wonderful spell that could make a very large stone invisible and hover in the air ready to drop on a target when a command word was given, or trigger conditions met.

The manticore would be Milo's friend for more than 2 weeks, but he didn't think it'd be a good idea to bring it into Hogwarts. So they arranged signals so Milo could call it when needed.

Then Milo let the manticore go on about its normal activities in the Forbidden Forest.

When the Unseen Servants had gathered all the Acromantula venom, containers of it filled two of the Bags of Holding Milo had found among the loot from Bellatrix.

There was so much that, if he tried to sell it all right away, the price would plummet. But he was in no hurry, and planned to sell a bit at a time.

He got back to Hogwarts after dark, found a note from Hannah, and sent an owl off to Cog, to collect his latest work.

Hannahs note said:

"I hate to suggest it, but you may want to leave Hogwarts. This evening they appointed a new Headmaster, to start tomorrow. It's Lucius Malfoy. You know how he hates you. Please be careful.

Hannah"

He considered that, then he used his new Stone Trap spell to set a couple traps.

After that, he did a little magic item creation work, by altering Mordy's rear-leg bracers so that they could cast the Ghost Sound cantrip in addition to the Silent Image spell they could already cast.

He set the Ghost Sound to be triggered by the same command word as the Silent Image spell, so that both could be used at once with a little mental discipline - thinking what you wanted each one to be as you cast them. Either one could be cast by itself by just not choosing what the other should be, thus voiding the casting.

Mordy practiced a few times to get it all straight. Soon enough he could do just a Ghost Sound - he preferred making the sound of a fart - or just a Silent Image - he preferred a giant rat silently stalking forwards - or both together. For that, they practiced making the image of a Death Eater and having him say 'Avada Kedavara' while waving a wand, followed by the green energy of a killing curse flying from the wand. It wasn't a real killing curse, but a convincing illusion of it being cast at someone and barely missing them would certainly get their attention.

Then, it was time for bed.

Milo unrolled the magic bedroll the owl had brought back, and considered it.

It was a Heward's Fortifying Bedroll and would give him all the benefits of a full night's sleep, including the ability to reload his spells, in just one hour. It could only be used once every 2 days, but Milo had an idea about that which he would be trying later.

Just before climbing in the Bedroll to sleep, Milo cast

_Nightmare_,

and set Tom Riddle up for a night full of nightmares about a masked and therefore anonymous Death Eater betraying him.

An hour later, Milo awoke refreshed and ready to go. He prepared his spells as he usually did every morning, except it wasn't morning yet. Not by a long shot.

He would be able to cast all his spells tonight and then prepare them again in the morning 8 hours later.

Such an opportunity must not be wasted.

He cast

_Scrying_

and observed Lucius Malfoy, just outside what appeared to be a hunting lodge by a lake, haranguing his guards.

Milo could not hear what was being said, but could see that Lucius was red in the face as he yelled. The guards appeared to be 3 vampires and a giant more than 20 feet tall.

Milo prepared himself.

He and Mordy each took out a coin shining with Celestial Brilliance and Milo attached them, with the Stick cantrip, to the outside of their gear.

The Unseen Servant Milo normaly kept around deployed a scarecrow, taking the straw-stuffed hooded robe out of Milo's pouch and getting it ready.

Mordy's Unseen Servant did the same.

The other Unseen Servants Milo had summoned to help with harvesting Acromantula venom were still around, and Milo had each pick up a sword.

Then he cast

_Prismatic Eye_

_Mirror Image_

_Greater Blink_

and

_Teleport_

and arrived in a meadow somewhere, with a couple cows sleeping nearby.

The trees, hillside, lake, and more especially, hunting lodge, which Milo had seen while scrying were nowhere in sight.

That happened sometimes. The more familiar you were with the target location, the less likely that it'd happen. Having seen it only once, there had been a 24% chance of missing the target and arriving somewhere else.

Milo took it in stride, and simply cast

_Teleport_

again.

Anybody watching the meadow would have seen it light up brilliantly for 6 seconds, then go dark again.

From such events, strange legends are born.

With the second Teleport, Milo and party arrived at the right spot.

But they lost initiative, so the guards got to act first.

The vampires charged Milo, despite being damaged by the Celestial Brilliance centered on him. As they did so, Malfoy's voice came from the lodge.

"That's it - crush the little freak! Suck the life out of him, but make him suffer first. That horrible little mutant has dared to attack me for the last time!"

The giant picked up and threw a huge stone. It flew right through Milo's image, but did not damage him, since he had Blinked to the Ethereal Plane.

The vampires attacked, and thereby dispelled, 3 of Milo's 7 Mirror Images.

The scarecrows and apparently animated swords carried by the Unseen Servants were ignored.

Milo Blinked back to the Prime Material Plane, and had his Prismatic Eye shoot the giant. What color ray came out was always random.

This time a violet ray struck the giant, and it vanished, having been sent on a one-way trip to another plane of existence.

There were only a couple dozen or so major planes of existence, but if you counted all the minor ones and variations of the Prime Material Plane, there were inconceivably many.

In fact, Milo wasn't sure this Material Plane was the Prime Material Plane. He was used to calling it that, as a sort of default habit. But it could not be that both his own Material Plane, and this one, were both Prime.

Milo resolved to look into that when he had some time.

Given that every plane had its dangers, and that not even the spellcasters of this plane seemed to know anything about plane travel, the giant would not be coming back from wherever it went.

That left the vampires, at least until Malfoy came out and joined them.

They were all next to Milo, and smoking as they burned in the light of both Celestial Brilliance coins, as well as the undead-destroying light emanating from Milo's Helm of Brilliance.

Milo took out something that looked like a scroll.

He let it unroll, revealing it was actually a grid of playing cards, fastened top to bottom and edge to edge with string, then rolled up like a scroll.

He spoke the command word and several of the cards changed, as their Secret Page spells were briefly suppressed, revealing Sepia Snake Sigil spells underneath.

Milo had not yet had time to enspell all the cards, but would eventually, since the scroll was very effective when several enemy managed to get close to you.

Three of the Sepia Snake Sigils trapped a vampire each.

Milo, Mordy, their Mirror Images, scarecrows, and their forest of weapons carried by Unseen Servants, were standing there next to the 3 amber forcefields each encasing an obviously defeated yet still burning vampire, when Lucius Malfoy hurried out of the cabin, finishing pulling up his pants and gloating.

"Die you monster! You've been a pestilence ever since we brought you from that other world. I'll make you pay though. You'll pay for everything you..."

He took in the scene and stopped in mid-rant. Then he immediately dropped to his knees, flung away his wand, and began to grovel.

"I surrender! Please, my new master. I beg you to spare your humble servant. I can be of use to you..."

"Shut up." Milo commanded.

Malfoy did so, and Milo continued "I don't want your surrender. This has been very much a 'take no prisoners' sort of fight, and *your side* started it and set the ground rules. There isn't any reason I should accept your surren..."

Malfoy cut him off by saying "I'll give you everything I own if you'll spare my life."

Milo went silent and got a strange look in his eyes.

Malfoy started listing off the businesses, land, and assets he owned.

It added up to a fabulous fortune.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 aka chapter 82

Milo stayed silent and considered.

Eventually, he agreed, under strict conditions.

His life was all Malfoy was getting, nothing more.

Milo would take him to the Aurors and Malfoy agreed to testify against himself under veritaserum there and go to jail.

Malfoy also agreed to sign legal documents transferring ownership of everything he owned to Milo. Major possessions would be listed specifically, and backed up by general clauses covering everything else.

Passwords, traps, and other such things were also to be listed.

After they agreed, Milo guarded Malfoy while he sat at the table writing out the documents.

Partway through the process, Milo cast

_Detect Thoughts_

to verify that the list was complete.

But as soon as he could read Malfoy's thoughts, he recoiled in horror. It was like wading barefoot in a sewer.

Malfoy had done a long long list of truly horrible things, and reveled in it. He thought it was his right to abuse others and get away with it.

Milo almost vomited.

When he recovered, he said, "If I had seen your thoughts beforehand, I never would have agreed to spare your life. You are indescribably evil, and can never suffer enough to pay for your crimes. But I've already agreed, and in light of that, you missed a spot."

Then he listed off the several properties, items, and businesses which Malfoy had intended to leave off the documents and therefore retain.

Malfoy grudgingly added those to the documents, and signed it all over.

Milo then Teleported them both to the one Auror he knew how to find.

They arrived outside Tonks' house, and Milo knocked politely but insistently.

When a sleepy Tonks answered the door, Milo said "Here is a criminal who wishes to confess under veritaserum. I can provide that and let you test it as before. You'll need to get other Aurors as witnesses. I'll keep guard on him while you do so."

He had to repeat that and add clarifications a couple times: Tonks was very sleepy.

But eventually they got other Aurors collected, testimony given, and Malfoy hauled off to prison.

When Milo asked Tonks for directions to Hogwarts from her house, she was confused how he could get to her house without knowing where it was.

When he explained how his Teleport spell worked, she made sure to Apparate them both to Amelia Bones' house, so he could Teleport there in the future. Then she gave him directions to Hogwarts from there.

She Apparated back home to sleep.

Milo cast

_Phantom Steed_

and rode back towards Hogwarts.

But first he made a quick detour to a place Hannah had mentioned - a car wrecking yard.

Cars were still strange muggle things to Milo, but at least the ones at this lot were not whizzing around at terrific speeds.

They were not moving at all, and not just because it was night time.

This is where the things go to die.

Or maybe this is where they get taken when already dead.

Either way, the ones that still looked like cars were obviously in bad shape - broken in one way or another. The entire spectrum of brokenness was represented.

The cars were stacked one on top of another in long rows of neat piles near an enormous machine.

Hannah had said the machine crushed cars down into small cubes, which would be melted down so the metal could be re-used.

She had seen it operated during a field trip her grade school had taken once.

There were a number of those small cubes near the far end of the machine.

Milo rode up to them and cast

_Fabricate_

The spell took materials and crafted them into finished goods. It could turn a patch of hemp into ropes, a cluster of trees into lumber or a wooden shed or boat, and so on.

Milo had the spell use, as its source of materials, the carpet and cloth upholstery in the crushed cubes that had been cars.

Hannah had said that those were too time-consuming to remove, so they were left in the cars and burned up when the metal was melted.

From them, Milo made rugs, draperies, and seat cushions for Cog's Cuckoo Clearinghouse, as well as things like blankets, sheets, and towels to outfit the living apartments in the back of the building.

The colors and fabrics available from the cars varied widely, resulting in draperies, rugs etc that also varied widely.

Milo didn't even notice such things.

He had the Unseen Servants start loading his fabrications into a Bag of Holding while he cast

_Fabricate_

again.

This time, he used as a source the broken glass that crunched underfoot with every step. It was like sand on a beach, there was so much of it.

Hannah had said that car glass was tempered and otherwise tougher than normal glass. So Milo expected the things he made from it would be tougher too.

From the glass, Milo fabricated windows sized to fit the new Clearinghouse building.

But that only took a small fraction of his capacity.

So he also made several clear glass cuckoo clocks with glass clockwork and mirrored backs to see if they'd sell. In addition, he made some mirrors to hang on walls or cabinets, as well as some free standing ones. Then he made glass plates, bowls, dishes, and pots for the apartment.

Lastly he made two complete sets of plate armor, set up just the same as if they were real steel armor meant for battle complete with halberds, yet made of clear glass and meant for display. He wanted to stand one on each side of a doorway as if to guard it, though in a whimsical fashion.

Then, fearing they may not last long, he cast

_Hardening_

on each one, resulting in them being as hard as steel. So casual bumps and such, or knocking them over, would not shatter them. But if a blow did get past their hardness, they would demonstrate that they could not take damage like steel. They wouldn't get a dent or similar, but would shatter.

Still, they should work out fine as display pieces.

He had the Unseen Servants stack all the glassware carefully in the Bag of Holding, next to the 3 vampires stuck in their amber forcefields.

Then he rode on to Hogsmeade, unloaded his new furnishings etc at the new building for Cogs Cuckoo Clearinghouse, and had the Unseen Servants set it all up as best they could.

While they were doing that, Milo worked on building security. He used several spells, including Stone Trap, Sign of Sealing, Fire Trap, and Secret Page plus Sepia Snake Sigil, to make the building as secure as he could for now.

It also made efficient use of his spell slots - what would be the point of refreshing his spells via the magic bedroll unless he used those spells before they refreshed again in the morning?

With that thought in mind, he also use the Wall of Stone spell to thicken the walls.

Then he rode back to Hogwarts and went to bed, just barely in time to get 8 hours of sleep.

In the morning, talk at breakfast was subdued.

Milo had expected to hear about how the new Headmaster Malfoy had gone to prison last night. But people seemed to avoid the subject of the Headmaster.

Milo went along with that until he could figure out what was up.

While talking about everything but the Headmaster, it got mentioned that Sirius Black had officially gotten his name cleared, and was a free man again.

Neville responded, "Yes, a free *rich* man." and then explained that Sirius had inherited a very large fortune.

This was news to Milo, who resolved to ask Sirius about it.

Later, in-between morning classes, Milo got an idea why nobody wanted to talk about Headmaster Malfoy. It was because he was here at Hogwarts, actively being Headmaster.

Milo knew that because he saw him walking down the hall.

Malfoy saw Milo too, but didn't react at all.

That was suspicious, so Milo cast

_Invisibility_

and followed him, trying to get into range to use Detect Thoughts so he could learn what was going on.

Malfoy went outside, and headed towards the Quidditch pitch.

Milo, hurrying after him, could see that Harry Potter was out there practicing, alone, during a free hour in his schedule.

One of the Dementors, who were supposed to be patrolling the grounds but generally did a really poor job of it, approached Malfoy.

He paused to let it catch up. While it approached he cast a spell Milo didn't know.

Then Malfoy said, "Come with me and do what I tell you."

The Dementor obediently followed him, as he started towards the Quidditch pitch again.

But the delay had given Milo time to catch up.

Milo cast

_Detect Thoughts_

and all became clear. This was not really Lucius Malfoy, though he looked like him. This was someone named Barty Crouch junior, a Death Eater so dedicated to evil that he made Lucius look clean by comparison.

Barty was unaware that Lucius had gone to prison and was following a plan they'd perviously agreed on.

So he was here to catch Harry Potter and use him as a potion ingredient, or, if unable to capture him, kill him.

Given that Barty had already used some kind of dark magic to control the Dementor, Milo decided to go with the 7th level spell Control Undead, rather than the 2nd level spell Command Undead, which the dementor, and possibly Barty, could try to resist.

He cast

_Control Undead_

and as Barty spun around to face the source of the sound, commanded, "Kiss him."

The dementor laid hold on Barty, and he immediately froze into complete immobility.

Adventurers like Milo faced death every day. So Milo had heard a lot of dying screams at one time or another.

But the scream Barty Crouch uttered as the dementor leaned in and kissed him was unique.

It was as if he was being slowly eaten alive. And maybe he was - his mind anyway.

It seemed to last forever, but Milo knew it had taken less than 6 seconds.

Before it was over, it was accompanied by other screams, as people looked out the windows of Hogwarts castle and saw what was happening.

Before the eyes of many, Lucius Malfoy was kissed to death by a dementor, and then turned into Barty Crouch junior.

Milo, still invisible, made the best use he could think of for his spell, and commanded the dementor to go into the Forbidden Forest, to a certain clearing, and write down, in the dirt if it had no other way, all the things that could kill it.

The dementor hurried off, and so did Milo.

Despite his hurry, Milo ended up being late for his next class. It cost Gryffendor 5 points.

At lunch, the general reticence to talk about Malfoy was entirely gone. It seemed like everyone was speaking the whole time about how Lucius Malfoy had been sent to Azkaban prison late yesterday evening, then escaped before dawn this morning, along with some others, including Snape and what few other Death Eaters had still been there.

Then the stories got confused. People were not sure if he had been at Hogwarts, or if that had been Barty Crouch the whole time. But they knew Crouch was dead and had appeared to look like Malfoy just before he died.

There was also nervous speculation as to who would be Headmaster next.

Someone joked that surely the ministry would appoint Voldemort to that position, if only they could find him.

In the meantime, McGonagall once again switched hats from Deputy Headmistress to Acting Headmistress.

Fred and George Weasley presented her with a toy called a yo-yo to commemorate the frequent changes.

After classes were over, Milo went outside to finish some business.

First he went into the Forbidden Forest, to the clearing he had described, to see what the dementor had written.

And there it was, scratched in the dirt in some unknown language - the list of things that could kill a dementor. Milo copied it down very carefully onto a piece of paper. No matter what language it was in, he could read it later with a simple 2nd level spell named Comprehend Languages.

He didn't cast it now, since he wanted to keep his spells available for combat.

He was going to go after Malfoy.

But before that, he tied up a loose end by going to the nearby grassy meadow with a stream running through it - the same one where he'd disposed of vampires before - and disposed of the 3 vampires that had spent the night in his Bag of Holding.

One by one, he took each out of the Bag of Holding and set them, in their amber forcefields which made them helpless yet still vulnerable to sunlight, out in the field in full sun, for three times as long as it took to completely destroy them. Then he set each underwater in the stream and dismissed the forcefields, so the running water could kill them again if needed.

Some things were notoriously hard to actually kill, so he liked to make certain.

With that done, he cast

_Scrying_

and observed Lucius Malfoy.

He was dressed as a woman, with his face bandaged, and was sitting at a table next to a woman who appeared to be bruised over every inch of her body.

Two other women were on the other side of the table. They also appeared to have been beaten recently.

There was a small table near the first where two sad-looking children sat.

All were eating lunch.

Milo didn't know what was going on there, but he knew who his target was and how to get there.

He cast

_Ray Deflection_

_Mirror Image_

and

_Teleport_

and was suddenly in the room where the disguised Lucius Malfoy was having lunch with the others.

Malfoy instantly leaped up, grabbing the woman next to him as he did so. She attempted to resist, but only succeeded at pulling his bandages away, revealing his face, which needed a shave.

He held her chin in one hand and shoulder in the other and said, "Freeze and be silent or I'll break her neck!"

Milo doubted that Malfoy actually knew how to do so, and also that he had the strength to do so even if he knew how.

He made a Sense Motive skill check, and cast

_Baleful Polymorph_

turning Malfoy into a snail the size of a rabbit.

Before he changed, Malfoy had tried to kill the woman, but failed. He hadn't known the right move to make it work.

Still, he'd wrenched her around some, and she slumped down in tears, while both children ran up to her crying "Mommy, are you alright?"

One kicked the snail, bruising its flesh.

Milo hurried to show the snail a Sepia Snake Sigil. Then he picked up the amber forcefield encasing the snail that was Lucius, and put it in a Bag of Holding. The forcefield would keep it from suffocating while Milo dealt with other things.

While the bag was open, he fished out a Belt of Healing.

He dismissed his Mirror Images and moved towards the woman, but was intercepted by the older child.

"Go away or I'll kick you!" she stated defiantly, balling her fists as she did so and crying at the same time.

"I'm going to help your mother." Milo replied. "The bad man in disguise hurt her because I came here, so I owe her that much."

He moved slowly and, failing to be kicked, touched the belt to the woman and activated it.

The bruises covering every observable inch of her all disappeared. She let out a big sigh and straightened her head, which she'd been holding at an angle.

"What was that?" She asked.

"Magic." Milo replied.

Everybody started talking at once.

Milo set Mordy to entertaining the children with illusions of small furry animals in pastoral scenes, while he tried to make sense of what the women were saying.

He healed the other two as they talked.

It turned out that this was a place called a "Battered Women's Shelter" - a place where women could flee to when their husbands beat them.

It's location was supposed to be secret, so the abusive husbands could not find it, and all 3 women were concerned that the secret was apparently out, since first Lucius and then Milo had shown up.

Just as Milo was trying to explain that his finding the place didn't mean anybody else could, somebody started hammering on the locked front door and yelling for Sophie to come out and "take what's coming to her".

The first woman, and her two kids all blanched in fear.

"Oh how I wish I could beat on him for a change! He's a good man, mostly, but he gets drunk and then this happens. I think he really doesn't know his own strength. I wish I could show him what it feels like."

"Wish Granted" Milo said, and cast

_Enlarge Person_

_Girallon's Blessing_

and

_Fuse Arms_

on Sophie.

With the first spell, Sophie grew from size Medium - about five and a half feet tall - to size Large - about 9 feet tall.

The second spell grew 3 extra pairs of arms on her, which gave her some consternation until the third spell fused the extra pairs of arms with her own, leaving just one pair of outrageously strong arms.

All told, she had more strength than some of the giants on Milo's world.

Crouching to fit under the ceiling, she went to the front door and flung it open, sending her husband flying across the parking lot.

He landed in a heap, and Sophie was there before he could collect his wits.

She picked him up by an ankle and shook him like a terrier shakes a rat.

Then, holding him in the air, while he flailed helplessly, she began to lecture him.

"There will be no more beatings from you. You won't beat me and you certainly won't beat the children. They taught me this trick in the battered women's shelter, and if you ever make me use it again, you are in for a severe beating yourself! It won't be me that gets bruised up. it will be you that ends up in the hospital. Now promise me you will be good so I'll never have to do this to you again."

She shook him again to make sure she got her point across.

When she paused, he hurriedly, and repeatedly, promised as she'd asked.

She continued to specify new rules for a while, mostly variations of 'no drinking' and 'no beatings', with a side dose of how they'd talk things out and, if necessary, go to counseling.

When she was done, she sent him home to sober up.

In her words, he was "grounded".

While she was at it, Milo cast

_Bestow Curse_

and Mordenkainen the rat delivered the touch-range spell, unnoticed, to the man.

"What did you curse daddy with?" a small concerned girl asked.

"I cursed him to hate the taste of alcohol, and to throw up if he drank it despite the taste." Milo responded. "It's a permanent curse."

She cheered up noticeably, "I guess that's all right then."

"Why are you helping us?" The second woman asked.

"I don't want you to become hags," Milo replied.

She bristled. "Negative comments about appearance are offsides! Besides, none of us have done our makeup today."

"Appearance is only a side effect of the hag transformation, which happens when a woman gets irretrievably bitter about men - usualy from being beaten on too much. Don't go there. Sure Hags get fantastic strength and some magic powers, But it isn't worth it. The lore says they are miserable all the time." Milo explained.

"Did you make Mommy a hag?" the younger child asked.

"No, I just gave her some size and strength temporarily. She is still the same person she was, not a bitter full-of-hate hag. But the experience should touch the legends of hags carried deep inside most people, and give your dad good reason to change."

"That, and he got a good shaking." the second woman added. They all laughed.

"Can you do something like that for us too?" The third woman asked.

Milo thought of her as the green woman, since she was wearing a green dress.

"Sure." Milo was feeling generous. "Take me to your beater."

They all groaned.

"I just want my boyfriend to stay away from me," the green woman replied, "But every time I kick him out, he comes right back, usually with his friends. Then it gets ugly. If I lock him out, he kicks in the door. He's from a violent culture that disrespects women. I thought he could get over that for me. I was wrong."

"I can help with that." Milo said, then turned to the second woman - the one wearing a blue t-shirt and jeans - and asked, "what about you? What would you like?"

"Just make him leave me alone - that's all I need," the blue woman muttered.

"Beth is being brave," the green woman interjected. "She hasn't got any job skills, so supporting herself will be tough. That's a common problem, so the shelter provides books to help with it, but who has time to read all that?" She gestured at a shelf on the far wall of the room, crammed with a few dozen books.

"Reading those books would help you? Ok, hold on a second." Milo reached up and grabbed a purple crystal which had been orbiting his head. Into it, he cast

_Scholar's Touch_

then said "Oh yah, you'll need this too," and fished out his old Headband of Intellect +4 from his Belt of Hidden Pouches.

"These are just a loan, I can't give them to you, but you can use them for a few minutes," he said, offering them to the blue woman, whose name was apparently Beth.

"What do they do?" she asked, uncertainly, making no move to take them.

"If you toss the purple crystal in the air, it will start flying around your head in circles. When it is doing that, you can use it to cast the spell I just put in it - Scholar's touch - which lets you read an entire book the instant you touch it. You can read about a third of the books on that shelf that way. You'll need the Headband to help you understand what you read. However smart you are, it will make you smarter. I'm told it is harder to learn something new than it is to hang on to knowledge you already have. So having it on while you learn new things should really help."

He offered the two things again and she accepted them.

He showed her how to use the purple Ioun Stone to cast the spell, then waited as she did so and went over to the books.

She touched the first book and gasped, "I know Kung-Fu!"

"Really?" the green woman asked.

"Well, I haven't done any of the moves, or practiced it at all, but I know what the moves are. This is Wonderful!"

"Is Kung-Fu something that can support you?" Milo asked, never having heard of it before.

"No," she answered, looking a little embarrassed. "But it should help me defend myself if he bothers me again.

She examined the other titles on the shelf, and touched a book designed to teach the trade of court reporter.

"I know shorthand!" she enthused.

Then quickly she touched the books for several other trades, as well as some self-help and conflict resolution books.

When she came to the end of the spell, and sat down to digest what she'd read, the green woman eagerly said "My turn!"

"Then me!" said Sophie from the door.

They gave Beth a few minutes to absorb what she'd read.

During that time Milo was surprised to note that he'd gotten xp for helping her read the books. It wasn't a lot, but it was significant in that it demonstrated that defeating bad guys in combat wasn't the only way to get xp. Helping those in need apparently did so as well.

And it also made him feel really good.

He decided to explore the idea a bit with some gifts to cheer the ladies up.

He'd seen some sparkly gravel outside when Sophie went out.

Now he went out and checked. It was quartz - not valuable in small broken chunks like gravel, but it could look really nice in the right circumstances.

He had the Unseen Servants collect selected pieces into a pile, Then cast

_Stone Shape_

on the pile of quartz, and made from it 5 decorative bracelets - one for each woman and child in the shelter. He also made several statues of dancing ballerinas, three flower vases, clear globes, and small boxes for holding jewelry.

All were beautiful seamless pieces without chips or cracks - polished and detailed with artful blends of opaque, clear, and colored quartz.

He gave out the bracelets, statues, vases and boxes, and they were well-received, so he decided to go ahead with his other idea.

Into the clear quartz globes, he cast

_Permanent Image_

and made each one show within it a stylized replay of the scene where a giant-sized Sophie went out and shook her husband up. It was an accurate record of events, except that Sophie looked better - as if her hair had been done and her makeup applied.

That was at her insistence.

They loved the globes.

Milo said, "If anybody asks you about them, just say they are 'electronic'. I've heard that, in this universe, that word can explain anything."

"Can't we just say they're magic? They are, aren't they?" Mary asked.

"Magic is a secret. If you talk about magic, there are people who will come and erase your memory. I can't stop that." Milo responded, then added "Even if I could change that - you don't want it changed. Where I come from, anyone can learn magic, and that has made people complacent. In this universe, only those few who are born with the ability can use magic. So you've had to learn to solve your problems in other ways. You've developed things like cars, trains, and electrissy while my people still live like your ancestors from about 400 years ago."

That sparked a long discussion. When they had chewed on the idea thoroughly, they got back to discussing which books to read.

The green lady, whose name turned out to be Mary, and Sophie, considered and discussed which books to read when their turns came up.

Beth offered her opinions too.

In the end, they chose some of the same books, and some different.

But they all learned Kung-Fu.

Milo had read many books via Scholar's Touch and never gained a skill point from it. That's not how things worked where he came from.

But from the way the women were talking, Milo gathered that they were actually gaining new skills. From past conversations with Hermione, he had supposed it might be that way here.

Sophie asked if her two kids could each have a turn as well, since having an abusive father had made it harder for them to learn.

Milo was only too happy to agree. He was enjoying both the happy glow that comes from helping people, as well as the trickles of xp.

When he heard that, despite the new skills they had, it would be financially hard for them the first couple of months, Milo gave each one a couple gold for rent.

Then they all walked out to Sophie's minivan.

Beth's car wasn't at the shelter, since a friend had driven her there two days ago.

Mary had taken the bus.

Sophie stopped by the minivan and exclaimed in disgust. "He did it again! He put his key in the lock and broke it off there for spite. I really hate what he does when he's drunk."

She started to go around the other side of the minivan when Milo spoke "So that little piece of metal stuck in that little hole there is a problem?"

When she confirmed that, he cast

_Stick_

and stuck his finger to the piece of the key that was broken off inside the lock. Then he simply pulled it out.

"That's great. Thanks for the help. That would have cost a lot more to repair than getting a replacement key will." Sophie emphasized the point by picking up the other half of the broken key from the ground.

Milo gestured for it, and when she handed it to him, he held the two halves together and cast

_Mending_

making it one whole key again.

"Wow! Would that work on the windshield?" she asked, gesturing towards the cracked glass panel on the front of the vehicle.

Milo cast

_Mending_

again, and the network of cracks in the glass were all repaired into one seamless clear pane.

After effusive thanks, everybody else piled in to the vehicle.

Milo needed some encouragement - he'd never been in one before but had seen the insane speeds they traveled at.

But he did get in.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 aka chapter 83

They all drove to Beth's apartment.

She said her husband often spent time - lots of time - away from home. He said he was at his sister's house, and she backed up his claim.

But Beth had her doubts.

Not, she said, that it mattered anymore anyway, since she'd decided to divorce him.

She was sure he'd be at home right now, since his favorite sports team was playing and she had a nice tv set, where he preferred to watch such games.

Beth was reluctant to go anywhere near her husband - he was very abusive - but Milo's explanations and demonstrations convinced her.

Probably, it was the demonstrations that really did it.

Milo was planning to get the guy to leave by pretending to be an angel.

He explained to the group that there really were angels, and he could summon one, but that it might not stay long enough to do the job.

So Milo would do the job instead.

He altered the illusion around himself provided by his armband of his Disguise Self to look like what he thought an angel looked like, and asked the group what they thought and what changes it needed.

Several cycles of changes later, including extending his wings and making them look white instead of multicolored, and Sticking coins shining with Celestial Brilliance to his chest, back, and sides, they declared that he looked convincing.

They pulled up in front of the apartment building where Beth lived, and Milo cast

_Invisibility_

on himself.

It wouldn't do to be seen early.

Angels are not known for riding in minivans.

The Invisibility hid Milo as well as the light he was giving off.

With the encouragement of the others in the minivan, Beth got out - apparently alone though Milo was with her whispering encouragement - and went in to the large brick building.

She went down a hall, up a set of stairs, then down a short hall and around a corner to a door.

On getting renewed encouragement from Milo, she used her key, turned the knob, and went in.

Milo went in right behind her, extending his wings as he went, since they would be just as invisible as the rest of him.

Beth's husband, in sweatpants and a greasy sleeveless t-shirt that used to be white, was laying on the couch watching tv.

Without looking up, he said, "When the next commercial comes on, you're going to get it."

Milo took that as his cue.

He had already stepped to the side, so he wouldn't be right by the door when he became visible again. Angels are not known for using doors, and he wanted maximum believability.

To Milo's surprise, Beth anticipated him with an unplanned declaration; "I found religion."

Her timing worked out perfectly, and came immediately before Mordy's Ghost Sound spell made a loud fanfare of trumpets.

Milo dismissed his invisibility immediately after that, and the room was instantly full of very bright light. The coins stuck to Milo and giving off Celestial Brilliance were hidden by the illusion disguising him, but the light they emitted was not. So it looked like Milo himself was shining with light.

His illusion made him a lot taller and broader than he really was. It gave him what the women said were "very noble features". And it showed him covered in the whitest of white robes.

Milo flexed his wings - which appeared to be pure white also, and 'accidentally' brushed them against the man on the couch, while announcing,

"Heaven and Hell are real. Act accordingly!"

He used his Anklets of Translocation to Teleport himself 10 feet, so he was now on the other side of the couch, almost next to the man, who whipped his head around to see the Milo-angel.

Milo pointed his sword - also enhanced by illusion, but covered in real flames by one of the minor features of Milo's Helm of Brilliance - at the man, making sure to get it close enough for him to feel the heat from the flames, and declared,

"I give you a taste of Hell, that you may know to choose wisely."

Then he cast

_Wrack_

It was another of Thamior's spells, and caused intense pain - pain so profound as to leave the victim helpless and blind while it lasted.

Remembering some of the things Beth had said, Milo let the pain go on for the full duration of the spell - in this case 16 minutes.

During that time, Beth went around gathering her husband's possessions, and dumping them out in the hallway - all except for his keys to the apartment, which she kept.

Milo and Mordy assisted by having their Unseen Servants carry out any things she designated.

Beth was concerned that the door lock might not be adequate, so Milo cast

_Arcane Lock_

into a purple Ioun Stone, gave it to her, and had her cast it on the door.

Now she would be the only one able to open it, and it would resist being broken open by force.

Milo also cast

_Bestow Curse_

on the man, cursing him to get a headache whenever he got within sight of Beth. The headache would increase in intensity the longer he stayed within sight, and the closer he got.

Beth had said that should keep the man way from her just fine.

While the man was still blinded by pain, Milo cast

_Invisibility_

on himself again and put away his wings.

Then they dragged the man out into the hallway with his stuff, left him a note, and locked the door for good measure.

Beth's note explained the headache curse 'the angel' had put on her husband, told him she would be getting a divorce, and bid him goodbye. It implied she could get the angel back again if necessary.

They'd been careful not to do any talking where the man could hear it, and between that and everything else, they judged that the whole thing had worked out well.

Beth was elated and hurried out to tell her new friends in the van all about it. She also wanted to be there to see what happened when they got to Mary's house.

They chattered as they drove - first re-hashing Beth's 'deliverance' and then refining the plans for Mary's.

To stem the endless stream of questions, Mordy made an illusion to show them all a reconstruction of the events at Beth's apartment.

They loved it and asked if they could get "snow globes" showing that like they already had showing Sophie's 'deliverance'.

After hearing an explanation of what they meant by "snow globes", Milo offered to make those for them and deliver them another day, since he was getting low on that type of spells.

They liked the idea. It seemed to give them extra reassurance.

Somewhere along the way, the 3 ladies started calling themselves "the Angel Club".

They planned to stay in touch with each-other.

Soon enough the minivan and two large vans arrived at Mary's house.

Or at least it looked like two large vans were there. They were actually an illusion made and maintained by Mordy.

He'd started the illusion a few blocks back, at a time when there was a large truck to one side and a bare fence to the other, blocking view, since Illusions are more believable if they are not seen popping in out of nowhere.

The real minivan and two large illusory vans pulled into the alley behind Mary's house, by the gate in the back fence.

Mary got out, took out her keys, unlocked the gate and went through.

She was still removing and stowing her keys when a loud angry man came out the sliding glass door in the rear of the house.

He yelled, "So you think to avoid me by sneaking in the back like a thief, you rebellious dog! I see that I must teach you your place again. Women must show proper subservience..."

He trailed off as first one, then another of the Shadow Guardians Milo had summoned walked in through the gate.

Milo had summoned a lot more than two.

So that nobody would see them appearing out of nothing and thus get a chance to Disbelieve them, he'd summoned them inside the illusory vans Mordy was maintaining. He had them getting out of the vans one at a time, like real passengers, to maintain believability.

The Shadow Guardians looked like "Mafia Enforcers", as described by the ladies and refined by making Silent Images according to their descriptions, then altering those as they indicated. A few cycles of alterations had led to what they said was a very believable "goon". They even suggested small ways in which each should differ from each-other, like real people would.

Milo had just wanted to reprise his angel performance, but Mary had said that there was no way her boyfriend would believe it. She said he claimed to be religious, but really he just used religion as an excuse to do whatever he wanted, and that, even if he saw an angel, he wouldn't believe it - unless it told him to do what he wanted to do anyway.

So they'd decided on another approach. She said all he respected was brute force and that, like any bully, he'd back down when faced with more of it than he had.

True to form, as "Mafia Enforcers" started coming in the back gate in obvious support of Mary, the boyfriend first tried blustering about "tresspassing", then tried saying he "didn't want any trouble", and saying it was "all a misunderstanding", then simply fled.

Or he tried fleeing.

Six Shadow Guardians were in the back yard by that time, and the first one was close enough to the man that it had no trouble catching and holding him.

Milo walked in the back gate at this point, wearing a black suit, hat, and necktie like the Shadow Guardians. In addition to the clothes, his Disguise Self spell made him taller, late middle-aged, and gave him "Italian features" as the ladies described it.

"Welcome Don Milo," Mary said respectfully, as they'd planned.

"Is this the creep you told me about?" Milo asked in the whispery-gravelly voice they'd coached him in.

"Yes sir." She responded.

"Are you sure he don't gotta get whacked?" Milo asked, "It'd be simpler."

"I want to at least try the way we talked about first. Otherwise I'd be worried about having blood on my hands." Mary replied.

"Ok my friend, have it your way."

"Boys, do whatever she tells you."

She told them to beat him up good.

Four Shadow Guardians held the ex-boyfriend while the other two pounded on him.

Milo didn't bring in the rest yet.

Mary had a plan about that.

Before the beating really got going, Milo said, "Zelda, do your thing."

This was the trigger phrase for the Programmed Image he had cast while on the drive over here.

The illusion formed and went through the actions Milo had set for it, such that a fantastically-decorated old woman, dressed as a "gypsie" according to the ladies descriptions, walked up and started loudly chanting while shaking a bone rattle and flinging multi-colored powders in the air.

While the man was distracted by the "gypsie", Milo unobtrusively cast

_Bestow Curse_

and

_Geas_

Then he nodded to Mary, and Milo and the Gypsie left.

Mary explained to her boyfriend, "The Gypsie has just laid a twin curse on you. One part is to make you slowly weaken and die. The only way to undo that part of the curse is for you to go to your home country where you learned to treat women so poorly, and live there for a month disguised as a woman. To satisfy the curse, you must not tell anyone of the curse, nor that you are not a woman. You must do your best with the disguise and with convincingly acting as a woman or that part of the curse will not be cancelled. The second part of the curse can not be undone - you will live with it for the rest of your no-longer-violent life. It is that when you cause pain to anyone else, you will feel twice that pain."

Mary called a stop to the beating soon thereafter, since it was bothering her.

She had the "Mafia Enforcers" carry her ex-boyfriend out to the street and dump him.

He picked himself up and scuttled away down the street.

Sophie, followed by the 2 big vans, drove around to the front of the house, where the minivan parked while the 2 vans went into the garage and parked. When the garage door was closed, Mordy dismised the illusion they had been. Since they had been out of sight when they disappeared, they would remain a mystery.

The ladies, children, and Milo all went in the house, where Mary was preparing a snack while they waited for "round two", as she called it.

Sure enough, just as she had predicted, before the snack was over, a car pulled up out front and disgorged her boyfriend and 3 of his friends that lived a couple blocks away.

She said they'd usually break down the door, so she didn't let them get that far.

She commanded her "Mafia Enforcers" and ten of them trooped out the front door, while another 4 went around to the front from each side of the house, as if they'd been guarding the rear.

Seeing their numbers, the 4 men tried to get right back into their car. But the Shadow Guardians caught them first and gave them all a good beating.

Normal illusion spells can't do that - they can't even fool the sense of touch. But the Shadow Guardians spell infused illusion with some essence from the Elemental Plane of Shadow. Consequently, these illusions were partly real even if you knew they were illusions. And they were fully real to those who believed in them.

And the beatings they gave were just as real.

Mary had said her ex-boyfriend didn't believe in the supernatural at all. So he effectively had no choice to believe the Shadow Guardians were real. He couldn't imagine otherwise.

She let the beatings go on longer this time, then pulled the "Mafia Enforcers" back to stand guard all around the house.

By the time the Shadow Guardians spell wore out, her ex-boyfriend would have started feeling the effects of the Geas spell.

By the time he was sure the "enforcers" were no longer guarding the house, he'd be feeling the effects powerfully enough to convince even him he needed to dress as a woman and do as he'd been told.

The women turned the snack into a spontaneous party.

Milo stayed a while, then, concerned about how low he was on spells, he cast

_Teleport_

and went home to Hogwarts.

There, he immediately sent an owl off to Cog with his next project - boots of Ray Deflection - and to pick up his last project.

While waiting for the owl to return, he and Mordy used the acorns they had previously collected, along with some "gel caps" Hannah had described, and then obtained for them, to make some small nitroglycerin bombs. They would have more effect than the Explosive Runes coins that Mordy had been able to launch before, as well as not costing Milo any spell slots to prepare.

The two halves of the gel cap got filled with Flobberworm mucous, and then pushed together to form one watertight pill.

Hannah said that some folks used them to make their own pills containing herbs or oils.

Then the filled pill went into an acorn filled with Glycerol. With the same trigger mechanism in place as with larger bombs, but much smaller wires in this case, the whole thing was glued together and set aside for later use.

They had several done before the owl came back with another magic bedroll.

Heward's Fortifying Bedroll could only be used once every other day. Folks who had bought two had discovered that you could not benefit from the same effect from other magic items within that 48 hour span either.

So Milo wasn't trying to get the same effect. He'd made the second bedroll with a flaw - it didn't heal him a half hitpoint per level when he used it.

That, coincidentally, saved him money.

But mainly, it made the effect no longer the same.

He wasted no time in trying it.

And an hour later woke to discover that it had worked - his spell slots were ready to be reloaded through study as usual every morning.

Except that it was still the early afternoon.

He still had plenty of day left for hunting bad guys.

He got ready and cast

_Scrying_

and thereby observed Tom Riddle in a cave, with some masked Death Eaters, apparently training new recruits. They demonstrated wand motions and directed the new Death Eaters in how to fire killing curses at a pen full of goats.

Riddle walked around the room observing and saying things Milo could not hear.

The scrying spell ended just as Riddle gave a new Death Eater the Dark Mark.

Milo cast

_Ray Deflection_

_Cloud of Knives_

_Mirror Image_

_Displacement_

_Greater Blink_

and then

_Teleport_

and arrived at the edge of the cavern.

This time, he won initiative.

He cast

_Chain Lightning_

and seventeen Death Eaters, new and old, dropped dead, electrocuted and burned by the lightning bolts that sought out every person in the room.

Every person except, unfortunately, Tom Riddle, who had happened to have stepped behind someone else just before Milo appeared.

Without line of sight, Milo couldn't hit him with the lightning spell, so he'd settled for hitting everyone he could hit.

He and Mordy each fired knives from the Cloud of Knives hovering around them. Both hit Riddle.

Mordy Greased Riddle's wand, which fell out of his hand.

But Riddle drew another wand, and the wounds in the shoulder and leg didn't stop Riddle from Apparating away.

Mentally, Milo kicked himself for not also having cast Prismatic Eye, or Freezing Glance before coming.

With either of those in place, Milo would have been able to take out Riddle before he could escape.

But he'd already cast 7 spells, counting the Scrying, to prepare for the fight. Spending spells was always a judgement call - you needed to cast enough to be effective, but no more, since you needed to save some for later, and for the unexpected.

Most of his spells had been cast on defense rather than offense. It was a tradeoff, but Milo figured a mistake with having too much defense would leave him alive but with a longer combat, while a mistake in the other direction could leave him dead, which he preferred to avoid.

While his defensive spells lasted, he went around looking for trouble - exploring any likely hiding places, and routes that enemies might approach by.

He had one Unseen Servant put away the scarecrow it had been carrying and loot the bodies.

The other Unseen Servant kept its scarecrow, in case opponents showed up.

But a whole lot of nothing happened.

The cave was apparently just a temporary base. The goat pen was the only structure there - they must have sat on the floor, when and if they sat.

In looking over the dead, Milo noticed that the masks had slipped off several. One of those was Severus Snape.

"Huh. I had expected more fight out of that one." he said, and shrugged.

When he was done with the cave, he Teleported back to Hogwarts.

It was nice that the wards saw Apparating and Teleporting as different things.

The first thing he did was think through his choices for level 15, to which the massive surge of xp in the cave had taken him.

He chose Rainbow Servant level 10, and was dazzled by all the new Cleric spells he suddenly had access to.

Optimizing his choices there would take some time.

He would have to put in most of that time later.

For now, he wanted to choose spells and a feat and get busy adventuring again.

He now had access to 8th level spells and there were some good options available there.

He considered Demand, which would let him implant semi-coercive Suggestions at any distance, and Discern Location, which would let him find familiar objects or creatures at any distance, but went instead with what he felt were better options.

He chose Polymorph Any Object - an amazingly flexible spell that could turn anything into anything, for a duration proportional to how drastic the change was, up to and including permanent. Even for the most drastic changes, like turning a metal spoon into a human, it lasted 20 minutes.

It offered some exciting possibilities. But so did his other choice - Superior Invisibility - an invisibility spell so potent that almost nothing could defeat it, even most spells devoted to defeating invisibility.

If the locals could not see him, they could not target him with their spells.

Lastly, he chose the Craft Construct feat, so he could make another Dedicated Wright or two. He had several ideas for useful magic items to create.

When he was done levelling up, he went and cast

_Scrying _

again.

He saw Riddle in a small clearing in a forest, meeting with a few hags, vampires, werewolves, a giant, and a couple Death Eaters.

He didn't suppose that Tom Riddle would expect to be attacked twice in the same day.

He would soon find out.

He cast

_Ray Deflection_

_Superior Invisibility_

_Freezing Glance_

and

_Teleport_.

and arrived in the forest clearing he had seen.

The werewolves instantly noticed a change, and looked around rapidly and intently.

The puff of air as Milo arrived alerted them that something was going on, but they couldn't tell what.

Superior Invisibility also hid any sounds or smells emanating from Milo.

Apparently there was not much trust among Riddle's group, since the werewolves, while obviously on their guard, did not share their information with the hags, vampires, humans, or giant.

Milo froze Riddle with a Freezing Glance.

Then, without them even hearing him do it, Milo cast

_Wages of Sin_

and selected everyone present as targets.

The spell only affected creatures with an Evil alignment. It made them attack the nearest evil creature and use their most effective attack to do so, as long as the spell lasted.

Pandemonium erupted, with biting, clawing, smashing, and killing all around.

The giant grabbed a tree, broke it in half, and impaled a vampire with each half, as if they were enormous stakes.

A vampire bit deep into a hag's neck and sucked while mesmerizing his victim.

Another hag caved in a werewolf's skull with a mighty blow.

A werewolf tore the throat out of a Death Eater, right as that Death Eater sent off a killing curse which took down a vampire.

And so it went.

The creatures Riddle had been meeting with destroyed each other with great abandon.

Before Milo got to act again, a hag aimed a kick at the frozen Tom Riddle.

The kick, which should have torn his leg clean off, spent some of its force shattering the ice encasing Riddle, and was further blunted by the armor his stolen robes magically emulated.

So his leg stayed attached, though it clearly had a bad compound fracture.

Riddle, though clearly in pain, Apparated away.

Milo found that very disappointing. The longer Riddle stayed alive the more trouble he would cause.

Milo refrained from freezing any more creatures - they were doing his work for him, and freezing some, or distracting them with illusions or scarecrows would just slow them down.

He did let Mordy use Create Trap a number of times, to add to the devastation

He also tossed out a couple coins shining with Celestial Brilliance to help take down the vampires.

Milo stayed out of the way, so none of the combatants would bump into him.

And without bumping into him, they could not detect Milo.

So Milo supervised in safety.

Finally, the fight ended when the last two werewolves leapt on the giant and set about shredding him. He tore one in half before he went down.

Milo blasted the other with one

_Storm Bolt_

after another, just to be sure.

Then he went around making sure everything stayed dead.

Werewolves were resistant to damage, except from silver weapons. But they were resistant - not immune.

Still, just in case, Milo used a silver crossbow bolt to poke them and make sure.

He had the Unseen Servants sweep up the black ash which was all the Celestial Brilliance had left of the vampires, and dump it on a towel Milo brought out of a pouch and placed in a sunny part of the clearing, away from the shadows and unnatural darkness where they'd fought.

There, under direct sunlight, the ash turned to a smaller amount of white ash.

At the other end of the clearing, far from the ash so it wouldn't be disturbed, Milo extended his wings and flew straight up to see if there was a stream or river nearby.

To his surprise, he recognized some landmarks.

He was in the Forbidden Forest near Hogwarts.

He flew back down, put away his wings, stowed the loot the Unseen Servants had collected from the dead, and then carefully gathered the corners of the towel, making sure not to spill any ash.

Then he went on a short walk to a nearby stream, and immersed the ash there.

He wasn't certain that was necessary to guarantee the vampires stayed dead - the direct sunlight alone ought to have been enough - but it cost him little to make sure.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 aka chapter 84

Since he wasn't that far from Hogsmeade, Milo started walking there to see how Sirius and Remus were doing.

He'd have preferred to hunt Riddle some more, especially while Riddle was wounded.

But scrying took an hour, and by that time, Riddle would probably have taken potions to fix himself up.

And Milo had already cast a lot of spells today. He didn't want to Teleport to an unknown location and be unable to Teleport back again that day.

A lot could happen in a day, especially if Riddle was in a location that was more dangerous than it appeared in a Scrying mirror.

So Adventuring was concluded for the day, as far as Milo was concerned.

He was still thinking that when he got shot.

Or rather, he almost got shot.

He would have been hit, but his Ray Deflection spell still had almost 2 minutes duration left on it. So the green energy of a killing curse, which would have impacted on the back of his neck, instead slid off to the side and missed him.

As Milo spun around to face the danger, a Reducto curse, which would have hit his head, was similarly deflected.

Now Milo was ready to strike back, but he had no target.

Or rather, he couldn't see a target. He was sure that one was still there.

They were too close to Hogwarts for the enemy to have Apparated away - the wards extended to this point and a bit beyond.

His assailant was probably hidden in the thick bushes by the stream edge. Milo's Robe of Eyes gave him amazing abilities to see things, but only within a short distance. The bushes were more than 30 feet away and the bad guy hiding there was undetectable until he decided to run.

He was just as sneaky when fleeing as he was when ambushing folks. He kept his broomstick low and behind bushes as he flew low towards the edge of the wards.

Milo only caught the briefest of glimpses of his fleeing assailant - way too brief to cast a spell at him.

But he had prepared for such an occasion.

The masked Death Eater fleeing on a broomstick had very good concealment, but it wasn't perfect.

And perfect concealment was what it would have taken to avoid the Guided Shot Milo fired from his magic crosbow.

As the flaming crossbow bolt - lit on fire by Milo's Helm of Brilliance - flew towards the target, Milo couldn't resist calling out "Eat this!"

The bolt hit, but the target clung resolutely to his broom and sped on.

At this level, Milo got a second attack each round as long as he wasn't casting spells.

His crosbow rapidly reloaded itself due to the Ghostly Reload spell on it, and Milo's second flaming shot also hit the bad guy.

But still the bad guy clung to his speeding broom.

He was several hundred feet away - outside of the range of most spells even if Milo could see him long enough to cast one at him - before Milo could shoot again.

The penalty to hit a target at that range was almost as much as the bonus the True Strike spell gave the crossbow.

But Milo had a modest attack bonus from his level, plus a bonus from dexterity, which was magically enhanced by the Belt of Magnificence. More importantly, the locals didn't wear armor or similar magical protections.

So Milo actually had a very good chance to hit the target.

And hit it he did.

The fleeing Death Eater and his broom crashed into a thicket and lay still.

The xp Milo got told him the target was defeated.

Things in Milo's world stopped giving xp when they stopped being a challenge. You had to face either tougher monsters, or more monsters at once, to keep getting xp.

Acromantulas here had been like that.

But Death Eaters kept giving Milo the same xp.

Milo supposed that was because any Death Eater could still kill kim with a single hit, and could cast several spells for each one Milo could cast. That, by definition, made them a challenge.

This one had been more challenging than most.

Milo had had the advantage ever since he went on the offensive against them.

The advantages inherent in being the attacker were that you could choose the time, place, and circumstances of the attack. No one could be strong everywhere and all the time. Attackers could choose weak points, gather their strength, and attack with overwhelming superiority. Even if that superiority was only temporary and local, it was enough to give them victory.

And local victories add up to change the overall situation.

Milo had been able to strengthen himself both offensively and defensively with spells, then hit the enemy when or where he wasn't expected.

Now one enemy had used the same principle to hit Milo when he wasn't ready. And, except for the long duration of the Ray Deflection spell, it would have worked.

Milo hoped the rest of the enemy had not also gone on the offensive. But given how they were led, it seemed likely that what one did, the others would too.

He thought about tactics and defenses while looting the body and then walking to Hogsmeade.

He walked in the front door at Cogs Cuckoo Clearinghouse, and stepped into an empty room. In pondering that, he remembered that the sign out front had been gone.

So he went back out, and down to the other end of town, where the new building for Cog's Cuckoo Clearinghouse stood.

There was the sign, and plenty of other evidence that Sirius and Remus had moved in.

They'd done some decorating too.

Milo walked in and called "Hello?"

Sirius came out and, with a twinkle in his eye, playfully exclaimed "Merrily met, magnificent master Milo!

May many mirthful memories manifest in this meritorious mansion."

He continued "I guess a gap in gaining, garnering, or gleaning greater

grandiose glitzy glittery glamorous garish gaudiness?"

Milo had to think about that one for a moment.

Then he said "Wrong. I don't think you've seen this yet."

He turned off his Disguise Self spell and indicated the large emerald stuck to his forehead.

He'd found it while looking through the Bellatrix loot this morning.

"It's called a Third Eye, the Clarity type, and makes me immune to Stun and Daze effects. I just got it."

While he was speaking, a rebellious impulse made him extend his multicolored couatl wings, and turn on his Cloak of Scintillating Colors: If Sirius was going to tease him about being gaudy, he may as well get the full effect.

"Enough is enough. Stop it, already. You win, o master of the gaudy." Sirius held up his hands in mock surrender.

Milo, feeling mischevious, said, "You can play too," and used his new Rod of Splendor on Sirius.

Suddenly, Sirius Black was dressed, head to toe, in a fluffy bunny costume, which was covered in dozens of large cheerful smiley-faces.

The costume was made of mink and ermine fur, with diamonds for buttons. The smiley faces were each formed by multiple topaz gems adjacent to each-other, with black opals forming the smiles and sapphires forming the eyes.

Sirius exclaimed, "I'm rich! ... Well, more rich anyway."

"No." Milo sighed, "It only lasts for 12 hours."

Sirius considered his costume and asked, "What is it good for then?"

"Legend says folks used to be able to use the gems from it as spell components and it is a hold-over from that time. But that may just be legend- it certainly doesn't work that way now.

Now it is just a very expensive way to look gaudy for 12 hours a day."

Sirius considered some more, then said, "You know, this could be a good look for me. I'll just hop around town for a while and treasure the looks on people's faces. " He grinned.

"You'll attract thieves." Milo warned.

"And?..."

"Good point. The traps here would likely get them, and the world would be a better place without them."

Milo considered, then added, "People will demand that you lower the prices here."

"That must not be!" Sirius stamped his large fluffy rabbit foot for emphasis.

"I thought not. Though I must admit I'm curious why you work here at all, as rich as you are." Milo asked.

"You already know or you wouldn't have said that. I work here because I enjoy it. I meet a lot of people, joke with many of them, and prank the ones who deserve it. All that on top of hanging out with my friend Remus all day and helping him earn a living, which must not be impacted by my having a little fun hopping around town as the Easter Bunny of bling."

"Speaking of being rich, I've been meaning to ask you how you manage it." Milo said.

"It is a trial, yes, but I'm tough enough, I can take it." Sirius struck a stoic pose.

"I meant how do you keep track of properties, businesses etc and keep them all making money instead of falling into disrepair? Last night Malfoy signed over his entire fortune to me, and most of it needs some kind of management to keep it running."

"The real hard part is keeping track of all the numbers for costs and income and whatnot. Managing it all - that is, making the decisions - doesn't take that long when you realize the secret - make good decisions then let it run. Don't 'micro-manage' it, which means let your employees do their jobs without worrying about you looking over their shoulders and breathing down their necks, questioning or overruling every little thing they do."

He smiled, "You've been fine here, managing Remus and me. So I have no problem helping you with that part. But keeping track of the numbers - the accountancy - is very time consuming. I can't keep up with my own, much less take on more of that."

"Accountancy did you say?" Milo asked. "I happen to know 3 ladies who just learned that, at least 2 of whom are looking for work. What do you say we go check with them?"

"An excellent idea!" Sirius enthused, "But only if you tell me the whole story about why Lucius Malfoy would give you the thing he loves most - his wealth."

They spent the rest of the day on it, first registering Milo's ownership, then Apparating around with the Angel Club - who were all excited to have jobs working from home for as many, or as few, hours as they cared to - to meet all the managers and workers in the former Malfoy businesses and get set up.

They set up the Angel Club with their own owls and reusable port-keys so they could send and receive reports and paperwork, got them listed as squibs - easy since the magicals' record-keeping was so spotty - and they were in business.

At the end of a busy evening, Sirius suggested they take Fiona to dinner at her favorite restaurant. He said that she wasn't healing well at Saint Mungoes because potions didn't work for her, so she needed some cheering up.

Also she wanted to hear from Milo how the whole situation with Malfoy had ended up.

Milo agreed and they Apparated to the hospital.

A glum Fiona greeted them, then complained "They can't do much for me, since most of their healing is potion-based and those don't work for us squibs.'" She winked at Sirius as she said 'squib', then continued, "But they keep trying things and don't want to let me go until something works."

Milo said, "I just learned something that should work," and cast

_Cure Serious Wounds_

on Fiona.

Instantly, the cut on her forehead healed, as did the nerve damage from the Crucio spell and the older leg wound.

Fiona was cautiously pleased, until she got up and walked around the room to prove to herself the real extent of the change.

Then she was ecstatic, and that peaked as she checked out of the hospital.

Soon they were all sitting around a table in Fiona's favorite restaurant. It was mostly a "sports bar" where off-duty police officers tended to go and hang out. But it was also a full restaurant specializing in food from India.

Fiona apologized about it being such an odd combintion, but said the food more than made up for it.

Milo didn't know what was odd, but he was sure the food did Not make up for anything negative, rather, the food was more negative than anything else he'd experienced recently.

It was food from hell - probaby in literal truth. It was so spicy-hot he was sure it was burning his mouth and internal organs.

He actually cast

_Resist Energy_

to make him safe from fire damage, only to discover, to his horror, that this must be some other kind of damage: fire resistance - enough to sit naked in a bonfire and take no harm - didn't help at all.

As he was contemplating whether to try casting Neutralize Poison, another form of distress hit Milo.

The "curry" had gone through his system faster than a Hasted Quickling on Expeditious Retreat could run.

He scurried off to the restroom as fast as he could waddle - holding his legs together to prevent any unplanned release from making a mess.

He made it to the bathroom and was surprised to see something he'd only heard about before - a line waiting for each toilet.

Apparently he wasn't the only one affected by the curry that way.

There was one toilet with an "out of order" sign, and Milo was desperate enough to peek in that stall to see if it was usable anyway. It wasn't.

The toilet bowl had been broken in half.

So he got in line and suffered through what felt like an interminable wait. The smell in the bathroom, unusually horrible even for a bathroom, didn't help.

Yet he was cheerful as he finished and went back to their table - he'd had an idea.

He wasn't the only cheerful one.

Fiona was encountering a lot of police officers she knew. And each one was congratulating her on her recovery and imminent return to work.

Something she had been glum about was now something to be glad about: Amelia Bones had stopped by her hospital room and explained that she liked the idea of having a squib on the muggle police force and wanted Fiona to act as a liason between the muggle and magical police forces. Both of them could see advantages to the 2 forces coordinating certain cases, and sharing some information.

And Fiona could do it, and get the extra income from doing it, without interfering with her normal police duties. She would just have to send off messages by owl - or make in-person reports via reusable port-key - most evenings.

But it had been contingent on her returning to work, which she had not been able to do with her bad leg.

She'd also been concerned that her bosses may not let her return, but Amelia had confidently assured her that would be taken care of.

And from comments her fellow officers made, it was clear that it had indeed been taken care of.

Fiona had also been hesitant to return to work with the muggle police if the 'business' with Malfoy and his henchmen had not yet been taken care of.

Milo was able to reassure her on that score.

So the dinner ended up being a celebration of triumph - that is, as long as Milo stayed away from the curry.

At the end of a very celebratory evening, Milo returned to Hogwarts.

Milo walked down the hall at Hogwarts, on his way to see Hannah and ask her some questions, when, unnoticed by him as he took off his helmet to scratch an itch, he was observed.

He normally avoided doing such things, because it briefly disrupted the Disguise Self spell and revealed his helmet for what it was.

But he didn't see anyone around, so went ahead and scratched this time.

The observer stayed silent, though his eyes went wide as he saw the helmet.

Milo continued on unaware.

While visiting with Hannah, it came out that they had a new Headmaster named Mundungus Fletcher. He'd been appointed late that afternoon, and arrived at Hogwarts almost immediately.

Hannah said he 'gave her the creeps'.

She'd only seen the new Headmaster once, but that time he'd been pretending to lean casually against a pillar, but had actually been intensely watching a group of rich girls.

She planned to only travel in groups for a while.

Milo promised to look into the situation.

On his way back, Milo's Robe of Eyes allowed him to spot Peeves lurking in ambush. Peeves was invisible, but that was no hindrance to the Robe.

Milo cast

_Command Undead_

and said "Peeves, go prank Slytherin house members, especially Dracos special friend Pansy Parkinson, and leave everybody else alone."

"Yesss!", the prankster ghost exclaimed, and hurried off to do so.

But somebody had been waiting for such an opening, and sent a killing curse at Milo.

But its green energy bolt only passed through empty space.

The words Avada Kedavara had been audible from Milo's location, so Milo's Contingency spell had triggered and set off a Dimension Door which teleported Milo twelve hundred feet straight up.

Milo cast

_Feather Fall_

which slowed his rate of fall to that of a feather.

This was not only to keep him from taking damage from falling - it also gave him time to cast spells while drifting gently towards the castle below.

He cast

_Ray Deflection_

_Mirror Image_

and

_Lutzaen's Frequent Jaunt_

Then he hopped, via Lutzaen's frequent Jaunt, right back to the point he'd left from seconds ago.

He appeared in the unremarkable hallway in Hogwarts, and tripped over his assailant.

The masked Death Eater had come forward to examine the spot Milo had disappeared from.

When Milo suddenly reappeared, they collided and both fell in a heap together.

Milo's round was over. He had to wait until the next round to act again.

His opponent had no such restrictions.

The man was large and strong, and clearly had experience with physical altercations.

He grabbed Milo's arms and pinned them behind his back, then started stabbing Milo with a knife.

Milo was stabbed 4 times before he got to act.

With a native of this universe, that would have been serious. But to Milo, it was just a few Hit Points. He experienced no impairment at all.

As a Wizard, he had very few Hit Points compared to other Classes in his universe. But at his level he had enough to ignore a few hits from a mere knife.

Still, he was glad when his turn came around again.

He used another minor teleport to hop away and escape the grapple.

Then he used

_Storm Bolt_

to take down his attacker.

And just like that, the fight was over.

Though Milo made sure with another miniature lightning bolt, then used his remaining Jaunts to hop around nearby hallways and make sure there were no other lurkers around.

The xp from this fight took him close to 16th level.

While looting the body, Milo idly wondered whether this Death Eater had been the father of Crabbe or Goyle, since both of them were rumored to be 'physically oriented', which could explain the man's skill in a fight.

But since he wouldn't know the face of either one, he didn't bother to remove the mask.

With a few more coins in his pocket. Milo arrived at his room.

He did spell research until the time arrived when Fiona said the restaurant would close.

Then he cast

_Greater Teleport_

since he only had one Teleport left for today, and it was more important to use the extra precision of the Greater version of the spell for arrival at the restaurant, than for the return to Hogwarts.

He appeared in the restroom of Fiona's favorite restaurant, right by the broken toilet as planned.

It was completely dark, but with his Robe of Eyes, that didn't matter.

He took Lucius Malfoy out of his Bag of Holding, and dismissed the amber forcefield encasing the snail body Malfoy currently inhabited.

"I promised to let you live, and so you shall. But you won't enjoy it." Milo told the snail.

"You escaped one prison - see if you can escape this one. Don't expect help - I'm not telling anyone, even my friends, anything that will help them find you."

To say the snail struggled would be an exggeration. Snails have no real ability to struggle. But it tried.

Milo cast

_Curse of Stone That Weeps in Silence_

and the snail turned to stone - completely helpless to move or act in any way. But unlike with the Flesh to Stone spell, Malfoy would retain his own mind and some senses.

Then Milo cast

_Shatter_

breaking the stone snail into many pieces.

Malfoy currently had no blood to leak out, nor bodily processes to be interrupted, so he was not killed by being shattered. But if he'd been turned back to flesh at that moment, he would have died.

Milo gathered the shattered stone pieces into a pile, and then cast

_Stone Shape_

and shaped the pieces of stone snail into a stone toilet.

He left it there as a replacement for the broken toilet.

From what Hannah said, it was extremely likely the repairman would simply hook it up, thinking the owner had bought a replacement.

Lucius Malfoy would have years, or decades, of close experience with particularly stinky curry diarhea.

Milo reflected that, if Malfoy was somehow found and the spells on him dismissed, he would simply die, since damage taken while in stone form was immediately applied to the flesh form upon restoration. The Stone Shape spell altered the shape completely, which by itself would count as massive damage - enough to kill, and then some.

The Shatter spell was just for good measure.

Milo wanted to make rescue as unlikely as possible. There weren't many Death Eaters left to even make an attempt, but if they did he wanted that attempt to fail.

Milo left the restroom and went into the main restaurant.

It too was dark and empty, having closed for the night hours ago.

But that suited Milo just fine.

He had an errand to do. One he'd set for himself and would prefer to keep in the dark.

His friend Sirius Black was really concerned about Harry Potter, with whom he'd been in correspondence.

Sirius had pressed Fiona, now that she was a cop again, to investigate and jail the Dursleys for what they'd been doing to Harry.

Fiona had agreed to investigate, but had stressed again and again that she couldn't do anything to them without evidence, which was not likely to be found in cases of child abuse.

Milo had talked with Harry many times himself, and had also met the Dursleys. He had no doubt they were guilty as sin, and had even checked once with the Detect Thoughts spell when one of Harry's stories had seemed particularly extreme.

But that wasn't "admissable evidence".

So Milo was going to make some.

He cast

_Summon Monster VII_

and a Genie appeared in the room beside him.

More specifically it was a Djinni, not one of the other kinds of Genie like a Jann or an Efreet.

Hannah said that legends here about Genies had them casting unlimited wishes and other amazing things.

But Genies where Milo came from were far more limited. Their nobles could grant a few wishes, but he could not summon them.

So this was a common, ordinary Djinni - 10 and a half feet tall, blue skin, hovering in mid-air and wearing the costume of a medieval arabic warrior...mostly.

Actually this one was slightly different.

Instead of a sheathed scimitar, he had a smaller wider sheath with a pad of paper in it, and a different kind of sheath in a shirt pocket, which held several writing instruments.

He had on thick glasses a lot like Harry's, and was a lot less well-muscled than most Genies.

"Salutations noble wizard. My name is Eugene. How may I be of service?"

The Genie's voice was the opposite of the deep booming voice Milo had expected.

But he didn't let that slow him down.

He pulled out two samples he'd gotten from Hannah, and handed them to the Genie.

"I need you to use your Major Creation power to make a hundred of these bags, and a thousand of these papers. Can you make the papers already inside the bags or will I have to put them inmyself?"

"The latter." Eugene said, taking the samples and squinting at them closely.

"Ah yes - the legal tender of the local regime. We get that request a lot. You realize that they are utilizing metallic threads embedded in the currency, and while I can Create that too, only the vegetable matter will be permanent?"

Milo nodded.

"Very well." The Djinni looked at the other sample.

"Yes, I should have looked at this first and thereby answered my own question. You are clearly cognizant of the relevant parameters already, since this variety of 'plastic' - commonly called 'cellophane' is both vegetable-derived as well as more difficult to obtain than the petroleum-based varieties of 'plastic'."

The Genie seemed to relax a little.

"Did you know," he took off his glasses and gestured with them, "that to make this they had to figure out how to process the cellulose with alkali and carbon disulfide, then extrude it into a dilute sulfuric acid..."

Milo cut him off.

"I'd love to hear all about it, but the Summon spell doesn't last a long time. Please get started."

"Oh, very well." The Djinni started casting and spent the rest of his duration doing so.

Milo had an Unseen Servant pick some up and show it to him - he didn't want to 'leave fingerprints', as he'd heard Fiona talking about.

As he looked over the finished product, he could see that Eugene the Djinni was a master craftsman.

If he ever needed anything like this again, he'd remember the name and Summon the same guy.

The counterfeit twenty-pound notes looked exactly like the original, as far as Milo could tell.

He had the Unseen Servant put ten notes in each cellophane bag.

The bags were large and could easily hold a lot more, but Milo wanted to use all the bags, and to have each one contain a significant amount of money.

While the Unseen Servant was working, Milo cast

_Minor Creation_

to make a large cardboard box, with a label and a note.

The label said "Dursleys" and had their address on it.

The note said "Partial repayment in consideration of you having to raise Harry."

The note, box, and label would all disappear in less than a day, when Milo's Minor Creation spell ended.

That was long enough to do their job, and not to be around any longer and confuse the 'evidence trail' as Fiona called it.

The bags and counterfeit currency were all permanent because the Djinn had done it, but Milo could not make permanent things with that spell, thus the reason he'd summoned the Djinn.

When the Unseen Servant had all the currency in bags, Milo had it load the bags into the box and fold it closed.

Then he cast

_Tenser's Floating Disk_

positioned to come into existence underneath the box and so lift it as the disk came into position hovering next to him.

Then he cast

_Invisibility Sphere_

making him and the box invisible.

He used his Anklets of Translocation to teleport them just outside the building, and went for a walk to the Dursleys' house.

It wasn't far. Fiona's restaurant was 'on her beat', as was the Dursleys' house.

When he got there, he walked up to the front door, and simply dismissed the Floating Disk.

The box settled to the ground, without ever having it or its contents touch Milo.

He didn't want to leave the wrong kind of evidence.

He walked back down the driveway, to the limits of an Unseen Servant's range, and readied an action.

Then, when the Unseen Servant pushed the button for the doorbell, Milo cast

_Teleport_

and returned to Hogwarts.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 aka chapter 85

Back in his room at Hogwarts, Milo set Mordy and the Unseen Servants to hunting for a local rat or mouse he could use.

Then he cast

_Nightmare_

to give Tom Riddle an interesting night as usual, with the same betrayal theme he'd used last night..

He took care of some 'routine maintenance', such as reloading a couple of his Secret Page traps with Sepia Snake Sigils.

And he tried out a new idea.

Shalantha's Delicate Disk required an expensive material component - a golden egg worth 200 gp.

To make an egg worth that much required either a very large egg, or one that derived some of its value from being artistically created, like jewelry.

Cog had the skills and time to make such things, so Milo had had him prepare two samples.

The first was the less aggressive variant. It was jewelry - an egg-shaped piece of golden art. It was made of nothing but gold, but far less gold than a simple lump of gold worth 200 gp.

Milo used it to cast

_Shalantha's Delicate Disk_

and discovered that it worked. Some of the value of the egg could be from craftsmanship.

That was convenient.

He loaded it with an Orb of Acid spell.

Whoever broke that Disk would take enough acid damage to melt a grizzly bear in one go.

Milo had plans to use Shrink Item on it and let Mordy Launch it at a foe at need.

Then Milo tried the other one of Cog's eggs.

This was a salt crystal worth 199gp, with a thin egg-shaped gold shell - made from a single gold piece - around it.

He cast

_Shalantha's Delicate Disk_

and that worked too.

He hadn't been sure it would, but he did like to 'push the envelope' in such ways.

He was low enough on low-level spells that he had to load this Disk with a Kelgore's Fire Bolt - not the most damaging spell compared to newer ones, but it would do.

"Boss we've got one for you, and he's a real jerk." Mordy announced, as he and the Unseen Servants brought in a local rat they'd captured down the hall.

"Are you sure you're ok with this?" Milo asked.

"Sure boss. It's a rat-eat-rat world. If he was hungry, he would literally have eaten me alive if he could have. I have zero fellow-feeling for him. Do whatever you want to him."

"Perfect, bring him over." Milo replied.

They brought in the rat and Milo cast

_Polymorph Any Object_

on the captured rat, giving him the shape of a human, while keeping his rat mind as it was. That way, the spell was permanent.

It was not the shape of just any human. It was Lucius Malfoy's shape, as best as Milo could manage it.

He figured that nobody would spend time looking for something they believed they'd already found. Currently Malfoy was known to be missing. But after his dead body was found, nobody would go looking for him.

But the Polymorphed shape was not perfect.

That was ok.

Milo had prepared for that too.

When they'd been touring former-Malfoy properties this afternoon, Milo had snagged a characteristic long blond hair from a hairbrush in a summer cottage.

He now put that into a bottle of Polyjuice potion, and made the transformed rat drink it.

Now the transformation was perfect.

But further steps would have to wait for Milo to get his spells back, so Milo got the transformed rat stored in an amber forcefield via Sepia Snake Sigil, and stuffed him into a Bag of Holding for now.

Then it was bedtime.

When he awoke, Milo was bemused to discover he'd reached Level 16. He'd been near that point when he went to sleep, but something since then had pushed him past the threshold.

Never one to 'look a gift horse in the mouth' he went ahead and made his levelup choices.

They included gaining a point of Intelligence, and the spells Discern Location, and Otiluke's Telekinetic Sphere - a spell to trap a target in an indestructible bubble of force and move him around in it, but which could also be targeted at yourself for self-protection.

He also chose to take a level of Dweomer Keeper. At this point it just let him swap any prepared spell for Greater Blink, which gave him a little defensive flexibility.

That was nice, but the real reason to take the class was its fourth level ability to cast any spell as a Supernatural ability once per day. That meant no expensive material components nor xp were needed to cast the spell. And that took a whole set of spells out of the categories of either just impractical or downright bad ideas, and made them usable.

After finishing the levelup process, he started the day the way anyone should - by casting

_Infernus' Invulnerable Aura_

That is, anyone should do it who could, and who hadn't already.

It was a lovely spell that lasted a day per level and gave the caster some really impressive armor.

The armor did not inhibit spellcasting or movement, yet provided the same protection as an armored knight got from a full suit of steel plate armor.

This armor was not steel, and not even visible. It was made from small planes of invulnerable magical Force, like little Walls of Force covering all the vital areas. As such, it gave protection from Critical Hits, attacks by ghosts, and other things.

All that was more than worth it, but as a 'cherry on top', its remaining duration could be spent, at any time to power a Wall of Force spell, or a Greater Dispel Magic.

With that wonderfully long duration, it would give Milo some extra help against assassins.

It even had a good chance to stop a killing curse: it should, as long as that curse hit one of the planes of Force instead of one of the gaps necessarily left between them to allow movement.

Then he took out the list of vulnerabilities the Dementor had left at his command, and cast

_Comprehend Languages_

He still didn't know what language the Dementor had used, but now he could read it. At least, he could while the spell lasted.

He took a few minutes to make a new copy in his own language.

While doing so, he noted an interesting thing.

A very few things could hurt a Dementor, and most of those would still allow even a 'destroyed' dementor to re-form after a few days, like the ghosts did in Milo's universe.

But one of the things on the list said nothing about re-forming.

They had to be careful not to die of overindulgence.

Dementors could 'eat' memories.

Technically they were really, by destroying memories and other acts of evil, opening a connection to the Negative Energy Plane, and refuelling with that energy. But in practical terms, you could say they ate memories.

They had no rate limit on how many memories they ate or how fast, but they seemed to, since they limited their own intake rate. They did so, because taking in too much too fast hurt them. It hurt them in proportion to how much more they took in, over their usual self-imposed limit. They had learned that, because, long ago, some Dementors had tried unbounded consumption and been destroyed by it, never to re-form.

Milo knew that the Positive Energy Plane worked that way for most creatures - positive energy healed them, but they still needed protection from too much of it. If not regulated, it was like filling a balloon from a firehose - it'd swell, fill, stretch, and pop.

He supposed it was logical that the Negative Energy Plane would do the same to creatures - mainly undead - who were healed by negative energy.

In any case, it gave him something to try.

-0-0-0-

On the way to breakfast, Milo stopped off and sent an owl to Cog, instructing him to put the Boots of Ray Deflection on hold for a day, and instead make another Dedicated wright named Gear, and that Gear should then spend the rest of the day making a third Dedicated Wright named Sprocket.

Milo looked forward to the output they'd be able to produce.

At breakfast, Milo heard that the new Headmaster, Mundungus Fletcher, had been found dead last night in the Gryffindor dormitories.

He'd been stealing.

Various valuables, including Harry Potter's priceless invisibility cloak, had been found on him.

His charred corpse had been found in the room assigned to Milo, next to Milo's footlocker.

Milo had used that footlocker a couple times, before he began to change rooms every couple days, and so had secured it in his normal manner - with the Fire Trap spell.

It had been clearly labeled in accordance with a school rule Milo had found about labeling dangerous things.

That rule had probably not been meant for deadly traps, but for dangerous things used in teaching, like mandrake roots.

But whatever the intent, that label may have been the reason why nobody came and gave Milo trouble over the trap.

Or it may have been due to embarrassment and a desire to cover up the shameful behavior of the Headmaster.

Either way worked for Milo.

But the Headmaster's death did explain why Milo had reached 16th level during the night.

It was nice to have answers to questions like that.

Milo and Hannah finished breakfast early and hurried to the library. Hannah had a test later today that she'd expressed concern about, and Milo wanted to help.

As he had with the Angel Club, he loaded a purple Ioun Stone with a Scholar's Touch spell, told Hannah how to use it, and set it orbiting her head.

He loaned her his Headband of Intellect +4, which she put on.

Then she cast the spell and touched a series of books.

"Wow! That's amazing. That was a whole year's worth of reading in just a moment. Can I do it again?"

"Sure." Milo agreed, and loaded another Scholar's Touch into the Ioun Stone.

After she used that, Hannah looked somewhat dazed.

"Do you want another?" Milo asked

"No. Thanks, but I think I'm going to need to digest all this for a while." Hannah moved to take off the Headband.

Milo stopped her, "No, keep it for a while. It'll help you digest what you 'read'. Better yet, keep it on through the test today."

She gave him a big smile, and he rushed to add, "You know, it looks good on you. Why don't you just keep it forever."

That got him a big hug, after which she had to hurry to her first class and he to his.

On his way to his first class - Milo usually walked alone: most other students thought he was weird for some reason - the words "Avada Kedavara" triggered his contingency and Milo found himself twelve hundred feet in the air above the castle again.

Just as he had when this happened yesterday, he cast

_Feather Fall._

Then, while he slowly drifted downwards, he cast

_Ray Deflection_

_Mirror Image_

and

_Lutzaen's Frequent Jaunt_

Then used one of his Frequent Jaunts to hop right back to the point he'd left from seconds ago - almost. This time he adjusted his arrival a few feet to the side, to avoid arriving right on top of anybody.

He appeared in Hogwarts castle, in the same empty stone hallway he'd left from.

But there was no one there.

Nor could he find any trace of his assailant, though he Jaunted around looking.

So he reloaded his Contingency with another Dimension Door, and hurried on to class.

After that class ended, he was headed down a different hallway on his way to the next class, when he heard the same voice as before cast Reducto.

The spell hit Milo, but detonated harmlessly on one of the planes of magical Force which constituted his Invulnerable Aura.

Milo wished it really was invulnerable, though this time at least it had served well.

The Robe of Eyes showed just a hint of cloak peeking out from behind a pillar behind Milo, so he took out his magic crossbow and fired it.

The masked Death Eater behind the pillar was hit, and the flaming crossbow bolt did enough damage to make him stumble and briefly leave cover.

That was all Mordy needed. He'd been ready, and Launched a knut, inscribed with Explosive Runes, at the target, using his goggles to read the rune at the right time.

The detonation killed the man and flung the corpse across the hall.

It was nobody Milo knew.

He went through the pockets as usual, then went on to his next class.

At lunch, he heard that a new Headmaster had been appointed - former Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge.

Rumor said he'd lost his job as Minister of Magic for concealing the fact that Voldemort was back.

Rumor also said that Fudge had not wanted the job as Headmaster, since it was getting a reputation for untimely deaths.

Recent experience with headmasters said Milo should watch his back.

He intended to.

After his last class, Milo was walking down a hallway, on his way to hang out with his friends, when someone cast Petrificus Totalis, and Milo froze in place.

He was trynig to think of anything he could do while petrified, when a masked Death Eater stalked up to him and gloated.

"Ha! I thought so. You're resistant somehow. No matter. Now you shall be brought before lord Voldemort for proper subjugation. Others have had trouble killing you, so I thought I'd try something different than Avada Kedavara..."

Milo didn't hear the rest, since at those words, his Contingency had triggered a Dimension Door 1200 feet straight up.

So now Milo was not only petrified and so unable to cast spells, he was also beginning a 1200 foot fall to the stone battlements of Hogwarts below.

That would not end well.

Luckily, Milo had had a moment to thing while the Death Eater had approached.

So he'd gone through his options, and knew what he could do.

He dismissed his Infernus' Invulnerable Aura to form a Wall of Force just underneath him.

It did not need to rest on anything, so it hung there in mid-air supporting Milo and keeping him from falling.

That bought him a couple of minutes, but after that it would expire and he'd fall.

But Mordenkainen his faithful familiar used his ever-increasing Intellighence score to arrive at the same conclusion Milo had: he needed to cast spells, which he couldn't do without speaking and gesturing.

Unless he was touching his Metamagic Rods of Still Spell and Silent Spell, enabling him to cast without either speaking or gesturing.

Mordy immediately started accessing the Belt of Hidden Pouches. He found the Rods quickly enough, and had his Unseen Servant move them - since each was bigger than he was - into contact with Milo.

Using them, Milo cast

_Remove Paralysis_

Then, able to move freely again, he cast

_Ray Deflection_

_Miror Image_

and

_Dimension Door._

He arrived back in the hallway he'd just left, to see the Death Eater just mounting a broomstick.

He cast

_Storm Bolt_

and the Death Eater died.

Before even looting the body, Milo replaced his Infernus' Invuilnerable Aura and Contingency spells.

After looting the body, he continued on to the Gryffindor common room, to meet his friends.

When he got there, he hung out with his friends for a while, then excused himself when it was almost 2pm - the time that Fiona had told Sirius was the earliest she could go by the Dursleys house to ask them some questions.

Since Sirius had pressed her to go as soon as she could, Milo figured there was a reasonable chance she would be going just after 2pm.

So he estimated how long things would take him, and left himself enough time accordingly.

It should be a good bust for Fiona and boost her career.

Milo cast

_Invisibility_

and

_Teleport_

Arriving in the Dursleys kitchen, he looked around until he located Dudley and Petunia.

Conveniently, they were both in the same room, watching TV.

Milo cast

_Sleep_

and both of them went to sleep. They would stay asleep unless slapped or shaken, for about a third of an hour - as long as Milo needed and then some.

Milo had his and Mordy's Unseen Servants look through the garbage bins around the house.

They found what they were looking for - one hundred cellophane bags - in the kitchen garbage bin.

As they were taking the cellophane bags out of the bin, Milo cast

_Minor Creation_

and made a hundred small wooden stands suitable for his needs.

The Unseen Servants set one cellophane bag on each stand. The stands held them up and held their mouths open, ready to be filled.

While they worked, Milo inspected the house.

He found what he needed at the fireplace: there was a stone hearth in front of it, as well as a stone mantle above it.

He cast

_Stone Shape_

and shaped both the hearth and mantle to be hollow, and to open on simple stone pivots like large hinges.

Swung closed, they'd look like they had before - a simple stone hearth and mantle.

Swung open, they'd each reveal large hidden storage spaces.

With the extra stone that had come from what was now hollow space, Milo made a number of fist-sized balls.

These, he had the Unseen Servants load into a Bag of Holding, for later disposal elsewhere.

When all was ready, he cast

_Summon Monster VII_

and Eugene the Genie appeared before him.

"Salutations, once more, noble Wizard. What can I do for you?"

"Please use your Major Creation power to fill these open bags - half of them with opium and half with cocaine, plus a little more cocaine into that empty trash can." Milo responded.

" 's bad stuff your nobleness. Can I talk you out of it? I hate to see an accomplished wizard ruin himself. Can I make you some nice saffron instead? It sells for quite a bit and I recall you liked currency.

But what you asked for... Yes it gives temporary pleasure as it interferes with the normal processing of serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrin, but that dysregulates the mesolimbic pathway and also blocks the cardiac sodium channels..."

Milo cut him off, "I'm not going to consume it. Nor will others. I'm using it to get some folks punished for severe misdeeds for which there is no proof. This will be 'proof' of another kind of misdeed, but theyll go to prison as they should, so it seems about the same to me."

"Well why didn't you say so... In that case there's a nasty hallucinogen I can make that..."

"Thanks," Milo interrupted, "But I think these two will be more than enough. Well, those, and a little bit more counterfeit currency so the cops can't miss it - say another hundred notes. And the saffron too. Thanks for the suggestion." He smiled.

"Sure thing your nobleness. I'll just use the rest of my capacity, after your other requests, on saffron. Lets see, that'll leave you..." he took out an abacus by habit, but did not use it. Instead he got a faraway look for a minute while he did the math in his head. "... seven point six cubic feet of saffron."

"So," Milo too got a faraway look for a moment. "That'd be 991.8 gold pieces worth. Not bad. Thanks."

"Oh no!" a horrified Eugene exclaimed, "not that way. I hate to see a discerning customer such as yourself robbed by the conversion rates that way. Instead, consider selling the saffron here for local currency, then using that currency to buy synthetic diamonds. That's something they make here that has an extremely good exchange rate. From that much saffron, you can get..." he got the faraway look again, "...191 diamonds of the size that, in your universe, are valued at 5,000 gp each."

Milo went pale. "You said 'synthetic diamonds' - are these just prettty baubles or,,,"

"Would I recommend junk decorations to a caster such as you? I think not." Eugene huffed. "Synthetic diamonds are real diamonds in every sense of the word, and before you ask, yes, that means they can be used as spell components, which is of course why I recommended that particular size. The only reason the locals draw a distinction between synthetic and 'natural' is that they like to pretend that what they found is somehow more valid than what they made." He spat to indicate his opinion of that.

"Excellent." Milo, halfway lost in thought, whispered. "Thanks tons for pointing that out. That changes a lot of things."

"Sure thing your nobleness. I like to help out when working with a client who clearly 'gets it'. They don't come along as often as you'd think. Wizards need a high intelligence score, but a disturbingly large number of them also have low wisdom scores. For example, I got one who, wanting to make money, had me make him something he knew he could sell. But all he could think of was rope! That may well be the least valuable thing I could make. 14,688 feet of it sold for a mere 293 gold 7 silver and 6 copper." He laughed, "A client that can actually think is quite refreshing after one like that."

Eugene had been working while he talked.

All the cellophane bags got filled - half with cocaine and half with opium.

Then he created saffron into a Bag of Holding Milo had brought out.

Then he got to work on the currency.

The Unseen Servants sealed each bag when it was filled, and placed them in the hollow mantle or hearth.

They were careful, yet a little spilled anyway.

"Watch out your nobleness - make sure you don't breathe any of that." Eugene warned.

"I'll just stop breathing for now then." Milo responded. "I have an Ioun stone that sustains me without air."

"Well in that case," Eugene offered, "how about I just 'clean up' any spills using wind. I'm pretty good at manipulating wind you know. That way residue will be found all through the house and be better as 'evidence', but you'll need to carefully clean yourself afterwards."

Milo agreed, and Eugene went ahead and did a great job, until the Summoning spell wore out, returning him to the Elemental Plane of Air.

Milo dismissed the Minor Creation spell and the wooden stands it had created, and otherwise arranged the scene.

When the Unseen Servants were done loading currency and bags of drugs into the hiding places, they closed both, then re-opened the mantle just a half inch, as if it had been carelessly shoved closed and rebounded slightly.

Milo took out the rat transformed to look like Lucius Malfoy, placed the trash can containing cocaine next to its head, and dismissed the amber forcefield around it.

Mordy, using his ability to speak with rats, squeaked "Hold still and don't sniff this white powder."

The transformed rat immediately moved his head into the bin and sniffed the cocaine.

A moment later, he sniffed again, much more deeply.

Then he plunged his head into the white powder.

Milo had not been sure how much cocaine would be needed to cause an overdose, so, just to be sure, the trash bin held 2 pounds of it.

The rat tried to snort it all.

It didn't take long before the man-shaped rat died of cardiac arrest.

Milo had the Unseen Servants put the trash can back in the room they got it from, with a plastic trash can liner in it to hide the cocaine.

He cast

_Prestidigitation_

and cleaned any stray drug powder off him and Mordy.

He cast

_Tenser's Floating Disk_

under the body, raising it up off the floor to hover beside him.

He cast

_Invisibility sphere_

to make himself and the body invisible.

Then he used his Anklets of Translocation to teleport just outside the front door.

Looking around and seeing that nobody was currently in sight, he dismissed the Floating Disk, allowing the body to settle to the ground.

The scene was set.

As soon as Milo left its vicinity, the body would become visible.

Sooner or later, someone would see it, and an inevitable course of events would be set in motion.

The Dursley's would be caught with over 50 gallons of cocaine, a similar amount of opium, a large amount of counterfeit currency, and a corpse which had died of cocaine overdose.

And their fingerprints were all over every one of the bags of drugs, from when they'd taken the counterfeit currency out of them.

They should go to jail for a long time.

Milo looked around once more, then cast

_Teleport_

and arrived in an empty field 5 miles outside the village of Hogsmeade.

He'd been aiming for one mile outside, but it was no matter, he could still walk from here.

He cast

_Prestidigitation_

again, and once more, thoroughly cleaned himself, his gear, and Mordy - everything he could think of, to make sure no residue from the drugs was on them.

Then he started walking.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 aka chapter 86

As he entered Hogsmeade, Milo saw a strange thing - a man walking around wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Not sure what to make of that, Milo continued on.

He stopped just outside Cog's Cuckoo Clearinghouse, and took a small metal ingot out of his Belt of Hidden Pouches. It was the sample of Thinaum which Bellatrix had brought back from Milo's own universe.

He cast

_Shape Metal_

and the Thinaum turned into a dozen large metal darts, each weighing about a pound.

With the extra capacity in that spell, Milo finished the balcony around the building.

When he'd built the building, the Wall of Iron that formed the attic floor had extended 5 feet past the stone walls on all sides of the building. He'd intended to alter that into a full balcony, but had run out of spells for the day. So he altered it now.

The iron was an inch thick in most places. He thinned that and stretched it so, rather than extending five feet, it extended ten. He also formed railings that fenced off the edge all the way around. And he made two doors to allow access from the attic to the balcony. Lastly he made a couple benches for it.

Now he considered the building done.

He put his Thinaum darts in a pouch, ready for later use, and went inside.

Sirius was helping a customer decide what to buy - everything at once, and all in multiples, it sounded like to Milo.

Milo went and examined a clock, while actually listening.

He had no experience in sales and was curious how it was done.

Sirius was helpful, friendly, outgoing, cheerful, and convincing.

The customer left with a big bag full of purchases.

"What are those 'Better Mousetraps' she bought?" he asked Sirius after the door closed.

"Hail, Magnificent one! Your business expands!" Sirius made a sweeping gesture indicating all the shelves full of merchandise. "We offer an ever-increasing array of useful items, all of which have at least some whimsical capacity. People are starved for light-hearted things and we help fill that need. Behold." he snapped his fingers, "Hey Nutty, bring me a cookie."

The mechanical squirrel that one of 6 clocks boasted instead of a cuckoo, sat up at the snap of Sirius's fingers. Then on hearing the command it went inside the hollow tree its clock was made to resemble. It came out again with a cookie, took that to Sirius, then returned to its clock.

"We used magic to make the interior of the clock bigger than the exterior, like your Belt of Hidden Pouches is. I believe you call it an 'extra-dimensional space'? In any case, it holds roughly what a large chest would hold. You can put anything in there and Nutty the squirrel will either stow it or bring it to you. Remus and I came up with it to meet the latest challenge from Fred and George. Those young jokers are trying to out-joke us old-jokers. But fear not my liege, we will not fail you!" Sirius posed in mock bravery.

"Nice. But the mousetrap?"

"Forgive my faux-pas. In my enthusiasm, I forgot the particulars of your question. The 'Better Mousetrap' is Fred and George's latest offering. It is a classic mousetrap which they've magic'ed up so it chases the designated target. The practical joke aspect is that you need not designate vermin - you can have it chase your cousin around, for example... although..." he added thoughtfully, "there are cases where the two are the same, come to think of it."

"Nice. But you mentioning practical jokes reminds me - I saw a man in town wearing his underwear outside his pants - do you know what's up with that?"

"O foul accusation! I'm innocent I tell you. I deny all knowledge of it. And did you notice that the man was our greedy ex-landlord?"

"No, I didn't."

"The very same man. Every time he walks out of his house, a charm makes his pants and underwear switch places. He's tried going out other doors and even windows. He's tried going back in, then back out again. He's tried fastening things in place with safety pins. Once he tried going without underwear and they still switched places - the pants he was wearing went back to his dresser drawer, and underwear from his dresser came out and covered him. Well, mostly. The targeting on that one was off and it was actually underwear from his wife's dresser that he suddenly found himself wearing out in public. O that was a hoot!" Sirius laughed, then added.

"He hasn't tried actually putting his underwear on outside his pants, then walking outside. He has neither that much courage nor that much whimsey. Too bad for him. If he did try that, it would work." Sirius's expressive face went from dreamy and amused to mock-defensive.

"That's just what I heard, of course. Because I'm innocent and so have no actual knowledge of it, you know."

They both laughed.

The Clearinghouse did 'mail-order' now too, and had a few owls for making deliveries.

Milo borrowed three briefly, to send messages to his accountants - the 'angel club' asking if they knew the best way to sell a large amount of saffron, and also if they knew where and how to buy synthetic diamonds.

Then Sirius asked Milo, "I noticed last night a certain amount of caginess when you were answering Fiona's questions about Lucius Malfoy. I won't say you were actively evasive, though you were, but it caused me to wonder if we haven't seen the last of him. You had no hesitation in mentioning the deaths of other Death Eaters, but you would not be nailed down on whether or not Malfoy was dead."

He held up a hand, "Don't worry, Fiona didn't pick up on it. She is well satisfied that the matter is over. And I'm not asking you to tell me what you didn't want to say last night. I just wanted to point out that there are spells for finding missing persons, and express the hope that those will not be a problem."

Milo thought for a moment. "Tell you what. Find him, if you can. Do your best. You successfully remained a fugitive for an extended period of time while people were using those same spells to try to find you. I presume you used other spells to hide from them. If you can find Malfoy, use the hiding spells to hide him. If you can't find him, then clearly he doesn't need them. Deal?"

"Deal!" Sirius decreed, then posed like a dog straining at his leash.

He held that for a moment, then changed to the pose of a disappointed child and mock-whined "But you didn't make it a wager." he thought a moment and added,

"How about this - the loser has to paint the Headmaster red."

"Ok." Milo laughed.

"...while the man is awake." Sirius added. "That makes it at least a little challenging."

They both laughed again.

An owl arrived from Mary, one of the Angel Club.

In her reply to Milo, Mary said she had 'let her fingers do the walking' and found and contacted both a commodities trader for the saffron, and company that made and sold synthetic diamonds.

She wanted to know how Milo wanted to proceed.

He sent a reply, including a query about 'walking fingers' - something he'd like to know more about if it was as powerful as it sounded - and handed the Bag of Holding full of saffron to Sirius, so it would be here when Mary came to pick it up.

Then he anounced "Time to get to work."

He cast

_Discern Location_

and was puzzled by the result.

"Sirius, do you know why a spell that can find a single target no matter where it is or what hides it, would come back with 8 results?"

"No. Try writing down all 8 results and maybe we can learn something from that."

Milo did.

Sirius asked, "Who or what were you looking for?"

"He-who-must-not-be... oh, what am I thinking. Voldemort. Alias Tom Riddle. What am I afraid of? I was headed out to pick a fight anyway. Do you hear that Voldemort? Are you listening? Is that why no one will say your name? Well listen to this: I'm coming for you. Prepare yourself for a fight. And may the best Wizard win, by which I mean me of course."

Sirius had initially shrunk back, as if to avoid getting hit if Milo got blasted. But by the time Milo was done, Sirius was laughing.

"Well said Milo, well said. Go get him tiger. But first let me point out three things."

He held up a finger "One, three of these are basically in the same spot. Unless you're so sure of yourself you want to take on three Voldemorts at once, perhaps that spot should be saved for the second or third go, once you've learned more about what you're facing."

Milo nodded and Sirius held up a second finger. "Two, I've remembered that there are dark spells to split your soul and put part of it in an object. Maybe that's why you got 8 results. I'd never heard of anyone doing it more than twice, but Voldemort always was an over-achiever in the dark arts."

"I know he did it at least once - I encountered a soul fragment of his in a book last year." Milo volunteered. "That fragment is the one that currently has a body - that of Tom Riddle as a teenager."

"Correction - that's the one body you know about. We can't say what else may have happened that you don't know about."

"And speaking of things we don't know about ," Sirius continued, "I don't know, but very much want to know, what Voldemort is doing in my house!"

"You have a house?" Milo asked dumbly.

"Yes. The ancestral family home. With my parents dead, it is mine now. I've stayed elsewhere since my teens. After prison, I stayed in your boltholes so I wouldn't be found. Now I stay in the apartment here at Cogs because I don't want to go to number 12 Grimauld Place. Or didn't want to: if Voldemort is there I want to go help banish him."

"Ok. But why didn't you want to go there? Most people like their homes." Milo asked.

"Most people don't have homes like mine - effectively haunted by my evil mother and her evil minion, the house elf named Kreature. Mother is dead, but her portrait sure acts like her, and she fastened it to the wall in some way I have yet to find a way to undo."

"You want the portrait gone?" Milo checked.

"Very much so, if you can. With it gone, I can get rid of Kreature - he won't listen to me while the portrait can countermand my orders - and they're the real problems. The rest of the house has a lot of evil stuff in it - snake themes and whatrnot. But I can clean that up comparatively easily." Sirius had been briefly grim, but now cheered up. "Shall we go?"

"Yes, just a second."

Milo cast

_Ray Deflection_

and

_Displacement_

then said "ok, I'm ready."

Sirius Apparated them there.

Immediately a portrait on a wall started shrieking "A filthy muggle! Sirius, you lousy little rebel, how dare you..."

She was cut off by Milo casting

_Disintegrate_.

The portrait turned to dust. The spell was expertly targeted - Milo only got a small portion of the wall along with the portrait.

"Woo hoo!" Sirius cheered.

"NO!" screamed a formerly hidden house elf. "Die, foul violater!"

He blasted Milo with a powerful bolt of telekinetic force.

Or he tried to.

He missed due to Milo's Displacement, hitting instead an umbrella stand made from a troll's leg, and crushing it to powder.

Milo cast

_Kelgore's Fire Bolt_

and the nasty little house elf burned down to ash.

"I hope that was Kreature." Milo said.

"Yes, it was, and good riddance to him and to the portrait. Thank you." Sirius said.

"Now let's check on Voldemort. The results you wrote from your spell said that he's in the trophy room. That''s this way."

Sirius led the way up the stairs and to the trophy room.

Sirius was inclined to go cautiously, but Milo charged right in, trusting in his spells and not wanting to run out their durations while being cautious.

There was no one in the trophy room.

Milo turned on the Detect Thoughts ability he'd acquired with the tenth level of Rainbow Servant. It was just like the spell of the same name, but he could do it at will now, with concentration but without spending a spell slot to do so.

He concentrated, and could clearly discern his thoughts, Mordy's thoughts, and Sirius's thoughts... plus something else.

He focused on that and concentrated even more.

Gradually it became clear that it was something like a sleeping mind. It was not currently thinking any thoughts, but had a sort of 'background hum' to it indicating it was alive and capable of thought.

By concentrating even longer and looking around, Milo found that the 'sleeping mind' was in a small item of jewelry - a golden locket with a snake engraved in the shape of an S on the front of it.

"Are you sure Voldemort is not a lich? This is exactly how they do their phylacteries." Milo asked.

There followed a discussion of the fine points of certain magical procedures, such as only a pair of experts could appreciate.

Milo ended up with the locket in a Bag of Holding for now - at least until he could arrange a proper destruction for it.

He also got directions to his next two destinations "as the broomstick flies".

Voldemort had shown up as also being in "the Gaunt shack" and three of him were in "Riddle Manor".

Sirius knew those locations, and they were not far, in Phantom Steed terms, from Grimauld place.

Milo wanted to check them out while his Ray Deflection spell lasted.

Sirius wished him well in his efforts, but wanted to stay and work on rehabilitating his house.

"I have a bust of Salazar Slytherin that I need to turn into a urinal, for instance." he said, as an invisible Milo sped off on a flying Phantom Steed.

The suburbs of London flashed past him, and soon Milo was landing at a dilapidated shack.

It had clearly been cheap, poorly made, and grungy even before it was abandoned.

Milo's spell had said that Voldemort was under the floorboards, and he'd assumed that meant in a basement until he found the locket. Now he figured that it was probably literal, so he didn't bother with any additional defensive spells.

He marched in, went to the right floorboard and pried at it with his dagger. It came right up, revealing a gold box.

As soon as his Unseen Servant opened it, Milo felt a compulsion to put on the ring he saw there.

He instantly knew it must be a magical compulsion, since it made no sense at all - he could only benefit from two rings at once and was already wearing two Rings of Wizardry, which were arguaby the best rings there were..

So he cast

_Remove Curse_

and felt the compulsion cease.

He carefully avoided touching either the box or the ring while his Unseen Servant stowed it in the same Bag of Holding which held the locket.

Then he sped off to Riddle Manor.

Discern Location had said there were three of Voldemort there. So it was likely that the active incarnation of Tom Riddle would be among them.

So Milo would have liked to cast more defensive spells just before arriving, but his durations were so short on most spells, he figured he'd wait until the situation became clear.

His Invisibility and Ray Deflection would still be up, and those plus his Invulnerable Aura and Contingency amounted to some pretty good protections.

He arrived and moved to the door. There he carefully listened for a moment, then, hearing nothing, he cautiously opened the door and went in.

At the top of a set of stairs, he paused. Someone was talking down there.

He turned on his Detect Thoughts ability and concentrated.

Soon, two sets of surface thoughts came through.

The two minds were conversing with each-other, and Milo could hear what they said, and what they wanted to say but didn't.

The first mind said "Blasted wraith, do as I say and this will be so much simpler!"

It thought, but did not say 'I don't know why I don't simply kill you, or better yet, dismiss the spell that holds the soul shards apart and re-absorb you.'

The second mind said "Foolish child! Can't you see that with my superior experience, I should be in charge. You do as I say!"

It thought but did not say 'I don't have to sleep but you do, just wait and we'll see who rules.'

"A lot of good your superior experience did you - you got killed by an infant. Now you're without a body and unable to use a wand, and therefore helpless. So it's inescapable - I'm in charge and you do as I say!"

'Why am I helping it possess a body anyway when all it does is argue?'

"If you could collect your stupid teenager thoughts for two seconds, you'd see that the lack of a body is but a temporary handicap. We have a giant here that will succumb to our efforts sooner or later. Then I will once again wield a wand and subject the world under my foot!"

'Including especially you, you arrogant little punk.'

Upon their mentioning it, Milo did notice a third, very different, mind in the room with them. It was asleep and somehow very very foggy - as if drugged or enspelled.

"You mean you'll Help subject the world under My foot. I'm alive, so I'm in charge. Even after we break down his resistance and you possess this giant, it won't really be your body - it will only last as long as we maintain our efforts."

'And your efforts are disappointing. You're really only good for cannon fodder - you'll be in the first assault wave when we attack Milo. Then I won't have to deal with your endless bickering any longer.'

"Soon, the giant's puny mind will bow to my force of will, and then his body will effectively be mine until I find one I like better! I know more of the dark arts than you, pay attention and learn from your betters. Then we'll finally get something done."

'You dolt. Even if we can't break the giant's mind, I'll still subjugate you. I have better control over the dementors. They will follow my orders when it...'

Milo's concentration was cut off by a surge of pain.

What had appeared to be yet another snake carving, like so many others here and at Grimauld Place, had actually been a large sleeping snake, which had awakened and bitten him.

He'd have noticed even its sleeping mind, but Detect Thoughts only worked in a cone to the front, and the snake had been outside that to Milo's left.

As soon as it bit Milo, the snake coiled around him, to constrict him to death with it's immense strength.

That was its undoing.

It broke the Shalantha's Delicate Disk on Milo's chest, and was immediately subject to the Gaseous Form spell, as if it had cast it itself.

The confused snake hovered helplessly, trying to figure out what had happened and what to do about it.

Milo blasted it with a

_Storm Bolt._

As it died, it released a black cloud that started forming into a wraith.

Milo, realizing that this was the third Voldemort present, scrambled to get thinaum darts out of his Belt of Hidden Pouches.

Luckily, that belt was designed for rapid access.

He got out two darts and tossed them into the still-forming cloud.

The effect was dramatic.

Thinaum is like iron, except for one thing.

The only claim to fame of thinaum is that it attracts and stores souls. An object made of thinaum, placed next to a soul freed from its body, sucks in that soul like a dry sponge absorbs water, but faster.

Each object made of thinaum could only hold one soul at a time, but Milo had a dozen such darts. He'd thrown two, so both the snake's soul, and Voldemorts, could be absorbed. He didn't want to get the wrong one.

The black cloud was almost instantly absorbed into one dart, while the other sucked something from the transparent gas cloud that had been the snake.

Milo would have loved to check it out further, but was already staggering from the tremendous amount of poison the enormous fangs of the snake had injected into him.

He cast

_Neutralize Poison_

and

_Lesser Vigor_

Immediately the poison stopped being a problem, and his wounds started healing.

Lesser Vigor granted a minor regeneration ability, which, over a short period of time, healed significantly more damage than the Cure Wounds spell of the same level.

Milo instructed his Unseen Servant to bring his darts, while he raced downstairs.

His Storm Bolt had made a lot of noise, and he didn't want to miss a chance to destroy Riddle.

He arrived in the midst of a battle.

Tom Riddle, and the wraith of Voldemort, who had been arguing over which of them should be in charge, were now fighting over it.

The large basement room was mostly filled by a giant lying on the floor, and chained down with ridiculously heavy chains.

Next to the giant's head, Voldemort's wraith was trying to wiggle into the enormous ear-hole. It was like watching someone try to shimmy into a sleeping bag that was a little too small.

Yet the wraith was making progress.

Across the room, Tom Riddle was trying to hold back two dementors who were advancing on him. He was using sheer force of will to slow them while he scrambled to complete some dark arts spells to regain control over them.

As soon as Milo saw the dementors, his priorities changed. He'd been subject to their draining attacks before, and never wanted to experience that again.

And, before he even saw them, these were in range to attack him.

They were currently focused on attacking Riddle, but Milo took no chances and cast

_Mind Blank_

the most powerful mental protection spell in his universe. He did NOT like dementors.

He was glad to see them already beginning to fry in the blue undead-killing light given off by his Helm of Brilliance.

Mordy used his magic belt to cast Create Trap.

To complete his turn, Milo used a free action to drop a couple of the thinaum darts he'd been holding.

They lay close enough that Mordy would be able to Launch them at need.

As he did so, Riddle gained control of the 2 dementors and ordered one to attack Milo, and the other to attack the wraith.

Milo's dementor approached him, then stopped, confused by its inability to attack him.

The wraith's full attention had been on getting possession of the giant, but now it paused those efforts to seize control of both dementors and command them to kiss Riddle.

Riddle responded by casting the Cruciatus curse at the wraith, who, tormented by pain and inflamed with hate, surged his efforts and succeeded at entering the giant's skull.

But the pain and effort had distracted the wraith, allowing Riddle to slow the advance of the dementors.

Riddle fought to regain full control, yet still the dementors advanced, though slowly.

Just before they reached Riddle, they crossed a conjured tripwire and triggered Mordy's Fusillade of Darts trap, peppering them and Riddle with darts.

The dementors ignored the darts, and kept advancing.

The wounded Riddle immediately Apparated away.

Milo got his next turn just a moment too late to stop Riddle.

The remaining copy of Voldemort - the wraith - was currently occupied with gaining control of his giant host body, though it did take a moment to command the two dementors to kiss Milo.

That was bad.

While Milo's Mind Blank spell was perfect protection against their memory-eating types of attacks, it offered no protection from a death effect delivered by touch.

Milo's usual preference was to pre-emptively take the enemy out in such siituations.

But while he had ideas for things that should work, he had not verified them yet and wasn't willing to bet his life on them taking out both dementors completely.

So he cast

_Death Ward_

and gave himself and Mordy, who could share his spells, perfect protection against all sorts of death effects and negative energy effects.

Then Milo spent the most disgusting six seconds of his life being repeatedly kissed by dementors, who tried every form of attack they could, but when everything failed to hurt Milo, kept coming back to death-kisses.

Dementors were every bit as nasty as rotting zombies, and...Milo didn't want to think about it.

Mordy had cast Create Trap.

And the wraith spent the time establishing control of the giant.

It achieved that control and the giant surged with hysterical strength, trying to break the chains that held it down.

It did not break the inch-thick chains, but did manage to tear one free from its anchor point - a thick steel ring set in concrete in the floor.

The ring came free, with a good bit of concrete still attached, and whipped around the room, knocking down Milo in the process and costing him some hit points.

Tearing the ring loose had also broken the giant's arm, but that did not bother the wraith. It hauled the broken arm back in order to whip the chain at Milo again.

That set off Mordy's trap and a conjured spear thrust into the giant's arm, but that didn't even slow it down.

But now it was Milo's turn.

He reached carefully into his Belt of Hidden Pouches and touched two specific Metamagic Rods there.

then, with their assistance, he cast

_Harm_

with Reach Spell and Chain Spell, turning the normally single target touch spell into a multi-target ranged spell.

Harm does massive amounts of damage, and better yet, it does it via negative energy, in a way that specifically heals undead.

Knowing that too much negative energy permanently destroys dementors, Milo had wanted to try various negative energy spells on them and see how much it took. But he didn't have time here to study things, so he cast the most extreme spell he could.

It worked.

Both dementors had been damaged by the light Milo'd brought.

In rapid succession, that damage healed, then the dementors swelled, inflated, stretched, and finally popped, leaving only a puff of greasy black smoke and a bad smell each.

When they were destroyed, and for a moment afterwards, the whole world briefly felt like a better place - brighter and happier, with birds singing and flowers blooming, and plenty of reasons to be cheerful.

The feeling was nice, but brief.

The Harm spell had also destroyed the giant. They were tough, but not that tough.

Mordy had had the presence of mind to Launch a thinaum dart into the giant.

But he could only Launch one.

And it caught the wrong soul. The giant's soul was trapped in the dart, while the black cloud that was the wraith of Voldemort started flowing out and forming.

Milo had a bad few seconds, though for all its danger, it wasn't as bad as those 6 seconds with the dementors.

In any case, it turned out not to be a problem.

The wraith took longer than 6 seconds to form.

Milo tossed in a thinaum dart, which sucked in the still-forming wraith, and that was that.

The battle was over.

Experienced campaigner that he was, Milo wasted no time in healing himself and otherwise getting ready in case the enemy came back or other enemies showed up.

While he used charge after charge from the Healing Belt on himself, he had the Unseen Servants gathering up, first, the thiinaum darts, and then any loot they or Mordy could find.

When the thinaum darts were carefully stowed and everything else ready, Milo cast

_Teleport_

and arrived back at Hogwarts, by the owlry.

He sent a couple owls off to take care of some business, and received a package from another one while he was there.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 aka chapter 87

Milo was on his way to his room, when he was struck dead.

Or nearly so.

The green bolt of energy from a killing curse struck him in the chest, by the right armpit, in a gap in his armor.

The spell did some physical damage to Milo's body, and that was what saved him.

Killing curses could, in addition to killing, destroy objects. So they were not simply death energy, since that worked only on living creatures - they also did physical damage.

Milo had read about that, and proceeded accordingly, but had had no way to safely test things, so he'd never been quite certain.

So Milo had taken the Tempting Fate feat, without being 100% certain it would do what he hoped.

The Tempting Fate feat can, once per day, prevent death, but it didn't stop simple Death effects, only death from physical damage.

Instead of being killed, Milo entered the Dying state - unconscious, helpless, and with a negative hit point total, but stable. In time, he would recover naturally, if left unmolested. Any further damage would kill him. But he was only mostly-dead, not all-dead.

Mordy immediately started looking through Milo's pockets, assisted by his Unseen Servant.

A masked Death Eater cautiously stalked down the hallway towards Milo.

He had a long way to go, having fired from a fairly long way off, which was why Milo's Contingency spell had not triggered - the words 'avada kedavara' had not been audible from Milo's position.

When the masked man passed an open archway, Mordy launched an acorn at him.

The archway gave the blast some space to expand into and thus diffuse harmlessly - or more harmlessly than the constrained hallway would have been.

The acorn - one of the ones Milo and Mordy had prepared with Flobberworm mucous as a nitroglycerin bomb - hit the masked man and blew him to smithereens, along with a section of the hallway.

Sections of ceiling were still collapsing onto the pile of rubble burying the corpse, when Mordy found what he'd been looking for.

The potion of Cure Serious Wounds had been brought back by Bellatrix along with her collection of Philosopher's stones. Those stones could only bring back the dead if used in combination with a such a potion. So she had obtained a wide selection of such potions.

Milo tended to save such single-use items for dire situations when there was nothing else to turn to, so Mordy had not been sure where it was stowed.

But this was such a situation, and, having found it, Mordy had his Unseen Servant open the bottle and carefully pour it in Milo's mouth.

Milo came back to consciousness, thought about it for a moment, then choked.

The potion had been poured in slowly to avoid getting any in his windpipe. But a little had anyway.

Not that it mattered - Milo's iridescent Ioun Stone made breathing unnecessary for him. He coughed and choked to get the fluid out of where it wasn't supposed to be, since it felt weird - not that it was urgent or necessary.

"Did you take out the bad guy?" he asked with a sense of urgency.

Mordy gestured to indicate the pile of rubble. "Yah boss, he's dead. By the way, I think we need to make a new batch of acorns with the power dialed back a bit. There are times when collateral damage is a problem."

"Good point. By the way, thanks for handling things while I was, uh, indisposed. At least the experience answers a couple questions, including the question of whether I get xp when I'm out of the fight and my familiar does all the work. I just reached 17th level!"

He chose another level of Dweomer Keeper, which gained him the ability to use Arcane Sight at will - normally a nice ability but not very useful in this universe, since it only detected and analyzed Milo's type of magic.

Then he came to the delicious part - choosing new, 9th level, spells. That was the highest level of spells, and included the most powerful ones.

He chose Chain Contingency,which was like Contingency but triggered three spells instead of just one, and Time Stop, which froze time in place for everyone but Milo, for 12 to 30 seconds.

Some schools of thought said that freezing time itself was absurd - that what the spell really did was speed up the caster so much that it looked like everyone and everything else was frozen in place.

Either way, it would give Milo 2 to 5 rounds in which to travel, heal himself, or buff himself with spells - everything else was frozen in time during the spell and so could not be affected.

Milo hurried back to his room. There, he prepared Chain Contingency and loaded it with Death Ward, Heal, and Ray Deflection, set to go off if any spell but his own was about to hit him.

He also cast

_Cure Moderate Wounds ._

on himself, twice, to fix up the last of the damage he'd taken.

Doing so put him as close to being completely out of spells as he'd been in a long time.

"So," he muttered, "what better time to use a Heward's Fortifying Bedroll?"

He hauled one out and proceeded to use it.

He woke refreshed an hour later, and immediately set about preparing his spells.

When that was done, he rolled up and put away the Bedroll, thinking as he did so that next time he'd augment its built-in pillow with the pillow off the bed.

With that thought, he absently touched the pillow on the bed to straighten it, and thereby found out that someone had enchanted it as a PortKey.

He'd used PortKeys before, and the feeling was the same.

The pillow PortKey instantly transported him to the center of an encampment in a forest clearing in a freezing cold land.

It was an encampment of giants. Seven enormous tents encircled a huge bonfire in the center of the camp.

Twelve giants sat around the bonfire made of whole trees, warming themselves while sharpening spears, repairing snowshoes and otherwise taking care of their hunting gear.

A thirteenth giant was cooking - turning the spit on which was impaled 2 whole moose and a large bear.

All the giants were dressed in heavy winter clothing including classic Russian fur hats.

Milo felt a litle spoiled by the Death Eaters - they clearly marked themselves as evil enemies, and so made Milo's decisions easy.

Here, he didn't know for sure what he faced. They might be good-aligned giants who he'd be better off Charming and helping. Though the situation suggested otherwise: whoever had enchanted his pillow as a port key intended to send him unprepared into extreme danger. So it was likely they'd chosen a group of giants that'd enjoy smashing random strangers.

Milo had won initiative, and didn't want to waste that advantage by making sure the giants were actually hostile.

But he had an idea. He cast

_Wages of Sin_

and targeted all the giants.

The spell only affected evil-aligned targets, and only made them attack the nearest evil-aligned creature.

So, if this was a more or less innocent or harmless group, the spell would do nothing.

Mordy readied an action to Launch an acorn at any giant threatening them.

Then Milo's spell took effect, and all thirteen giants began to vigorously attack each-other.

The cook seized an entire tree from the bonfire and smashed its burning end down on the nearest giant's head.

Several speared each-other.

And the rest started beating on each-other with their fists, or throwing rocks and trees at each-other.

Giants are enormously strong, but are just as tough.

So, while they excelled at 'dishing it out', so also they excelled at 'taking it'.

In many ways the fight resembled the same kind of fight among humans: a few were taken down with one devastating blow, such as the one the cook brained, but mostly they traded blows again and again.

With that much damage flying about chaotically, Milo recognized that he could be hurt despite not having been targeted, so he cast

_Fortunate Fate_

It was a special case kind of contingency spell, which would cast a Heal spell - the most potent curative magic there was - on him if he took enough damage to kill him. It only lasted ten minutes a level, so fell well short of the "permanent until triggered" setup most contingency-type spells had. But it was useful in cases like this.

Then Milo sent in Storm Bolt after Storm Bolt to help the giants take each-other out.

Mordy created traps, but they resulted in mere pinpricks to giants. He used Grease, but giants falling down on dirt didn't take much damage from it either.

So he did the best he could, timing his Grease spells to build on other situations, such as making a giant fall and be an easy target when otherwise it would have blocked a spear thrust.

The fight was winding down to the last couple of opponents when Milo got impaled.

An enormous spear was thrown at him from out in the forest and pierced his side despite his armor.

The fourteenth giant had arrived.

The damage was not enough to kill Milo, so his Fortunate Fate did not trigger. But it was almost that much damage.

Giants hit hard.

Milo was about to respond with a spell when Mordy interrupted, "Let me take him boss. That way you'll be ready when the other two finish and the survivor turns on you. I hate to think what he could do to us before we got to go again."

Milo agreed,and Mordy Launched an acorn at the giant over a hundred feet away in the woods.

The acorn missed the giant and hit a tree close behind him.

The explosion shattered that tree and several more and pulverised the giant's back, flinging him forward. His forward flight was arrested by his impact with a large oak tree, which broke it in half, leaving him impaled on the part of the trunk that was still standing.

He struggled for a moment, then was still.

The explosion had startled one of the other two giants and distracted him just long enough for the other one to land a blow that finished him off.

Milo was prepared, and with his Readied Action cast

_Orb of Electricity_

at the remaining giant, finishing it off.

A moment later, some blood and gore blasted off the forest giant rained down on them.

"I see what you mean about needing to dial back the power on those acorns. Remind me tonight and we'll take care of it." Milo said.

Mordy nodded.

Milo cast

_Heal_

on himself to fix up the damage he'd taken from the spear.

They searched and had the Unseen Servants collect the loot - mostly valuable furs, but also some raw gemstones and gold nuggets the giants had found.

The giant in the forest had been bringing in a huge sack full of squirrels. The sack was really a very big net, tied together at the 4 corners. Milo supposed the giant just shook the trees until the squirrels fell into the net.

The squirrels were dead, but the net was sound.

Milo cleaned it, and himself and Mordy, with Prestidigitation, then stowed the net in a Bag of Holding.

You never knew when equipment like that could come in handy.

"Hey Mordy, feel like a shopping trip?" Milo asked.

"Sure boss, what's the plan?"

"Well, I see it this way. We don't know where we are - maybe Russia judging by their hats - so it will take at least a Teleport to get home. Some parts of Russia are so far away they'd take a Greater Teleport. If I'm going to spend a Teleport, I may as well do it after Plane Shifting, to correct for the variable arrival location that spell always gives. I need to Plane Shift anyway to go home and shop for some magic items."

Mordy agreed, and Milo said "Plane Shift, but better!"

He cast

_Summon Monster VII_

and the ten and a half foot tall, blue skinned, Djinni named Eugene appeared and looked around.

"Salutations noble MiIo. Either you are eight times stronger than you look, or you made these giants beat each other up. Either way, nice work, though from the arterial blood on your side, I see that they tagged you pretty good before they were done."

"Thanks Eugene. Yah, they got me, but I healed it, so all is well."

"How, if you don't mind my asking? Wizards are notoriously deficient in healing magic, and you appear to be entirely on your own here." Eugene leaned forward, in eager anticipation of new knowledge.

"I have ten levels of Rainbow Servant, allowing me to cast Cleric spells." Milo responded, extending and flexing his Coatl wings as emphasis.

"Very nice," enthused Eugene. "You know, of course, that Coatl feathers are a Power Component, granting spells cast with them two extra caster levels.

"I didn't actually know that. Thanks Eugene. You always have helpful information - like that bit about the synthetic diamonds. That was very helpful. You don't know if they make synthetic opals do you? With those I could cast Symbol spells."

"Yes, hydrated silicon dioxide - opal - is easily manufactured here as well, in any color or size you like. But watch out - some manufacturers include plastic to try to stabilize the macroporous structures. So make sure you get the real thing."

"Thanks. Your knowledge is impressive and much appreciated." Milo said.

"I live to learn...uh, serve that is. Speaking of which, what's up?"

"I'd like to Plane Shift to my home plane, and I thought 'why spend a seventh level spell to Plane Shift when I could spend a different seventh level spell to get another 20 cubic feet of saffron and then still Plane Shift afterwards'. So here you are." Milo grinned.

"Well-reasoned, your nobleness. So it shall be!"

Eugene first created twenty cubic feet of saffron into the Bag of Holding Milo opened for that purpose, then, after Milo cast

_Mirror Image_

to increase his survival odds if they arrived in a dangerous situation, Eugene cast

_Plane Shift_.

which deposited them on Milo's own native Material Plane - what he used to call the Prime Matrial Plane, but now wasn't so sure of.

His first view of his home universe in a while was not a favorable one.

They were standing in a bleak sandy desert he didn't recognize.

He thought he remembered such a desert existing several hundred miles to the south of Myra - City of Light, City of Magic.

That was certainly within the parameters of Plane Shift, which always landed you 5-500 miles away from your target.

Where he was, and the distance and direction to the city really didn't matter - he could just Teleport in.

But he paused for a while, ready and waiting to be attacked.

It was a law of nature in his universe that every trip came with one Encounter.

And it would be much easier to deal with a fight here than in a city teeming with people, especially one where law enforcement was strong and so collateral damage must be avoided.

But, though they watched and waited, no Dragon swooped down out of the sky, no Bullette swam up out of the sand, and no Demon materialized near him.

They said goodbye to Eugene when the Summon duration was about to wear out, watched him wink out, and then waited some more.

Finally Milo sighed. "You know what this means?"

"Yah, boss - we're in for it. No encounter here in the desert, plus no travel time since we'll be Teleporting, means an encounter in the city. And that most likely means a high-level Rogue. They can really be bad news."

"Yes. I came to acquire new magic items, not lose everything I have. Rogues of high enough level to make a suitable Encounter for me have such high skill bonuses they could rob me of everything down to my underwear in broad daylight without my even noticing." Milo grumped. "And they're already prepared to defeat all the standard things - locks, traps, vigilance and so on."

"So don't try to defeat him on his own ground, where he's strongest and most prepared - hit him with something he doesn't expect. Make him think - that's not their strong suit, but it is yours." Mordy suggested.

After some discusion, they worked out a plan. The best defense against such a thief, was to not be his target. So they worked on providing a better target, while minimizing Milo's target value.

Milo cast

_Guidance of the Avatar_

and

_Divine Insight_

Granting him, between them, a +35 bonus in the Disguise skill.

Cleric spells were good at such things.

That 35 point bonus only applied to one use of the skill, but it was enough of a bonus to put it in the realm of what a high level thief might have.

So it had a reasonable chance of fooling one.

Then using that Disguise skill, Milo cast

_Shadow Guardians._

and made one of them look like a stereotypical wealthy merchant, and the rest look like that merchant's guards.

Then he cast the same two spells again, to give him enough disguise skill to disguise himself.

Making himself look like something he wasn't was harder than making himself look like something he'd been.

So he disguised himself as a wizard - a scruffy second level one, who was clearly not well off financially and was just a hireling supporting the wealthy merchant.

He used the Rod of Splendor to give the wealthy merchant a load of riches - from gold and gem-studded jewelry all over him, to rich embroidered silk robes.

He included extras, such as two bejeweled gold-hilted swords, extra rings and the like, then took the extras and gave them to the Shadow Guardian he'd done up as the captain of the guards.

Then he cast

_Major Creation_

to make a strong chest full of gold, complete with several locks.

Unlike things made by Genies, these would only last for hours. But that would be more than enough.

He cast

_Arcane Lock_

on the chest, and

_Fire Trap_

since those would be expected, and he wanted maximum believability.

He cast

_Familiar Pocket_

to give himself a one cubic foot extra-dimensional storage space with a hidden entrance on top of his head - someplace he didn't think any thief was likely to look.

He finished by taking off any magic items he didn't expect to need, storing them in a Bag of Holding, and storing that in the Familiar Pocket.

Then he cast

_Nystul's Undetectable Aura_

on himself, so he would not show up to Detect Magic, despite still having magic items on him.

Lastly, he cast

_Teleport_

and he and his Shadow Guardians arrived in Myra, City of Light, City of Magic, but not quite where he was aiming at.

A successful Knowledge Arcana check told him he'd been subject to a Teleport Redirect spell, and arrived, not inside Fiorello's Magic Shop as planned, but outside the gate in the wall around it, in line with others waiting to be inspected by a guard and go inside the wall.

Polite inquiry verified that the line was to enter Fiorello's, so he settled down to wait.

Fiorello's had always had defenes second to none, but Milo had not known about the Teleport Redirect. He wondered if it was new.

Part of having good defenses was in not broadcasting exactly what your defenses were.

He waited, not having to act bored, and was shocked out of his reverie by a loud trumpet blast and a cry of "Thief!"

It came from a three-inch-tall metal soldier he'd taken as mere decoration. A line of at least 100 of them stood on a shelf high on the guard tower built into the wall above the gate. They had a clear window all around that tower level, so they could see in all directions.

Immediately on hearing the cry of "Thief!', fifty sets of animated metal manacles detached themselves from the tower's eaves, where they'd been hanging like bats, and flew over to an innocent looking beggar, whom the tiny metal soldier was pointing at.

The manacles swarmed the man and had him locked up so fast that they must have been using the Aid Another action to get a huge bonus - somehing in the realm of +50 or more, Milo would guess.

Milo expected to see the thief escape anyway, via any of a score of possible magical tricks.

But as he was thinking that, there came an announcement including all the typical stuff about not being alarmed and everything being under control, but also mentioning that the manacles included an anti-magic aura so everyone should keep their distance.

The whole thing had happened so fast that Milo had not had a chance to act.

But he had a very good view of it all - the thief masquerading as a beggar was only about 10 feet from Milo ... right by the Shadow Guardian disguised as a rich merchant ... who was now completely without any of the conjured riches Milo had provided for him

So was the 'Captain of the Guards' Milo had disguised another Shadow Guardian as.

And so were the two 'guards' who'd been carrying the chest of gold Milo had conjured.

They had all been completely stripped of valuables by the thief before he was caught.

And they were all standing around as if nothing had happened. Constructs and golems, which they basically were, were like that. They are not human and do not react as humans. So, not having been told to act like they had just been robbed, they didn't.

Not that it would have made much difference anyway - they had no skill ranks in Bluff and would need specific detailed instructions in how to act even before they could attempt a Bluff check, which, without any bonuss, was not going to succeed.

So Milo's ruse was broken anyway.

But it had served its purpose. He had not been robbed. Only the unreal conjured riches carried by his conjured Guardians had been taken.

So it was with idle curiosity, rather than outrage, that he commented to the person next to him in line,

"They didn't spot the thief until he'd done quite a bit of stealing - I thought Fiorello's had far better defenses than that."

The man turned and regarded Milo a moment before answerinig "They do. I'd bet they spotted him the moment he first took something. Rumor has it that all those little metal soldiers up there have Linked Perception, so if there are 101 of them, they all get +200 to Spot checks. You just can't beat that."

"If that's true, why didn't they grab the thief earlier?" Milo asked, puzzled.

"Hadn't you heard?" the man asked, "The new law has been in place for months. Basically the more he steals the more trouble he is in. So they let him do as much stealing as he is inclined to, then grab him as soon as he turns to go. With as much as this one stole, he'll probably be either killed or sold into slavery. I hear the military has a unit of elite scouts made up of such theives with Geas and other compulsion spells on them."

"Oh." Milo said, then got tapped on the shoulder.

He turned and saw a huge shirtless man showing off the most amazing set of muscles Milo had ever seen on a Human.

"Excuse me, sir" the man said, "If you'd come with me, Fiorello will see you now. But your constructs will have to wait outside. We don't allow such guards inside."

"But the other people in line were here before me." Milo observed, trying to be fair.

"Ah, but they are waiting for Fiorello's Magic Shop. You are waiting for Fiorello himself." The man stated confidently. "Even if there had not been the matter of the robbery and the division of his goods between affected parties - you and Fiorello - master Fiorello likes to personally meet all high-level spellcasters such as yourself."

Milo shrugged and allowed himself to be escorted to the front of the line.

Since his ruse was over, he went ahead and turned on his Arcane Sight to satisfy his curiosity.

His eyes glowed blue, and he saw a large array of spells in use.

In the time he had, and with several successful Spellcraft skill checks, he could identify the spells

Discern Aura

Power Sight

Know Protection

Discern Bloodline

Cull the Weak

and

Detect Hostile Intent

So, among other things, the guards in the guardpost, using those spells - which seemed built into the architecture - could tell his class, level, race, hitpoints, highest level spell known, special abilities and qualities, current spell effects, if any, and more.

Any Doppelganger trying to sneak in there would be in for a surpise.

Milo's escort indicated the door "Please go first and wait for me on the other side. It won't be long. If you want to access anything inside an extra-dimensional storage device, now is your last chance."

Milo nodded and stepped forward, into a clear space maintained by two guards.

There he took three small bags out of his Belt of Hidden Pouches, and put them in his regular pockets.

Then he went through the open door and into a small chamber.

He had seen everyone in line take turns doing the same.

A heavy stone door closed behind him, trapping hm inside a 5' by 10' stone room, with another heavy stone door on the far side.

Two golems - an unusual type Milo didn't recognize, but made of stone - were in the room with him, along with two barrels made of ice..

A set of 4 guards on the other side of a panel of either GlassSteel or clear quartz could see him. They could hear him too, through what Milo identified as a Listening Coin spell on a wall medallion. He could hear them the same way.

A ghostly hand held a ghostly candle high in the center of the room. Milo recognized it as the Corpse Candle spell. It revealed invisible and ethereal creatures and objects, and more importantly, hidden creatures and objects.

Milo imagined it would have revealed the contents of his Belt of Hidden Pouches and Bags of Holding as being hidden, except that they were completely inaccessable here, in what he identified as a Zone of Respite.

So all he had that was hidden was the contents of his pockets, which the spell revealed.

One guard spoke into his medallion and Milo heard the sound come out of his. Since that was the only way he heard the sound, he knew the walls must be thick.

"What is your name and purpose in coming here?" the guard asked.

"Milo. To buy magic items." Milo replied.

A guard's hand went up, and another guard said, "he said Milo."

Milo recognized a Ring of Truth on the hand that had gone up, and quickly deduced what they were doing.

It was clever.

All the spells that Milo knew of to prevent lying allowed a saving throw, which meant you could never be certain of lies or truths, since some people would make their saves.

But the Ring of Truth operated on the hearer, not the speaker. It allowed no save because the hearer was being affected voluntarily.

The wearer of a Ring of Truth simply could not hear any lies.

So by watching a person's lips, the guard wearing the Ring knew they were speaking and if he couldn't hear it, it was a lie.

In such cases, he raised his hand, and another guard repeated what was said while the hand was up, and they thereby identified the lie.

Milo hurried to clarify "My name is Milo Amastacia-Liadon. I did not think using only the short form of my name would be taken as deceit."

The guard did not raise his hand that time, and the other guards relaxed a bit.

"What other purposes, if any, do you have for your visit here?" The first guard asked,

"I may be interested in commissioning magic items, possibly selling magic items and gems, and maybe in changing money from diamonds to gold. That is all."

No hands were raised.

"Has anyone asked you to do anything while you're here?"

"No."

Again no hands were raised.

"Thank you. You may proceed." the first guard said, and the inner door opened.

Milo noted that both inner and outer doors had no knob, locks, handles etc on his side. They were fully controlled from within the guard room.

If he'd been a thief hoping to pick a lock and get in, he'd have had nothing to try picking.

Milo walked out the door as soon as it was open wide enough for him to do so, whereupon it began closing again.

Rumor said - and it was easily verified - that the inner and outer doors of that chamber were never open at the same time.

Rumor also said that the two golems in the room could turn on antimagic fields at will, and that when they did so, the barrels made of ice would disappear, since they were conjured, and the acid inside, which had been magically shrunk, would expand to fill the room. Then it would be a race to see what killed the person inside the room first - acid damage, suffocation, hypothermia, or the golems, who, rumor said, were excellent at Grappling and were told to pin their opponent and crush him while the acid etc., worked.

Fiorello's was serious about their defenses.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 aka chapter 88

Magic shops long ago had often been emptied by thieves, and so shops had starting defending themselves more and more, resulting in sets of defenses like those here at Fiorello's.

Rumor said a great many things about those defenses. Many were probably true, like the original store building actually being one large Golem consisting only of a hollow head - such things were comparatively easy.

But Fiorello's never either confirmed nor denied any of the rumors.

Milo believed they probably planted some of the rumors themselves - like the rumors about the horrible deaths awaiting any who tried flying over the wall or tunneling under it or through it.

Though they did have signs on the walls saying that attempting to bypass it was death and that they would not be held responsible in such cases.

So maybe it was true.

Milo didn't intend to find out.

While he waited, he took in the scene.

The high stone wall - which he had seen while passing through it was 11 feet thick, and had inner layers of iron and a thin layer of lead, which, between them would defeat a number of things such as the Passwall spell - was enchanted as one big Magic Circle Against Evil, meaning, among other things, that nobody inside it could be mentally controlled.

It was also enchanted as the perimeter of the Zone of Respite spell which was preventing all forms of Teleportation, as well as all extra-dimensional storage spaces from being accessed.

It had a large number of banners hanging from it, which were rumored to conceal various Symbol spells, which could be revealed and thus activated at need.

The wall encircled a nice plaza, like the town square of a small town. There were statues, benches, and fountains, all of which were rumored to be something deadly - usually some type of Golem, since Golems could be made in any shape.

But for now, while they were neither being attacked nor apprehending thieves, the statues, fountains etc were simply pleasant scenery.

Most of them, that is.

Two of the statues had lines of people waiting in front of them.

These were widely known to be a type of Golem which could use a Spell-like Ability every couple of rounds.

They were rumored to have several such abilities, but the one that was known, and which explained the lines, was Sending.

Sending was a spell which allowed a person to send a message - up to 25 words long - to any other person, anywhere, and get a reply of the same length.

Having built that ability into a Golem for their own occasional use, Fiorello's had advertised that anybody could, for a copper piece, come use a Sending when Fiorello's wasn't using it.

That helped business by letting potential buyers check on things with their associates, and also by bringing in folks who just came in to Send a message but might be enticed to buy something.

But it also brought in a steady supply of visitors and coins.

A copper piece isn't much by itself. But each Golem could cast Sending every 3.5 rounds on average. Over the course of one day, if they kept busy the whole time, that would amount to 4,114 copper coins, or 41 gold coins - still not a lot, but over time it added up.

The visitors it brought in were more important. They effectively gave Fiorello's all the advertising they could want, just by talking to their peers.

But they also kept some of Fiorello's staff happy.

Fiorello employed a number of the least powerful types of angels: Lantern Archons and Musteval Guardinals.

The former were like small flying lanterns, and the latter like small burrowing mammals. Both had respectable combat abilities, especially in numbers - two dozen Musteval Guardinals could, for instance, take down a tough 20th level fighter in a single volley of Magic Missiles.

And the Lantern Archons could Teleport at will.

Milo supposed they had been exempted from the Zone of Respite somehow, to make use of their Teleports.

It was trivially easy to get groups of either of them to serve you for a year, and he'd heard that Fiorellos just kept getting the same ones renewed year after year.

But Fiorello's liked to keep them happy, by giving them an opportunity to proselytize.

They were angels after all, and therefore very serious about religion.

Milo supposed it was hard not to be serious about religion when you'd been to heaven and could visit hell anytime.

Being able to verify, anytime, just what eternal rewards awaited you, tended to focus people more on making sure they got the rewards they wanted.

But still, the angels were more focused than that. By a long shot.

So both types of angels spent their spare time approaching people and talking about religion with those who were willing. They were nice about it - they were angels after all - and didn't bother those who were uninterested.

They confined their efforts to folks standing in line for the Sending Golems.

So Milo was not approached.

One of the four buildings in the complex was a small church where the angels could talk with those who were really interested.

The other buildings were stores.

The largest was for low-level adventurers to buy and sell magic items.

The medium-sized one was for mid-level adventurers.

And the smallest was the original shop Fiorello had started out with long ago, which was now reserved for high-level adventurers.

The big building had high traffic - there were lots more low-level adventurers than mid or high level ones.

Milo could see there were several spells on each building, but his wait wasn't long enough to determine more.

The door cycled open and his overmuscled escort came out.

"This way," he said, heading towards the smallest building.

"I see you make a lot of use of the 75% discount that magical architecture gives over regular magic items," Milo said, "Like this platform of Break Enchantment I've been standing on."

"You know we don't talk about that. I can neither confirm nor deny anything you've said." the man chided, as he reached the building and held open the door for Milo.

Milo noted that the doorknob was a Grandfather Plaque - a type of Golem with a lot of special abilities related to protecting doors, before they were inside the room with the door shut.

"Milo! Long time no see. I'd say that I hope you're doing well, but I can see that you are. You've come a long way since I sold you your first Belt of Hidden Pouches." the cheerful old man behind the counter grinned.

"That was you? I thought I was dealing with just another employee." Milo spluttered.

"Yes, I like to 'keep my hand in' by working the counter in the beginners building from time to time. I meet some interesting people that way. Listen, there's so much we have to talk about, but we run a continuous Omen of Peril here and it started warning almost an hour ago of an impending event, adventurer class. We have 18 seconds left until it occurs. Prepare yourself."

"May I cast some defensive spells?" Milo asked. Anyone who just started casting spells without asking was in peril of his life, in this place.

"Certainly." Fiorello responded.

Milo had wondered if the anticlimactic brush with the thief outside had counted as his Encounter or not. He cast

_Mirror Image_

_Displacement_

and

_Greater Blink_

and just as he finished, the door opened.

The king's herald stood there.

Somehow he managed to convey the impression of great pomp and authority as he said "Milo Amastacia-Liadon, the Grand Vizier requests..." by which he meant 'commands' - this vizier did not make requests, "...that you investigate a matter for him."

"Thanks anyway, but I'm busy." Milo replied.

"The vizier will be most displeased by any defiance..."

"Wait, I'm not looking to pick any fights." Milo interrupted. "I can look into the matter. I just can't guarantee success." he said, thinking that the extent of his 'looking into it' would probably be minimal indeed. "What are the details?"

With great stuffiness, the herald proceeded to describe how a suspicious character had come to town yesterday, obviously knowing nothing of their ways, and made, after some difficulties with trying to use invalid currency, several purchases that had the vizier worried.

"So what did he buy?" Milo asked, curious about what sort of thing would get the chief of government worried.

Fiorello answered. "Among other things, he bought every scroll of Gate available in town. Since Fiorello's declined to serve him, that amounted to four scrolls."

The herald picked up the story from there.

"He was also asking a lot of questions about high-powered demons and devils. He was last seen trying to hire a Rogue with a very high Use Magic Device skill - high enough to reliably use those scrolls."

"I can see why you're concerned. The kinds of demons or devils he could get that way would be a threat to anybody. I'll see what I can do." Milo said, and mentally added 'after I finish with Voldemort'. Pit Fiend devils and Balor demons were both Challenge Rating 20 - out of Milo's league at present. But at the rate he'd been going, he may be able to deal with them by the time he'd finished with Voldemort.

The herald bowed, handed over a scroll containing what was known of the situation, and left.

Milo and Fiorello got down to discussing their own business.

Dividing the goods confiscated from the thief was easy - Fiorello's would handle selling it off, and Milo was given store credit for the cash value of his share.

That suited him just fine, as he planned to buy quite a bit here.

Milo started with the small stuff - several scrolls he planned to put into Spell Phylacteries - the clerical version of Contingency.

Fiorello's had all of those available, which meant of course that their suppliers had them on hand.

Fiorello's kept nothing of value on the premises.

Few knew that, but Milo could see a lot with his Arcane Sight turned on, and he had the intelligence to infer what it meant.

It was easy for him to tell that none of the GlassSteel display cases had any actual treasure in them, despite their elaborate locks and magic traps. They probably had physical traps too.

But, though the cases appeared to be full of magic items, that was probably just to fool thieves.

Milo could see that most of the items were illusions, and the rest were cursed.

Anybody who stole an item from Fiorello's would be surprised to find that the gold on it was a thin veneer, the gems fake, and the magic nothing more than a curse - a potent debilitating one.

As Milo listed off the scrolls he wanted, and how many of each, Fiorello just nodded and made notes. He was experienced enough at his trade to know Milo didn't need any coaxing or convincing - he already knew what he wanted.

So there were no high-pressure sales pitches. But occasional suggestions did come up.

When Milo ordered scrolls of Delay Death, Fiorello mentioned "You know Beastland Ferocity goes really well with that - it keeps you functional while Delay Death keeps you alive."

"But that's a Druid spell - I can't cast that." Milo replied

"We have it in a permanent magic item, so you don't have to cast it." Fiorello assured him.

"A slotless item?" Milo asked. "I already have my slots for magic items pretty well filled."

"Of course. Many others find themselves in that same predicament. We offer slotless variants of most of our magic items. Generally the slotless items are in the form of enchanted pearls, just like a Pearl of Power."

"Done." Milo said, and ordered a pearl of Beastland Ferocity.

Then he got excited about the idea and, after checking and finding that they were available, added orders for pearls of Mirror Image and, Blur, so that he would always have illusory duplicates and a blurred outline making any attack 20% likely to miss him.

Mordy immediately tugged at Milo's sleeve, and Milo appended the order with Blur and Mirror Image items for him too.

"And now we come to the end of your store credit." Fiorello said gently. "You know the rules. Show me the money."

Milo grinned, fished in his pockets, and took out the three bags he'd moved there from his Belt of Hidden Pouches.

He set them down and the bag of gold fell open, revealing a couple hundred gold coins.

"You joke. That is nowhere near enough." Fiorello frowned.

"Oops, that bag is just for loose change. I'll be paying with these." Milo opened the second bag, and poured scores of diamonds onto the countertop.

There were the classic white and blue-white diamonds, plus yellow ones, pink ones, blue ones, and green, purple, orange, and red ones, all cut in a variety of styles.

Every one of them was worth 5000 gold coins.

"You can test them however you like. They are real diamonds. I chose the size to meet the needs for certain spells. As you know, some of the Symbol spells, and all of the spells for bringing back the dead, require the destruction of one or more diamonds worth 5000gp."

Fiorello pulled out an eyepiece, looked at the diamonds, and said "These are not worth 5000gp."

Milo started to object, but Fiorello continued "They are worth more than that now, due to scarcity. This size of diamond keeps getting used up by spells such as you mentioned. There is more demand for them than there is supply, so the price has risen to ..." he looked at a note, "6,113 gp currently. I can give you that much with no hesitation."

"That's great. But I'm curious, why would you point that out to me? You could have pocketed the difference." Milo asked.

"And if I did, I'd have a small one-time profit, and a grudge against me, or possibly even a full-blown enemy, once you inevitably found out." Fiorello shook his head. "No, that would be short-sighted indeed. As it is, I earn your trust and a reputation for fair dealings. That's very good for business in the long term, and probably the underlying secret for our success."

Milo happily agreed and got back to ordering items.

He got a lesser Weapon Crystal of Acid Assault to put on his crossbow, since doing extra damage was always nice.

He got a Thought Bottle, since it would allow him to minimize the impact of large expenditures of xp, whether from casting certain spells or making magic items.

At Fiorello's suggestion, he got pearls of Aid, and False Life for both him and Mordy, since each granted some temporary hitpoints and nobody ever had enough hitpoints.

Then Milo sighed and said "Ok, as fun as that was, now we come to the real reason for the visit. There's two things I need which I hope you have."

Fiorello nodded and Milo continued, "Do you have an Iron Flask?"

"Yes. What color do you want it in?" Fiorello smiled.

"Great. Any color will do. The real question is - do you have one with a Devourer in it?"

"Let me check." Fiorello waved for his familiar to go do it.

The familiar, an Ice Mephit - a native of the ParaElemental Plane of Ice who resembled a flying monkey made of ice but was smarter than the average human - left through a door into the back of the shop, taking the list of Milo's orders with it.

"What was the other thing you most wanted?" Fiorello asked, as he prepared to write a new list.

"An Amulet of Second Chances." Milo said.

"Well that's no problem at all. It's a very popular item. We have more variations of it than just color."

"Like what?" a curious Milo asked.

""Well for instance, we have one, which also serves as a Hand of Glory."

"Yuck. I'm not wearing a mummified hand as a necklace." Milo grimaced.

"A sentiment shared by many, which is why all our Hands of Glory are made of ivory, not mummified hands." Fiorello assured him, and added, "I don't know what the original inventor was thinking."

"In that case, that would be very helpful, I have a Ring of Wizardry type II that I could put on it. Sure, let me get that too." Milo said, then asked, "By the way, how do you have so much stuff in stock?"

"We don't, really. And that reminds me, I want to recruit you to be one of our suppliers."

"That's flattering, but I have a lot of things going on right now." Milo replied.

"So does everybody, but this is low-impact. Let me at least tell you how it works." Fiorello steepled his fingers.

"We are basically a brokerage. We maintain contacts with a large number of people who make, or acquire, magic items. They tell us what they have on hand. We offer it for sale. If somebody buys it, we send Lantern Archons to go collect it from the source and deliver to them its purchase price. We keep their identities secret so they are at no more risk for robbery than if they were not one of our suppliers. Other than that, they handle their own security however they see fit. It works whether a given supplier only offers an occasional item, or cranks out a steady flow. With a large number of suppliers, we can have a very large list of things for sale, without actually having anything on hand here - the one public place in the whole setup attracting thieves. If somebody orders something that none of our suppliers has on hand, we have suppliers who are willing to craft a new item to fill that order."

Milo nodded, "I thought it was something like that - a big stockpile of magic items in any place thieves know about would not go long before some thief or other stripped it bare. But tell me, what do you do to prevent Teleport Trace? If the Lantern Archons Teleport between here and your suppliers, couldn't that be traced?"

"I can't tell you all the details, for security reasons, but this should suffice. We never send out just one Archon. Two or more leave here, and go to a random unimportant location together. Then when one Teleports to a location we want kept secret, the other immediately Teleports elsewhere. Teleport Trace, as you know, only tracks the most recent Teleport from that location."

"Nice, but they couldn't reach me. I've been working out of one of the other planes recently and plan to go back." Milo said

"That's no problem. We employ a few Genies, for instance, to handle the Plane Shifting in company with the Archons. Wherever you are, we have one way or another to reach you. Tell me, what kinds of magic items can you make?"

"Not many." Milo replied, "I just have Craft Wondrous Item, Craft Construct - for which I'm sure there's no market, since Constructs are always loyal to their maker..."

"You'd be surprised," Fiorello interjected.

"... and Craft Magic Arms and Armor." Milo finished

"That's wonderful!" Fiorello enthused. "Very few Wizards ever take the Craft Magic Arms and Armor feat, since it does almost nothing for them directly, and yet almost all the other Classes want those products. We always have a backlog of orders for those." Fiorello beamed. "I would consider it a personal favor if you'd take at least one commission for us."

"How can I say no to that?" Milo asked "I was almost sold on making you something just for the prestige of having done so. Is it ok if I wait a few days before starting on it? I'm right at the point of facing the End Boss of a campaign."

"Certainly, and good luck to you."

They shook hands on the deal.

Then Milo said "And I have something I wanted to ask you."

He held up the third bag he'd taken out, and poured a few fake diamonds from it into his hand.

"These are fake diamonds, known as Cubic Zirconia because they are made from something called Zircon DiOxide. I can get them cheap. If, purely hypothetically of course, since I know you can't talk about security arrangements, you had need for fake treasure to distract theives from real treasure, I could supply you with these. They are almost identical to diamonds in every way, except they weigh a touch more, are a little less hard, and, where diamonds conduct heat, they insulate against heat.".

"Have you tried them with a spell that requires diamonds?"

"Not yet, but that's a good idea. They are so similar that it just might work. If it does, the price would go up."

"Of course."

They dickered about Cubic Zirconia, details of what magic weapon Milo should make, and other things while various Lantern Archons went and got Milo's orders.

The Archons took payment out with them, in the form of Milo's diamonds and change provided by Fiorello, since nothing Milo wanted was an even multiple of 6113 gp.

To get that change, Fiorello had simply called to him a golem standing in the corner.

It looked like a standard Iron Golem, but had its head shaped like a crocodile's head.

It obediently opened its mouth for Fiorello and thereby revealed a small safe door at the back of its throat.

Milo couldn't see what Fiorello did to open the safe, but knew it involved bypassing spells, whispering passwords, and some kind of key.

He was also pretty sure that he saw a tiny little golem inside the safe.

After Fiorello had put diamonds into the safe, taken out an equivalent amount of gold and gems, and sent that off in the proper payment amounts with the Lantern Archons, Milo had to ask.

"What good is the little golem inside that safe?"

Fiorello smiled, "Your Robe of Eyes serves you well - not many notice him. He's a Diminutive Tin Golem, just like the ones watching you from the rafters. He re-locks any locks that get picked, which really frustrates thieves."

Milo quashed the urge to look up - he hadn't noticed the three inch tall Golems in the rafters. Luckily he could stare at them without moving his head, since the Robe of Eyes let him look in all directions at once.

They were armed with bows and poisoned arrows. If they used Aid Another like the animated Manacles outside had, they could guarantee multiple hits per round on even the most heavily armored knight. With the right poisons, that would be more than enough.

And Milo had no doubt that Fiorello had provided the best poisons he could.

Milo was taking mental notes. There were some things here he could do to protect his own home, whatever that was - certainly not a random and ever-changing room at Hogwarts.

He mused that maybe it was time to start considering building himself a home.

He would look into that, after finishing with Voldemort.

The last of Milo's items to come back was the Iron Flask with a Devourer captured within it.

His business completed for now, Milo left with a half dozen masterwork weapons that various nobles wanted enchanted.

They'd had standing orders to get it done whenever Fiorello's could. So Fiorello had simply informed them that their turn had come, and enchanting could begin. They'd sent the swords by Lantern Archon and Milo was ready to go.

He'd asked Fiorello how he avoided offending his deity, employing minor angels to run and fetch as he did.

Fiorello had laughed and pointed out that, since he'd created the Lantern Archons via a little known spell, Create Lantern Archon, then employed those same ones, his deity was not inconvenienced in the least.

Rather, he was ahead by that many Archons, since deities and angels took a very long view indeed, and no matter how long Fiorello lived, it was an eye-blink to them.

They said their goodbyes, and two Iron Golems escorted Milo to the departure area.

This was outside the main wall, but still within its own defended wall, to make it hard for thieves to waylay departing customers.

Teleport and other extra-dimensional travel functioned in the departure area, though only for leaving - arrivals would hit a Teleport Redirect and arrive elsewhere.

There was a permanent Teleportation Circle here, but Milo didn't need it, since he would Plane Shift.

Before casting Plane Shift, Milo looked again at his notes for weapons they wanted him to make.

One Seeking, Bloodseeking, javelin made of Kaorti Resin with Coup de Grace and Exit Wound.

One Mercuric greatsword with Vicious, FleshGrinding, Transmuting, Flaming, Electric, Corrosive, all 5 damaging Surges, and...

"Nevermind," he said, "I'll look at it later."

Nobles could afford maximally-enchanted weapons, and, having decided to make any at all, Milo had determined that the best route would be to use his Thought Bottle to help him make several.

He'd bought it thinking it would help with casting Simulacrum and Clone, each of which cost at least 1000xp to cast.

But by using a Thought Bottle, Milo could spend thousands of xp making things and casting spells, then restore back to his original xp total minus 500.

That was a good deal.

And if you were going to spend 500, Milo thought, why not get maximum value out of doing so, by making and casting as much as possible before the restore.

So he'd chosen the most expensive weapons Fiorello had on his pre-order list.

Each would take more than half a year of continuous work to complete, but the customers knew that.

And, by making more Dedicated Wrights, Milo could have them all being worked on simultaneouly, plus some of his own projects.

But for now, it was time to get back.

He cast

_Summon Monster VII_

and a Djinni who Milo didn't know appeared.

He hadn't summoned Eugene this time, since Eugene had already used his one daily use of Major creation, and Milo wanted more saffron.

The new Djinni simply waited to be commanded.

So Milo didn't try any banter, and just asked for the saffron followed by a Plane Shift.

And that's what he got.

After the Djinni cast Plane Shift, he departed.

They had arrived in a grassy meadow full of sheep. He had no idea where it was, except that it would be within 500 miles of Hogwarts - his target. At least he hadn't arrived in the open ocean, though at this level that'd be a mere inconvenience.

He cast

_Misdirection_

and set it to mimic a gold coin in his pocket, so that for the next several hours, any detection spells would see him the same as a gold coin.

Then he cast

_Teleport_

and arrived in Bellatrix LeStrange's vault at Gringots, where his earlier Discern Location spell had said a piece of Voldemort's soul was.

No alarms went off, so either his Misdirection worked, or Gringots put all their efforts into keeping people out of vaults in the first place - monitoring only the approaches and entrances, rather than the contents of vaults themselves.

Gold coins don't move around, so Milo didn't either - just in case.

Rather, he had his and Mordy's Unseen Servants start loading treasure into Bags of Holding. As disembodied forces, the Unseen Servants were unlikely to trip any warnings there may be here.

So Milo stood idle, amid mounds of treasure, as the Servants worked.

All the things you would imagine from a member of a family that had been very rich for a very long time, were present.

There was plenty of gold and siilver, both in coins and ingots.

There were gems and jewelry, antiques, fine silks, rare materials, and plenty of artworks of every kind.

The Unseen Servants took it all, while Milo watched, using his Detect Thoughts ability.

Bellatrix wouldn't be coming back for it.

Among all the loot, one elaborate gold cup stood out to Milo - it showed up to Detect Thoughts the same way a sleeping mind did, just as the previous Horcruxes had.

He had the Servants store that one in the same Bag of Holding that held the other Horcruxes.

When the vault was stripped bare, Milo cast

_Teleport_

and arrived in the room at Hogwarts that held the next Horcrux.

He could see it was some kind of storage room.

His ethics as an Adventurer said the assets of defeated fores were his by right of conquest. But taking stuff from others was still stealing.

So he left the assorted contents of this room alone, as he prowled around, searching with Detect Thoughts for his target.

Soon enough he found a crown that detected as having a sleeping mind inside it.

Into the Bag of Holding it went.

And out the door and down the hall Milo went.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 aka chapter 89

Back in his room, Milo found a note from Hannah.

It said

Milo,

You may not have heard the announcement, so I wanted to make sure you knew.

They said that all students are to stay inside the walls of the castle, since it is very dangerous right now to go out.

A group of trolls has been seen gathering nearby in the Forbidden Forest, and also the dementors around the school have been acting strangely.

They say it is being investigated and they'll let us know when it is safe again.

I wanted you to know,

Hannah

Milo thought that sounded like Voldemort was preparing to attack the school - marshalling his minions and dementors to do so.

Milo had a little while before dinner, and wasted no time heading out to the Forest.

He believed that the best defense was a good offense.

As he entered the Forbidden Forest, he called "Here kitty kitty", then started whistling as he walked along.

Milo was walking along the trail when, unnoticed by him, he broke a stick with the Protean charm on it.

He noticed the results though.

A particularly large and strong Death Eater immediately Apparated in. He arrived in close proximity with Milo and grabbed him before he could react.

In a voice that betrayed low intelligence, the Death Eater chanted, "I'm gonna get a reward, I'm gonna get a reward, I waited and now I'm gonna get a reward. See who is clever now - me the reward getter."

He cruelly crushed Milo, and seemed to be doing his best to break bones - probably as a simple way to incapacitate him.

Milo could tell he was not going to win an opposed Grapple check with this man, who obviously had plenty of strength and a lot of experience.

He wondered just how well that experience would serve the man, as he got his finger onto his Metamagic Rod of Silent Spell, and cast

_Benign Transposition._

switching places with his Charmed Manticore, who he'd called to him and kept nearby by whistling.

It was no contest.

The Manticore made very short work of the man.

When he was done, Milo said "Good kitty. Now hang out nearby for a while in case I need you some more."

The big flying lion obediently took off.

Milo resumed looking for trolls.

Not long afterwards, a group of dementors tried to sneak up on Milo.

Even if he had not spotted them in time, the sudden chill in the air and feeling of dread would have given them away.

Milo cast

_Mind Blank_

and felt safe despite their continued approach.

As he retreated, he counted 19 of them.

By the time he could cast again, they were close enough to be in range of the spell he wanted to try.

He cast

_Mass Inflict Moderate Wounds_

and infused every one of them with a hefty amount of negative energy.

But it was not enough to destroy them.

It had swelled and stretched them a little, suggesting they had come close to overload, but they just staggered and came on.

Milo retreated again.

The dementors - still as stretched as they were 6 seconds ago - were almost upon him, when he again cast

_Mass Inflict Moderate Wounds_

and every one of them swelled, stretched, and popped.

They were destroyed in puffs of black oily smoke.

Milo had a transient feeling like before - as if angels were singing, flowers blossoming, birds singing, and hope and joy were flooding back into the world.

It was indescribably nice, but brief.

He resolved to destroy the rest of the dementors as opportunities arose. It seemed like the next step up - an Inflict Serious Wounds, would probably do the job.

But that would be for later. For now he had to levelup to 18th, since the xp he'd just gotten had taken him that far, plus a bit of the way to nineteenth.

He chose the third level of Dweomerkeeper, allowing him to swap out any other spell for a Ray Deflection spell.

For his spells, he chose Blinding Glory - a light spell with a huge radius, long duration, and debilitating effect, though only versus evil creatures: it blinded them with no possibility to resist it.

He also chose Shapechange - a ridiculously effective spell for changing forms and gaining the abilities of the shape you assumed.

For his new feat, he chose the very uninspiring Iron Will feat. It wasn't useless, like some. But it's modest +2 bonus was to his already substantial Will save, which needed no help.

But he chose it anyway, to cover the pre-requisites for the Continue the Fight feat, which fit his needs very well, by allowing him to take an extra action when he needed to. It came at a cost - 1-4 points of damage due to the strain, but being able to cast an extra spell on his turn would be a very big deal.

Continue the Fight was intended for Fighters, but general enough that he could use it too.

He would need to grant it to a summoned creature via the Heroics spell, then have them demonstrate it for him, so he could mimic it via his magic pin of Mirror Moves, but all that would be no problem.

He was mentally reviewing the list of creatures he could summon who already had the Iron Will feat, such as griffins, when crashing in the nearby underbrush told him he had visitors.

The trolls he'd been looking for had found him.

They shoved aside bushes and trees alike and charged.

A couple stumbled over roots.

Several bumped their neighbors and got punched in return.

And one bumped his head on a thick branch, and spent a few moments breaking off all the limbs he could reach on the offending tree, then uprooting the tree.

Even without those delays, they'd made enough noise crashing through the shrubbery that Milo had enough time for one turn before they arrived.

For his Move Action, he reached into his Belt of Hidden Pouches, and touched three specific Metamagic Rods.

For his Standard Action, he cast

_Orb of Acid_

with the Chain Spell, Maximize Spell, and Empower Spell Metamagic feats.

Chain Spell turned the single-target spell into a multi-target spell.

Maximize Spell set the spell to do the maximum damage it could possibly do - which was about double what they normally did.

Finally, Empower Spell increased the spell's damage by 50%.

Milo's Orbs of Acid could normally melt an average grizzly bear from full health down to dead in a single hit. But he knew the trolls of his world were about half again as tough as a grizzly.

And the trolls of this world were tougher yet.

Trolls could regenerate all damage unless it came from fire or acid.

And the trolls of this world were rumored to be magic resistant. So Milo had chosen Orb of Acid, which conjured and flung a blob of acid, which, by the time it arrived at the target, was not magic at all - just purely mundane, though very potent, acid. Consequently, it allowed no Spell Resistance.

Milo's spell hit 21 trolls - the main target plus the maximum number of secondary targets.

The main target was killed by that single hit.

But the secondary targets, which only took half damage, were just hurt.

Mordy cast a Silent Image of Milo duplicating himself, then dodging to the side.

Then Milo completed his turn by using a free action to fall down.

He fell onto his back, breaking the Shalantha's Delicate Disk he'd fastened there, and activating its spell - Greater Blink.

Safe on the Ethereal Plane, he watched for 6 seconds as the trolls attacked everything they could.

Two of them used their enormous clubs to crush the scarecrows Milo had, as usual, deployed via Unseen Servants.

Smashing the cloth and straw didn't really hurt them much, but Milo allowed them to 'stay crushed', so they wouldn't take any more damage and could be re-used later. He'd gone through a lot of spare sets of robes in the last few days, and didn't feel a need to waste any.

A third troll tried to help smash a scarecrow, but ended up hitting another troll instead.

A fight ensued, with both punching and biting each-other, to no real purpose, since both would fully regenerate from that.

Four trolls tried to bash Milo, whose image remained on the Prime Material Plane, at the spot where he'd Blinked from.

They got all tangled up with each-other and spent a while accidentally tripping each-other as all tried to get up at once while none paid enough attention to the rest. The fact that, every so often, they remembered to try to bash Milo, added to the chaos.

It took them a while to disentangle themselves.

But most of the trolls set about eagerly chasing the illusionary Milo that Mordy had created and was controlling.

It looked fully real, since Mordy had created it before shifting to the Ethereal Plane.

The trolls were making too much noise to notice that, after it's initial yelp - provided by Ghost sound - the illusion made no sound at all.

The illusionary Milo was as fast, nimble, and acrobatic as Mordy could imagine, since he was creating it and controlling it with his mind. And his mind got better with every level Milo gained - he'd long since become smarter than an average human.

In fact, he regularly helped Neville with his homework.

So the fake Milo jumped, dodged, leapt and tumbled around, leading the trolls a merry chase and causing many to bump into each other and fall down, which resulted in a few fights.

Before Milo's next turn came around, more trolls had arrived and joined in the chase.

Not wanting to waste several spells burning them all, Milo took out a thermos bomb, yanked the activator wire, Blinked in, dropped it, and blinked out again.

A moment later, when Mordy's illusionary Milo ran to the thermos and stopped, several huge trolls tried to smash him with their clubs.

At least one hit the thermos full of nitroglycerin.

To say the resulting detonation was violent would be to significantly understate things.

Trolls, trees, bushes, a nearby boulder, and plenty of dirt were forcefully flung about, torn, and smashed.

Dust was still raining down when Milo phased in 6 seconds later and cast

_Wall of Fire_

in a large ring around the tumbled troll bodies.

It wasn't normally a good choice, since it did very little damage and was easy to avoid entirely.

But the trolls weren't going anywhere, and the spell lasted, and kept doing damage, as long as Milo concentrated.

So he Blinked back out, just in case, and maintained concentration on the Wall of Fire, long enough to turn all the trolls into ash, to make absolutely certain they'd never be able to regenerate.

The nearby trees had been shattered, and their bits, along with all the brush, flung outwards.

The trolls were a good bit heavier than the tree fragments, and had not been flung as far.

So the Wall of Fire, which only burned things to one side of itself, burned up the trolls inside the ring without actually starting a forest fire.

Not that collateral damage such as that normally even entered Milo's mind - the trees were just scenery.

Milo spent a while making sure the bad guys stayed dead, then hurried back to Hogwarts.

He was just in time for dinner.

He sat next to Neville and Hannah, in the seat they'd saved for him.

After greetings were exchanged, he asked, remembering his recent unexpected trip to Russia, "How can a Port Key operate inside Hogwarts? I thought the wards prevented that."

"I read about that in a book this morning." Hannah smiled at him, "Thanks for that, by the way. Anyway, only the Headmaster can make Port Keys that function within Hogwarts. Why do you ask?"

"I think we have a bad Headmaster, then. Have you heard if he's been up to anything today?" Milo asked.

"Oh no. He's been shut in his office almost all day, and hasn't hurt a fly as far as I know."

"That's good, I...Oh look," Milo said as the food arrived, "Buffalo steaks. They're delicious but they always give me gas.

Neville snickered. After all was said and done, 13 year old boys still thought farts were funny.

Hannah changed the subject and the conversation wandered from there, until a few minutes later Milo ripped an enormous fart.

He turned to see if anyone could identify him as the culprit, and saw a red-faced Hermione Granger right behind him, mouth open to speak.

"Oh, hi Hermione. Sorry about that. Your mouth was open and everything. What's up?"

Several emotions chased each other across Hermione's face before she apparently decided the best way forward was to pretend nothing had happened.

She said, "Hannah scored better than me on today's test. Do for me whatever you did for her."

She paused, then added, "Oh, by the way, sorry: Sirius told Harry you weren't behind the basilisk, and he knows it because of veritaserum. Sorry about that misunderstanding."

Milo wasn't sure how to respond.

What made it worse was that Hannah had the look of studied disinterest that said she cared a great deal about what she was pretending not to care about.

He was rapidly trying to figure out how to avoid making Hannah jealous when he was saved by a thunderclap inside the room.

Apparating, Teleporting, and using Port Keys, displaced some air on arrival, resulting in a pop sound.

This thunderclap was the result of many such pops, all at once.

The Great Hall was suddenly crowded with zombies, hags, werewolves, a few Death Eaters, and Tom Riddle.

There were at least three score hags alone, not to mention the other types of foes.

But there were no trolls or dementors, for which Milo mentally patted himself on the back.

"Now you die, Milo Amastacia-Liadon, and all these filthy mudbloods with you!" yelled Riddle as he sent a killing curse at Milo.

He missed and hit the person next to Milo - Hermione Granger.

She died and, and a frustrated Riddle yelled, "Fine! Hide behind your friends, then. Or maybe she wasn't your friend - who cares. But sooner or later I'll get to someone you do care about."

He motioned and his minions attacked generally, causing pandemonium in the room.

Milo reached into his Belt of Hidden Pouches and took out one - you couldn't use more than one per spell - of the Coatl feathers he'd plucked from himself.

With it's aid, he cast

_Holy Word_

and every evil creature, person, or ghost in the room fell dead, including Tom Riddle.

The spell only affected those with evil alignments, but that included everyone Tom had Port Keyed in with.

If it included a few others, Milo wasn't going to quibble. This way he'd caused the least possible collateral damage, while shutting down the bad guys before they could do much damage to the innocent.

Besides, evil people, by definition, enjoyed hurting others, and so the world would be a better place without them.

A different kind of pandemonium ensued, as everybody acted at once in many different ways.

Some fled.

Some tried to help the wounded.

Many asked each other what had happened and what it all meant.

Some 'lost it' and went hysterical.

Milo watched the corpe of Riddle to see if a wraith would emerge, but was interrupted by an irate Harry Potter.

"She's dead! Milo - Hermione is dead and it's your fault!" he commenced pummeling Milo, which didn't hurt because of Infernus' Invulnerable Aura, but was very distracting.

By the time Milo managed to look again, he saw that, indeed, a wraith had risen from the dead Tom Riddle, and was already exiting the room.

He tried to go after it, but Harry tackled him.

"She's dead. She's dead. She's dead you bastard! And you're not getting away from that." Harry continued to pummel Milo while keeping him down by sitting on his legs.

"Oh calm down. She's only been dead a couple minutes. I'll bring her back." Milo was finding it hard to get free of Harry, whose extreme emotion was making him strong.

"No! Not a zombie, you defiler! That could never..."

Milo cut him off. "Shut up you slacker! Pay attention for once and actually try to learn something. You're a wizard Harry, act like one instead of an unmotvated couch potato. I told you before that my kind of magic can bring back the dead. I mean back - fully back - the same as you and me. Not a zombie at all. Just let me up and watch."

"Hold It! Nobody Move! Not until after we sort out what is going on here." Amelia Bones announced, as she and a large number of Aurors rushed into room.

"Oh joy. We're saved. It's the cops." Milo announced so sourly it's a wonder the paint didn't peel up.

It wasn't like he could move anyway, with Harry pinning him down. But at least he'd stopped pummeling Milo and had lapsed into uncontrollable sobbing.

Milo, resigned to the fact that Riddle's wraith had gotten away anyway, waited patiently while the cops did their job - questioning everybody and sorting and organizing the dead and wounded.

When they came to take away Hermione's body, Milo stopped them.

"No need for that. She's, uh, fine, really. I think maybe she's just sleeping or stunned or something."

"Stupid failed Bluff check." he muttered, as he touched a diamond and a Metamagic Rod of Silent Spell and cast

_Raise Dead_

Hermione sucked in air and sat up suddenly.

Everybody started talking at once, so Milo was spared the need to try any more bluffing - nobody would have heard him if he had.

Harry wept and gibbered.

Hermione tried to tell people something.

Everybody nearby asked everybody else nearby what had happened, interrupting each-other's questions to do so.

Some of the more self-important bystanders tried to tell everyone their opinions about what they thought had happened.

After a moment, Harry went completely still, and just stared off into nothing.

In the general confusion, nobody noticed.

With remarkable rapidity, the presumption of normalcy prevailed. Nobody had come back from the dead before, so most folks presumed that nobody had come back from the dead now.

They told themselves whatever made the most sense to them - that she was just asleep or stunned or something - and went on about their business.

After a few minutes, Harry shook himself, and said "I just had a vision where the wraith of You-Know-Who went to a disreputable-looking man who had lots of knives, made him read from a scroll, and was brought back to life!"

That got Milo's attention.

He asked "How reliable are your visions? Did the man with the scroll have a diamond this size?" he held his fingers apart indicating a size, since he was reluctant to pull out an example.

"When I have visions of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, they're always reliable. At least the ones I could verify have been." Harry responded. "And yes, the man with the scroll did have a diamond about that big, but only for a while. I didn't see it after he read from the scroll."

That was all Milo needed to know. The diamond made it convincing - Tom Riddle had a Rogue from Milo's world in his employ, and he'd had him use a scroll to bring him back from the dead.

He started thinking through the ramifications of that when a tumult among the Aurors distracted him.

He asked, "What's all the new fuss about?"

The answer came back, "They just determined that the attackers - the hags, zombies, and such - got in with portkeys, and that all the portkeys were made from bric-a-brac from the Headmaster's office. They've sent people to look for Headmaster Fudge, but nobody can find him."

Discussion ensued, during which Harry again stiffened and stared off into space.

About five minutes later, Harry came to himself again and said, "They won't find Headmaster Fudge here, or anywhere in Britain. He's in Bermuda, with a couple suitcases full of money. I just saw a vision where You-Know-Who apparated in and tortured him for running away. He seemed surprised when the torture gave Fudge a heart attack and killed him."

That revelation caused a whole new discussion, which went round and round until, at great length, the cops finally finished up and let everyone go.

Milo went to the Gryffindor common room, and was asking where Hannah had gone, when he was approached by the trio of Ron, Harry, and Hermione.

Harry acted as spokesman. "We wanted to apologize for assuming you were behind the basilisk attacks last year. We had no evidence and shouldn't have jumped to such a negative comclusion. Shake?" he held out his hand.

Milo took it, held it firm, and slashed Harry's forehead with his dagger.

Harry's hand shot to the bleeding wound "What the..."

"I told you!" Ron interrupted.

"How could you!" Hermione shrieked.

Harry took off running.

Milo, bloody dagger in hand, gave chase. "Hold still you wimp. It'll only hurt for a second."

Harry was about to escape through a door, when Milo cast

_Hold Person_

and, froze Harry in place.

Then quick, before the still-forming mob of Harry's supporters could stop him, he made a circular cut about 2 inches across, and so sliced the scar off of Harry's forehead.

He held it up in triumph "Gotcha!"

"What in the world are you doing, you maniac!" Hermione shrieked, while the still immobile Harry bled freely.

"Capturing the last copy of Voldemort's soul, of course." Milo proclaimed. "The scar is a Horcrux, which I can now destroy along with the others."

He paused, "Oh yah, I almost forgot."

and cast

_Cure Light Wounds_

which instantly healed the wound on Harry's forehead, covering the small circle of bare skull with new skin, scar-free.

The gathering crowd of angry Gryffindor students only looked somewhat appeased.

While they were still confused and deciding what to do, Milo left, putting the scar into his Bag of Holding as he went.

When he got to his room, he was met by Hannah, who had a sheepish Susan Bones along with her.

The determined Hannah looked at Susan, then back at Milo and declared "Susan doesn't want to ask, but we saw what you did, and she would really like her parents brought back from the dead."

She gave Susan an encouraging smile.

"Is that all? Whew, you had me worried there for a second. Sure, no problem." Milo smiled.

There were hugs all around.

"I just need a small portion of their remains." Milo remembered. "I can send a small Earth Elemental to swim through the dirt down into their graves and get that, if you tell me where those are. That way it doesn't need to be yucky."

"No need." Susan said. "Hannah remembered you had mentioned that once, so I brought my locket."

She took off a necklace and opened it up.

"It has a lock of hair from each of my parents, taken so I'd have something to remember them by after they were killed. Will that do?"

"That's perfect." Milo took out his bag of diamonds, and both girls gasped as the gems spilled out onto his hand.

He took four at random for the spells, and started to put the rest away when Hannah, her face flushed bright red asked, in a voice that was at once both shy and bold, "Can I have that one...in a ring?"

Somehow she flushed even redder as she pointed to a pink diamond cut like a heart.

"Sure." Milo declared expansively. "Even better, I'll give you this other one just like it and you'll have a matched set for ear rings."

For some reason, Hannah looked disappointed, happy, confused, pleased, and frustrated, all at once.

Milo didn't notice.

He put away the rest of the diamonds and immediately cast the first spell

_Resurrection_

Susan Bones' mother formed in an instant from the lock of hair, with a whole new body and standing in the clothes she had been wearing when she died.

She declared,"Oh Susan, we've been watching you from Heaven and are so pleased."

There was weeping and hugging all around.

Milo, feeling a bit awkward by all the emotional stuff, covered it by casting the second spell.

_Miracle_

And Susan's dad, his new body not balding like the old one, joined in the group hugging and crying in their joyous reunion.

Milo was out of 7th level spell slots, so he'd had to approximate it by casting the ninth level Miracle spell instead. It could duplicate lower level spells as one of it's minor features - one that didn't cost xp to use, like its major features did.

And, though he had again gotten xp from doing good for others, he still liked to avoid spending it when possible.

As awkward as it was for him, somehow, Milo got through their emotional reunion.

It was Friday night, and when they started talking about heading out to spend the weekend catching up, Milo was only too happy to provide Mr. and Mrs. Bones with wands and broomsticks from his supply of them - captured from dead Death Eaters.

They kept giving Milo effusive thanks all the way to the castle grounds.

Then the 3 Bones' took off on broomsticks.

Hannah, looking like she had something to say which she didn't know how to say, hurried off to inform Acting Headmistress McGonagall that Susan Bones had left for the weekend, but would be back by Monday.

Milo, at last free from awkward social situations, hurried off to the owlry, and sent an owl off to Cog.

Then he went to the quidditch pitch.

That seemed like the right place for his next errand. The spectator seats surrounding it hid it from outside view, yet it was big and open enough within those that he could see anybody coming well before they got to him.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 aka chapter 90

When Milo reached the center of the quidditch pitch, he looked around, and, finding himself alone, took out what he'd need - the Iron Flask, the thinaum darts containing souls, and all the horcruxes in their various forms.

When he took out the gold cup horcrux, it got red hot and started duplicating itself.

Milo tossed it a short distance away in case it had other surprises.

Its heat didn't bother Milo at all - his Helm of Brilliance made him very resistant to fire.

But any concerns about other surprises were soon overshadowed by the giddy feeling he got at the possibilities inherent in treasure that duplicated itself.

He watched as the cup, still glowing red hot, grew into a pile of cups, then into a large mound of them.

Treasure that stayed red hot might be a bit hard to spend - though he could think of some ways - but he was still overjoyed.

He was contemplating adding just a little more heat to melt the cups into big gold blocks from which to make Gold Golems - for which being red hot would be a combat advantage - when the pile of cups stopped growing.

Then it rapily started shrinking again, and cooling.

Milo's hopes for an army of Gold Golems sank as the pile shrank.

In no time, the pile was down to just a single cup again.

Milo was disappointed that the treasure did not really duplicate itself, though he resolved to look into it - maybe somehing could be done.

For now, he got back to what he'd been doing.

He arraged the thinaum darts and horcruxes for easy access, then took hold of the Iron Flask and spoke its command word.

Instantly, a horrible apparition was standing there in the field with Milo.

Evil things were often ugly, but this one - a Devourer - excelled at it, and was uglier than most.

It was basically a skeleton with some flesh remaining on it, and a tiny figure trapped in its ribcage like a prisoner behind bars.

That figure, or rather, the abilities around it, were the reason Milo had obtained the Devourer.

Having been trapped in an Iron Flask, the Devourer was bound to serve Milo for an hour.

It knew that and merely said "What do you want?"

Milo indicated the horcruxes and thinaum darts. "These items contain souls. Can you consume them from there the same way you consume souls from living creatures?"

It looked at the items "Yes, but not within an hour. It takes a lot longer to use up the energy in them, and I can only consume one soul at a time."

Milo hated dealing with such things, but he wanted to make certain that Voldemort could never come back - not from these soul fragments anyway.

He said "You can choose to use the energy faster. Use it to repeatedly cast one of your spells - one with a temporary effect, like True Seeing. Cast it over and over, even though the previous casting still has most of its duration. Use the energy until it is all gone - I want these souls completely destroyed."

The creature responded, "There will be nothing left.I will hunger until I can capture another."

"That is your problem." Milo said in disgust. "By the way, the soul you currently have trapped - let it go before you begin to consume these.'

The creature gnashed its teeth and clawed the air in anger, but did as Milo commanded.

When it was done, Milo checked with Detect Thoughts to make sure all the soul fragments were truly gone.

They were.

The only piece of Voldemort left was the one running around in a new body - raised from the dead by that scroll Harry had seen in his vision.

After verifying that, Milo said "Go. And from now on, only attack evil creatures, or I'll come after you. You're dismissed."

The creature went back to its own plane and disappeared from this one.

Milo fully expected the creature to ignore that last command and attack whomever it pleased. But he had to try.

He would much rather have attacked and destroyed the Devourer, but that seemed offsides somehow while it was compelled to obey him.

And, having now met it, it would be easy for Milo to find it again, and get it to eat the final fragment of Voldemort once that bit had been defeated.

That would complete the destruction of Voldemort.

Milo - whose world abounded in ways to bring back the dead, knew of no way that anybody, even with arbitrary amounts of outside help, could come back from this.

After that, Milo could set about trying to wipe out evil things like Devourers.

Thinking about Voldemort's final fragment reminded Milo that he'd been hoping to be attacked.

He had imagined that Voldemort would have some way to know his other soul fragments were being destroyed, and would show up to defend them.

But if Voldemort had such a thing, he'd chosen to ignore it - he had not shown up.

Milo was disappointed but not surprised.

He stepped over to the gold cup and gingerly touched it. But it did not duplicate or get hot again.

It must have been a single use trap.

Still he would be careful to cast Remove Cure on every former-horcrux before doing anything further with them, just to be safe.

He had his Unseen Servant gather everything and stow it, then went back to Hogwarts castle.

It wasn't yet too late in the evening - not quite - to start making a magic item.

So Milo set about making a new Dedicated Wright named Ratchet.

He was partway through that process when an owl came amd delivered a small package from Cog.

"Take care of that, would you Mordy?" Milo said without looking up from his work.

"Sure thing boss." Mordy replied.

The faithful rat examined the package, then took off down the hallway carrying it.

Mordenkainen kept his eyes open as he went - there were lots of things in the world that would gleefully destroy a rat if they could, frequently including other rats.

So when he noticed another rat watching him, he paid attention.

When, a little later, after going around a couple turns, he saw the same rat still following and watching, he tried diplomacy.

"Hi there, whatcha up to?"

Since Mordy spoke it in rat, it came out as

"Squeak."

But the other rat clearly did not understand, which was very strange, since all rats could understand what Mordy said.

Mordy continued on, bemused.

From time to time, he saw the other rat following him.

But he got safely to his destination, and delivered the package, containing her new diamond earrings, to Hannah.

She opened the package and beamed.

"Oh Mordy, thank you! And tell Milo thank you as well. I assume he's working on a project right now or he'd have come himself?"

Mordy nodded. He could speak to rats, and to Milo, but everybody else just heard "Squeak".

"Ok, then tell him this when you can. It sounds like our troubles with bad Headmasters are over. They say a new one just got appointed who has the Order of Merlin First Class. That means he has to be not just powerful, but good, right?'

Mordy nodded again, and after waiting until Hannah was done thanking him, headed back.

When he was most of the way back, he saw that the other rat was again following and watching him.

He wasn't too concerned, since, as Milo's Familliar, he could easily outsmart it, and would be effectively untouchable if it came to combat due to his magically toughened hide.

But he was very curious.

And when he got close enough to the door of Milo's room to see it, his mind went into overdrive.

There was now some cheese on the ground near Milo's door.

It hadn't been there before.

Mordy continued along - outwardly casual and unconcerned, while inwardly his mind was racing and he was being as observant as he could be.

The section of floor that the cheese sat on was new. It looked old, like the other stone flooring, but was actually about an eighth of an inch taller than the rest of the floor.

The other rat was being as stealthy as it could, but seemed very interested in whether Mordy stopped to eat the cheese.

One could expect that if it wanted the cheese for itself, but it showed no interest whatever in going to get the cheese.

If anything, the rat seemed interested in keeping its distance rom the cheese.

Mordy almost felt insulted that such an obvious trap as poisoned cheese had been set for him.

Though there were parts of it that were not clear - like the other rat.

So, wanting to learn more, Mordy resolved on a strategy.

The paths which rats take are always as stealthy as they can move silently and go behind furniture and other cover whenever they can.

So, the next time Mordy went behind a suit of armor standing along the wall, what came out again only appeared to be Mordy.

It was actually a Silent Image, which Mordy controlled while remaining hidden behind the armor.

The illusionary Mordy went forward to the cheese, paused to sniff it, then continued on to the rathole leading into Milo's room.

"Now,' Mordy thought, "we'll learn something about that other rat."

And indeed he did.

As soon as the illusionary Mordy had gone, the other rat raced forward to the cheese, apparently to check what had gone wrong.

But when the other rat got fully onto the new floor plate, three things happened at once.

A Jellylegs curse hit it and effectively immobilized it.

The floor plate got red hot

And a loaded mousetrap, with a razorblade fastened to the swinging arm, appeared next to the rat, and started duplicating itself.

Mordy watched as duplicated mousetraps appeared on the rat, snapping closed on it and doing their usual damage, in addition to inflicting slashes with their razorblades.

After being triggered, the mousetraps disappeared.

Mousetrap after mousetrap appeared.

Many were not quite in the right place and either did nothing, or set each-other off.

But plenty appeared in the right place and did their damage.

And all the while, the red-hot floor plate was burning the rat.

Mordy watched, making no move to help. Rats weren't big on sympathy in any case, and the other rat had clearly intended for Mordy to get the treatment it was getting.

He still showed no sympathy when, fairly early on in the process, the rat turned into a human.

The human still could not act, having had all its bones turned to jelly by the curse on the floorplate.

So it laid there and got pummeled, slashed, and burned to death.

If anything, the transformation to human had sped up the process, by putting a larger area in contact with the various sources of damage.

When the human was dead, the floorplate cooled down again and the traps ceased duplicating themselves, then disappeared.

Mordy waited until it was all over.

Then he went carefully around the trap and the corpse on it, and went into Milo's room to tell his boss.

Milo greeted him with a question. "Do you know why I just reached 19th level?"

"Yah boss, let me tell you all about it."

And he did.

Hours later, a knock came at Milo's door.

It was Sirius Black, bringing over the Dedicated Wrights Cog, Gear and Sprocket as previously aranged.

In a voice filled with emotion, he asked, "Why is Peter Pettigrew lying dead at your door?"

"Oh, is that who it is? Mordy told me about it but didn't know his identity. I know you had a beef with him. Do you want me to bring him back so you can kill him yourself?"

A very odd look crossed Sirius's face, then he said, "No, but thanks. I'll just kick him once on principle, then you can tell me all about it."

After Milo and Mordy told him all about it, Sirius left, saying he wanted to be nowhere near the scene when the body was found, so he wouldn't be blamed again.

Milo paused his magic item crafting for a moment, and finished the process to level up to 19th.

With Dweomerkeeper level 4, he acquired Supernatural Spell - the ability to cast a spell, once a day, in a way that skipped the need for any components.

He used that immediately to cast

_Wish_

to increase his Intelligence. It only raised it by one point, but in this case that was worth it. Wish normally cost 5000xp to cast - half of the xp it took to get from level 10 to level 11 - so casting it without spending any xp was a very big deal.

He could only raise each of his 6 Base Attributes by five points via Wish, and doing so would take 30 days at this rate, but it was definitely on his 'to do' list.

Then Milo got back to work making Ratchet.

At the stroke of midnight, Cog, Gear, and Sprocket became able to spend another 8 hours, each, on making magic items.

Milo had asked for them to be brought so they could work on items he normally wore, and didn't want to be parted from.

With them here, they could work while he slept.

So they altered his helmet and gloves, so each, in addition to its normal function, could also act as a Spell Phylactery, holding a tightly rolled magic scroll whose spell would be automatically activated when its triggering conditions were met, like a Contingency spell.

A couple hours later, when Milo finished Ratchet, he set that Dedicated Wright to altering his new Amulet of Second Chances, so it also acted like his old Amulet did - continuously extending a Protection From Evil spell on Milo.

He finished his day by using a new spell slot he'd just acquired at 19th level to cast

_Symbol of Stunning_

on a handkerchief, and folding it so the spell stayed inactive until he needed it.

Then he cast

_Nightmare_

to give Voldemort his regular nightly entertainment.

Then Milo went to bed.

As Milo was settling down to sleep, there was a knock at his door.

He got up and opened it.

Amelia Bones was standing there.

She said "Milo, there's a dead body outside your door. It's: Headmaster Peter Pettigrew."

She paused "It looks like an obvious case of suicide to me. Have you anything to add?"

Milo said, "Wow, you're good. It actually was suicide, though I didn't think it looked like it at all."

He spent a few minutes telling her all about it, with occasional prompts from Mordy.

He finished, "And I can repeat all that under veritaserum if you like."

"No need," Amelia responded, "I've identified the spells on the plate and the mousetrap and I know you can't even cast those."

Milo looked surprised - not many people knew he couldn't do the local magic.

Amelia explained. "My niece Susan stopped by earlier this evening for a chat."

Her voice softened considerably as she continued "She brought her parents with her. That took some explaining, since they died some time ago. Thanks for that, by the way."

She surprised Milo by bending down to give him a big hug.

A moment later she straightened up and changed the subject to help her regain her composure.

"About the dead miscreant on your doorstep - did you know I was shocked when the Ministry of Magic pardoned him and appointed him Headmaster, just days after I imprisoned him? Anyway, I thought you'd be interested to know that since being imprisoned, he acquired the Dark Mark. We always assume it was a valid case of self-defense when we find a dead Death Eater, so even if this case hadn't been suicide, we wouldn't be hassling you. I just wanted you to know that. Good night."

Milo awoke too late for even the late Saturday morning breakfast at Hogwarts.

As he began to get ready, he mused that he could eat from his Bag of Everlasting Rations, but would rather have something tastier.

Normally, Hannah would have saved him a plate full of breakfast, but not today.

Today was Parent's day, and she'd planned to go get her parents early and show them around the school before the big Quidditch game.

Decreeing Parents Day and a big celebratory quidditch game was the one thing Headmaster Fudge had done while in office, except making Port Keys.

Rumor had it that he'd done it for himself, so he could stay in the public spotlight and feel important despite no longer being Minister of Magic.

But, for whatever reason, he had made the decree, and the parents and students were generally excited.

Hannah was extra excited - and Milo the opposite - because Milo would be meeting Hannah's parents today.

Hannah had made sure to remind Milo to be clean and presentable for that meeting.

She'd been nice about it, and found ways to do it that didn't imply he stank or was a slacker, yet it still rankled a bit to be reminded.

So it felt good - like a minor act of rebellion - to do everything else first.

As Milo loaded scrolls into his new Spell Phylacteries, he was amused again by the suggestion Sirius had made and he'd acted on.

The Spell Phylacteries in the gloves were simple pockets to hold the small, tightly-rolled, scrolls.

But the one in his helmet, per Sirius's suggestion and as crafted by Cog, was a compartment behind a small, spring-loaded door in the front of the helmet. The compartment also housed a mechanical cuckoo, from a clock, which Sirius had enchanted the same way as Nutty the squirrel, so it could come out, get a scroll, and return on being told to do so.

It sole purpose was to be amusing - he could have just set it up like the gloves. But it was amusing, so he'd gone ahead with it.

Milo cast

_Spell Phylactery_

three times to complete it all.

Now, if he was subjected to any kind of paralysis effect, a scroll of Remove Paralysis in a Spell Phylactery would automatically be cast on him.

Similarly, if he lost all his hit points, a scroll of Delay Death would keep him alive for a short time - long enough for him to cast other spells to fix it.

And if he was subject to any of the long list of things that Favor of Boccob protected against - except Daze and Stun effects, to which his Third Eye of Clarity already made him immune - a scroll of Favor of Boccob would be cast on him.

The spell was listed in most books as Favor of Ilmater, since Ilmater's followers had invented it, but every diety now had the spell, renamed for themselves in each case.

That didn't take long, so Milo still had a smile on his face from his cuckoo hat when he reached for his comb.

The moment his hand touched it, the Port Key it had become activated and dropped him into an active volcano.

He found himself below the walls of the caldera, directly above a lake of lava - about as close to it as someone on a broomstick with the Bubblehead and fire immunity charms could get to without too much risk.

Milo instantly cast

_Feather Fall_

to slow his descent, since he was already pretty close to the lava and that spell gave the fastest possible response - it took only an Immediate Action to cast.

Milo could have deployed his Coatl wings and stayed here for a while, since his Iridescent Ioun Stone made breathing unnecessary so the noxious air was a non-issue, and his Helm of Brilliance gave him Fire Resistance 30 - enough to ignore all but the most extreme effects of heat.

So hovering here would be no problem, though falling in would be.

Still, he saw no point in staying, so Milo cast

_Teleport_

and arrived back in his room at Hogwarts.

He reflected that this was an object lesson in not bragging. If his capabilities had been known, then whomever - presumably Headmaster Fudge - had set up that portkey to try to kill him would have chosen a different location instead.

The middle of a highway with heavy traffic could have been rough, for instance.

Though generally, this world's wizards and witches were ignorant of such things, so that seemed like a remote possibility.

Milo skipped combing his hair, in case that PortKey was re-usable, and went on to brushing his teeth.

But the moment he touched his toothbrush, he found that it, too, had become a PortKey.

It deposited him in a deep pit filled with poisonous snakes.

He was immediately bitten hundreds of times, resulting in enough aggregate damage to kill him, and so activating his Spell Phylactery of Delay Death.

But the Delay Death spell could not keep him alive despite all that poison - only from damage.

Milo had a number of automatic defenses, but none helped against poison.

And there was enough poison between all those bites to kill him several times over, even if he made 19 out of every 20 saves, which was unlikely anyway.

So Milo activated his Amulet of Second Chances, and found himself back in his room, having not yet touched his toothbrush.

The Amulet could rewind 6 seconds of time once per day and was, in some ways, the ultimate defense.

Milo considered for a moment, then cast

_Neutralize Poison_

to make him immune to poison, and

_Body of the Sun_

to encircle him in fire - more than enough fire to kill snakes such as he'd seen in the pit.

The he touched the toothbrush again.

The snakes in the pit burned.

All within 5 feet of Milo immediately died and got baked to ash.

Milo's weight compressed the ash resulting in him sinking further into the pit, which burned more snakes as they came into range.

So Milo effectively tunneled downwards, through an absolutely absurd number of snakes, until he hit the bottom of the pit.

Then, reflexively, he searched for treasure.

Not that snakes tended to have money, but that they may have killed someone who did.

But that effort was fruitless, other than adding evidence to the conclusion that this was not any kind of natural gathering of snales, but had been gathered here - probably by magic - as a trap.

You just didn't get 15 foot deep piles of snakes otherwise.

And they clearly had not been here long.

There were no bones from past prey, for instance.

And while shed skins would have burned up, Milo didn't recall seeing any of those either, while the burning was going on.

So somebody was definitely trying to kill him - as if that were news. An unbroken series of opponents had been trying to kill him since level 1.

That was just how it was for Adventurers.

Milo was already low on 5th level spell slots for the day, and he hadn't even had breakfast yet.

So rather than go back to his room at Hogwarts and possibly find more PortKeys, he cast

_Teleport_

and went to Hogsmeade, to Cog's Cuckoo Clearinghouse.

"Hail Nanook of the North, what news from the arctic my snow-covered friend?" a cheerful Sirius greeted him.

"Wait, that isn't snow, it's ash - what volcano have you been swimming in?"

Milo brushed some ash off his face.

"Milo! Please tell me you haven't been trying to go down people's chimneys in response to stories of Santa Claus." Sirius mock-chided.

Milo finally got enough ash cleared from around his mouth so he could speak, without getting a mouthful of snake ashes, and said "Hi Sirius. I need to use your bathroom to get cleaned up. Mine is trapped. Funny you should mention volcanoes. I have actually just been to one, though the ashes aren't from there. Let me tell you all about it."

"Milo, from a comedy standpoint, you are the gift that keeps on giving. There's enough material here for weeks of jokes. Go ahead and get cleaned up while I think of some."

Milo brushed, scrubbed and combed - and all that after casting

_Prestidigitation_

to start with and so get most of the actual cleaning done.

He wanted to be clean, and presentable for Hannah's parents.

When he was ready and putting his equipment back on, Sirius, bringing him a cologne sample, said

"You rattle. Please tell me you aren't wearing a rattlesnake's tail - one made of rare valuable materials that'd make a king jealous, and done in vivid, clashing colors such as a clown might envy."

Milo showed him what rattled, by taking his bag of diamonds and pouring almost half a pound of them onto the countertop. Ten colors of diamonds sparkled there in dozens of different cuts.

"I thought I was kidding. Milo, this is an unhealthy obsession. It needs to stop. In the meantime," Sirius snatched back his cologne, "You have no need for this. Diamonds are far more effective."

He laughed to take any sting out of it.

Milo went back to cleaning up.

After several rounds of "You missed a spot." they sat down and ate the breakfast which Sirius had had delivered.

In response to Milo's question about whether PortKeys could be identified from a safe distance, Sirius said "I don't know, but I'll look into it, though I can't imagine why you ask." he winked.

"In the meantime, let me brag to you about the store's new offerings."

He whistled and a chair walked over to him. "Meet the wedgie chair, Fred and George Weasley's latest invention. It can come when you call, go where you point, raise or lower its height, change its angle, push itself in close to the dinner table while you are sitting in it, and, on special command from its owner, give its occupant a wedgie."

He pointed to the corner of the shop it had come from and whistled again. The chair obediently went and stood in the corner. "Currently, the wedgie chair can only walk short distances if it is occupied. They're working on upgrading that."

Sirius struck a defiant pose. "This challenge demanded a response, and Remus and I rose to the occasion."

Somehow Sirius managed a pose that suggested both triumph and humility. "Remus has created a dispenser for suntan lotion for use at such venues as beach parties."

"And?" Milo prompted.

"Well-guessed my clever little bling-lord. Of course it does more than that. It needs to be humorous, and it is! It looks exactly like a seagull, and dispenses lotion while in flight, like a dive-bomber."

Milo snickered.

"Of course," Sirius continued, "not everyone will appreciate the humor in it, so I have invented..."

He paused for dramatic effect, and from one of the cuckoo clocks there came a drumroll, "... Salad Dressing!"

"Uh..."

"No no, don't start in on such things as Ranch and Thousand Island. No. I mean a whole new way to dress up a salad. Behold!" Sirius triumphantly held up a small dressing gown suitable for a doll.

"Uh..."

"Yes, I know it's full majesty is not appreciated at first sight, but the humor of it will sneak up on you, believe me. Now watch this."

Sirius laid the small dressing gown onto the plate Milo had used for breakfast, specifically the gown covered the spinach Milo hadn't touched. It lay there a moment before Sirius removed it, revealing that the spinach had been transformed into bacon.

"Now you can grasp the true grandeur of it." Sirius whispered reverently. "The bacon will change back into spinach within your stomach, providing all the nutrition of spinach, but without any of the, uh, 'pleasures' of eating spinach. While you bite, chew, taste and swallow, it is fully and completely bacon."

He paused to let that sink in. "This gown will transform any vegetable matter it covers into bacon. We have another gown for chocolate cake, and a third for potato chips. and we're working on more. Just think," he struck a profound pose, "generations of children will sing praises to my name, for they no longer have to eat their vegetables - not as far as they can tell anyway."

"So," Milo checked, "I want to make sure I have this straight. You're saying that with the right salad dressing gowns, I can eat nothing but bacon, potato chips and chocolate cake, while in my stomach it turns back into broccoli, cauliflower and such?"

Sirius nodded, "The gown is just the portable version. We have plates that do it too."

"That's awesome! How soon till you have gowns for cheesecake and steak?"

"Patience oh master of many gems. We're working on it."

They discussed details until a glum Neville Longbottom walked into the store.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 aka chapter 91

"I heard you sell cheerful sorts of things," Neville said. "I could use something like that."

"What's up Neville?" Milo asked.

"It's parents day, and my parents can't come." Neville replied sadly.

"Sure they can, let's go get them." Milo replied.

"Now Milo, you've missed the mark again. That's not funny, it's mean." Sirius said gently. "You know his parents are in the hospital and are not expected to ever leave."

"Yup, but it's time that changed, and I can change it. Take us there Sirius, and see."

It took some more explanation and encouragement, but finally Sirius left Remus to man the store and Apparated Milo and Neville to Saint Mungoes.

Not much changed from day to day in the Long Term Spelldamaged Ward, so Milo didn't enounter any nurses on his way in to the Longbottom's room.

That saved him any further explanations.

Neville didn't want to get his hopes up, but reluctantly went in, approached his mother's bed, and took her hand.

Sirius stayed near the door.

Neither Frank nor Alice Longbottom, catatonic on their beds, reacted at all to the visit.

Milo simply marched up to Alice Longbottom, and cast

_Heart's Ease_

on her.

The effect was immediate.

Alice Longbottom sat up in bed, gave her son a big hug, and declared "Neville, I'm so glad to see you!"

The spell was specifically designed to undo any and all lingering effects from torture, up to and including insanity. The Longbotoms had been tortured into catatonic insanity, but the spell completely fixed that.

Milo leaned over to Frank Longbottom, and cast

_Heart's Ease_

on him too.

Frank Longbottom immediately got up and went and joined the hug with his wife and son, asking "tell us everything. We have a lot to catch up on."

Neville proceeded to do so.

His parents listened in rapt attention.

Milo and Sirius didn't want to intrude, so they remained silent. After a couple minutes, they quietly left.

Back in the hallway, Sirius said, "Too bad you can't do that for Harry's parents - he misses them normally, but especially today when everybody else will have their parents with them."

"Actually, I can bring back Harry's parents. I've only had the ability for a couple days, and they've been a busy couple of days, but now is a good time. Take me to their graves and we'll get it done."

Sirius looked at him for a moment, then said "Please don't tell me that this ability to raise the dead is somehow a function of your new bling."

"Actually, in a way it is - two of those diamonds are destroyed each time I cast the spell." Milo replied.

Sirius facepalmed, "Sigh, I guess then I will have to retract my objections to your gaudy baubles. Bling on, oh blingmaster."

He got a contemplative look, then asked, "But why do you have so many diamonds? Are you planning to bring back everybody who died in the last few years? No wait, I've got it - you're planning to open a new business: Voldemort Remediation Services! I can see the ad now - 'Have you lost a loved one to the dark lord, or been driven insane yourself? Well, we can help you. Here at Voldemort Remediation Services, we specialize in undoing whatever Voldemort did, especially if it's expensive. Who else you gonna call? Act now, while supplies last, for a limited time only at a participating location near you, void where prohibited'. That's it, isn't it!"

"No," Milo replied.

"Spoilsport." Sirius mock-pouted.

They both laughed.

Sirius Apparated them both to the small graveyard where James and Lily Potter were buried, and showed Milo the side-by-side graves.

Milo cast

_Summon Monster III_

and summoned a small Earth Elemental.

He told it to swim down through the dirt - which they could do like a fish swims through water - and retrieve hair samples from both graves.

They didn't have long to wait.

When the Earth Elemental returned with the samples, Milo started to cast a spell, but Sirius interrupted, saying "Not here. I don't know about you, but I - at least - would be a bit creeped out by standing right next to my own grave. "

"Ok, but remind me to tell you a story sometime." Milo grinned.

Sirius Apparated them back to Cogs Cuckoo Clearinghouse.

Milo took out four diamonds, and cast

_Resurrection_

James Potter's hair sample transformed into a complete new body, his soul took up residence there, and he stepped forward and shook Milo's hand.

"Milo Amastacia-Liadon, it's good to meet you. We've been watching Harry from heaven, and used to see you with him a lot. Thanks for everything, including especially," he held out his hand as if admiring it, "This. But please, don't let me delay you. Lily is waiting."

Milo nodded, and cast

_Resurrection_

again, bringing back Lily Potter the same way.

She hugged Milo and said, "We want you to help Harry apply himself - he's getting almost no value out of his schooling, and that's a tragedy."

"Yes," James added, "he's a Potter, not a Dursley!" He spat.

Milo nodded and the two excused themselves to catch up with their old friend Sirius.

As Milo left, he heard Remus come out of the back room and, after an exclamation of shock, happily join the reunion.

He walked back to Hogwarts, smiling all the way.

Or, almost all the way.

As he neared the castle, he was met by a mean shrewish woman screeching about "filthy mudbloods" breaking the rules.

She seemed to think it was her right, as a 'pureblood' to scream at "mere animals" like Milo, and proceeded to go on at length on the subject of how the inferior - by which she meant anybody but purebloods - should be purged by the superior, and, under her leadership, she would be certain that would happen..

Fairly early in the process, Milo started whistling.

The horrible woman had just begun to repeat herself when Milo's charmed Manticore arrived and bit her head off.

"Good kitty. Take that into the woods, will you? Eat it if you like. I suspect that was a new Headmistress, and, if so, the longer we go until they find her, the longer it will be until we get someone worse. Thanks."

The Manticore flew off with the body, and Milo continued on to the castle, totally unaware that the wind from the big flying monster's wings had mussed his hair, rumpled his clothes, and covered him in dust, twigs, and leaves.

Such a disheveled state was normal for Adventurers.

At the castle, he wasted no time in going to the bathroom where his Scrying mirror was kept, and casting

_Scrying_

to find the current location of Voldemort.

Milo watched as the mirror showed Voldemort, in a forest clearing by a small hut, trying to train a dragon.

The dragon's body was the size of a small house, and its long serpentine neck and tail seemed to double its size. Its huge batlike wings were furled or it would have semed bigger yet.

Like the dragons of Milo's world, it had very large claws and teeth and a spiky tail.

Unike Milo's world, it was a simple brown, like a deer, instead of some bright color.

The dragon was apparently pretty stupid, and not used to attacking a designated target on command.

Voldemort was using big chunks of meat to motivate it to attack targets tied to posts. Milo couldn't tell whether the targets were real people or dummies, since the spell only extended far enough for him to see their feet.

Milo got two scarecrows out, held up by Unseen Servants, and looking as much like him as possible.

He was low on 5th-level spell slots - he would be using Pearls of Power just to Teleport there and back. So instead of his usual Greater Blink, he cast

_Stone Body_

which used a 6th level spell slot instead. It transformed him into living stone for a minute per level, and gave him a long list of immunities, plus Damage Reduction 10, which was enough to ignore most attacks and would reduce the damage from the worst of the dragon's attacks by about two-thirds, taking them from 'devastating' to 'problematic'.

That, in combination with his contingencies and magic items, would give him enough time to take out his foes.

Then he cast

_Prismatic Eye_

and

_Teleport_

and arrived in the clearing.

But he had only the briefest view of the dragon, Voldemort, and dummies tied to posts before he sank out of sight.

The quicksand Milo found himself at the bottom of had been disguised - leaves and dust had been scattered over the surface to make it look like solid ground.

Apparently it had been put in place as a defense against exactly the sort of attack Milo was trying to make.

And, it had been augmented with plenty of zombies at the bottom of the ditch the quicksand was in, who wasted no time before attacking Milo.

Milo reflected that the Stone Body spell was working out well. Not only did it give him enough damage reduction to completely ignore the zombies' attacks; it also had increased his weight so much that he had sunk to the bottom of the quicksand immediately, which, in a way, was an effective defense.

If he hadn't weighed as much as solid stone, Milo would have sunk partway quickly, and then slowly have sunk the rest of the way. That would have left his upper torso targetable by Voldemort and the dragon, with his legs under quicksand where the zombies could get at them.

Milo had some desire to stroll around the bottom of the quicksand pit, blasting zombies with Storm Bolts - which hit a larger area underwater - and thus take them all out while Voldemort and the dragon couldn't interfere. 'Divide and Conquer' was a good strategy, most of the time.

But it was important to not lose sight of your priorities.

He was here to kill Voldemort, not zombies and not even a dragon.

And Voldemort would probably flee again if things looked bad for his side.

So it was important to take him out first.

The rest would still be here afterwards.

So Milo used his Move Action to feel his way to the edge of the quicksand pit.

Then he used his Anklets of Translocation to teleport up out of the pit, onto the solid ground at the edge of it.

But he saw only the enormous dragon, which was apparently between him and Voldemort.

Mordy used a Silent Image of Milo to try to get the dragon to give chase, but it was too absorbed in destroying a scarecrow to notice the illusion.

So Milo touched a Metamagic Rod of Energy Substitution, Electric and cast

_Fire Spiders_

to blanket a 20 foot radius with small electricity elementals the size and shape of spiders.

He aimed it to cover as much of the dragon as possible, and overlap it a bit on the far side in the hopes of also hitting the unseen Voldemort.

Contact with the electric Fire Spiders did damage in proportion to the area of contact. So it was a great spell for use against big targets - the bigger the better.

Voldemort wouldn't take much damage if hit, but he was unlikely to be hit anyway.

The tiny spiders made of living electricity appeared all over the dragon's body, and part of its neck and tail, shocking it all over.

It leapt and twisted to try to dislodge the little scourges.

In doing so, Milo got a glimpse of Voldemort.

It was enough to fire a ray at him from the Prismatic Eye, which he did.

A red ray - the least damaging type - shot out and hit Voldemort square in the chest. His shield charm blocked some of the damage, then flared and winked out.

Voldemort, seriously hurt but alive, Apparated away.

The dragon rolled around frantically trying to destroy the tiny animated electric arcs all over it.

It wildly flung itself to the ground repeatedly, in furious efforts to crush its tormenters.

And its intensive efforts did kill a large number of the little elementals.

With the distracting pain reduced, the dragon's mind partially cleared, and it lashed out at a target it understood better than the little electric arcs.

It bit Milo.

It also breathed fire on him, slammed him with its enormous wings, clawed him, and smashed him with its spiky tail.

Milo's Mirror Images and blur effect didn't fool it for a moment.

It could locate him by smell.

Milo's Helm of Brilliance was almost overloaded by the firey breath. It negated the first 30 points of damage, but the rest got through and Milo had to make a saving throw to keep the Helm from exploding.

He succeeded, but it was a tense moment.

His Stone Body really helped as well, by significantly reducing the damage from each hit.

But by his turn, he was still pretty beat-up.

He cast

_Harm_

and did massive damage to the dragon with that.

Then he shot it with a green ray from the Prismatic Eye and it died.

Milo heaved a sigh of relief.

Dragons were tough, even in this universe where they had only animal intelligence and couldn't cast spells.

They were also so inherently magical - presumably even in this universe - that every part of them was useful, one way or another, in making magic items.

Using bits of dragons as part of the process could make magic item creation cheaper by 25%

So Milo wanted to save and preserve it all, but for a dragon this size that could take a very long time, even with support from spells.

And he was out of the right spells for that just now.

So he cast

_Miracle_

to approximate the use of a Gentle Repose spell to preserve the body, and a Fabricate spell to use the body as raw materials to fashion all the magical reagents that could be made from it, then store them in Bags of Holding.

He heard sounds like zombies shuffling in the woods nearby, so he cast

_Heal_

on himself to repair battle damage, then

_Tongues_

so he could speak any language, and

_Summon Monster VII_

and three Celestial Griffons appeared and waited for his orders.

"I hear zombies nearby. Hunt them and kill them. You," Milo pointed at one, "wait a moment."

Two griffons took off, and Milo cast

_Heroics_

and granted that griffon the Continue the Fight feat.

"Ok, now demonstrate for me the feat you just got, then go hunt zombies like the others."

The griffon did, and Milo made sure he copied the feat with Mirror Moves via his magic pin.

Then Milo went around blasting zombies with one

_Storm Bolt_

after another.

First he got the zombies in the quicksand, since they were nearby and available.

It turned out the quicksand was a complete moat around the spot where the dragon was being trained.

So what few new zombies got past the griffons simply fell into the quicksand and were stuck there, unable to get out and attack Milo.

That worked for Milo, since they were easier to blast in the quicksand as well - the little lightning bolts spread out in water and hit a larger area.

Soon enough, all the monsters were defeated and their small amount of loot was collected.

Then Milo cast

_Teleport_

and arrived back in the bathroom that held his scrying mirror.

He was low on spells, but not out, and he wanted another try at Voldemort. At least it would keep up the pressure on him.

So he cast

_Scrying_

and saw Voldemort on a seashore, coaxing an enormous crab in towards shore, presumably so he could compel its services.

Voldemort walked around a lot while bringing the crab in, so Milo got a good look around the target zone. He saw the beach was deserted but for Voldemort and the house-sized crab.

When the scrying spell ended, Milo took out a thermos bomb, yanked the arming wires, and propped it up high on a cabinet in the bathroom.

Then he cast

_Teleport Object_

and sent the armed thermos full of nitroglycerin to a spot about 5 feet above Voldemort's beach, so that it must fall and detonate.

Milo waited, but felt no rush of xp from having defeated his foe.

So he cast

_Discern Location_

since doing so was much faster than Scrying.

The spell said Voldemort was now in a house in London. The spell gave him the address, the fact that Voldemort was in the kitchen and other useful information. But it wasn't enough to teleport to and attack.

Not that Milo could anyway - casting Teleport Object had used the 7th level spell slot he'd thought of using for Greater Teleport if he made another attack run.

So, unable to get there and back, he was done for now.

It was time to use his Heward's Fortifying Bedroll and reload his spells.

Milo was marching down the hallway towards his bedroom, wondering how Voldemort had survived, and planning for future attacks, when he heard a gasp from behind him, and Sirius's voice said,

"Woah! What has gotten into you? First maximum gaudy bling and now maximum filth. Are you feeling rebellious at having to comb your hair for Hannah's parents?"

Milo looked at himself.

He had been covered in dust, twigs and leaves by the downdraft from the manticore's wings, then dunked in quicksand, clawed by zombies and a dragon, burned and bled-on by the dragon, and finally it appeared that some goo had settled onto him from zombies he'd blasted.

There was mud, pond scum, sand, and all sorts of gunk all over him.

As an adventurer, he was used to that and hadn't noticed.

He cast

_Prestidigitation_

and said, "there, all better."

"While that is a remarkably useful spell which we'll have to look into for my own use sometime, no, it did not make it 'all better'. Sure, all the filth is gone, but you are still rumpled and disheveled. No, strike that. What you are beggars the poor words 'rumpled and disheveled'. They fall so far short of describing your current condition that I am at a loss. Mere words must fail to capture it. You need help."

Sirius struck a dramatic pose. "And *I* can help you. I happen to have on tap a whole gaggle - a gaggle mind you - of primping experts who would be overjoyed to trim and comb your hair, manicure those awful fingernails and more. They call themselves..." he paused for dramatic effect, "...the Angel Club. I can get them here as soon as I'm done meeting with Harry and his parents."

"Great. Thanks. But I have to nap first." Milo responded.

"If you must, you must. And far better to do it before getting groomed than after, and rumple yourself anew. Besides, that'll give me time to get them here."

They agreed on a time for it, and both started off.

Then Sirius paused and said, "By the way, Milo, watch out for yourself. You have a new Headmistress - Dolores Umbridge. The Slytherins and purebloods are excited about her appointment. That's really all you need to know."

"Uh, yah, I'll be careful." Milo said.

Sirius gave him a significant look, proving yet again that Milo couldn't fool him. But he said nothing, since others might overhear.

They went their separate ways.

Back in his room, Milo touched as little as possible in case of more Port Key traps.

Either that effort was successful, or there simply weren't any more, since he did not get transported anywhere else.

Then, as he usually did before going to sleep, he used any remaining 6th level spell slots to cast

_Shalantha's Delicate Disk_

then load it with an attack spell - in this case Orb of Cold, and cast

_Shrink Item_

on it so Mordy could Launch it if needed.

He only had the one free 6th level spell slot this time. But over time, doing this built up some good ammunition for Mordy.

Similarly, he cast

_Sepia Snake Sigil_

and

_Explosive Runes_

to reload a couple Secret Page traps.

And he loaded a couple of low-level spells into purple Ioun Stones.

After that, Milo got his nap and his spells renewed, then hurried off to the room where Sirius had wanted to meet, which he'd called the Room of Requirements.

Mary, Beth, and Sophie were already there, being entertained by Sirius.

There was also a funny reclining chair which backed up to a sink that had a neck-cutout in it, and plenty of apparatus Milo didn't recognize.

The ladies wasted no time getting started. All of them knew things about 'primping', but two of them had also read, via Scholar's Touch, manuals on how to run your own beauty salon at home.

They were eager to try out their new knowledge, and also to help Milo impress his girlfriend.

It was a whirlwind of activity, with all sorts of procedures and ointments and such.

They had a bewildering array of lotions, powders, oils, and machines, and used them all.

It was all arcane to Milo, and he walked out a while later bemused, confused, and under strict orders not to do anything to 'mess it up' before meeting Hannah and her parents.

That shouldn't be hard, since Milo didn't have time to do anything but head straight there.

As he walked, he grinned at what Sirius had told him while he was in the 'primping chair'.

Sirius had been scheduled to meet with Harry Potter and go to today's big quidditch game with him.

But Milo had brought Harry's parents back from the dead.

That news needed to be conveyed to Harry, but the people involved - James Potter and Sirius Black anyway - were dedicated pranksters.

They had toyed with several ideas, and rejected most, such as the one where James and Lily would pretend to be zombies imperfectly brought back from the dead. They liked Harry and didn't want to emotionally scar him.

But they resolved that such a rare opportunity must be pranked, so they kept thinking.

They ended up settling on an idea of Lily's.

They made a fake Mirror of Erised and put it where Harry would 'just happen by' and see it.

When Harry did see it, he saw his parents in it, just as when he'd seen the actual Mirror of Erised. But after a moment, Sirius, disguised as an angel, had appeared next to him and said "Your wish can be granted but great things come with a great price. Are you willing to pay?"

Harry had been too emotional to speak, but had nodded his assent, so Sirius continued.

"Your father was a master of transfiguration and your mother had mastered charms and potions. If you would have them back, you must strive with all your might to match their achievements. Do we have a deal?"

When Harry nodded again, his parents 'stepped out of the mirror' and went to him, giving Sirius an opportunity to leave unnoticed.

Sirius had charged Milo not to tell Harry - his parents wanted to do that after he graduated from school.

They were all pleased with the prank, and hoped it would finally motivate Harry to apply himself and actually achieve something.

Milo thought about that all the way to the quidditch stadium. It both amused him, and kept his mind off meeting Hannah's parents.

Then he turned a corner, and there they were, waiting by the entrance to the stadium.

Milo was a minute or two early, but they were earlier.

Hannah saw Milo and coughed to interrupt her parent's conversation.

As they turned, Milo's curiosity got the better of him and he couldn't resist turning on his Detect Thoughts power.

Hannah said "Mom, dad, this is my friend Milo Amastacia-Liadon."

She was thinking 'please let this go well' over and over again.

Her dad said "Hi."

He was thinking 'so this is the guy that raised my buddy Edward Bones and his wife from the dead. Impressive. That by itself makes him ok in my book. I wonder if he likes to go kayaking.'

Hannah's mom said "Pleased to meet you Milo."

She was thinking 'he obviously cares way too much about his looks. It's so disappointing that Hannah would like such a prissy boy - that hair is immaculate and his nails look like they've been professionally done. tsk. boys his age should be out doing things and getting dirty. I'll need to have a little talk with Hannah.'

Mordenkainen popped out of Milo's Belt of Hidden Pouches and bowed a hello.

Hannah's mom shrieked "A rat! You're infested with rats!"

Her thoughts were too confused to read.

Things got confused for a while, as everybody tried to talk at once.

They stayed confused while they went in and took their seats in the stadium.

Hannah's mom swapped seats with her husband so she would not be sitting next to Milo.

As the details of the match were announced, they all surrendered to an awkward silence.

The match was between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff houses. It had originally been scheduled for Ravenclaw vs Slytherin, but Slytherin had lost some of its players in the hag attack yesterday, so the Hufflepuffs were playing instead.

Headmaster Fudge had invited the entire Ministry of Magic to the match, and they were seated in their own section of the stands.

That section was very nicely decorated.

Just as the pre-game announcements finished, Milo and the others had to stand to allow a latecomer to move past them down the row towards his seat.

When Milo sat again, he broke a Shalantha's Delicate Disk on his seat, which had not been there when he stood.

Breaking the Disk released a spell which paralyzed Milo.

His Spell Phylactery of Remove Paralysis went off and cured that, but still didn't really change the situation.

The Rogue disguised as a latecomer turned and shot Milo and everyone near him with poisoned Fukimi-Bari mouth darts.

The darts did only a single point of damage each, but three of them could be fired in the time it took to make a single attack of any other kind.

The Abbotts were hit only twice each - once with each of 2 kinds of poison.

Milo was hit six times.

All were frozen into immobility two different ways.

One poison paralyzed outright, and the other, which Milo identified as the venom of a Colossal spider, sapped strength.

Milo's Remove Paralysis had already been used up, so he was helpless.

Having immobilized his target and any who were likely to help him, the Rogue sent a signal by snapping a stick with the Protean Charm on it.

Then he popped a sack over Milo, picked him up, slung him over his shoulder, and headed down onto the playing field.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 aka chapter 92

Milo's Detect Thoughts power was still turned on, and with that, he learned several things from the Rogue, whose name, it turned out, was Roquefort.

First, he learned that Voldemort planned to torture Milo in public.

That really calmed him down, since Voldemort reliably used only the spells he thought were best. That meant the cruciatus curse, to which Milo was immune, since the laws of his universe regarding pain were different than how things worked here.

But it also meant that Milo would be targeted by a spell.

That would set off his Chain Contingency, which would free him from both the paralysis and the poison via the Heal spell.

Then he could expect a wonderful fight.

To help prepare for that, he listened more carefully to the Rogue's thoughts.

He learned that Voldemort would invade - probably had already - the stadium, with several followers, with two purposes in mind.

First, and most important - in front of the biggest gathering of magical people in years, and with most of the Ministry of Magic present, he would compel the ministry to crown him king of magical Britain.

And, to help in that compulsion, he would 'make a demonstration' of torturing Milo to death in front of all present.

Voldemort figured that destroying his biggest opponent in public should be motivational.

The would-be king was depending heavily upon the 3 Pit Fiends and one Balor he'd made the Rogue Gate in via the scrolls he'd obtained in Milo's universe.

They, and the 6 Ice Devils and one Marilith demon they had in turn Summoned, were all under the imperious curse and being forced to serve Voldemort.

Voldemort had learned that Pit Fiends could grant Wishes once a year, so he'd been sure to Gate in ones that had not yet used that ability this year.

He had Wished for immortality for himself - the ability to self-resurrect like a Phoenix.

Then he had Wished for all his Death Eater followers to be brought back from the dead to serve him.

But that had been over-reaching the power of the Wish spell - as a 9th level spell, it could not do multiples of what another 9th level spell, True Resurrection, could do. So the Death Eaters had been brought back, but only as undead Ghasts.

Ghasts were a more powerful form of Ghouls, which themselves were a more powerful form of Zombies.

Voldemort had been pleased by what he saw as an upgrade to his followers.

The followers probably were not at all pleased by the change, but Voldemort didn't care about that.

Voldemort tried to be more careful with his last Wish, and so, rather than wish for all the rest of his followers, he wished only for Fenrir Greyback and his band of evil werewolves.

But that was still overreaching.

Further, he didn't know their bodies had been so thoroughly destroyed.

So they also got brought back as undead, but as bodiless Spectres in this case.

Voldemort planned to have his Ghasts and Spectres, plus the 3 Dementors he had left, control the crowd - keep it in the stadium and paying attention to Voldemort while he got crowned king.

The Ghasts had the special duty of going through the crowds, finding any family members of Ministry officials they could, and bringing them onto the field to act as hostages. Voldemort figured that'd cause the Ministry to vote the way he wanted them to.

The Ice Devils were to use their at-will abilities to Teleport and make Walls of Ice to further seal up all entrances and keep the crowd in.

Milo got unceremoniously dumped out of the sack he'd been in, onto the ground in the center of the quidditch stadium.

He found himself laying at Voldemort's feet right as Voldemort was finishing an announcement.

"...and any who so much as lift a wand will be struck down. They and their families will be killed and their souls eaten by these demons."

Voldemort gestured at the 11 mixed demons and devils standing around him.

They looked dramatic enough - the ice devils looked like 12 foot tall insects made of very spiky ice.

The Marilith was about the same size, but was a woman's torso on the body of a huge snake. It had 6 arms each holding a sword.

The main four - the 3 Pit Fiends and the Balor - were even bigger, and were all wreathed in flames. While the lighting had been magically dimmed to help the spectres, who were disabled by daylight, and that added to the feeling of gloomy dread the whole situation had.

"Ah," Voldemort said. "Our demonstration is right on time. Behold," he kicked Milo for emphasis, "the fate of one who opposes Lord Voldemort!"

He cast Crucio at Milo.

And that triggered Milo's Chain Contingency, setting off Ray Deflection, Death Ward, and Heal, which freed Milo from both the paralysis and the poison effects.

Milo immediately cast

_Time Stop_

to give him some time to prepare.

It gave him 5 rounds.

He would need them all - it was going to be a tough fight.

He used the Continue the Fight feat to get another action that same round.

It caused him 3 points of damage to use that feat, so he cast

_Greater Vigor_

to give him a constant stream of healing.

He would need it just to counter the damage from using Continue the Fight, which he planned to do every round until he won or died.

He and Mordy - who counted as part of Milo for purposes of Time Stop - had their Unseen Servants start fishing rocks and coins shining with Celestial Brilliance out of Milo's Belt of Hidden Pouches and distributing them around the field.

Mordy started Launching them around the stands - wherever there were undead.

It would have no effect until time started again, but then they'd be in for a nasty surprise. There wasn't an opponent here, except Voldemort himself and the Rogue, who wouldn't be hurt by Celestial Brilliance.

Milo had accumulated 11 such rocks and coins by this point, and they would distribute them all, as well as some Secret Page traps, and his handkerchief with a Symbol of Stunning on it.

Milo's Knowledge The Planes skill told him what to expect from these types of opponents, so he cast

_Energy Immunity, Fire_

and

_Energy Immunity, Cold_

They, as well as most of the spells he planned to use, would affect Mordy as well.

He walked away from the Rogue, who looked ready to stab him, so that when time started again, he wouldn't be in the same place.

He was starting with the longer-duration spells, to give him the best coverage.

He cast

_Fortunate Fate_

to give him a contingent Heal spell, to be triggered when he needed it. Then

_Stone Body_

mainly for the damage resistance it gave. Then

_Starmantle_

to make him immune to non-magical weapons and resistant to magical ones. Then

_Blinding Glory_

to automatically and irresistibly blind everything evil in the whole stadium.

In his last two rounds of Time Stop, he cast

_Greater Blink_

_Acid Sheath_

to automatically do damage to anything that clawed or bit him, since they were big on that, and

_Mordenkainen's Sword_

to summon an animated sword that would attack the Balor Demon, and keep attacking until he told it otherwise, then

_Lutzaen's Frequent Jaunt_

to let him move around the battlefield with ease and so hopefully avoid most attacks.

Then the Time Stop ended and time started flowing again.

From Milo's perspective, people and things unfroze and started moving again.

From everybody else's perspective, the stadium instantly changed from magically dim to unbelievably brightly lit by a dozen separate sources, the brightest of which was Milo, who had suddenly moved from being prone at the feet of Voldemort, to standing at another spot 70 feet away.

The magical light did damage to all the undead, Dementors, and extra-planar Outsiders - that is, Demons and Devils) in the stadium.

It also froze the werewolf-spectres into helpless immobility.

Undead were scattered all over the stadium, but there was a group of Ghasts gathered to one spot in the stands to intimidate the Ministry of Magic officials.

They, and the Ministry officials, were all Stunned and completely inactive, due to the handkerchief with a Symbol of Stunning Mordy had Launched there.

And everything with an evil alignment in the entire stadium was blinded by light so powerful it didn't even allow a Saving Throw or Spell Resistance.

That bought Milo some time, while his opponents flailed around in one way or another.

Voldemort's hired Rogue Roquefort was apparently not evil, since he could still see Milo.

He attacked Milo with a sling that Milo identified as a Stunshot Sling - a weapon almost guaranteed to incapacitate an opponent with a good hit, up to 3 uses per day.

Milo was hit 4 times, and could tell he would have been stunned, if he wasn't immune to that via his Third Eye of Clarity.

He would also have been poisoned by the contact-poison smeared on the sling stones, if he wasn't immune to poison via the Stone Body.

And he would have been rendered helpless by having all his Dexterity drained to zero, by the Shivering Touch spells stored in the ammunition of Spell Storing that the sling was firing. Shivering Touch allowed no save, and would take down average people in one hit, above-average adventurers in two, and Milo was unaware of anything that it couldn't take down in three hits.

But again, the Stone Body made him immune to that.

It even reduced all the damage to zero.

And it made him immune to Sneak Attack damage too, which, from this Rogue, would be enough by itself to kill Milo in a single round.

This Rogue was clearly optimized to take down opponents quickly. Milo would have been more concerned, but for two reasons.

One, there were only so many ways to do so, and Milo was currently protected against them all - or at least all the ones he could think of.

And two, despite the Rogues demonstrated effectiveness, the Pit Fiends and Balor were still bigger threats.

Milo would concentrate on them.

His Mordenkainen's Sword - named after its inventor, Mordenkainen the archmage, after whom Milo had also named his familiar - got things going nicely with a solid hit on the Balor for 17 points of damage.

The hit would have killed most people, even many adventurers, outright.

But Balor's were very tough - it would take about 18 such hits to take it down - but every little bit helped.

Mordy armed an acorn bomb and Launched it at a Pit Fiend, hitting it for a tremendous amount of damage.

But Pit Fiends were almost as tough as Balors.

The Unseen Servants carried scarecrows around, on the off chance that something would waste its time attacking them.

One of them had, attached to its back, Milo's grid of playing cards with Sepia Snake Sigils on them, normally hidden by Secret Page, but now revealed.

Of all Milo's foes, only the Rogue could see the cards, but he made his saving throw and so was unaffected.

Milo touched Metamagic Rods of Chain Spell, Maximize Spell, and Empower Spell, and cast

_Disintegrate_

targeting all 11 Outsiders, the Rogue, and 2 Ghasts that happened to be nearby, but not Voldemort, who was completely hidden behind a Pit Fiend.

The results were disappointing.

The spell could have destroyed each and every target with that single hit, doing 360 points of damage and erasing their physical bodies from existence.

But these Outsiders had very high Saving Throw bonuses, not to mention Spell Resistance, and the spell didn't do much damage when the target Saved.

It did Disintegrate the 2 Ghasts, and 2 of the Ice Devils, but the rest just took 22 damage, and a couple took no damage at all, due to Spell Resistance.

But such was life as an adventurer - sometimes the dice just didn't roll your way.

Milo touched a Metamagic Rod of Quicken Spell, allowing him to cast a spell as a Free Action, and cast

_Wages of Sin_

targeting all the same foes, because the Rogue's ability to see might be due to an immunity to blindness rather than not being evil.

This time the only target affected was the Marilith Demon.

Milo used the Continue the Fight feat, as he would need to do every round this fight lasted, to cast

_Banishment_

displaying half a dozen Eye of Boccob holy symbols and his cold iron dagger as he did so, which should have given him a 14 point bonus to beating the Balor's Spell Resistance and Saving Throw - maybe even 16 if the nearby Celestial Brilliance rock counted.

That's more bonus than the best base save of any class even at 20th level.

But sometimes not even the biggest bonuses are enough. The Balor saved, and so was not sent back to his home plane - the Abyss.

Milo sighed. "At this rate, it's going to be a long fight, assuming I survive."

Mordy nodded and popped his head back down so he was completely within the Belt of Hidden Pouches.

Voldemort had been calling out orders to his minions and the Rogue had responded by describing Milo's location.

Two of the Pit Fiends responded by using Greater Dispel Magic targeted on the area around Milo. With such targeting, it was semi-random what they would successfully dispel, except that they started with the highest level spells and worked their way down until they succeeded at dispelling one.

One succeeded at dispelling Milo's Blinding Glory, allowing all his opponents to see again.

The other dispelled Milo's Greater Blink.

He'd not used it yet, to allow the Blinding Glory to work. Now he couldn't use it

All three Pit Fiends sent Quickened Fireballs at Milo, and thereby discovered that he was currently immune to fire.

The fireballs also hit the Balor, 3 Ice Devils and the Rogue, most of whom had moved up to attack Milo.

The Balor was immune to fire, as, paradoxically, were the Ice Devils.

The Rogue wasn't, but the Pit Fiends didn't much care about collateral damage like that.

Evil beings tend not to be considerate.

The Rogue demonstrated his high reflex save and his Improved Evasion class feature, and took no damage from the fireballs.

Then he hit Milo with 3 of his 4 attacks - clearly demonstrating he had magic items of both Haste and True Seeing. These sling stones were also enchanted to be Spell Storing, and contained yet another insidious way to rapidly disable someone - the Heat Leech spell, with Merciful Spell Metamagic applied to it.

Heat Leech did cold damage for several rounds, requiring a new save to resist it every round, and Merciful Spell changed it from lethal damage to non-lethal damage.

The insidious part was that non-lethal cold damage would take you down from Hypothermia the third time it damaged you, no matter how tough you otherwise were.

Luckily, Milo was currently immune to cold damage.

Voldemort yelled a lot and rained killing curses at Milo, his Mirror Images, and his scarecrows.

The Ghasts demonstrated that they were still Death Eaters by also firing a number of killing curses at all the Milos, both real and fake.

It was reassuring to Milo, in a way - at least somebody was fooled by his Mirror Images, Blur, and scarecrows.

The Marilith, under the effects of the Wages of Sin spell, attacked the Pit Fiend next to her, hitting it with 7 of her 10 attacks, then entwining it with her long snake body and constricting for a total of 84 damage, which got reduced to a mere 12 by the Pit Fiend's Damage Reduction.

The Balor laughed and spoke a Blasphemy, a 7th level spell that affected nearby non-evil targets and could be devastating if cast by someone of a higher level than the hearers.

But only Milo and the Rogue were in range of it.

Milo would have been dazed and unable to act for 1 round, but he was immune to Daze and Stun effects due to his Third Eye of Clarity.

The Rogue was both dazed and weakened by the spell, losing over half his Strength attribute to it.

The four remaining Ice Devils all tried to attack Milo.

Two were too far away to charge him, so they spent the round Teleporting next to him.

They other two did charge, and got one attack each on Milo, both of which hit.

...sort-of.

They hit his Starmantle spell, which destroyed the non-magical weapon - disintegrating it into sparkly motes of light - and reduced the damage from the magical one by half.

But since both had made contact with Milo, both took damage from his Acid Sheath spell, which their acid resistance reduced to 20 points each.

Milo used his Lutzaen's Frequent Jaunt for a mini-teleport that took him across the battlefield to a spot that would be harder for the enemy to attack.

Some would have to spend their action Teleporting if they wanted to get next to him.

And the few that would be able to charge him would only get a single attack after doing so, rather than the several attacks they'd get if he stood still.

Mordy reached for an explosive acorn from his bandolier, but was foiled in the attempt.

Voldemort yelled "Oh no you don't" and used his wand to summon the whole bandolier to him.

Then he gripped the arming wires on all 6 remaining acorns, yanked them as he'd seen Mordy do, and threw the bandolier back at Milo, cackling madly about how, 'in his genius', he'd turned the enemy's weapon against him.

The acorns landed and leaked the blue fluid that was the only result when a non-muggle mixed that potion.

They only turned into nitroglycerin when a muggle, such as Milo, mixed it.

Mordy squeaked in a ratlike laugh, and - having no acorn bombs left - cast a Silent Image of Milo duplicating himself, with the new duplicate growing tall and strong and starting towards Voldemort.

Voldemort immediately screamed "You, you, and you," pointing at the Balor and 2 Ice Devils, "Attack this new Milo. Don't let him get to me."

The Ice Devils had high enough Saving Throws they probably were not fooled.

But the Balor automatically knew it was just an illusion, since he constantly had True Seeing up.

He started to object, "But my lord..."

Voldemort cut him off mid-sentence. "Do what I say damn you. Never question my authority again or I'll torture you some more. A lot more."

The Balor and Ice Devils obediently wasted their attacks on Mordy's Silent Image.

While they were still moving up to do so, Milo cast a Chained, Empowered, Maximized

_Orb of Acid_

but it was counterspelled by the third Pit Fiend who'd been waiting to do so.

Then Milo cast a Quickened, Energy Substitution - Sonic

_Firebrand_

spell, dropping miniature sonic booms on each of his opponents within range, which included most of the Outsiders but not Voldemort.

This time a satisfying number of them failed their saves and took 53 damage. Some saved and took half that. One took none due to Spell Resistance.

Then Milo cast

_Horrid Wilting_

hitting the big 4 - the 3 Pit fiends and the Balor - plus the Marilith and an Ice Devil.

He got results similar to that of the previous spell, though more damage due to a higher damage cap on the spell.

All through the stadium, undead and Outsiders alike continued to burn under the effects of Celestial Brilliance.

Many could have avoided the effects by running away. But all were compelled, one way or another, by Voldemort, who wanted them to stay and fight.

The Outsiders were so tough that, to them, the damage was trivial.

But the undead would soon burn down to nothing at this rate.

Pit Fiends 2 and 3 each cast another Greater Dispel Magic, targeting Milo's area.

One dispelled Milo's Greater Vigor and the Wages of Sin spell on the Marilith

The other dispelled the Silent Image and Milo's Starmantle.

Mordenkainen's Sword hit the Balor again, who responded with a roar and by Quickening a Telekinesis spell, using it to pick up rocks, the weapons dropped by the dead, and miscellaneous pieces of whatever, and throwing them violently at Milo.

In aggregate, it would have been a lot of damage, but it came in as small amounts of damage from multiple sources, so his Damage Reduction reduced it to zero.

Two Ice Devils and the Marilith charged Milo and attacked him once each, doing some damage to him despite his Damage Reduction, but taking damage in turn from his Acid Sheath.

These Outsiders had enough attack bonuses to reliably hit Milo despite the armor bonuses of Infernus' Invulnerable Aura, but Milo didn't even consider dismissing it to make a Wall of Force, since they could easily Teleport past that and then would be able to spend some of their attack bonuses to Power Attack for significant damage.

Milo's Unseen Servant tried to show them its grid of playing cards with Sepia Snake Sigils, but the canny Outsiders knew better than to look at those.

Milo cast a Quickened, Energy Substitution Sonic

_Blast of Flame_

which the first Pit Fiend counterspelled.

Then, having baited the anticipated counterspell with a low-level spell, he fired off his main hope - a Chained Maximized Empowered

_Orb of Acid_

which did 135 damage - half to those who saved - to every enemy on the field, except Voldemort, who was still out of range.

The Rogue and 2 Ice Devils dropped dead as a result, and several other foes weren't far from joining them.

Then Milo Jaunted across the battlefield to keep it difficult for the enemy to attack him, and cast

_Holy Storm_

on himself and the Marilith, doing 14 damage to her.

The spell did damage only to evil targets, and would continue to rain holy water on a large area for a long time.

Milo made Spot and Spellcraft skill checks successfully, and so could tell that all three Pit Fiends had Readied Actions to counterspell him the next time he cast a spell.

Mordy Launched a Shalantha's Delicate Disk - shrunken to one-inch diameter by the Shrink Item spell, which lasted for days - at a Pit Fiend, hitting him for 43 damage.

The Balor was attacked by the Mordenkainen's Sword spell, but it missed.

It used a Quickened Telekinesis spell to trip Milo, then moved up and attacked him while he was prone.

It hit, and did significant damage despite Milo's Damage Reduction. But it also took damage from Milo's Acid Sheath, and took more damage from the rain of holy water coming from the Holy Storm surrounding Milo.

The 2 remaining Ice Devils and the Marilith all did likewise.

And though only one Ice Devil and the Marilith hit Milo and did damage, taking acid damage in turn, they all took damage from the Holy Storm

They were looking pretty beat-up by this point, as were all the undead, though with undead it can be hard to tell.

Voldemort yelled, "Damn it, pay attention to me while I'm vanquishing you!" and sent a flurry of killing curses at Milo, who had indeed been ignoring him while concentrating on bigger threats.

A Pit Fiend took that as implicit permission to speak, and asked "Master, we could fight more effectively if you'd allow us to put up our Unholy Auras, which grant several protections including better armor..."

"Yes yes," Voldemort cut him off, "Go ahead. and then hurry up and kill Milo!"

The Pit Fiends and Balor, who already looked like the very embodiments of evil they were, somehow managed to add evil glints in their eyes.

Milo's turn came around, and he Jaunted to a better position, far enough away so the enemy could not get Full Attacks on him and hit multiple times each, but close enough that he could still hit them with magic.

He did not use his turn to cast spells, since he knew the Pit Fiends were ready to counterspell him.

Instead he used magic items.

He activated his Staff or Power and sent a Lightning Bolt from it into the Pit Fiends, hitting all three for 26 damage each.

Then he activated his Helm of Brilliance to send a Prismatic Spray into the group near him.

The orange ray hit the Balor and did 30 damage.

The yellow ray also hit the Balor, but did zero damage since it was immune to electricity.

The green ray hit an Ice Devil, but did nothing, since it was immune to poison.

And the indigo ray hit the Marilith and drove it insane, which usually meant it would mindlessly attack the nearest creature.

Milo wished that the targeting on Prismatic Sprays was not random, since then he could have avoided some of the immunities and done better with the same number of hits. If he survived, maybe he'd work on researching such a variant.

In the meantime, the battle went on.

Mordy Launched a shrunken Shalantha's Delicate Disk and hit the Balor with an Orb of Cold for 42 damage.

Many of the Ghasts, and all of the Dementors and Spectres now expired, burned to death by the several sources of Celestial Brilliance. These continued to burn all the Outsiders and the remaining undead.

Mordenkainen's Sword hit the Balor again.

The Balor and all three Pit Fiends cast Unholy Aura on themselves.

Voldemort became so furious at being ignored that he broke with his usual habits, and cast a flurry of all kinds of curses at Milo, not just his favorite killing curse.

Milo's Ray Deflection blocked them anyway - the ones that didn't simply miss due to the Blur spell, or hit a Mirror Image.

The two remaining Ice Devils were too far away to charge, so they both Teleported to Milo's far side, both so that they could attack him next round, and so they'd be far enough away from the Marilith so she wouldn't attack them.

The Marilith charged Milo, and hit him for 19 damage, which, with all the damage he'd taken so far, was enough to kill him. This triggered his Fortunate Fate spell which healed him back to full health.

The Marilith was not so lucky.

As she'd hit Milo, his Acid Sheath did 30 damage to her, which, even after her Energy Resistance reduced it to 20, was still enough to finish her off.

Milo started to feel better about his chances.

With the Marilith dead, that left only the 'Big Four' - the 3 Pit Fiends and the Balor - plus 2 Ice Devils, and a small and rapidly shrinking number of Ghasts. All of whom were heavily damaged.

Oh, and Voldemort as well.

Pretty soon, Milo would be able to spare some attention for him too.

Milo was shaken from his thoughts when - as one - the 3 Pit Fiends and the Balor roared in triumph.

"Free!"

Their Unholy Auras had taken effect. Those had several defensive functions, one of which was to make them immune to all mental compulsions.

So it freed them from the Imperious curse which had held them until now.

They would have had to tell Voldemort that, if he'd asked.

But he was too arrogant to ask, and too impatient to listen anyway.

And it cost him.

The Pit Fiend nearest Voldemort seized him in its enormous fist, declared "now we shall see about payback," and squeezed.

Voldemort's pulped body oozed out between the Outsider's fingers, dripped onto the ground, and puddled there.

There, it rapidly caught fire and burned to ash, which re-formed into a new body just as he had Wished.

But his soul remained gripped in the Pit Fiend's fist, so it could not enter the new body and complete the process of bringing him back from the dead like a Phoenix.

The Pit Fiend laughed at Voldemort's predicament.

The second Pit Fiend swiftly turned and cast a Meteor Swarm at the Ministry of Magic section of the stands, burning all there to cinders.

He roared "Why should I fight this little one," he gestured at Milo, "whose soul I can not keep even if I take it? Especially when there are all those," he pointed at the burned section of the stands, "souls so deliciously steeped in evil that I can keep them forever!"

He made a sweeping gesture and gathered to his hand all the ghostly versions of the recently slain Ministry officials.

The third Pit Fiend laughed, "quite right", grabbed the souls from the hand of the second, and immediately departed this plane of existence, taking the souls to hell with him and incidentally demonstrating exactly how trustworthy are evil creatures.

The Balor, normally a mortal enemy of Pit Fiends, attacked the Pit Fiend nearest him.

With a loud sound like "snicker-snack", his Vorpal sword took the head off that Pit Fiend, killing it.

Mordy Launched a thinaum dart and caught the soul of Voldemort in it.

By this time, the crowd in the stands was in full rush to get away, and not hesitating to use magic to take down the Walls of Ice and any remaining Ghasts that got in their way.

Milo's instinctive impulse to preserve loot caused him to cast

_Grease _

on the Balor, causing it to drop it's Vorpal sword and flaming whip.

If it had been holding them when it died, they'd have been destroyed by magic feedback. But laying on the ground at its feet, they'd be fine.

Then Milo Jaunted to a safe distance from the severely damaged Balor, touched a Metamagic Rod of Energy Substitution, Sonic, and cast

_Orb of Electricity_

which struck the Balor with an intensely concentrated sonic boom, tearing it to pieces and finishing it off.

True to form with Balors, it then exploded in a blast of light, doing 100 damage to everything in a hundred foot radius of itself.

That blast finished off the last Pit Fiend and the 2 Ice Devils.

Milo was left standing alone on the battlefield, with all his opponents slain.

The massive rush of xp he got told him the fight was over.

And he wanted to keep it that way.

So he Jaunted over to the thinaum dart that held the last fragment of Voldemort's soul, and used his Supernatural Spell ability to avoid the xp cost from casting

_Gate_

this way, and brought to this plane the same Devourer he'd dealt with previously.

"Eat the soul in this dart, and use it up rapidly to power your True Seeing spell over and over, like you did last night." he commanded it.

He'd have told it to free any soul it already had trapped first, but he could see it didn't have one.

The Devourer simply nodded and commenced.

Milo watched as the tiny figure trapped within the Devourer's ribcage shrank and shrank, then vanished.

He stayed ready to fight until the Devourer announced "Done."

The xp Milo got for finally and completely defeating Voldemort confirmed that his soul had been irretrievably destroyed.

Milo knew of no way to come back from this sort of destruction.

He relaxed a bit.

"While you're here," he told the Devourer, "You could save me a bit of time by similarly destroying the souls of those 2 Pit Fiends. Otherwise I have to wait to make sure their Regeneration doesn't catch up and bring them back before the Celestial Brilliance finishes them off for good."

The Devourer nodded and got started.

Milo allowed himself to muse about the future.

Things looked pretty bright.

This fight had brought him not just to 20th level, but past that and almost all the way to 21st.

That would work out very well for using his Thought Bottle to store his current xp total, and then spending thousands of xp to make some Simulacra and Clones of himself - since one could never be too careful - then get his Dedicated Wrights working on making those magic weapons for Fiorellos.

No, first he'd get his Dedicated Wrights to make more Dedicated Wrights.

If they started at midnight tonight, then by the following midnight his four would have turned into twelve - enough to work on all the Fiorello's orders at once, plus some magic items for himself, and a few golems too.

He'd start with Wax Golems, since a few would be done quickly that way and they could be made to look exactly like him, which could be useful tactically.

Then he'd make some Iron Golems, because there was almost always a place for sheer raw brute force...

Bamf!

Milo's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of displaced air as a group of 4 people Teleported in.

He looked and recognized Zook, Gerard, Wellby, and Relkin - his old adventuring party from his own universe.

Gerard charged the Devourer and split it in half with one mighty blow doing 336 damage, demonstrating that he'd gone, at least partly, with the Uber-Charger build.

Then he proclaimed "Milo! We've come to rescue you!"

-The End-


	19. Epilogue 1

Epilogue 1

Bamf

Vernon Dursley didn't even look up at the familiar sound.

A cheerful voice announced "Time for today's prank. But first, the news, since I know how much you look forward to it."

Vernon Dursley sat in petulant silence on the bed in his prison cell, waiting for his visitor to get it over with.

James Potter apparated in to visit him every day, to prank him in partial payback for how he'd treated Harry.

Vernon had tried to fight him the first couple times.

It had taken several days for the bruises to heal.

So now he just sulked and waited for Potter to have his say and go away.

"Today's news isn't good, which is why I'm happy to pass it on to you." James said.

"Dudley got arrested again. He keeps trying to bully other youngsters and keeps getting caught. His family situation isn't working out well for him. In a delicious bit of irony, it turns out that the foster family he is with is known to be abusive, but nobody has been able to prove it, so they can't be made to stop, or even stop fostering kids."

James gave Vernon an intense look, "Perhaps now you can begin to feel a little righteous indignation at people doing stuff like that and getting away with it."

James paused then, noting only resentfulness in Vernon, continued, "the foster family are also skinny health nuts who give pudgy Dudley endless grief over not being like them."

Vernon stirred a bit and said "this is unjust."

"Wrong. This is exactly what justice is.

You're confusing this with what you desire - mercy.

Well, you showed neither justice nor mercy to my boy, so what you'll get is justice, and plenty of it."

James sighed, "And now for today's prank. I've developed a new curse, just for you. For one day, you will be compelled to say whatever is on your mind. You will not be able to remain silent. So I'd suggest you work on purging those arrogant thoughts you tend to harbor, since if you go with your usual condemnation of everybody around you, your fellow inmates may take exception to your criticism and negative feelings about them, and express their displeasure to you."

James held up a letter. "Your wife Petunia had this same curse yesterday, and she wrote you a letter full of helpful advice."

Vernon looked up, as the letter went up in flames.

James dumped the ashes of the letter in Vernon's lap, and said "I deliver it to you just as you delivered Harry's Hogwarts letter to him."

Then James cast a spell on Vernon, and apparated away.

After that, Vernon slumped back down and started swearing at the injustice of it all.


	20. Epilogue 2

Epilogue 2

Molly Weasley approached Milo, hat in hand.

"I heard you brought James Potter's parents back from the dead and I wondered if..."

Milo interrupted. "Do you realize it costs a seventh level spell and 10,000 gold coins worth of diamonds, each time, to do that?"

Mrs Weasley blushed, "Oh, ok, I didn't know. Sorry, that's not..."

Milo continued right over her objections, "So it'll have to wait 'till tomorrow. I just finished bringing back Pandora Lovegood, Marlene Mckinnon and her entire family, so I'm spent for today. Tomorrow, after my vault golem brings me more diamonds, and I bring back Benjy Fenwick and Dorcas Meadowes, who do you want back?"

Molly took that in, then hope made her respond, "my brothers, Gideon and Fabian Prewett."

Milo jotted that down. "You realize I'll check and won't bring them back if they're evil, right?"

Molly nodded, "fine, but I can't afford that price. 10,000 gold coins is just..."

"Just my cost, not yours. I'm not doing this to make a profit. With the costs as they are, I doubt that I could anyway. No - I have ways to get the diamonds, and am not worried about money. I'm doing this for, shall we say 'environmental' reasons: the social environment gets better the more good people there are. Sometimes even I get tired of sudden ambushes from the shadows. None of the people I'm bringing back would stab me in the back, steal from me, or work in secret to destroy me. So having them around gives me a chance to let down my guard a bit and relax now and then, even if I don't hang out with them directly, because they will influence others and make the whole social environment less toxic overall."

A relieved Molly Weasley had a big smile on her face by this point, but Milo kept going.

"However, in your case, I will ask a favor of you in exchange for this one."

"What favor?" Molly asked

"You're probably already getting a lot of requests like this, now with your husband's promotion."

On the day that the Pit Fiend had burned the section of the quidditch stadium holding the Ministry of Magic, and all within it died, Arthur Weasley had been sitting with his family.

So he survived.

As the department head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts department, Arthur had been the senior government official still alive, and as such had become the Minister of Magic.

Milo continued, "I'm not asking for unfair influence - just access. I want him to consider a law I'll propose."

"What law?"

"A preventative one," Milo responded. "Evil likes to hide, primarily by using lies. For example, the Death Eaters were able to cause so much trouble recently because, after the first round of the war, they lied and said they'd been compelled to do what they'd done. So they were let go and not punished, because they lied. It absolutely boggles my mind that with something like veritasserum available, such things can happen. Another example is the ministry itself - many key members had been bought off by Voldemort or Malfoy, and were accepting bribes to allow horrible things. Nobody is safe in such an environment, and it would be easy to prevent it. I'll write a law for your husband to consider, saying that all criminal suspects are to be questioned under veritasserum, and all ministry officials are to have at least yearly examinations with veritasserum as well. I'd also like to both enchant the Ministry building with the Zone of Truth spell, to prevent lying within it, and to require the government to keep using it afterwards, rather than come up with some excuse to move elsewhere."

-0-0-0-

Two weeks later Milo put the finishing touches on the Zone of Truth and sat back in great satisfaction.

"It's done." he said, and Amelia Bones sent a signal to her Aurors, then started off.

Arthur Weasley had liked the idea of the new law.

It had been his idea to keep it secret until the Zone of Truth was completed, and then have Aurors - as many as could be gathered for the event - go through the building chatting with everybody, to expose and catch any who might otherwise flee.

The extent of the corruption previously infesting the Ministry had made an impression on him, and he wanted to prevent it from being repeated.


	21. Epilogue 3

Epilogue 3

Gerard, Zook, Wellby and Milo stood ready, just behind the large forbidding set of double-doors.

Milo always expected doors like that to be trapped.

So did Wellby, and so the Rogue had reflexively checked for that.

Gerard shrugged to settle his ornate armor better on his shoulders, then said,

"OK, Milo, let's go."

"uh..." Milo hesitated.

"Come on already, no dawdling. This is best faced by charging right in." Gerard said.

"But..."

"Seriously?. We've faced demons, dragons and countless lesser threats. You can face this."

Gerard was inclined to give Milo a helpful shove, but he knew better - some spell triggers didn't make very fine distinctions, and couldn't tell between a friendly shove and a hostile claw attack.

"Those were dangerous and difficult. But this is downright *scary*" Milo admitted.

"Oh please. Come on man. Many have faced this before and succeded, with less resources than you have. If they could do it, so can you. You're an epic level adventurer after all."

"But think of all the things that could go wrong..."

"Yes," Gerard interrupted, "Bad things can happen. But that doesn't mean they *will* happen. Risk can never be entirely eliminated. And if you never take risks, you can never succeed - like that sports guy said 'you miss 100% of the shots you do not take'. You've taken risks before, when potential benefit justified it. The benefits here are very much worth the risks."

Milo sighed. "OK. That hit the mark. The benefits *are* worth the risks. Lets go."

"Whew," Zook said, "for a minute there I thought we were going to have to go with Plan B and cast Calm Emotions on you."

Milo took a deep breath, opened the door and started down the aisle.

A ragged cheer went up from the groom's side of the cathedral, where sat a motley bunch of friends from many races including elves, gnomes, halflings and humans, plus unicorns, sphinxes, coatls, two angels - chatting intently with the angel club - djinn, mephits, dragons, a manticore, one very antique set of dresser drawers that was animated and had an interesting story behind them, and a bewildering variety of other creatures, many of which weren't very familiar with human norms of decorum at weddings.

Milo smiled and nodded to them, then looked to the front.

Hannah was standing by the altar, wearing an ornate white dress, with Relkin at her side in a purple bridesmaid's dress.

Hanna smiled at Milo and his fears fled.

She was his best friend.

They could make this work, notwithstanding the scary anecdotes folks liked to tell.


	22. Epilogue 4

Epilogue 4

"Cuckoo, Cuckoo, Cuckoo".

Milo looked up from his desk as the huge cuckoo clock built into Cogs Cuckoo Clearinghouse across the street chimed 3pm.

He sat back and stretched.

It was time to get ready to go meet Gerard and the party to go adventuring on other planes.

You could meet some interesting and challenging things while Plane-hopping, even if you were already epic level.

It was fun for Milo to 'keep his hand in' this way. He still couldn't imagine why some folks stopped adventuring when they reached level 20, as if there was a wall there or something.

"Eugene," Milo called out, "What's the the schedule for today? Is it the Elemental Plane of Fire again?"

Eugene the Djinni appeared next to Milo.

He looked, and in fact was, a lot tougher since Milo had used a Wish spell to promote him to Noble status.

That promotion had made Eugene able to cast Wish too, though not for himself or other Djinni.

Milo had used more Wishes, magic items, and a lot of other spells, to buff up Eugene since he'd acquired him as a permanent follower via his clerical Air Domain.

Eugene was now an important source of support for the party, for more reasons than just his Wish spells.

"No, Illustrious master. It's Zook's turn to choose, so today we're going to Hell, the 6th layer specifically, where Zook hopes to find a particular soul who has certain information he needs."

"That's right, I forgot. I know you won't have though. So what have you learned in your research?" Milo asked.

"First let me say, once again, a thousand blessings upon your head, oh great Milo, for your bountiful generosity in extending to me the use of your prodigious collection of magic tools. Why, the use of the Mirror of Mental Prowess alone could divert my entire attention for centuries. For one devoted to learning, this is heaven. My thanks." Eugene genuflected.

"Once again, you're welcome." Milo responded, trying to be patient. An effect of the Air Domain's power over Air-Typed creatures, such as Eugene the Djinni, was that they treated you like a groupie treats his favorite rock star.

Sure they followed you and carried out your orders, but the adulation sometimes got old.

The Ice Mephits over which Milo had command were the same way, but more so, so mostly he had them on guard and patrol duty.

Milo had wanted Sylphs instead of Ice Mephits, since they were a lot more powerful, but they were also pretty and female, and he hadn't wanted to hurt Hannah's feelings. So he'd gone for Ice Mephits instead.

But Eugene was only affected to the extent of offering frequent thanks for letting him learn things almost all of the time, and his Wishes were too useful to leave behind, so he came with them on adventures.

But Eugene's knowledge was also useful, as he now demonstrated.

"Time on target is estimated at less than 4 minutes. After we Plane Shift in, we use your magic pointers of Circle Dance, take 20 on calculating the resultant vector, Teleport alongside the target, grab him and Plane Shift to the Ethereal Plane to question him at our leisure. Of course we'll be fighting the infinite hordes the whole time we're in Hell. But 4 minutes of that shouldn't - quite - use up all your spells for the day, especially if you're careful."

"Good. And..." Milo prompted.

Eugene continued, "The denizens of the region in question are mostly Chain Devils and Horned Devils, with the Horned Devils as the real threat, since the Chain Devils are a low Challenge Rating. While it is possible - because they are Lawful aligned - for the Chain Devils to Aid Another and thereby be a threat, it is unlikely because they are Evil aligned, so their thoughts are - first foremost and always - upon their own advantage and bending others to serve their own will. So I predict that many of them will tell their peers to Aid them, but none will actually Aid Another."

Milo got up and went over towards a huge cabinet while Eugene was still talking.

"The ruler of that region is a Pit Fiend named Yok, whose personality could be summed up as 'Act immediately and think about it later, if at all'. Yok is always completely, 100% sure it is right, and it will act with unbounded force without any consideration of the circumstances. So Yok will show up at our arrival point moments after we do. If you take it out quickly, its followers will be uncertain and hesitant for a while, since Yok has beaten them down pretty thoroughly and so none is used to taking actions without orders, or even thinking through the orders they receive. I have been practicing illusions of Yok too, so after Teleporting we should be able to confuse the enemy greatly by giving them an illusionary leader to follow who tells them counterproductive, or at least inefficient, things to do. If it goes over really well, we can even get them fighting against the neighboring region of Hell. They do that from time to time all on their own, so the right nudge would be enough."

"Excellent research, as always." Milo said, as he opened the tall and wide cabinet, displaying an array of swords, most of which were the size of surfboards.

He'd started the collection with that Vorpal longsword he'd taken from the Balor. Then he'd gone out and captured another one like it, since you needed two for the SteelDance spell.

SteelDance was a wonderful spell that animated two swords, gave them good attack bonuses, a modest damage bonus, and had them automatically attack your foes. And it did not in any way specify the size of the swords it could animate. Bigger swords did more damage, so Milo had collected several of those.

"Recommendations?" He asked, gesturing at the swords.

"While the Falchions with the Holy enchantment seem an obvious choice for adventuring in Hell, I would actually recommend the Katanas enchanted with the Transmuting power instead. You'll hit 95% of the time either way, and Holy only adds 7 damage on average, while Transmuting will let you ignore the 10 points of Damage Reduction on the Horned Devils, which would otherwise be very difficult to bypass and so be a drain on every hit. That will give you the best use of the base 8D8 damage that either kind has."

Milo agreed and signaled two Iron Golems to come forwards and get one katana each. The swords were sized to be two-handed weapons for a Colossal-sized creature.

The Golems had no trouble carrying them, but they would have been beyond Milo's capacity.

"OK," Milo said, "next we'll need some tiles to help avoid running out of spells."

Eugene nodded and moved to a large cabinet which Hannah had called a "card catalog" from a library. It had scores of little drawers, each about 3 by 5 inches wide, and very deep - perfect for Milo's Rune tiles.

When Milo had reached Level 3 in the RuneSmith class, he'd gained the ability to prepare his spells by scribing runes instead of the usual way - runes that anybody could use, as if they were potions.

He could only take the class, and levelup in it, by using the ShapeChange spell to briefly change his Type to Dwarf. But that worked fine - it only mattered at levelup time - and was a small price to pay for such an ability.

Milo typically prepared about a third of his spells every day as Runes, and two-thirds the normal way. Memorized spells could not be taken away, like physical objects could. But the physical objects - the Runes - stacked up: it was like making a potion, so preparing a spell that way didn't tie up the spell slot until it was used.

So any spells Milo prepared as Runes, and didn't use that day, went into the drawers of the card catalog, for later use.

There was leeway in how to activate the Runes, as long as it took a Standard Action.

So Milo had decided to make the runes on baked-clay tiles and activate them by breaking the tile. That way, not only could Mordy activate them even though he couldn't speak Common, but Milo could also use a variation of a favorite old trick - setting several magic items to activate on the same command word.

It was easy enough to break several tiles at once, thus fulfilling all their activation conditions and saving a lot of time.

That was also why only certain types of spell Rune tiles were stored in the wooden card catalog.

Spells that caused damage were stored more securely.

Milo took a black handkerchief out of his pocket as he instructed Eugene.

"We'll need enough Energy Immunity tiles to cover the whole party against fire..."

"And Lightning." Eugene added. "The Horned Devils can cast Lightning Bolt three times a day."

"Good point. Against a few of them, a lesser form of protection would do, but we'll be facing limitless numbers, so it has to be full immunity."

Milo proceeded to unfold the black handkerchief while Eugene took tiles out of a drawer.

It unfolded, and unfolded, and unfolded, and was the size of a cloak by the time Milo added

"Oh yeah, bring every tile we have of Holy Storm, and Celestial Brilliance. Also bring the Launch Octopus - with that, Mordy can really mess up crowds of them."

Milo proceeded to direct how it would be done.

An Eye of Boccob symbol would be drawn on each tile, making it a Holy Symbol and guaranteeing that any Devil nearby would smash it, which would release the Holy Storm spell on itself and its nearby environs.

Of course, that was just a backup plan.

The Launch Octopus was a small octopus statue designed to hold tiles and Launch - via the Launch Item spell - 8 at once, in all directions, when triggered.

The tiles should break on impact, but it didn't hurt to give the Devils reasons to break them, just in case some soft-landed.

That's why they would also put Celestial Brilliance on a pebble glued to each tile - the tile would seem to be the source of the light - which did continuous damage to Devils - so the Devils would probably try to smash it for that reason also.

He'd made the Launch Octopus for Mordy to use in situations like they'd face in Hell, since they'd discovered that nitroglycerin only worked on this Material Plane, and a few others, all of which had developed much higher technology than Milo's original home plane - some of them much higher tech than even his current home plane.

While describing all this, Milo had finished unfolding his black handkerchief into a 6 foot diameter Portable Hole, which was a magical extra-dimensional space holding a steel version of the card catalog, where he kept his damaging spells.

From it, he took Rain of Embers, Sound Lance, and other damaging spells he might need.

When they were all ready, Milo headed down the hall, followed by Eugene and the 2 Golems, to the sitting room.

He poked his head into the large room full of comfortable couches, and said,

"Hon? I'm going out with the guys for a while."

Hannah, surrounded by half a dozen friends she'd been chatting with, looked up and replied,

"OK but don't get killed again. That freaked me out when your clone awoke as the new you."

"Don't worry, that was a fluke. And I've taken steps to make sure it can't happen again - this time, I'll be wearing my tinfoil hat."

He doffed his 7-inch tall tophat made of tinfoil, waved goodbye with it, and replaced it, feeling the magnets in its base click as they re-fastened to his Helm of Brilliance.

It had taken 3 return trips to fight through to the necromancer on the Plane of Shadow, defeat him and his epic colossal flesh Golem, and recover Milo's equipment.

And all because the Golem had caught Milo in his Anti-Magic radius.

Wizards, without magic, are weak.

But that couldn't happen now that he had his tinfoil hat in place. Due to the Shrink Item spell, the tin tophat was actually 7 feet tall, not the 7 inches it currently appeared to be.

It's operation was as simple as it was elegant. It did nothing at all - and so could be worn at the same time as a magic helmet - until and unless it entered an anti-magic field. Then, the antimagic would suppress the Shrink Item spell on the hat, returning it instantly to being 7 feet tall. The hat would then completely enclose Milo, as if he was standing in a cylindrical closet. That would break the anti-magic's Line of Effect to Milo, thereby allowing him to cast spells and otherwise use magic.

In such a situation, he couldn't engage in combat, since Line of Effect worked both ways, but he could Teleport to a safe distance and engage in long-range combat.

He'd also taken the Traveler on the Great Wheel feat, to prevent the loss of a level if he died again for any reason.

And he'd researched the original Elminster's Evasion spell - as the legends originally described it, not as it existed after the attack of the Nerf Bat - so even in the worst cases, it'd pull his body, mind, and soul together, teleport them to safety, and cast 2 spells to put him back together and fix him up.

He was ready for anything.

With that thought, he smiled and cast

_Plane Shift_

to go meet his adventuring party.


	23. Epilogue 5

Epilogue 5

Milo stopped in the pitch-black hall of the museum - deserted in the middle of the night - and pointed at a display.

"Is that the one?'

"Yes." Eugene replied from his side.

"Huh. It seems like a normal unremarkable bird." Milo said.

"Nevertheless, it is indeed the avian you promised to restore to life for me. The species is extinct, and so all the things we could have learned from studying it are lost. I can't stand the idea of knowledge being lost, so we will remedy the situation. With this one added to the other samples, we can restore enough of them to life to get a viable breeding population for the species." Eugene looked pleased at the idea.

Milo gingerly reached towards the display, and took a feather from the stuffed bird there.

To his relief, no alarms went off.

The noise had been a sudden shock last time, and had flustered him for a while, though they'd still gotten their samples and Teleported away safely.

"What kind of person traps a dead bird anyway?" Milo wondered.

"Would you like me to research the staff of that other museum and find out?" Eugene offered. "It could prove interesting."

"If you want to on your own, go ahead, but as for myself, the question was rhetorical." Milo responded.

Milo cast

_Mending_

to repair the minor damage from removing a feather from the display, then

_Teleport_

to take them to the island they'd been preparing as the habitat for the birds.

They arrived on a grassy meadow overlooking the ocean, just as Sirius Black was completing the emplacement of an enormous stone head nearby.

That head completed a line of such heads, all looking out to sea and made with scrupulous care to closely resemble the stone heads on Easter Island.

Milo spent a couple minutes raising the latest batch of birds from the dead, then left them in Eugene's care as he went off to talk to Sirius.

"We're in the running now!" Sirius greeted him enthusiastically.

"What?" Milo asked.

"We're now in the running for the greatest prank ever!" Sirius chortled, then continued, "It will be centuries before the matter is decided, of course, but we're in the running."

"You think so?" Milo asked.

"But of course, oh mighty bling-lord. Consider," Sirius gestured at the island, "We have here an island in the middle of the Pacific ocean where there wasn't an island before. But it is in such a barren area that the muggles can't be certain there wasn't an island here. We even had Fiona check muggle maps to be sure. They are so sparse about this region that they may as well just say 'here there be dragons'. And the island is small enough that even satellite pictures can't be sure. So,"

he held up a finger, "the mere existence of the island will preplex them - that is, it will, once someone gets around to following the clues and actually locates the island - because they are so sure they already know everything. They will wonder how they missed it. They would speculate that it is new somehow, but you used Wish spells to magically age it, so they'll test it and be sure that somehow they missed noticing it for at least 10,000 years.."

Sirius grinned, "But wait, there's more!"

He held up a second finger. "When they find it, it will be full of birds they were previously sure were extinct - birds who never lived within thousands of miles of here before. That will be good for some serious head-scratching as well, and so will,"

he held up a third finger, "the Easter-Island-type giant stone heads, here, thousands of miles away from Easter Island."

Sirius shook his hand as if throwing away the 3 points the fingers had represented.

"But all of that they could blow off and ignore, with one excuse or another. They can be marvelously adept at coming up with silly rationalizations and pretending those are adequate explanations."

"No," he continued, "what really drives it home as a good prank is the thing that will keep them wondering and scratching their heads for a long long time: the size and shape of the island. They will wonder - 'is it coincidence that the island's 3.9632 mile radius is exactly one one-thousandth the 3963.2 mile radius of the Earth, and that its circumference is a perfect imitation of the shape of the Earth - an oblate ellipsoid'?"

Sirius aped confusion and scratched his head, then continued, "Eventually they will notice that the island's position is another 'odd coincidence' - exactly one one hundredth as far from Easter Island as the moon is from the Earth."

He did a pratfall as if felled by stunned disbelief. "Lastly, they may eventually get around to digging and then discover the perfectly seamless, one-piece stone retaining wall, which you created magically to hold the sands in place."

He spun around as if dizzy with confusion, "It will be epic. This is a far better prank than the one you pulled last year when you 'let them discover' a chunk of coal with a fossil and a sparkplug embedded in it as if it formed around them, then, after they'd taken pictures and measurements, you let the Major Creation spell you'd made it with expire in the middle of the night when nobody was watching."

He laughed, "That was a good one - they're still tying themselves in logical knots trying to figure it out. And this prank is better yet, though only time will tell if it ends up better than The Great Prank. We may have over-reached by adding so many coincidences and unexplainable bits that they just give up, shrug, say 'aliens did it' and walk away."

He sighed, "What a waste that would be."

"I don't think you've ever told me about The Great Prank - what is it?" Milo asked.

"Have I not? Astounding. I'd have thought I would have after the coal prank."

He scratched his chin, "Well, I guess that's due to habit - if the secret gets out then it is no prank at all. But you're 'on the inside' now - a bona-fide prankster of the first order. So you can share the secret."

Sirius went thru an exaggerated charade of looking around for eavesdroppers, even checking under a nearby rock, then leaned close to Milo and said in a conspirational whisper. "StoneHenge."

He paused to control a chuckle, then continued, "My ancestors built StoneHenge for the sole purpose of making people wonder what its purpose is. That is The Great Prank. and even now, centuries later, people are still scratching their heads, wondering why it was built, what it's purpose or functions were, and coming up with a bewildering variety of silly theories about it."

Milo's eyes grew absurdly wide in wonder at the sheer majesty of it, then they both burst into laughter.


	24. Epilogue 6

Epilogue 6

Milo stood on the battlements of his castle, gazing out over the walls in thought.

A couple Simulacra of him, as well as several Wax Golems made to look like him, were there as well, doing their standard guard duty.

An outside observer would have had serious trouble telling which Milo was the real one.

Little tricks like that helped add up to some real security.

Judging by results, Milo was very secure indeed - nobody had attacked him in a long time.

That was ok with him - he could always go looking for trouble on other planes when he wanted adventure.

...though he was curious how well the new Guardian Gargoyles would perform if it ever came to that. They could cover long ranges while the old guards - permanent semi-real illusions able to uncover Symbol spells at need - handled shorter ranges nicely.

His contented musings were interrupted by a chime from across the street.

"Cuckoo, Cuckoo"

Play time was over.

He walked across the stone slabs that roofed the large central building of his castle towards one of the square stone towers jutting up past its roof.

He used a complex key to open the door to the tower, then went inside and closed it behind him.

But he did not go down the stairway through the door to his right.

That was a trap, set for anyone trying to break in from the roof.

It was a section of stairway set up like a Mobius strip - folks could descend it endlessly and never get out through the hidden door. It had 4 rooms opening off of it, but all were variations of the new type of Portable Hole which Milo had invented. It had an entrance to the side instead of the top, and had an enticing-looking room built into it - one of which looked exactly like the room they'd entered from - but the entrance was only an entrance - nothing could exit by it.

That wasn't possible with real physical rooms, but Portable Holes were magically-created spaces which could only be entered or exited by magic. So Milo had simply narrowed the spell, so it would enable entry, but not exit.

To exit, you had to cast Plane Shift or something similar.

There were Alarm spells set on each room to let Milo know when he had caught someone.

He'd had to settle for a non-lethal trap that just captured and disabled, but it was still a trap.

He turned away from the stairway, tapped a particular sequence on the wall to his left, and a secret compartment opened in it, revealing a chute labeled "Garbage Disposal" and a lever labeled "Activate Incinerator".

Milo pulled the lever, got in the chute, and slid down it to a storage room on the floor below.

He left the storage room, went down a hall, opened that door, and came face to face with a huge tiger.

It turned towards him, licked his face, then resumed it's frantic game of chase, with the children.

It was hard to tell who was chasing who.

Milo couldn't resist joining in, and adding a third dimension to the chase by casting

False Gravity

and using Reach Spell and Chain Spell to affect all in the room.

False Gravity allowed you to choose which direction was 'down', and to change that choice at will. So each person targeted had their own, ever-changing 'down' and 'fell' across the very large room wildly in all directions.

Better still, the spell negated your momentum when you changed gravity's direction. The kids had played this way before, and knew how to use that feature to avoid getting hurt, even little Sara, who was only 2 years old.

Four children, a tiger, half a dozen monkeys and Milo flew around the room in a wild game of tag whose rules Milo didn't even begin to understand.

He figured he added a chaotic element - doing his own thing regardless of the rules. He was chasing down each child in order of age, giving them a brief hug, then releasing them to go after the next one.

He loved playing with his children and kept going until he'd caught each one three times, even though play time was supposed to be over.

The kids knew that too, and appreciated the extra time as well as their dad's participation. But still, when Milo stopped, they understood the signal and gradually came to a halt themselves.

"Ok kids, after play comes work. It's Tuesday - you know what to do." Milo said gently.

"Aww, dad, why can't we just have Unseen Servants do it?" little Milo whined.

At 8 years old, he was the eldest, and he knew Tuesday meant mucking out the stalls of their pet animals, including the tiger and the monkeys.

Nobody in all the Planes enjoyed mucking out stalls.

It was why the kids had chosen to let their pet elephants go free. Milo was so proud of their decision, since it proved that they were realizing that everything came with a cost, and sometimes costs were not affordable.

"You already know why. Remember Corba? Her parents never taught her to work, never enforced any rules on her, and gave her everything she ever wanted. And look what a complete mess she is."

All the kids nodded vigorously.

They knew.

They knew all too well.

They didn't like playing with Wellby's severely-spoiled daughter, and often tried to come up with excuses to avoid it.

Milo took it as a teaching moment, and continued, "It is the job of parents to teach their children the basic lessons of life, and I take my job seriously. It is important for you all to learn that any real success comes only through work, and you can only learn that by working. A lot, of working. But just so you know I care, I will work at your chores right alongside you."

"Even with the plants?" asked little Hannah.

She was 4 years old, and already loved gardening, though she wasn't very good at it yet.

She eagerly asked questions about plants at every opportunity, so it was no surprise that she wanted her dad there to answer questions while they weeded his rare herbs and reagents garden later this afternoon.

Milo lost a few rare herbs to their efforts every now and then, but that was a small price to pay for the lessons they learned doing it.

"Yes, even with the plants," he responded, then asked, "And what is the first lesson of planting?"

They all hurriedly chorused "What you sow is what you reap!"

Milo grinned broadly, then scratched his chin while the expectant children waited. Finally he said "I think little Jason was first that time, so he gets to choose what's for dinner tonight."

"Yay!" 6 year old Jason cheered.

"But what does it mean?" asked little Milo, who was just starting to look for meanings in things like that.

"I'm glad you asked." Milo said, knowing the youngest ones wouldn't understand yet, but fully willing to repeat it later when they could.

"In the simplest form, it means that if you plant watermelon, what you get is watermelon, not corn, or beans, or shoes."

Hannah giggled, "Shoes don't ever grow on plants."

"Very good, Hannah. That's right, but some people don't realize that."

"What do you mean?" asked Jason.

"I mean that some people don't understand the idea's main applications. In it's more advanced form

'what you sow is what you reap' isn't talking about plants anymore, it's talking about actions. It means that, if you are nice to people, they'll be nice back, most of the time. And if you are mean to people, they'll be mean back - pretty much universally, though you may not notice it if you're more powerful than they are."

"Anyway," he stood up, "It's time to get started. The sooner we start, the sooner we finish and then we can play some more."

The older two, at 8 and 6, went out to go get started mucking out animal stalls.

They'd done it before - you could never ask children to do something unless you'd first shown them how, usually several times, and worked alongside them the first few times as well.

They were confident in the knowledge that their dad would join them soon - he had said he would, and keeping promises was one of the most important lessons he tried to teach them.

He taught it by example, since that was by far the best way.

Milo stayed in the play room only long enough to help the youngest two prepare for their chore - mopping.

Hanna got herself ready while Milo readied little Sara, age 2

Sirius had come up with the idea of the Mop Suits - a little coverall made of absorbent cloth and covered with a grid of short absorbent strings, like the head of an old-style mop. It had matching gloves and booties.

The suits allowed even little kids to mop floors just by moving over them.

Milo had enchanted these with extras - they allowed their wearers to fly, so they could also clean walls and ceilings, and they colored every spot they'd touched a bright color of the wearer's choice, so the kids could tell where they had been, and where they still needed to go. The colors only lasted an hour, so no damage was done.

The kids, all suited up, charged off to go start on today's room and hallway.

Hanna was doing a great job directing Sara, and learning valuable lessons thereby.

First they would do a pass wet and soapy. After that came the rinse, which was really more of a waterfight. And then came one last pass to dry it again.

Milo could have spared them any or all of that, but he knew there was no better way to build character than to have responsibilities and actually do them.

Plus the kids loved flying around and having water fights. Engaging their own creativity to make it more fun was good for them too.

Good kids were a joy to be around, just as bad kids were a trail.

Milo's kids were turning out nicely so far, largely because he and their mother were doing their job right, as best as they were able.

Milo smiled and headed down towards the pen where the kids kept their Charmed pet Gorillas.


	25. Epilogue 7

Epilogue 7

"Here Milo, drink this." Sirius held out a small bottle.

"Why, what is it?" Milo responded.

"Just drink it already, don't you trust me?"

Milo had been through a lot with Sirius, so he took the bottle and drank.

Then he felt...different.

He looked into a nearby mirror, then asked, "why did you turn me into Hermione?"

"Nevermind that now - that's water under the bridge already. The real question awaits - take this," Sirius held out a wand.

Milo accepted it, since the best way out was, most likely, to see it through. Sirius wouldn't cause him real problems, but could argue endlessly when he wanted to.

Sirius grinned in anticipation, "now repeat after me 'lumos'."

Milo did and was surprised when the wand lit up.

He had just cast a spell using wanded magic - a thing he had never been able to do before.

Sirius chortled, "I am a Sirius researcher." Then he began dancing around the room in glee, repeating, "It's in the blood, It's in the blood. It really is in the blood!"

-0-0-0-

Some time later, after some research, Milo bought a pig.

They would have a luau after the experiment was done.

With the pig tied up in the corner, Milo took a dose of Sirius' special Polyjuice potion, and turned into Hermione.

As always, he cast a couple simple spells with wanded magic, just to be sure he could.

It worked, as it did when he used a 9th level ShapeChange spell too, but he didn't need to use a 9th level spell slot for this test.

Having verified that much, Milo cast

_Ability Rip_

targeting himself and the pig, but in the reverse of the way the spell designers had anticipated.

The spell took a Supernatural ability from the first target and gave it to the second, for an hour per level, after which it reverted back to the first target.

But this temporary gain for the second target had a permanent cost - it lost one of its own Supernatural abilities, or 2 Hit Dice. That was a huge cost for such a temporary gain, so the spell was all but forgotten. Wizards would rather die and be brought back in a way that made them lose a level - since that could be 'fixed' by gaining more xp - than cast this as intended.

So Milo cast it backwards.

He ripped from himself the Supernatural ability to cast wanded magic - by definition any magic ability inherent in the blood was Supernatural - and gave that ability to the pig.

It cost the pig 2 hit dice, but it would still be just as delicious at the luau tomorrow.

And it cost Milo nothing except the temporary loss of an ability he'd only gained temporarily via the potion.

Now all he had to do was wait.

He went about other business until the Polyjuice potion wore off, changing him back into Milo. That change would have cost him the ability to cast wanded magic, as his blood changed back to Milo-standard rather than Hermione-standard. But the pig still had that ability.

The pig had not been under Polyjuice so it experienced no change as the duration of that ran out for Milo.

So far so good.

Milo kept doing other things until the duration of Ability Rip expired.

At that time, the Supernatural ability to cast wanded magic left the temporary holder - the pig - and reverted to its source - Milo.

The ability, generated in this case by magic, would have been ended by that same magic, but the ending process had already been completed when the polyjuice expired.

So, after the ending process of Ability Rip had obediently put the Supernatural ability back where it had found it, it ended too, leaving no active magic involved, yet with the ability still extant.

Magic could, and often did, create new things permanently.

These spells hadn't been intended to, and normally didn't. But in this case it worked that way.

Milo had gained the ability to cast wanded magic, and he kept it.

Suddenly he was glad he had kept up with his studies at Hogwarts.

His first thought after that was, "There has got to be some way to use this in a prank."


	26. Epilogue 8

Epilogue 8

Milo looked in the mirror and snorted at the silly, completely impractical costume he was wearing. Completely impractical that is, unless you were lost in a very cold environment and wanted someone to find you.

There was no way it would last intact - without help from magic - through even one encounter with a monster.

Velvet just wasn't durable, like an adventurer's clothes ought to be.

But Hannah had insisted that the look be just right, all of the details had to fit - that appearances were crucial to making it work.

And she'd been correct.

Milo was still amazed at the extreme reactions he'd gotten the first year he'd done this.

Reactions since then had also been very powerful, but that first year had been something else entirely - like something long-suppressed and very powerful had finally been unleashed and had surged accordingly.

So, the results more than justified the costs, and though Milo would much rather look like himself and skip this awkward polymorphed shape entirely, that was far more so for poor Mordenkainen the rat, who wasn't enjoying the fact that he wasn't currently a rat.

Milo mentally reviewed things to make sure all the necessary spells had been cast, then stepped up to Mordy and said,

"Let's get on with it, shall we?"

Mordy nodded his head - currently much bigger than his whole body was ordinarily.

Milo consulted a map, pointed at a spot once again to remind the small cloud of hovering Homonculi, and waved goodbye to Hannah - who was grinning an enormous grin.

Milo grinned right back and touched the magic obelisk in the center of the room, which cast

_Teleport_.

He arrived in someone's living room - Milo didn't know whose - and the family waiting there gave out an enthusiastic cheer.

Milo intoned his best "Ho ho ho!, Merry Christmas!", which would have been quite unsatisfactory except for the voice-altering Disguise spell, making his voice deeper and more resonant.

Having been polymorphed into a quite rotund older bearded man helped deepen his voice. But it wasn't enough by itself.

While Milo played his part, his Homonculi did theirs.

Each was a Tiny flying Construct that Milo could make in any shape he pleased. But for this purpose, there had really only been one acceptable shape.

So each Homonculous was shaped like a tiny Elf, dressed in a festive green version of Milo's own red Santa Claus suit.

The Tiny elves flew around the room in their winged boots, distributing Christmas presents - which they took from their own miniature Heward's Handy Haversacks - to the family that lived there.

Milo reflected that the Handy Haversack was particularly well-suited to this task, since, not only did it contain an extra-dimensional storage space that could magically hold 12 cubic feet of goods, but its magic also included placing the thing you were reaching for right on top every time.

This allowed for much greater speed in delivering presents.

So each Homonculous-elf, with it's fly speed of 50, could get anywhere in the festively decorated room and deliver a present, all in one round.

Milo made the decisions at a glance, as for what gift to give to whom, and the Homonculous-elves automatically knew what that decision was, since they were telepathically linked to Milo, their creator. The little Golems were useful that way, as in many others.

In the interests of speed, the gifts were not wrapped, so each recipient could see instantly what they were getting.

Though, in a nod towards tradition, each did have a bow or some other festive decoration on it, to contribute to the spirit of the season.

This was a family of 4.

The gift Milo decided upon for the little boy, and a flying elf delivered, was a toy fire truck, with working ladder, pumps, and hoses, which the boy could attach to his garden hose and actually spray water from. It was made from real steel - stainless steel in fact, suitably painted red - which would be far more durable than the cheap plastic toys Milo had seen in stores.

The father got a Webley revolver, finely wrought by Milo's Dedicated Wrights and chased tastefully in silver. It was a classic British design, and fully functional.

Milo felt it was appropriate despite having been informed that they were illegal in London - nobody knew better than Milo did that the world was a dangerous place, and if you wanted to be safe, you'd better see to it yourself.

He'd heard it said that "when seconds count, the police are only minutes away."

So he saw himself as a public benefactor in this matter.

The mother was next.

Judging from the decor, Milo chose not to give her one of the nice sets of stained glass windows he had available - they probably would not match her style - and instead gave her a decorative figurine - a finely crafted snow-white porcelain circus horse, with each strand of hair in its mane and tail delicately wrought from porcelain, including some porcelain bows and ribbons all festively painted.

It was a stunning piece - Milo's Dedicated Wrights had enough ranks in Craft Art to give the best a run for their money.

Lastly, the teenaged girl was given jewelry - a complex necklace of exquisitely-wrought snowflakes, made from pure silver.

Milo got a really good deal on silver, though it took a bit of doing.

With the 20 cubic feet of saffron that Eugene the Djinn could create each day, Milo could get enough British currency to buy 503 synthetic diamonds of a size valued at 5000gp each on his home plane. Then, traveling to his own plane to sell the diamonds for gold, and returning again, he traded the gold for silver. On his home plane, gold was ten times the value of silver. Here, on Hannah's plane, gold was currently 82 times the value of silver.

Milo had so much silver he could use it extravagantly and never run out.

And that was good, because, in London, it took more to please people than it did on Milo's home plane.

Here, Milo had to use fine craftsmanship and valuable materials to generate the joy he needed people to feel, because even the poorest of them was rich by the standards of his home plane.

There, a good meal, some candy, and warm winter blankets and clothes made the peasants all but ecstatic.

Milo could craft barns full of that stuff with a couple Fabricate spells.

So when he did "the Santa thing" on his own plane, a successful venture was much easier to generate.

But it was really important to Hannah that Milo "helped Santa be real", as she put it, on her home plane. So he had his Dedicated Wrights making high quality gifts all year long, and wracked his brains to think of things they could make that people would like - since the most popular thing was electronics and the Dedicated Wrights couldn't make those.

So Milo had large amounts of finely crafted toys, tools, jewelry, silks, furs, music boxes, cuckoo clocks, and various artworks ready to give out, and rooms full of more of the same at home so he could return and reload his Haversacks at need

The gifts to this family having been distributed, Mordy did his job and activated one of the magic bells on his antlers.

He was currently Polymorphed into a life-sized reindeer, and decorated suitably to be Santa's reindeer at Christmas.

That decoration was actually a bit obnoxious, since the intense red light emanating from his nose made everything look a bit Hellish, in Milo's opinion. But it was part of the tradition, so he went with it.

It had been simple to do - just cast Celestial Brilliance on Mordy's nose, followed by a Permanent Illusion (which he could Dispel later) of a red lampshade - well, the functions of a lampshade but shaped exactly like Mordy's nose and conforming to it, so it looked like a nose glowing red.

Poor Mordy had complained of the "searchlight on the end of his nose" making it very hard to see, so Milo had compromised and given him a pair of specially-fitted sunglasses as well.

Many of the children they met commented approvingly on the sunglasses, which pleased Mordy even more than the fact that they allowed him to see.

They also had a continuous magic Detect Evil effect on one lens and a Detect Good effect on the other, allowing Mordy to determine Naughty, Nice, and neutral at a glance.

That helped with tradition too.

The magic bell Mordy activated was the point of the whole exercise - if you asked Milo, Hannah thought it was worth doing even if there had been no benefit to themselves.

When rung, the bell cast a Distilled Joy spell, which created vials of Ambrosia in Milo's big red 'sack of presents' for him to use later instead of xp when crafting magic items.

The spell didn't take away or reduce anyone's joy. Rather it collected joy they had already felt - like collecting the breath someone had exhaled in order to use the carbon dioxide in it.

But they had to be feeling joy for the spell to work.

But the whole "Santa thing" worked really well in that context.

Milo could arrive, distribute presents, collect joy, and go to the next house in as little as one round each.

At that rate he could visit 10 houses a minute, or 600 houses an hour, collecting one vial from every joyous person they met.

If that averaged 2 people per house, that was 1200 vials of Ambrosia, or the equivalent of 2400 xp for crafting magical items, per hour.

In one morning Milo could potentially get enough crafting xp to last him for several months, especially since most houses had a lot more people in them at Christmas time than they usually did.

And even more relatives than usual tended to visit when Santa was known to be coming by.

Since speed was important to the enterprise, Milo wasted no time in using Lutzaen's Frequent Jaunt to take himself, Mordy, and the 'elves' to the next house down the London street they'd chosen to start with today.

The next house was very thoroughly decorated for Christmas, with wreaths and ornaments everywhere and an enormous Christmas tree that you could barely see any of due the the large number of ornaments and lights on it.

It was crammed with people, who also cheered as Milo's group arrived - people tended to do that. They had a copy of Milo's flyer on the table.

It read "Santa Claus is coming to town:

This Thursday starting at 8am, Santa will come to your own homes. Anyone at home to greet him will receive presents."

At that house, it took a bit longer to distribute the presents. Sometimes, 8 tiny elves wasn't enough.

But Sirius had insisted that it was tremendously funny to have one reindeer and 8 tiny flying elves named Dasher, Dancer, Donner, Blitzen and the rest. So Milo dutifully made sure to call them those names every so often - not understanding the joke yet but just going along with it until he did.

One joke he did get was the North Pole one. He'd come up with that one himself, once he was told that tradition held that Santa Claus lived at the North Pole and had a hidden workshop there.

He figured that some people may go looking for that once he started showing up as Santa Claus and giving out presents every Christmas.

So he gave them something to find there, although where "there" was, actually turned out to be a bit complicated.

Eugene the Djinn said that the North Pole wasn't stationary, but actually moved over time. He'd looked up the myths and traditions, chosen an "origin time" that seemed right to him, and plotted where the North Pole would have been at that time.

Once Eugene had guided Milo to that spot, Milo had had his joke.

He'd cast a Permanent Illusion of a 'hidden' doorway, suitably decorated with Christmas motifs.

It would not be trivial to find the 'door' but it could be found.

It amused Milo to think of all the ways that would be tried to open the 'door' that could not be opened, because it didn't really exist. It was just an illusion.

And while he was at it, Milo had added two more Programmed Illusions, such that, once a year, on Christmas Eve, the 'door' would appear to rapidly open and shut, allowing Santa into the world. Santa would then lay a finger aside his nose, nod, and disappear in some twinkling sparkles.

Exactly 6 months later, the same illusion of Santa leaving would play, but this time Santa would be wearing sunglasses, a Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts and flip-flops, and carrying beach gear including a towel, ice chest, beach-umbrella and sunblock.

Milo was thinking of that as the finished the second house, so his smile was broader than usual.

Sometimes it got difficult to maintain the required cheerfulness as hour after hour passed by.

As he arrived at the third house, Milo resolved to invent, in his spare time, a version of the Magic Mouth spell that would say "Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!" for him every time, since that really got old after a few dozen houses.

At this house, Mordy signaled that the residents were Naughty, and shrugged to activate a magic bell on his colorful harness.

That bell then cast the Hail of Stone spell - or rather, a special variant of it that Milo had invented that made it be Hail of Coal, with the Merciful Spell metamagic feat built-in to it, since Hannah insisted that Santa doesn't kill anybody, even bad guys.

Since the evil-aligned folks at home here didn't try to attack or otherwise bother Milo's party, Mordy dropped the Hail of Coal on the floor rather than onto the people themselves.

Then Milo's party simply left.

Evil people almost never felt joy, whether you gave them presents or not. Pleasure: sure, happiness: sometimes, but almost never actual joy. So there was nothing to harvest there, and no reason to stay and give them opportunity to start thinking about things such as robbing you.

The next few houses went fine, with plenty of presents distributed and joy collected.

But then, in a house that had been dark until Mordy's nose got there, someone actually did try to rob Milo.

This was rare, anymore, though fairly common for the first couple of years, until people learned that the attempt was pointless and often painful.

In addition to the Lutzaen's Frequent Jaunt spell, which let him and his party Dimension Door from house to house, block to block, along the section of city they were working, Milo had several other defensive spells up. The spells lasted all day, since Milo had a pocketful of magic pearls he'd enchanted to grant him feats, including the feat Improved Metamagic and the feat Persistent Spell.

Hannah had sewn something amazing named Velcro along the edge of that pocket, which kept the magic pearls in nicely.

In addition to Milo's defensive spells, he also had magic items, and had put permanent and resetting magic traps on his clothes, Mordy's harness, and the Homonculi, such that anyone attacking them got hit by Orbs of Cold, done with Merciful spell so it was non-lethal.

Milo had preferred Orbs of Acid, but everyone insisted that Cold was more thematic.

Milo's red velvet Santa suit had been enchanted with an armor enchantment named Charming which he'd heard about from the Defenders Of The Faith.

Clothes were not normally considered armor, but they could be, as indicated by the spell Magic Vestments, which Milo had also cast on the suit for good measure while he was enchanting it.

The Charming enchantment cast Charm Person, or Charm Monster, as appropriate, at everyone attacking you.

So folks tended to decide you were their best buddy the moment they moved to attack you, and then decided not to attack after all.

Some still did though, in a way.

Milo remembered he'd told Hannah that he could see why Santa needed to be an elf: he needed the +2 Dexterity bonus that race gave, to help avoid all the Grapple attempts.

She'd laughed and explained that most people were really just trying to hug him.

While that may be true for most, Milo was sure that some were trying to capture his elves for various nefarious purposes.

So, among other things the magic traps on Milo's party cast Hold Person on anyone attempting to grapple them. At worst, it was harmless - just immobilizing people briefly. At best, it materially contributed to his safety.

Besides, all the enthusiastic hugs they'd gotten that first year had left them bruised for days.

So Milo was better prepared now.

The hooligans in the formerly-dark house must have heard somewhat about Milo's protections, since they did not attempt to either attack or grab him or his elves or reindeer.

Instead they attempted to grab his 'sack of toys'.

Tradition held that the gifts he was giving away came from the big red bag he carried (even though they could see them coming from the 'elves' packs), so people called it his sack of toys and assumed it was very valuable.

It was to Milo, since it held all the vials of Ambrosia he was collecting.

Not that those would be any use to muggles, though they didn't know that.

Anyway, in his usual excess of caution, Milo had protected it as well, and the thugs got buried under mounds of coal, as a magic trap fired off the Hail of Coal spell, then reset to do it again and again - once for each attacker.

Milo shrugged and went on about his business, Jaunting to the next house.

So they went, generating joy then collecting it at each house along one block, then another, as they worked their way through one suburb of London.

Hannah had been disappointed that he could not think of a way to visit every house on the planet, but had gotten over it and decided to be happy for what he *could* do, not unhappy about what he *couldn't* do.

Milo, for himself, couldn't see what the big deal was - sure the myth was nice, but he wasn't a slave to it. He figured that he could farm a lot of nice crafting xp, and give the myth a boost at the same time without knocking himself out.

But he didn't say it that way to Hannah. She was sentimental and he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

But on that note, Milo was himself starting to get excited as they moved down the current street, since, at the end of it, was a primary target - an orphanage.

Houses were great, but Milo could harvest more joy at one orphanage than he could on several blocks of houses.

In the first place, orphans were overjoyed just to have anyone, at all, remember them and care about them in any way.

In the second place, they were generally poor, so any gift was appreciated more, as it was a comparatively big deal to them.

Milo generally spent a while at orphanages, giving several rounds of gifts to all and harvesting joy each time.

Homeless shelters were the same way.

Everybody appreciated Santa and gifts, but orphans and the homeless appreciated him a lot more, and on a whole new level.

So it was with great anticipation that Milo and party popped in to the common room at the orphanage at the end of the street ... and great disappointment at what they found there.

"Stop or we'll shoot!" the uniformed men declared, then waited a full half second or so before opening fire on Milo anyway.

Their uniforms were of Special Police Contractors, and it wasn't the first time the government had tried to arrest Santa.

The government had seen that Santa had abilities they lacked, and had decided they wanted those abilities bad enough that any rights he was supposedly guaranteed didn't matter.

So they often tried to arrest him, under one thin excuse or another - not that they actually needed an excuse; he *was* actually guilty of trespassing, for example - but they were so used to making such excuses they couldn't help themselves. Usually they said something vague designed to stir up fears about public safety, and implying that, if they didn't control him somehow, Santa might go wild and do vague unspecified horrible things.

Inwardly, Milo sighed. It was one thing when a thug tried to take what you had by violence, just because he wanted it.

At least muggers didn't try to pretend their muggings were somehow noble - all done for the greater good and public safety.

But it was somehow far more perverse when some government decided it wanted what you had, and tried to take it by force, while claiming that doing so made them some kind of champions of morality.

Milo snorted, realizing that, from his perspective, it was the government's feeble Bluff checks that really offended him.

It was like they didn't even care whether anybody actually believed their lies - lies that sounded noble until you looked at them closely.

Yes, that was what got to Milo - the bad craftsmanship of it.- if you were going to lie, Lie! Put some effort into it and do a credible job. The government's halfhearted and feeble efforts at it were insulting: as if they believed everyone was stupid enough to take everything they said at face value, just because it was them saying it.

The first couple times they had tried to arrest Santa, the Charming armor had stopped them cold.

Charmed people saw you as their friend, and ordinary police would not fire on their friends.

They would, however, still try to arrest you, though with sadness and solemnity.

But the Hold Person traps had stopped that.

Now, it was clear, that the government had 'upped the ante' by hiring a special force of contractors who would not balk at shooting their own mothers.

There were people like that in the world, and Mordy's sunglasses, with their Detect Evil effect, confirmed that these were that type.

Or at least, it did in the few brief moments while they still survived.

The evil thugs in police contractor uniforms all fired at Milo, since each wanted to be the first to take him down and get the reward the government had promised them.

And so each, as near to simultaneously as made no difference, got hit by the bullets he himself had fired at Milo, since Milo's Reverse Arrows effect sent them all back.

It was over as fast as it started.

Somebody was going to have to put some serious work into cleaning up the mess in the orphans' common room, and Milo vowed that it wasn't going to be the orphans.

Mordenkainen's nose still gave him the Scent ability despite being a reindeer's and tremendously shiny, so he quickly picked up that the orphans were being held in the basement.

Milo Jaunted right there.

The kids were all crying; despondent at having heard gunfire.

And it was debatable what bothered them more - the sounds of gunfire or having been told that the Santa visit was canceled because Santa just might be a dangerous lunatic they needed protection from.

All that changed when Santa showed up unharmed.

The kids cheered, the 'elves' started distributing presents, and the policemen who were there "keeping the kids safe" raised their weapons, then sheepishly lowered them again, having been Charmed.

After his customary "Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!", Milo added, "I need all the policemen here to hurry up to the second floor and clean up a mess they made, so it doesn't bother the children".

As his new friends the police hurried out, Milo added "And don't treat children like this again, or you will really find out what it means to be on the Naughty list."

Milo stayed with the kids for several minutes before leaving them in the care of the orphanage workers and heading back out on his rounds.

He wished that the Emotion spell was not so poorly worded that it couldn't help him be outwardly cheerful despite this incident.

But he got by, outwardly acting cheerful while inwardly upset, and managed another block before he came to the Homeless shelter.

So it was that, when other government forces ambushed him at the homeless shelter, he was willing to get really nasty in his response.

These government forces were Aurors from the other government - the magical government.

They had at least had the decency to stun the residents so they didn't have to watch a favorite myth get attacked.

But then again, they probably did it to keep magic a secret rather than from any sense of decency.

Enforcing the Standard of Secrecy was probably why they were here after Milo anyway, even though

Eugene had found a loophole in that law for Milo, and filed a notice regarding it.

In any case, when Milo arrived, they already had their wands pointed at him - not that that would help them: Milo always kept a Ray Deflection spell up these days.

Before they could speak, Milo delivered as low a blow as he could:

"Gentlemen, I know how much you want to just take me down and be done, and I'd typically respond to force with force, but in this case, you've pissed me off, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to talk to my lawyer".

He twisted his ring, and, like in the original 1001 Nights story, Eugene the Genie appeared.

Eugene immediately took out several papers and started talking. "I have here a Cease and Desist Injunction demanding an immediate cessation of your attempts to restrain my client from honoring a local tradition in full compliance with statute passed by the Wizengamot in 1693, specifically..."

Milo tuned out the legalese and enjoyed watching the Aurors squirm under a barrage of one Injunction after another.

Eugene loved studying, and so had amassed the maximum possible number of ranks in the Profession Law skill.

And he'd found a whole stack of laws that the Aurors routinely ignored and could be prosecuted for.

Sure not all of them were as bad as what they'd done to Sirius - sentence him to prison, and then to death, without any trial. But they were bad enough, and quite plentiful.

The Wizengamot had been passing laws for centuries, and rarely bothered to rescind any, so by this time, almost everything was either required or banned, or sometimes both at once; they paid surprisingly little attention to things like that.

Milo watched the Aurors sag in despair as they realized just how much trouble they could be in, and he relented.

Or at least he vowed to relent later: he would not press charges against the good ones - those who were just making mistakes yet generally trying to do right. but the corrupt ones would get no mercy.

When he was satisfied that they would not interfere with his completely legal "honoring of ancient traditions" as the relevant law called it, he got back onto his rounds as Santa, significantly cheered up.

Eugene would catch up to him later, probably once he got home.

Fairly quickly, Milo settled back into the routine of visiting house after house distributing presents and collecting joy.

He found his mind wandering - chewing over a problem he would like to solve: even if he could maintain a "one house per round" pace all day long, he'd still only manage to visit 14,400 houses in a 24 hour period.

And while that would mean a truly vast amount of xp for crafting magic items, he was gradually coming to see things more like Hannah did, and gaining a desire to visit as many people as possible, just for the sake of the myth.

He toyed for a while with the idea of using Teleport Object.

It would be easy, though expensive, to make a magic platform that cast that on any item touching it, sending it to the location on its label, or in the mind of the person placing it on the platform.

If he put such a platform in a very large room, then many people - scores, or maybe even hundreds - could toss things onto it as fast as they could go, all day long.

But while that could deliver a large number of presents, it wasn't enough. It lacked a personal appearance by Santa, which seemed to do more to bring joy to people than just receiving stuff.

And such an approach also lacked any mechanism to use Distilled Joy to generate Ambrosia and crafting xp from all that gift-giving.

It rubbed Milo wrong to let all that joy go to waste, unharvested.

He was still contemplating the problem, wondering now about adding a Programmed Illusion of Santa to each package, when he finished his rounds for the day.

He Teleported back home, and quietly called out "Hi Honey, I'm home."

His kids would be napping right now, having had an early morning Santa experience, and he didn't want to wake them.

Mordenkainen trotted quickly over to a closet door, and Milo obligingly opened it for him, revealing the permanent Otiluke's Dispelling Screen just inside it.

Mordy hurriedly went through it, again and again, until all the spells on him had been dispelled and he was back to normal.

Milo was interested to note that, from a rat, even a sigh of relief sounds like "squeak".

Hannah came in the door, bearing a tray with Milo's favorite treats, and asked "How did it go?'

Milo selected a peanut-butter and pickle sandwich, and answered "Like usual, but a lot quieter this time - far fewer attacks and those were less intense at that. People seem to be getting used to leaving Santa alone, generally. I think it's safe enough now that we could send my Simulacra out next year. A few dozen Santas working simultaneously would greatly increase coverage."

They sat in the comfortable seats and chatted happily about the possibilities.

-0-0-0-

Omake 1

As Santa vanished, one of the Aurors re-evaluated the situation, and started readying his wand.

One Genie lawyer could not be as tough as Santa was reputed to be, and if he could be taken out, the Auror would not be in trouble anymore.

But suddenly he found himself locked eye to eye with the Genie, whose 9 feet of stature loomed threateningly over the Auror.

The Genie said "Now you may be wondering if I can draw my sword and use it faster than you can use your wand. To be honest, I'm not quite sure myself. So you have to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?'. Well. do you, punk?"

The Auror hesitated, and may have moved his wand slightly.

The Genie responded in a very cold voice "Make my day."

-0-0-0-

Omake 2

Milo called out "Hi Honey, I'm home."

Hannah immediately replied "Great! Come on in here please, I've been having a most interesting conversation."

Milo, who had been about to take off his red coat, stopped and walked into the sitting room, where Hannah's voice had come from.

On entering, he took one look and said "Well, I can see I got several details of the hat wrong, as well as some with the boot and belts. That is, assuming I'm looking at who I think I'm looking at?"

"Yes," said Hannah, "he's been telling me how glad he is that someone is picking up where he left off when he lost all his elves to a goblin invasion. He has some pointers for you."

"Do tell." Milo said, striding over and shaking hands with Santa Claus.


End file.
